The Execution Games

before i can get into The Horrors i have to tell you about the roleplay ozzie's a part of. its a battle royale ttrpg-like discord-based real-time roleplay with real world elements created by @captainschaos . which sounds like so much but i promise it makes sense in context? the game is called The Execution Games, and the general premise is that everyone has been brough here from any number of universes to duke it out and rise up the victor, with (at least) one contestant being declared the executioner every week and being required to collect a kill and every other contestant able to kill or not on their own whims. each contestant (fictional character) in the games has one(1) player (real world), and the contestants are able to play because of the player's want to partake in the game.

there are also hosts that- well, they host the game! there's three hosts: the killer, the hunter, and the ripper. the hosts talk to the players and ensure the game is running smoothly, but they can also interact with the contestants in order to maintain the smoothness of the game. killer loves you. remember that. killer loves you so much. think of the three of them as the keeper of the contestants + game itself (killer [any pronouns]), the keeper of the story + field (hunter [she/they/he/it/none]), and the backup to make things more ruthless (ripper[he/she/they/any]). this is not an entirely accurate setup at this point because Shenanigans have happened and killer is currently dead (we're working on it) but that's all you need to know for right now. also there's a lot of other things to do with the game but again i do not have time to get into all that this post is already so long as it is ghsjkfashghgh.

ozzie was one of the first EVER contestants of the execution games! in fact, kit was the third contestant to ever appear, preceded only by the first vessel [contestant tied to @captainschaos, "vessel" of the hosts], deranged "dere" woofles (she/any neutral), and another character: warden (he/it/red).

you have to understand that from before the games even began ozzie and warden were bound to each other. theyre not fucking normal about each other. they depend on each other they trust each other they LOVE each other and it fucks both of them up So Bad. warden is played by my qpp and so like . we knew going in that our contestants would have a relationship of some kind. and so they did.

so ozzie joins the games. and xe's so excited to play, to be around other people, to have a reason for existing. to get to build these relationships and have a life. to get to play in service of killer, who they see as no less than a god. xe's bright and kind and gentle. every time xe parts from another contestant kit's so careful to say "may the breeze follow your footsteps and the sun light your path", a well-wish ritual that they would not drop until after the first execution games were long left behind. they want to help, want to be loved, want to be able to love.

my original idea was the ozymandius kozzax would be a social engineer who got kits executions through social interaction and manipulation.

executioners are determined via pulling cards, in the First Execution Games. if you pull the ace, no matter how many lives you have left, you must kill. if you pull the two, and you've died once, you're a second executioner. and if you pull the three and have died twice, you're a third executioner.

ozymandius kozzax pulls the ace, on that very first day.

but like, that's fine. kit's a social engineer, in theory. surely xe can talk to killer and get this all sorted out. so xe does, xe speaks to god through the vessel and gets an extension of one week to complete their execution. and that's- it's enough, kit thinks. its enough to make it work.

so kit goes around making friends. and, more importantly, xe builds a home. xe'd spoken with warden about being the executioner, and the two of them were overheard by @chatteroost's whippoorwill (tweet/chirp/they), and immediately they pulled tweet into the fold. originally it was to make sure chirp didn't spill the secret before ozzie could get a kill, but they grew really close and it didn't stay a watchful stay for long. they're team wow, with a fortress built into the side of a mountaintop that's cozy and comfortable and built for the three of them to thrive from within

there's a moment, before their home is built, when warden falls asleep. they rest, together, ozymandius sprawled out on top of warden. it's comfortable, it's warm, it's-- it's home. it's home, for both of them, in a way that feels safe and secure in a land marked with death, despite no precautions placed around them, because they have each other.

and ozzie's happy. for a brief moment, ozzie's happy.

this first week of The First Execution Games is the only week that ozymandius kozzax will ever be happy. this happened innnnnn november of 2021. ever since then, xe has been in a miserable anxiety-depression-massive mental health spiral.

i love my sopping wet fucking cat.

the first week ends, and there is no reckoning for ozzie's lack of kill. xe pulls a card, but sets it down at the last minute for another one-- and then, when whippoorwill pulls the card xe almost held, it is revealed to have been the ace. by all means kit should have been the killer, and now there are two kills their little group must achieve before the end of the week. but that's-- it's fine. they can make this work, maybe.

ozzie reaches out to the only contestant who doesn't have a partner, lias (he/him), and suggests that xe has spoken with killer on his behalf; that killer is bored and willing to grant lias an extra life should he kill before either of the currently-missing executioners. he'd be up to four, when everyone else was left on three or fewer. it would even the playing field. and ozzie left it at that, left the manipulation at that, with full expectation that lias would take the bait.

it is important that you know that even from the beginning, kit was having second thoughts about the violence. xe never wanted blood on xyr paws, and though they didn't like thinking about it-- killer would not like it, and so they could not want it --deep down kit wanted everyone to get out of the Games alive. lias called that in two seconds flat.

the problem is kit isn't particularly good at manipulation. xe convinces lias this faux-deal is real, yes, but-- lias is uncomfortable with taking anyone's life except they who made the deal in the first place. and kit's out of time, kit can't play xyr cards this early, so-- so xe agrees, eventually, to let lias kill kit. it's a slow death, stabbed four times over, because even though kit isn't running the rules of the game demand that their body take enough damage to be killed and- and--

it hurts.

it hurts a lot.

