Lost Boy

about the way your hair

shines under the sun?

did i ever tell you

about the way your eyes

sparkle with mischief?

i don’t believe i have.

allow me to.

and grant me this one favor,

my only request from you.

let me tell you about

the way you smile—

that nothing

could make me happier.

let me tell you about

the decadence of your voice,

that nothing

could bring me more joy.

let me tell you about

your passion for what you love,

that nothing

could be more exciting.

have you had your fill?

eaten and drank enough words

that you might sink

to the bottom of a river and settle there?

have you enjoyed yourself yet?

have you found happiness?

have you felt contentedness in the warmth of your chest?

stay at the bottom of the river,

my love,

where your hair is a dull gleam,

your glassy eyes and vacant.

stay sunken and stuffed,

your smile vacuous,

your words unspoken,

your passion swallowed down.

are you worried yet?

can you still move?

can you still breathe?

are you certain of yourself?

of your surroundings?

where are you?

are you still alive there?

is your heartbeat strong

as it was moments ago?

this is no love,

i’m telling you—

this is murder.

this is where i drown you,

fill your lungs with your arrogance;

the same way i filled your ego with words.

this is where i cross the line,

from love to hate,

from fire to ice.

you were my love.

and i am your lover,

the ruins of myself, and

the stranger I have become

The day greets me with its

aching loneliness forcing me

to suffer through its brutal hours

Even in my dreams,

I am still being crushed

by the heaviness of the night

And I do not know

if I can bear to see

I decided to write a poem

To put words together

In such a way

As to express

My innermost feelings

And I lost the words

And my thoughts drifted

And my computer keys stuck

And nothing came forward

So

Perhaps tomorrow

I will write a poem

To express my life

And for today

Perhaps

I’ll just go

Outside

To play

..

I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel I can’t go through another of those terrible times. And I shall not recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can’t concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. You became a part of my terrible life and witnessed how horrible I am. I don’t think anyone could have been happier with me by their side. And I don’t want to think about that anymore but I can’t fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life — that without me you could have been happier, you wouldn’t have to feel awkwardness, you could work.

I can’t even write this properly. I can’t read what I’m writing right not. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to all of you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. You have been so understanding with my irrationalities and unstability. I want to say that because I want you to know that.

If anybody could have saved me from this never-ending emptiness and mind disease, it would have been no one. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can’t go on spoiling your life any longer.

I think ALL of you could have been happier without my presence. Please, forget about me.

~

My kisses burn into your soul,

My touch melts upon your skin,

My eyes reflect my misery

Of the darkness deep within,

I am just a waste of time,

This is a good bye,

Nowhere Boys

B L A Z E — 🔴

A lively, reckless lad who lacks impulse control and outburst of emotion. He shows rigid personality and lack of emotion. He can also be arrogant and vain. Although stubborn and selfish, as described by Gio, he has a good heart through the constant actions he takes to save and protect his team and other people. Like a fire, he has a burning passion to do what is good and bring back the order, together with his friends.

Abilities:

1. Telekinesis - ability to move objects with his mind.

2. Enhancement - ability to enhance physical strength, senses, reflexes and endurance.

3. Lumina - ability to produce light and fire.

4. Pyrokinesis - ability to control fire, with the help of the sun.

5. Thunder - ability to create and control thunder, with the help of Kai.

6. Telepathy - ability to transfer messages to other people through mind.

7. Pyracinesis - ability to light anything on fire that he is looking at with only his mind.

A E R O N — 🔵

A very playful lad and likes to have a joke. He seems to treat everything with interest, curiosity and fun. He could be this easy going and friendly because of his lack of human contact when living alone in the forest for how many years. Aeron is wise and confident in his abilities, but can sometimes let his guard down a little too quickly.

Abilities:

1. Telekinesis - ability to move objects with his mind.

2. Enhancement - ability to enhance physical strength, senses, reflexes and endurance.

3. Teleportation - ability to move from one place to another in a matter of seconds.

4. Precognition - ability to see visions — past and future through dreams.

5. Aera - ability to control wind.

6. Invisila - ability to shift his body out of visible light spectrum — invisibility.

7. Flight - ability to jump high, helping him to fly or stay in air for a long time.

K A I R O — 🟢

A lad with too much emotional connection with everybody. He seems to be the most stable and gentle because of the water element flowing in him. Although he shows protectiveness, he is kind of nervous and lacking in confidence when it comes to fighting. Gio described him as being patient and gentle, but shows uncontrollable rage and violence when exposed to too much emotional distress. He has a Chimaera named Ren, an otter that can change its form to any kind of animals; its original form is a cartilaginous fish.

