The FUN in dysfunctional

A hate group existing doesn't mean everyone who experiences that was part of said hate group. We all hate the hate groups. None of us want to demedicalize anything medical. And no one, I mean NO ONE in pro endo communities hates traumagenic systems or those with CDDs. You know how I know? I HAVE A DAMN CDD AND NO ONE HAS EVER- I MEAN EVER HATED ME FOR IT

Except obviously, the anti endos who hate the fact I don't agree with their blind punching down

I just want a break man, everyone else gets to dissappear when they're done :[

Nobody gets to be fully 'themself' either cause of it uuuugh

back in the days when we went through syscovery the attitude was not “have an idea for a headmate? fuck it, make them now!” but “if you’re going to create a headmate, you need to be absolutely 100% certain beforehand that you’re going to respect them regardless of who they turn out to be & whether or not that aligns with your expectations, even and especially if they’re a fictive who ends up nothing like the character they’re based on and/or completely disconnects from them, 100% certain you’re going to be able & willing to give them time in the body [if switching is possible, and back in those days it was heavily desired and encouraged for those who couldn’t switch to build the skill], 100% certain you’re going to spend the necessary time and emotional energy engaging with them, fleshing them out until they can figure out the rest, interacting with them even when you get no responses back for hours, days, potentially many months without giving up and allowing them to dissipate out of frustration, 100% certain you can handle the new existential ramifications of your own new existence as a headmate,” etc etc etc. if you were flippant about thoughtform creation you would get downvoted or disliked into oblivion, some of the comments would be calling you empathyless, akin to a murderer if your thoughtform dissipated because of you

there was definitely a time when willomancy was seen as risky, a HUGE life decision that should be given the same consideration as having a real, physical child (this was a SUPER common talking point), and that wasn’t necessarily better than some of the more relaxed modern attitudes because it had the effect of scaring people away from willomancy who may have benefitted from it but it also meant that a lot of the systems who DID get into willomancy did so with a good sense of the gravity of the situation, acceptance of any and all deviations, with a lot of thought already put into it, a lot of time + energy set aside, a lot of care already generated for a being that didn’t exist yet and may not exist for months to years. you didn’t usually find willo-ed fragments because if you intentionally left a thoughtform half-complete that’d be really frowned-upon (as a thoughtform who remembers bits and pieces of the time other alters were creating me i can attest that this is not a fun state to be in)

but now i do see some willo-ed fragments around who barely are allowed to front or further develop themselves outside of picking stock traits from curated lists online and i feel a bit sorry for them. there are probably some oldheads out there who hate the idea of BAH blogs and i don’t agree, i don’t HATE them, but i do feel iffy about the idea of that being the only method some people use for willomancy and/or fleshing out traumagenic fragments. because even for those of us who do have those traumagenic fragments, trying to flesh them out by choosing to label them aliengender or aggressive or whatever is only going to help you so much. what are the nuances of their aliengender identity? under what circumstances are they aggressive, what triggers do they have, how does their aggression manifest, why & how is it such a fundamental part of their person that they’re labeled an “aggressive person?” if you’re a system with low communication that makes this process much more difficult if not impossible. if you decide a fragment should be a traumaholder and they weren’t before, you could open them up to being exposed to memories & experiences purposefully hidden from them. these are all questions and considerations old school willomancers would make, write both long lists of traits AND explanations/descriptions for them, put their willo in various hypothetical scenarios to test & figure these traits out more intuitively.

i’m worried that we’re becoming a bit too lax about willo creation and that the resultant thoughtforms & systems will suffer for it. i have no way of knowing how people are using these blogs or any of the popular willo methods, and of course there have always been people who didn’t take it seriously and ended up hurting their thoughtforms & themselves even back when we were warned over and over and over about it, but with the modern attitude of “just make your head blorbo, don’t worry too much about it!!!!” i find myself wondering if there are more willomancers like that today than before. who are struggling or maybe should never have become willomancers in the first place because they don’t have the adequate resources to manage the process and weren’t warned about it or encouraged to give it some more thought.

while it’s a net positive that plurality is gaining acceptance & being seen as less of a life sentence of misery and more as another way of life that can be miserable but can also be desirable, fulfilling, satisfying—i don’t think we should allow it to be seen as something super easy, risk-free, harmless. because it isn’t. it isn’t like raising a real-world child but it is like taking care of and nurturing a whole new person, and if you don’t pour into them what they need to grow, they’re going to stagnate and that can cause a wide range of problems for yourself and/or the rest of your system.

i don’t think this means traumagenic & disordered systems should avoid willomancy or endo spaces though. we went through syscovery mainly in willo spaces, working together to build a couple thoughtforms before discovering both long-buried and quietly active traumagenic alters & getting diagnosed. i’m grateful for that because it allowed us to explore ourselves without feeling the shame a lot of syscovering disordered systems feel. systemhood was destigmatized for us way before we discovered we were a system ourselves and we have willo communities to thank for it. that being said, should most traumagenics & disordered systems who already know they’re a system be extra careful about willomancy? fuck yes. we inherently have less resources to dish out and many of us who don’t have well-functioning gatekeepers or gatekeepers at all will have a hard time intentionally allocating body time for the willo. you’re taking the chance that this willo will turn out to be some sort of person who’ll cause problems with other alters, not just whoever they meet outside the body. if you’re very destabilized internally attempting willomancy can further destabilize you.

The fictionkin dysphoria of not being very good at controlling yourself at all, actually.

Idk. We've been trying to work on alter separation but, it's a really difficult and long process. And I've been really bad at keeping up with it due to executive dysfunction and lack of motivation. We've made a good amount of progress over the past few months. But, they're still nowhere near the level of sentience/ability as I am. I'm trying my best, I really am. I just wish that I could give them a life outside of my own.

while i understand wanting to be more separate you shouldn't feel bad for the way your system functions or not being able to fight mental illness to work on it all the time

Not actually sure if anyone else deals with this but it happens to us a lot! Random example: having the thought(s) “I dislike [x] because [y]” and “I hate [x] because [y];” it feels like and sounds like the same thought but we just have two disjointed overlapping words speak over each other in the [start/middle/end] of the thought. Basically like thinking something and disagreeing on the exact wording choice.

Anti-endos are genuinely exhausting because they repeat the same recycled arguments over and over again like parrots and then act shocked when nobody outside their little echo chamber takes them seriously anymore. It is the exact same script every single time: “you’re invading our community,” “you’re stealing resources,” “you’re fake claiming DID,” blah blah blah. At some point it stops sounding like concern and starts sounding like people who are addicted to outrage and desperately need a group to villainize so they can feel morally superior online.

In fact, the more I think about it, the more I realise that it's only ever online that I've seen people doing the whole "YOU CAN'T BE A SYSTEM WITHOUT DID!!!"

Like we have asked multiple specialists that we've seen irl their opinion and they all basically said that was bullshit and sounds like it'a just people online grasping for a reason to cause division, so... *shrugs*

Anyways, the conclusion we've come to is that our plurality is/was caused by a mix of trauma and us being neurodivergent, so I think we may start using traumagenic and neurogenic together or simply just saying we're mixed origins

We also are medically recognised as having a potential disassociative disorder, but the past few specialists we've seen have come to the conclusion that our plurality is most likely unrelated to that

So uhh, sysmeds can yell at us all they want, but this is literally what we've been told by multiple specialists who work with people with DID and we're more inclined to believe them over random people on the internet who don't even know us

(Doubles can still interact, just be careful)