it hurts more than they ever could have imagined. in the time between lives kit has a panic attack, and then they sit there against the cold podium where they respawned for a long while before they can go home. kit pulls the last card remaining on the podium, and xe goes home.

warden is the first thing that ozzie sees. and fuck, man, if that's not what kit needed in that moment. it's safe in warden's arms. everything's going to be okay, if warden's there. nothing can go wrong, not- not if warden has anything to say about it. together they can win. together they can do... something. together they can live, can make sure that things aren't terrible forever. for the first time since the games began, kit can breathe-- for the first time since the games began, kit isn't an executioner.

when ozymandius finally looks at the card xe pulled, days after pulling it, horror looks back. kit's pulled the two of hearts.

kit's an executioner, for the third week in a row.

xyr breath is gone again in an instant.

xe freaks the fuck out Immediately. having died now-- being the only one who's died now --they can't bear the idea of inflicting that pain onto someone else. not again. it hurt so much, you understand, and-- and this is the third week in a row. how is it the third week in a row, how has god forced them into this position for so so long--

kit goes to talk to killer, once more. at the altar, this time, instead of through dere-- ozzie needs to see killer's face for this conversation.

xe screams, and yells, and cries at the person xe once considered their god. demands to know why, why kit, why did you do this to them. why would you force them into this, killer, put them through this suffocating, agonizing existence? why would you make them do this?

killer loves the contestants so much. mrrp wants them to want to play, astral thrives off of their games and their lives and their experiences, but fae wants them to want it too. when ozymandius insists that it hurts, killer tries removing the pain-- it is within their purview, as the host of these games, to create an experience amenable to the players.

when ozymandius recoils in shock, fae puts the pain back.

when ozymandius snarls out that it's not the pain, its the fact that xe cares about other people and won't put them through this pain-- killer offers to remove that instead.

nothing could scare kit more. there is no single answer that could have been worse than an offer to remove ozzie’s empathy for others.

kit runs away in a heartbeat. killer didn’t mean to hurt xym, didn’t mean to scare xym, genuinely just wanted to help-- but ozzie doesn’t know that. they won't figure that out for years, if ever. all kit knows is that god just suggested removing a core aspect of who kit is, in order for xym to continue playing the games that have caused them almost exclusively terror and pain and stress so far.

xe runs away, runs back to warden, runs back to whippoorwill, runs back home, and-- and as kit's held in warden's arms once more, as kit comes down from the panic attack that strikes through xyr body, xe's struck with a realization.

ozymandius kozzax was created to play these games. kit didn't exist before the first execution games, and kit is aware of this fact. and xe doesn't want to play anymore. xe can't play anymore, even though warden and whippoorwill and everything kit's ever known is here. even though they don't know what will happen to them without the structure of this place as a home, kit has to- has to leave.

so the next day, as soon as the cards are laid out, ozymandius tries to be brave once more. xe steps up to the cards, selects three at random, and rips them in half-- drawing out killer once more, as fae comes down into reality in a light, but oh-so-dangerous bout of laughter and amusement.

killer asks why xe did it. ozzie says it was to save warden and whippoorwill, to protect them from taking on the horrors that kit has had to face. killer says that's not it, and kit knows it.

ozzie says that xe doesn't want to play anymore. that xe doesn't want to play, and maybe-- maybe this can be one last gift to the others.

and then killer turns to me. and asks me, kozzax, player of the execution games what i want.

i want to keep playing. but i don't want to play with this toy anymore, not when kits story will inevitably fall to hiding away and refusing to partake. it will not be interesting, will not be fun, will not allow me to partake in the games as i wish to do.

so killer-- and, importantly, killer's angel: a white-and-black giant coatl known as kindness --allows me to change my contestant.

kindness bites down on ozymandius kozzax's arm, and in that moment, a new history is created for kit.

xe is sent away from the games. in xyr place, an older brother that they hadn't had before this moment is left to keep playing. this is adder (he/fel), and he holds none of the hangups about death and pain that ozymandius carried. he is not kind, he is not gentle, he is dangerous and ruthless and willing to exploit the rules to his advantage. fel makes deals upon deals, insists on following them to his dying days-- and his downfall is felis insistence that he will not harm those his sibling deemed important.

that is the character he plays, at least, while within the games. we would later find that to be little more than a character, though his practicality and planning hold in his exterior life. adder was created to play games, but fel was created specifically to remember that they are games. that they are nothing more than games, and that the pain you experience in the execution games is not real. it is a story, a play-- theater.

the games needed a villain. and he was all too happy to play one.

both he and ozymandius are aware that before that moment, he did not exist. and yet, retroactively, they have a long and storied history with each other. adder taught ozymandius how to climb a tree, helped kit with xyr homework when their older family members were away, snarled and hissed and spat at any who would threaten felis little sibling.

and now ozymandius watches as he turns life on the field into a harrowing experience, moreso than ever before. as fel takes advantage of their space on the playing field to hurt and hurt and hurt, to steal and lie and trick, to become a monster who can be killed only through a promise to xyr heart.

for weeks, kit sits holed up in xyr room, staring through a single computer monitor at the game that adder plays. watching every little horror that he causes, every terrible pain he inflicts.

and for weeks, kit grows angry. grows terrified. grows heartbroken with every move adder makes on the field. he invokes xyr existence, invokes xyr name as a weapon, uses the fact that kit has left to move people on the field better than kit ever could in kits own play. its all-- it's all too painful for them to watch. and its painful to know, too, that there will be more games after this one. to know that there will be others under killer's eye-- an eye that ozzie reads as wrathful, as damning, as dangerous in this primal, terrifying way. where once ozymandius saw a god, now xe sees a devil. what is there for kit to do but search, desperately, for a solution?

especially given that all kit can do, out here, is reach out to the players and the host. that is the only action xe can take, and so it is what xe does: fighting and snarling and bickering with the killer on every possible subject. it gets nasty on more counts than one-- and ozymandius blames killer for everything. every little thing that goes wrong on the field, somehow they bring it back to killer. to a lack of care, or a lack of oversight. to something fundamentally wrong with night's hosting.

a LOT happens on the field, after this point. there's a planned wedding, there's an affair, there's an affair, there's murder on the altar. when the dust settles, warden has moved out of the fortress.