Abilities:

1. Telekinesis - ability to move objects with his mind.

2. Enhancement - ability to enhance physical strength, senses, reflexes and endurance.

3. Submara - ability to hold breath underwater for a long time.

4. Through - ability to see in partial and total darkness.

5. Recovera - healing ability.

6. Aqua/Glacea - ability to create and control water and any type of ice.

7. Rage - ability to control weather and create storm, this happens when he is in complete rage and emotional dysfunction.

G I O — 🟠

A very passionate lad in bringing back the order. He is described as being the leader of the team, according to Aeron. He is very trained in fighting and shows confidence in using his abilities. Although shows good leadership and compassion, he always tends to block out all negative emotions especially anger and hate for their enemies. As described by Gio, he also shows rigidity just like the earth element and can be the strongest of the remaining elements. As the leader of the team, he does his best to protect his friends and to do what is good.

Abilities:

1. Telekinesis - ability to move objects with his mind.

2. Enhancement - ability to enhance physical strength, senses, reflexes and endurance.

3. Phasea - ability to shape shift into any form may it be animal, another person, beast, or imagined being — shape shifting.

4. Antigra - ability to walk on all surfaces, including but not limited to walls and ceilings as if he were upright — anti-gravity.

5. Accelera - ability to run fast enough that he becomes blur — speed.

6. Super Strength

7. Super Hearing

8. Geokinesis - ability to manipulate earth and rock in any forms.

Oo, inaamin ko. Mahirap pilitin ang sarili na bumangon mula sa kalagitnaan ng maghapong pahiga-higa at sabihin sa sarili na kailangan ko namang buhusan ang aking katawan ng isang timba ng tubig na mas malamig pa sa bangkay. Nakakahiya mang ipagmalaki pero ‘yan ang katotohana — pagdating sa ilang minutong pagligo ay miminsan ko lang matagpuan ang aking kasipagan.

Pero ‘wag mo akong husgahan muna dahil hindi naman ako tamad maligo dahil ayoko lang. Syempre, may mas malalim na dahilan kung bakit ako tamad maligo.

Alam nyo, masipag naman ako maligo dati e. Kapag summer nga ay nakakailang labas-masok ako sa banyo para lang tugunan ang pangangailangan ng aking katawan na labanan ang panahong maalinsangan. At saka masarap sa pakiramdam na sabihin sarili mo na sa pagsisimula pa lang ng araw ay naregaluhan na agad ang sarili mong katawan ng pagkakataon ang simulan ang araw na wala nang dumi ng kahapon.

Masarap naman talaga maligo. Masarap maligo hanggang sa maliwanagan ka na kahit ‘yung sarap na nararanasan mo sa pagligo ay pansamantala rin lang. Sabi nga nung isang post na nakita ko sa Facebook, “Everything feels good under the shower.”

Hindi rin pala ako sigurado kung ako lang ang ganito pero nitong nakaraan, sa tuwing naliligo ako ay dito ko lang napapagtanto ang mga bagay na dapat kong gawin sa buhay. Sa pagitan ng ilang buhos ng tubig at pagsasabon ng katawan, dito ko pinag-iisipan kung paano ko malulusutan ang mga dealiest deadlines na araw-araw nagbabanta nang dumating. Habang nagsha-shampoo ako, naglalaro sa aking isipan kung ano na namang maayos na paliwanag ang sasabihin ko sa Mama ko kung bakit ginagabi ako ng uwi nang hindi siya nagagalit. Sa pagkuskos ng libag gamit ang patay na bato, dito ko napapagtanto kung paano ko sasabihin sa Lifegroup leader ko na dapang-dapa na ko sa mga tao at nake-kwestyon ko na Siya, kung paano ko ipaparating ang lahat sa kanya nang hindi ako jinu-judge. Hindi talaga ako sigurado kung ako lang ang ganito pero sa ganyan lang umiikot ang aking isipan sa tuwing ako’y naliligo habang tumutugtog ang Into The Unknown ni Elsa at Lost in the Woods ni Kristoff na paulit-ulit kong pinapakinggan hanggang sa makabisado ko.

Sa aking palagay, parang napakadaling solusyonan ng mga bagay-bagay habang naliligo. Parang nararamdaman kong kaya kong lampasan ang lahat ng pagsubok sa buhay habang ang aking katawan ay naglulunoy sa lamig ng tubig. Hanggang sa marating mo ang huling buhos at maalala na ilang minuto pagkatapos mong ubusin ang tubig na laman ng tabo na hawak mo, lalabas ka na naman ng banyo at haharapin ang katotohanan na magulo at mahirap kalaban ang mundo mismo. Sa labas ng banyo kung saan nag-aabang ang deadlines mo sa trabaho, kung saan sasalubungin mo na naman ang paulit-ulit na tanong ng Mama mo sa dahilan kung bakit ka ginabi, at kung saan iisipin mo na naman ang sasabihin mo sa leader mo kung bakit ka absent sa Linggo.