...realistically, warden moved out long before the dust settled. adder's existence was a painful reminder of ozymandius choosing to leave. they split, and the world moved on.

and then adder was declared executioner. and he went to the home that warden sat in, because warden has moved in with another contestant: the only living contestant that adder has not sworn not to damage. he stands in their doorway, laughing and snarling and posturing, and- and then he calls upon ozymandius.

xe can't fix anything. can't make the world better. can't remove him from play entirely, and doesn't have the strength to take that burden on. but kit can take over for just this one moment, just to speak with warden one last time, just to apologize and buy a brief moment of respite.

warden asks kit to buy time. so they do, tearing themself away from warden and returning to their home, where whippoorwill lays resting. oh, whippoorwill. terrified, lonely whippoorwill, who was taken in under adder's guidance.

when ozymandius looks at their relationship, xe sees a scared creature hiding under a deadly predator. when adder looks at their relationship, he sees a dear friend under felis protection and companionship.

ozymandius leaves a note, written in the last echoes of ink as xe struggles to hold onto adder's body, to anyone who may find it. says that xe's sorry xe can't help, that kits sorry kit left them with this monster who claims debts and takes payment for them no matter what the truth is, says that they're doing everything they can to make sure nobody ever has to live under killer's rule again.

and then kit's sent back to the waiting room again, to a room within it built for two and housing one: a lonely, terrified creature who desperately wants to have xyr friends back once more, who desperately needs companionship, who breaks more with every second kit spends like this.

the games end. ozymandius is allowed to see them again, to meet their friends- their family -one last time, in the place where spirits go to watch the Games together. kit gets to see how much pain they've all gone through, and gets to say xe's sorry xe didn't stop killer or adder sooner. gets to say the game was fucked, the world was awful, the story was broken.

gets hold and be held by warden. this will be their last good moment together. the last time neither of them is in ruin, the last time they get to just... exist, together, in peace.

warden won, you see. warden won, by killing everyone in its path. by killing whippoorwill. by killing. the first champion, the first winner, the Victor of the First Execution Games. later, this will become a nightmare for everyone involved. later, this will break both of them further. but for now? for now they celebrate, and they mourn, because eternity means nothing when there is no world to hold it.

when the game is over, everyone goes home. that's the ugly truth of the matter. the friends and family and relationships youve built along the way don't change that. you go home, whether you want to or not.

and kit promises, as that realization creeps through all of them, that they will find each other again. xe promises, in a moment that kit will hold onto for the rest of xyr life, that this is not goodbye. that they will not let this be goodbye. that they will not rest, will not pause, will not hesitate until such a point as xe has found a way for all of them to see each other again.

and then xe's sent home.

adder goes too, of course. both of them are left stranded in the waiting room, in a room that they share. by the time he can come to his senses, ozymandius is already back in xyr seat, watching the monitors again. the next games have begun, far too soon. there is no time to waste in trying to find an answer.

they talk. they fight. they yell at each other and say things neither of them can ever take back. ozymandius is hurting, and when they were children adder would have been the one to fix that. adder would have looked into xyr heart and broken down the splinter that was hurting kit until it could do no more harm.

that's not something he can do, when he's part of that splinter.

so when ozymandius slams the door on their room with a hissed-out snarl, when xe runs away from their conversation just like kit's run away from everything else, he makes no move to follow. it won't help, not in the long run.

but there are more people in the waiting room, now. more zones brought in by those contestants who have not yet had their turn. i, player kozzax, have a whole host of characters lined up to play in this battle royale. though most of them have homes outside of the waiting room-- take akijiir spirelight, who returns to his lava-ridden caverns and hive-mind family in the wake of mrrps brush with death --they must pass through the waiting room in order to enter the games. it is this waiting room that ozymandius and adder have called home, thus far, and it is this waiting room where another lays in wait.

enter: the mad doctor bane (he/fel).

bane comes from a classic capes-style world, wherein he and his fellows (brutus [she/that] played by @captainschaos and harpy [it/growl/snarl/bite/bark/perch/pack/hunt/scream, depending on context] played by @chatteroost , though they shouldnt come up Much throughout This post) are the Villains. hes the big bad brains of the operation, and together the two of them make up the brawn of it.

cutting a very, very long story short: bane's whole deal is splicing dna into still-living creatures in order to create new fucked up hybrid creatures. fel did it to feliself first, tried to present it as a potential solution to a lot of problems in their world, was shunned for it, and said okay. well if you WANT me to be fucked up and a monster then i WILL be fucked up and a monster.

he and his fellows are planned to play in the Third Execution Games. ozymandius knows this, knows he will want to have every advantage he can get, knows he is awful and dangerous-- but also knows that, if there is any hope that xe might be able to wrest control away from killer, they have to become a god themself. and who better to make this happen than the one person xe has access to who knows how to splice creatures together into one.

they strike a deal.

bane will help ozymandius with this coup, and in exchange ozymandius will ensure the playing field is familiar to him and his fellows. bane will speak with hunter, will convince her to push killer out of power and allow ozymandius to come into power. they will work together, in secret, and bring a new age to the execution games as a whole.

for bane, it is more than that. for bane, it is a chance to keep an eye on ozymandius. to prevent this heroicism from going too far, from breaking kit like it eventually did to fel.

he may be a brilliant biologist, but the mad doctor bane knows nothing of people. perhaps, if he had, he would have seen how much damage had already been done.

the second games wear on. its contestants, to ozymandius, are already lost. kit is not watching, can not bear to see, as killer deteriorates. those who are watching know the truth. ozymandius would take it only as further evidence that killer is a scourge upon this reality, is dangerous and vindictive in ways that cannot be undone.

during their runtime, though, there is another shift to ozymandius's history. xe and xyr older brother have a newer, oldest brother now. someone who raised them on mrrps own, who kept them out of harm and made sure they knew how to be people. someone who fostered their loves of art and theater respectively, who held them in their lowest moments and showered them with praise and love in their highest. a brother who served more as a father.

a brother who is not here, not yet, but who will be someday.

a brother who can not see what has happened. who does not know the situation. who can not begin to fathom how badly ozymandius needs nox support-- who does not get back soon enough to fix anything. pardus "naspa" kozzax, a wrestler who remains holed up in their homeworld away from the waiting room.

a person ozymandius will never get to meet outside of kits memories.

the second execution games end.

ozymandius is injected with bane's virus mere moments before being pulled onto the field. xe is turned into a host on borrowed power, given the chance to take charge of the games now that hunter has declared both of its siblings unfit to rule over them.

kit steps onto the second games' field in a new outfit: ornate, flowing robes, gauntlets that cover xyr forearms and hide away the scars that still wear on from adder's creation, and a full-body veil that hangs down from the broken halo that has always circled their head.

the confrontation is short, and it is messy. ozymandius is ruthless and scathing in the way xe speaks to killer, letting out months of hate and anger and heartbreak. hunter is the more damaging party, though- she knows just what to say to get the gravity and reality of what is happening across, and it does so with no glee on his face.

killer is excised from reds role as host. the mourner steps into xyr role instead.

the third execution games begin about two months later.

these games are... different. the core realities of The Games are the same, but the mourner's position forces difference out of them.

first, unlike in every game before or after, there is no way to directly call the host onto the field. there is no singular altar, no center point, no home to respawn at. instead, there are four cardinal points on the map that contestants must roll to respawn at, each of them holding a console that any contestant can use to reach out to the mourner digitally. xe can not leave xyr home frequently, not without some form of planning, because of the unstable nature of kits hosthood. though bane keeps tabs on it throughout his time on the playing field, there is nonetheless a strong health risk associated with artificial hosthood.

second, though kit can not be called to the playing field, that does not mean xe will not appear on the playing field. every time a contestant dies their final death, the mourner manifests on the field to hold a vigil for them. these vigils come with host-enforced safety, the rules of the game warping to allow for a full twenty-four hours of mourning for any who choose to attend the vigil.

third, and most important, there is a new mechanic introduced in the third execution games. each week, contestants pulls two cards: their execution card, and their ward. it was supposed to foster community, to build relationships between contestants and ensure they held each other dear. it was supposed to do so much good. the theory was that contestants would be incentivized to protect each other, but-- it never did pan out that way, after the first week or so.

fourth, and finally, neither killer nor kindness are allowed anywhere near these games. they are pushed away, snarled out and forced far from the games that they exist exclusively to serve.

from the very beginning, the third execution games are a nightmare. before they even begin, there is fighting between the contestants. oh, sure, some of them get along-- but the landing pad that has always been a place of relative peace is still turned into one of anger, one of snide remarks and goads.

when the games start, it is not much better. in the first week alone there are three executioners. a glitch in the system created a second, but the ward cards created the third. beetle stag clickself, warden's brother, forced to hunt with the very ideal put in place from ozymandius' love of warden. two contestants are killed in the first week, blood and death marking the beginning of this world once more.

and then, in the second week, the mourner is brought into a call. simetemis (they/them), played by @sylsoddsandends, needs to speak with xym. needs to know the truth.

you see, bane has turned himself into a Menace. he only ever kills one person, mind you, but.... well. he sows despair. he lies and schemes and plans. fel pulls together a team that seems nigh unkillable, at times. everyone knows that he is cornerstone to their operation- and even from the beginning, he had been speaking with simetemis and eating into their mind.

the bane and simetemis relationship could be its own ten thousand word long post. suffice to know that, as the games run on, the mourner's opinion of bane suffers immensely.

we are not at that point yet, though. for now, simetemis is calling ozymandius and asking about their purpose in this world. asking about the harm caused, about how to hold their family safe, about how to exist in this world without fighting. it breaks the mourner's heart, drives xym to hold simetemis close and desperately hope that they do not win. kit offers solutions: the chance to leave, perhaps, or maybe the chance to watch instead of play. but more importantly, kit tries to offer that which killer never provided: a voice to talk to, who understands the gravity and reality of the situation.

in the end, xe will fail at that too.