At the age of twenties, I had things in my head at what I’d do and where I’d be. Doing nothing on my desk was not one of them. I fiddled with the trinkets on my table: a can filled with pens and colored markers, coffee cup holders, and my numerous little action figures.

As a struggling writer, I poised my hand above the keyboard. But the paper on the screen remained blank, I was unmotivated, dispirited. For some time now, I had relished the feeling of exhaustion that washed over me in this evening. It strangely felt good.

It seemed I would have rather the constant din of somberness than the feeling promise of exhilaration that happiness brings.

At the age of twenties, I had things in my head at what I’d do and where I’d be. Writing probably wasn’t one of them. But I did write, and I did it well.

So, the writer lifted his hands up again and pressed a key. And another. And another. And before I had realized, I had written all I had wanted to say that day, but didn’t have the chance to.

“Do you trust me?”

He asked as if he’s imitating Aladdin’s line in the movie. She erased all the negative thoughts in her head and looked at the man she loves; he was very excited, eager. She took a deep breath and finally nodded.

His lips touched hers.

He exploded her infinite river of beauty and never missed an inch of her exposed skin. Every single stroke of his hand leaves her gasping for air. Her hand landed on his chest and began to fall in excruciating slow designs. He slowly moved and reached for her, he was frantic.

They were together for two years. He was her dream, her companion, the only love in her life.

“Isn’t he worth it?” she thought.

She was whining with pleasure as he drove into her.

And they reached heaven.

Or was it not?

She, then, looked into the depth of his enticing, ash-colored grey eyes.

And it wasn’t love.

Poems aren't written, they're found.

Somewhere in your head the words are waiting. They're sprawled across the floor, and you just need to pick them up.

We are not just kids.

Kabilang si Saghid sa isang grupo ng mga kabataan na galing sa iba’t ibang lugar at iba’t ibang pamilya. Ni hindi niya kilala nang lubusan ang mga ito ngunit kalauna’y namumuo ang kanyang pagkakakilanlan sa mga ito.

Isang gabi, labis ang tuwa niya sa kanyang mga nababasa. Namahagi ng kwento ang isa tungkol sa nangyari sa kanyang buhay sa loob ng mga nakaraang araw. Halu-halong emosyon ang namayani sa bawat miyembro ng grupo, kanya-kanyang reaksyon: tuwa, halakhak, inis, galit. Ngunit ang umagaw ng kanyang atensyon ay ang sama-samang pagbibigay pagmamahal ng lahat sa isa. ‘Yung tipong handang sumugod ang mga ito at ipagtanggol ang kahit na sino sa grupo.

Napaisip si Saghid at agad na sumagi sa isip nya ang isang pangyayari tungkol sa kanyang pag-uwi mula sa kabilang probinsya. Nais niyang mamahagi. Paniguradong makakakuha rin sya ng iba’t ibang reaksyon mula sa kanyang mga kaibigan.

Nagsimula siyang ayusin sa kanyang isip ang pangyayari. Handa na syang magsalita, handa na syang magbigay ng kwento, ngunit bigla syang natigilan.

‘Yung tipong sobrang lungkot mo pero alam mong maraming rason para maging masaya.

‘Yung tipong gusto mong magkwento nang magkwento sa mga tao ng totoong nararamdaman mo pero pakiramdam ko hindi ka nila maiintindihan. Na parang kapag sinabi nilang “Naiintindihan kita.” matatawa ka kasi sa isip-isip mo, sasabihin mong “No, you’re not. Wala ka naman sa sitwasyon ko.”

‘Yung tipong kahit anong gawin mo, kahit marami kang kaibigan, kahit maraming nakapaligid sayong tao, pakiramdam mo mag-isa ka pa rin.

‘Yung tipong iiyak ka na lang kahit nasaan ka man. Wala kang pakialam kung nasa public place ka o kung maraming makakakita sayo na tumutulo ang luha mo.

‘Yung tipong walang kwenta lahat ng ginagawa mo.

Nahihirapan ako ngayon kasi alam ko na ang ugat. Pero hindi ko pa rin matanggap kung bakit nangyari ang lahat ng ‘yun. Hindi ko kaya. Paulit-ulit akong bumabalik, paulit-ulit kong iniisip—na tipong may sariling utak yung isip ko para pigilan ako sa mga gusto kong mangyari at gawin nya yung mga gusto nyang mangyari.

but honestly, I'm dying.

No one is there

and no one will care

whether I'm here

or whether I'm there.

I can not escape them.

I tried to get away

from those things

that hurt me the most,

But they always come back,

they’re in my dreams

they’re in my head.

But I'm fine,