the call ends. the second week's executions are counted. it is... painful, again, but- ozymandius is ready, this time. the mourner is more prepared for the damage kit must manage. more prepared, that is, until the fledgling (click/chirp), played by @polybius1201, speaks up. click was one of the executioners in the second week, and that was fine. the mourner was prepared to handle that.

and then simetemis dies in the middle of xyr conversation with the executioners. these conversations are held on a public stage, and are able to exist concurrently with play on the field. despite that, kit was caught fully off-guard.

for any of their contestants to die while they were managing the executioners would break a part of them, but that it was simetemis? that it was simetemis, who xe sees so much of xymself in? simetemis, who even two weeks in has proven braver and more capable than ozymandius ever was? simetemis, who may succeed where ozymandius failed?

xe can barely handle it. kit explodes on the fledgling, when click claims simetemis' death as chirps own-- because this is something killer would have loved. it is an action built for the Host of the execution games to be delighted by, to be charmed by, to be proud of. were these any other games, the fledgling would have been praised. instead, ozymandius snarls and hisses and threatens-- and then realizes that this means the fledgling is incurring the same nightmare of ever-recurring executioner status that xe once did. xyr response shifts in a heartbeat, the anger falling out from under kit as they revert back to gentle platitudes that can never truly fix anything.

a few days later, the fledgling calls the mourner. click wants to know more about killer, wants to understand more about why kit was so angry and so terrified. kit obliges, explains who killer is-- and tries to explain why xe's here. tries to explain that kit's trying to make things better, trying to change things, trying to improve the games so that nobody gets hurt.

the fledgling does not buy these excuses. chirp sees through the cracks of kits story, sees the truth of the matter: ozymandius kozzax should not be here, in any form, no matter the excuse. the games are not a place where xe is capable of processing things. the games are not a game to them, when that is their entire purpose.

their conversation ends poorly. cordially, sure, but poorly nonetheless.

it is, despite this, the kindest the mourner will ever think of the fledgling.

two weeks pass, this time, before there is another incident. kit does kits job, albeit unhappily. things aren't good, but they aren't getting worse.

and then someone traps the respawn points. in doing so, they bring everwonder (it/its, that/that thing), played by @restlessrenegade1, down to its final life.

by technicality, everwonder is able to claim this death as its own work. by technicality, nobody can prove anything. but everyone knows the truth of the situation: bane trapped every respawn point on the field. it enrages the mourner more than xe has ever been, up to this point-- how could he, how could fel, those were sacred places. he sticks to his story, that fel was busy at the time and that they have no evidence it was him.

no punishment is doled out.

less than a week later, ozymandius wishes xe'd forced out a punishment. because less than a week later, everwonder is declared fully dead. now a spirit wandering the playing field, a spectator rather than a contestant, dead thrice over. it is the first time that the mourner steps onto the playing field, the first time kit is shown the lives of those xe claims so desperately to protect.

by this point, clear factions have formed on the playing field. there are two sides: bane and his cohort, made up of brutus, harpy, and the fledgling; and simetemis and theirs, everwonder, dakota (he/him), and page (they/them) [< dakota and page mean SO MUCH to me but i can not get into the intricacies of every single third execution games character or we will never stop. sorry theyre getting the short end of the stick] {even more sorry about the stragglers who i loveeeee but i just do not have time to talk about bc of their Circumstances}. there are stragglers, sure, but those are the two core sides of the third execution games' storyline. everwonder's final death hits one side hard, and empowers the other with more than a little ruthless delight.

the mourner sits vigil. every member of everwonder's team appears to watch, to partake. they share stories of everwonder-- and then they begin asking the same questions that the fledgling did. how are you helping, when you only seem to make things worse? how is this whole sadness-grief-mourning for every second of the day fixing anything? how is this different?

...kit doesn't have good answers, still.

instead, they're drawn back to their home. away from the games, away from what miniscule comfort xe was able to offer, left only with heartbreak and the exhausting drive to keep moving forward.

and then, as they go to address the executioners, the truth is revealed: the fledgling killed everwonder, without the excuse of being forced into it by being the executioner.

it goes... poorly. the mourner roars out demands for answers, for explanation, for fledgling to tell everwonder's family why chirp saw fit to take that thing away from them so early if there was no requirement for it. fledgling looks the host in the eyes and reminds kit it's all a game. xe gets in one last snide statement and then leaves the conversation. running from discomfort over and over and over and over and over.

it isnt... all terrible, in the third execution games. there are ever-so-brief moments of respite, moments where kit can breathe and laugh and smile, moments where xe's reminded of all the love that xe used to carry in xyr heart.

hosts are a bridge between players and contestants, remember. and just as ozymandius once spoke with the players and the killer from a monitor hidden away in a tiny little room, so too can a victor so deeply tied to these games reach out to the players and to the mourner through another console, so far away.

warden reaches out, in the wake of this explosion. they get to speak, get to catch up with each other, get to just... exist. together, if only for a moment.

the conversation is a distraction for warden, and a moment of respite for the mourner. xe gets to talk about things, gets to express clearly how wrong everything's been going, gets to sort through some small portion of the guilt weighing on kit. warden cannot soothe all of it- does not know the weight that the mourner has been hiding from everyone --but can talk about the good in what the mourner sees as awful.

there's no resolution to any of it. but warden doesn't hate xym for this, and so xe can move forward. kit bids red adieu with the request that he not do anything reckless. i need you to know those were the exact words. "don't do anything reckless, okay?". ozymandius kozzax you are at the bottom of the list of people who are allowed to say that. head in hands.

simetemis calls, later that week. once again the mourner is able to have a proper conversation. they talk about mechanics of their world, about the players and the magic inherent in the games, about discoveries and newly-forged recipes. it's... the conversation does not end light, necessarily, but it is light for the most part. it is companionship, in a world where kit was not meant to have any.

in the short term, it makes things easier. in the long term, it will only ever make them so much worse.

one execution day passes without much fanfare, beyond the usual distress at having to dole out punishment to executioners who havent- who wont -fulfill their executions. and then, the following week, things go wrong again.

brutus is playing a game. they are all playing games, of course, with the exception of the mourner but-- brutus played a dangerous game, this week. played a game that got her killed. a kill that, in the end, was that's goal: this was her plan to fulfill her executioner duties, this week.

it's too familiar. when ozymandius works through the executioner management this week, xe is not speaking to the contestants of the second execution games. xe's speaking to lias, when kit confirms brutus' kill. kit's speaking to dere, when simetemis claims a failed execution and a bond with someone from the opposition, someone dangerous and unruly and ruthless in his demands from the game, who is so like adder in everything fel does.

ozzie's in the first execution games all over again, reliving the heartbreak kit once watched and trying desperately to hold it all together. they have to be removed from their position, have to have hunter take over the assessment because xe can not fulfill xyr duties in this state.

a week passes, and the next execution day goes... better. kinder. there have been no deaths in the past week, though executioners ran abound once more, and the mourner is able to rest. and then one day passes, and there is another final death on the field. not of a contestant, necessarily, but of a different group: the gathered, creatures that roam and hunt on the field in pack-units. this is the first they have appeared, and though the wolves were no people, the mourner still steps onto the playing field to sit vigil for them.

it is a short vigil. a quiet one. and yet, still, it adds to the building guilt in the mourner's heart, because how can simetemis be so kind in these games that want nothing more than to see them dead? how can simetemis care for xym, when xe's the one facilitating their torment? how can simetemis look at kit's tattered wings and broken halo and think that they can help, think that they should care? after everything that either of them has done so far-- it feels unreal, that simetemis should care.

and yet they ask if xe is alright, even after weeks and months of breaking down themself.

this kindness is not something that kit deserves, but it is something that xe carries back with them. it is something that xe holds to, when it is announced that for the first time these games there has been only a single executioner. when it is announced that only the wolves died, and for the first time xyr plan to fix things hasn't gone astray.

everything goes wrong less than a week later.

simetemis calls again. they ask the mourner to forgive them, for what they are about to do. for the war they are about to take part in, and the blood that will be on their hands because of it. and-- and how can the mourner deny them that pardon, when they have done so much to be kind and thoughtful until this point?

there are two confessions, that day. simetemis confesses their plan to attack, their plan to cause pain to others in service of the games-- and the mourner confesses that they did not depose killer out of care for the contestants of the third execution games.

no, xe has plans for the third games. kit needs them, in some nebulous way, in order to fulfill a promise now years old.

they absolve each other of their crimes. they part ways.

when the death call comes that week, with three dead and four executioners, the mourner is still unready for how it hits their heart.

there will never again be four executioners. it is an impossibility, in a game where there are no Wards. the mourner did this. there is no argument that kit did not; no world where the bloodshed is not in some part on xyr paws. even with simetemis' absolution of them, their insistence that the mourner was working within a system that forced xyr hand, and thus should not be angry at kitself for it all-- they know the truth.

simetemis had to kill. killed twice, even, in the midst of a war playing out on the mourner's battlefield. they were stronger than xe ever was, if xe's being honest.

and the fledgeling is right, when click says that there is no apology the mourner can give.

still, when there are no deaths the following week-- kit cannot help but to let out the breath xe'd been holding for so long.

bane betrays simetemis. it was always going to happen, eventually, but-- still, it hurts the mourner more than other deaths. to hear that simetemis has died once more, that simetemis is on their final life when they have done so little to deserve that pain-- it chips away at the mourner once more. it chips away at xym, and xe has to step back from the games,

in truth, it was i who had to step back. i was busy that week, and incapable of partaking in the games-- there were too many things on my plate for me to perform my duties that week, playing the host of the games. luckily, @captainschaos was able to step in and take over for the week-- and, doubly luckily, it made everything so much worse.

because while the mourner and i are away, brutus dies that's final death. there is no mourner to sit vigil, no host who comes down to the field to cradle brutus' body and remind the contestants to carry her memory with them.

except that's not entirely true, is it? because there was someone who mourned before the mourner.

kindness makes her return to the games. it is not grand, it is not holy-- it is a quiet, broken caw as she settles in to mourn for one so bright who can no longer be present on the field.

the mourner never finds out what happened, for brutus' death.

another dies before kit can be forced to process it.

when simetemis dies their final death, the mourner is shattered beyond repair. there is no holding back on any of the guilt that kit has worn these games. their body is falling apart at the seams, their throat too dry and too raw from crying for so long, their legs weak and failing. kit steps onto the playing field only to be met with brutus' body, and-- and kit's vision goes white.

all there is, in this moment, is grief-loss-guilt-horror-relief. simetemis is dead, brutus is dead, and xe has only just found out.

nobody comes to simetemis' vigil. the mourner was never sure whether that was a blessing or a curse. they were so like kit, so loved by their family-- and yet, how loved could they have been, if their family did not come to see them off? how much could they really have been missed, given everything?

at this point, does it even matter? the games must go on. the worst part is that the mourner was relieved, when simetemis died-- through all the grief and heartbreak and pain, there was a relief, because at least it means they won't be the one to win. at least it means--

well. at least it means they don't have to see what comes next.

execution management goes better than it has in a long time. there is no more time for the mourner to carry on in these public forums, no more energy left in kit to do anything but state the simple facts of the matter. it is how these calls were always meant to be-- simple, clear, with no hint of the mourning that kit has turned into their core truth.

the games are in their endgame, now. the contestants are ready to fight their final battles, most of them down to one or two lives remaining.

what better time for warden to call in?

talking to warden again is-- its painful. there's a comfort to it, to having warden so close despite the chasm that still remains between them, to having a tangible reminder of why all of this is so important.

but warden... warden is able to point to the fact that xe's unwell, deeply so, that nothing is okay or alright with how kit is managing these games. though he trusts the mourner-- though he trusts ozymandius --to have a plan in place, it sucks to watch kit go through this. and it has been watching, has seen the breakdowns as they've come up, has followed the entirety of the mourner's descent into nothing more than guilt and grief.

it has to be for something, warden knows, and so he asks: what happens, when these games are over?

and for the first time, the mourner lets the truth out. when these games are over, the contestants of the first games come home. they all go home, to a place where they can be together, the lot of them, forever.

only the contestants of the first games, though.

the more they talk, the more of the plan comes out:

ozymandius wants to let the third games play out, with kit as the host, and then steal the playing field for xymself as soon as these games are over. xe wants to hold the games in purgatory forever, to hold the field together as its host and invite kits friends, kits family, back to it.

so much has gone wrong on this field already. warden lost another sibling here, another who is now lost to the sands of time and disappeared into the ether alongside the second stag. what the mourner asks-- its unreasonable. it's unsustainable. it's killing kit, even just this much.

and warden hates the person ozymandius has become, hates the mourner, hates this shell of a person that red once loved so dearly.

hunter steps in, as things get worse. as the mourner is reduced to sobs once more, thinking about what has to happen for the field to be empty. as the end of the games approaches, there needs to be a host who can- who can manage, at least, if nothing else.

so the mourner leaves their conversation. xe goes back to the horrors of the games, back to the place kit never should have been in the first place, leaves behind the last chance to turn around.

xe's going through with this plan, whether warden thinks its a good idea or not. whether it hurts more people or not. kit's already too deep to fix it now, so-- so it just has to play out.

after all, kit promised.

time passes.

dakota and page die their final deaths. the mourner holds silent vigils once more, those who may have attended already gone, already incapable of standing alongside kit's mourning.

it is the first time xe's seen the outside world since the games began. kit's seen nature through screens, of course, but-- the room that they've been staying in is boarded off, hidden away within the space between games that they occupy, such that nobody can interrupt. every vigil before now has been held indoors, has been hidden away from the world at large.

even these vigils are indoors, but-- the deaths are so close together that kit walks between them. it's a slow walk, unsteady and uneven, on legs that can barely hold up kits weight.

for a brief moment, it feels as though everything's going to be alright. for a brief moment, inbetween the final two vigils of the games, there is a moment to breathe. for a brief moment, kit can pretend that xe'll get to go home when all of this is done. that when kit goes home, the crimes xe's committed will be in the past.

the final vigil ends. the mourner returns to their room.

the games end.

its victors? harpy and the fledgeling. bound together, winning as a unit. the first and only bonded winners, the first and only chance for love and kindness to prevail in a world built for death.

harpy and the fledgeling, who spent so long acting as the harbringers of death. the most bloodthirsty contestants, with bodies piled high between the two of them. with teeth and fangs and claws that fought their way to victory. with betrayal and hatred and a hunger for the Hunt that binds the two of them together.

harpy, who became a beast invulnerable to the wounded, who searched after those who were innocent in a mad dash for violence and bloodshed.

the fledgeling, who would have been killer's favorite in another world, who looked at the mourner and saw through their facade to the ugly truth hidden underneath.

the mourner wouldn't have wanted any other winners. xe steps onto the field in front of them, just as killer stepped down in front of warden all that time ago, and xe gives a speech.

their fur is matted, is dirty, is bloodied. it is obvious to any that see xym that kit has not been taking care of kitself for months on end, for longer than anyone could have guessed, for so long that-- that, perhaps, xe does not recognize themself without the grime.

kit congratulates them on their victory, on their mockery of what kit has dreamed of for so long.

killer would have loved the two of them. and so, when the mourner reaches out to grab the fledgeling's skull in their clawed hands, with full intent to kill, to kill and keep killing, until it sticks, until there is no one left alive on the field except for kit-- there is anger, where there should have been guilt, where there should have been grief.

before kit can do anything, hunter steps in. harpy and the fledgeling are whisked away, their victor's statues left in their wake, and the mourner is held still by a force beyond kits comprehension.

they were never truly a host, after all. they were on borrowed power-- hunter's power.

the field never would have been the mourner's to command. this plan was doomed from the start, bound up in lies and speculation that the mourner pulled out of thin air. the mourner could never have won, could never have taken this as their home.

already, what kit destroyed kitself to turn into a home is crumbling around the two of them.

hunter strips xym of xyr hosthood, returns them to their status as a normal contestant, all while the mourner-- while ozymandius --squirms and struggles against his hold.

and then, in a moment, reality sinks in. it would not have worked. everything xe did-- everything kit tried to do-- all the pain, both of the contestants and of warden-- it was for nothing. the games went on, will continue to go on, and kit is no closer to having a home for kits family to return to. is no closer to fulfilling that promise-- and, in fact, is further than xe has ever been from it.

in this moment, it becomes clear to ozymandius that they have lost themself. that they are not the person xe once was, that kit has been changed and warped and turned so much worse by everything.

that xe is not safe to be around, not like this.

that kit has done horrible things. that kit tried to kill the victors, in a show of violence and power that even killer never would have gone to, for-- for something xe didn't even verify would work.

kits mind falls blank. and then-- guilt. mind-numbing, overwhelming guilt and shame for what xe's done.

they can't face it. can't handle it, any of it, the idea that xe's done so much harm and for nothing--

so they run. they run away, into a void where nobody can find kit, with one final message left behind: do not try to find me. i do not deserve to be found.

allllll of this ^ happened from 2021 to 2023. the first exec games were in 2021, the third were in 2023. and ever since november sixteenth 2023, ozymandius kozzax has been: hidden away in a forest where nobody can hurt kit and kit cant hurt anyone else, wasting away into nothing.

we have heard bits and pieces of news from them, though. every so often, there's a glimpse into the world xe inhabits.

first, there was the escape. when kit ran away, on that day, xe wasn't running from those who might case xym. kit was trying to run from themself, from the person xe'd become, from the pain they'd inflicted. there is no running from who you've become, though, and so instead they just... ran.

ran, and ran, and ran until kits body could not hold kit up anymore. until xe collapsed under the weight of everything: the lingering aftereffects of hosthood, the exhaustion from running the games, the terror and hatred and guilt that consume every part of xyr brain.

xe stumbles, and falls, and-- and xyr halo is flung across the ground, just out of reach, before xe blacks out, in the midst of a clearing in the woods xe'd found xymself in. kit's body can't sustain this. they fall into a dreamless sleep.

the next we see kit, kit's waking up.

there's nobody else in the clearing. there wouldn't be-- nobody else exists in this world, not really. what there is, though, is life. a form of life that xe's never seen, not before now-- a little songbird, jumping around just out of reach, inspecting the thorns of xyr halo as though to create a nest out of them.

they watch the songbird as it builds, as it tries to create a new home, as it jumps about nervously and unevenly. and they watch the songbird as a coyote appears just out of its line of sight. and they try to scream, try to yell out, try to alert the bird to the horrors lurking so nearby-- but xyr voice fails xym. there will be no aid, will be no hope, will be no saving this little bird from the reality that it faces.

the coyote lunges forward. ozymandius cannot close xyr eyes, physically can not close xyr eyes. is forced to watch the bloody death, and to see the truth of the first games: warden won alone, his bloody sword spliced through whippoorwill's chest. a battle ozymandius was not present for, a battle xe hid away from, a quiet moment that kit will never understand the truth of-- how can kit, when they voided that understanding by leaving?

in truth, it is ozymandius' presence that called the bird here. there was nothing kit could have done to save it-- and there is a chance it would still be alive, had xe not run away.

the coyote leaves. ozymandius continues to watch, as the body begins to decay, and is left to consider what xe's seen in... peace is the wrong word. in solitude, then.

for months, ozymandius lays there. xe can not move a single muscle, can not close kits eyes or make a noise, can barely breathe.

all they can do is watch. and so watch they do. xe watches as the bird's body is picked over by scavengers, as it is eaten by decomposers and returned to the dirt. kit watches as the weather changes, as moss grows over the bird's bones, as time goes on. as life goes on.

once, they see the coyote again. it has pups now, two of them, following its every move. if it hadn't eaten the bird, those pups may not exist.

rain and snow cycle in and out, sinking into xyr fur and turning their body even heavier than it was before. if xe couldn't walk then, kit certainly can't now. and yet, still they watch. still they track the way the world turns in this clearing, the way things change and develop and grow. '

and then, eventually, finally, xyr eyes grow heavy. the bird's bones have been fully consumed by the world itself, the cycle of life continuing onward as though the bird never existed in the first place, and-- and kit falls asleep, once more, after a period of time xe can never quite place.

when they wake back up this time-- well.

i'm afraid i can't tell you what happens, then. the last anyone saw of ozymandius kozzax was that final sleep, when xe took a rest that's been long-building behind kits eyes.

i know what happens, of course. i know where kit is now, what's happened in the time since xe fell asleep-- but to spill that information here would be... wrong. one day, i have sworn for years, xe will be happy once more. but that day is not today, i'm afraid.

so that's my coward! my ozymandius kozzax!!!!! kit has committed so many atrocities!!!!! xe's never killed anyone directly but they find so much blood on their paws. kit's MENTALLY ILL and someone should GET THEM A THERAPIST but that one will actually never happen. i think about xym a Normal Amount.

...oh, yeah, you wanted a random fact, right? um.. ummmmm.... oh! xe likes to draw! hasn't done that much lately and probably is really rusty and actually thats something i need to pick up again later because it could be really interesting as part of continued healing to pick up old hobbies that were consumed by the guilt-rage-fear spiral . but yeah drawing is something kit used to do a lot!!!

some other ozzie art [i dont actually draw kit digitally all that often its mostly headshots on paper]: