Lore❤

if you aren’t caught up to the most recent chapters, you will be spoiled and i refuse responsibility because i’m just vibing my life away

something i use to kind of sway back and forth between inuokko is when i thought they’d get together.

i think it’s mutually agreed that the dynamic between toge and yuuta in their first and second year does have a slightly different vibe. not in a bad way, just in a mutual transition in their dynamic and relationship. of course, that’s just what we can gleam from a handful of pages.

first-year inuokko is definitely more of an awkwardly sweet, teenagers in love for the first time, trying to figure out who they are and how they interact. there’s room and space to grow, a singular year that only acts as an introduction to what is to come.

second-year inuokko is more of an established confidence, knowing each other as friends, fighters, and everything in between. they’re no longer the youngest generation of the school, now they’re established not just between themselves, but also in their lower class men. more than that, they’re also exploring the effects of new trauma and how that impacts who they are.

i’ve seen this characterization of first-year and second-year dynamics being turned on their head. yuuta transitioning from shyness to confidence, toge from being the reliable figure to learning how to rely on yuuta. that’s why it’s so hard to pinpoint where they would get together, because both dynamics are really sweet and strong. i think that’s why inuokko has remained so strong over the years.

lately though, i have been thinking about that in particular. trying to understand these characters and where their dynamic takes off because it sets the tone for a lot of the major events that take place.

toge losing his arm, yuuta in shibuya, killing yuuji, the reunion, and most definitely the recent manga chapters.

as much as i like to think about them in terms of an established relationship, i truly think that inuokko wouldn’t be successfully established until during or after. in other words, i think their strongest coming together comes after their first year, after yuuta returns from being abroad.

yuuta as a character is one that desperately craves connection. that is a defining characteristic that drives his motives throughout jjk 0. he’s lonely, he wants to feel a sense of belonging if with even one person.

however, the issue is that he is transitioning from several life-changing events that allow no time for process or recovery.

in less than a year, he was responsible for multiple injuries and deaths in classmates and sorcerers investigating them. he was sentenced to death, had the sentence lifted, and was sent to a school for sorcerers. he was immediately targeted by getou, faced several life-threatening situations, and even if just for a moment, thought that the tentative friends he made were dying by getou’s hand. he then proceeds to try and sacrifice his life to murder the absolute crap out of getou and then loses the remnants of the only friend he had for years. this is not to mention the bullying, being ostracized by his family, and being uprooted to a completely different environment.

even if yuuta grew up in a completely different world than the others, his relationship with human interaction is extremely poor. during this time was the only opportunity he had to finally grieve rika’s death.

that’s why it’s so vital that he’s not immediately jumping into a new relationship. even though i don’t see the dynamic between yuuta and rika as inherently romantic as they got older, it was the closest thing either of them had. (i say this because rika often conveyed a mentality of a little girl as a spirit, they might have loved each other as kids, but their mentalities are too different now).

yuuta needed to take that time to enjoy companionship platonically in order to develop emotionally. even more so, he needed to learn how to cope and live in a healthy and productive way. with the loss of rika came the loss of any power he had, a newfound freedom and disadvantage he had to work himself through again.

going to africa was essential for that reason !! he needed to learn how to navigate himself without placing too much dependency on any one person. it kept him from self-sabotaging, but also granted him the opportunity to learn that there were people willing to wait for him.

so that time in africa with miguel wasn’t just time to hone his physical and cursed abilities, it was an opportunity to grow into a more stable mindset before taking any other steps forward.

with that being said, yuuta is absolutely insane. like, i’m sorry but if you don’t agree, talk to the wall because i’m not budging on this. mr. okkotsu did grow into a more confident and self-assured person, but it doesn’t completely erase the traumatic experiences that developed him into the person he is today.

rika was and very much still is an extension to the kind of love he understands and conveys. becoming a monster for those you love, gladly and willingly, to sink your teeth into the viscera of their soul and hold tight. because otherwise, they might just slip away.

we see the frantic energy that rika used to utilize in protecting him not gone, but transitioned into a more clever application in yuuta’s actions. i see this especially in his speech that i discussed about gojo a while back. in how angry he was about toge’s arm. in the way he took on the culling games by himself as atonement.

rika always was a reflection of the darkness inside of yuuta. one that allowed him to pretend like he was helpless, when in truth, he always held a strong capability for the violence.

rika vs. yuuta’s bullies

yuuta vs. getou

he consumes darkness in order to protect the perceived light in his life.

it’s less that he needed to be sent away to address that, and more that he needed time to accept that.

we see a confident yuuta, not because the darkness has disappeared, but because he has learned to control and weaponize it.

his desperation for connection is still very prominent in his character, you can see it especially in how he lashes out in regards to gojo. it’s not that he’s especially angry with everyone else, and more that he needs them to feel these connections on the same level.

there’s visual relief in how he expresses himself when toge, maki, and panda audibly extend their support. he needs to have that tangible desperation and need returned in full. if loving means becoming, the boy who consumes curses will do beyond what is necessary.

in that, you can see an almost contradiction to the similarities between yuuta and yuuji. two boys cursed with immense love for their friends.

yuuji who consumed a finger to protect those around him, who set out on this life to save others and guide them to a proper death. who lost his friends, his mentors, everything and everyone who mattered most. who now straddles the line of life and death all in sacrifice.

yuuta who cursed his childhood friend, who consumes curses to absorb their abilities. who set out on this life to avoid the pain of loneliness and find connection in his lonely world. who somehow managed to not lose any of his friends. who chose to take the only casualty he suffered, his mentor, to sacrifice himself to bring him peace.

they’re so similar and yet so inherently different because of one key characteristic. where yuuji’s actions are selfless, yuuta’s motives have always been selfish.

he brings yuuji back to life, not because he cares too much about killing him, but because gojo and his classmates care about him.

he takes on the culling games because he feels guilty about not helping his friends before.

he kills his mentor’s best friend body snatcher, not because it’s right, but because he doesn’t want gojo to do it.

selfless actions, selfish reasons.

and yuuta knows it.

he accepts it, he embraces it, he doesn’t even try to hide it.

as a first year, he might have shied away from acknowledging it. flustered and avoided eye contact, tried to explain himself in a way that conveyed something good and positive. tried to not see himself a monster.

but he is a monster.

only monsters could possibly survive the blood-soaked remnants of his childhood and teenage years.

he’s a monster, and it only took a year of training for he himself to realize that, to embrace it.

because being a monster means that the people you love don’t have to be one.

and the cherry on top is that he picked the one group that would know that, would see him, would love him not just in spite of it, but because of it.

maki figured him out from day one, and panda doesn’t exactly have the importance of morals high enough to care.

toge is the biggest surprise, because his characterization might lead you to think that he would be heartbroken by the choices yuuta would make.

but it isn’t compassion that defines toge so strongly, it is acceptance.

his ability to not see past the viscera and gore covering his soul. his ability to watch with utmost vigilance and choose to move forward regardless. he wipes the blood streaking his cheeks, not to pretend it never happened, but to share in it. to share the responsibility.

to be a jujutsu sorcerer is to not hold life in the highest regard. instead, it is to learn how to live past the bounds of morality and personal responsibility. it is to understand that you walk a gray line that forever tips into an unending darkness.

second year yuuta is one all too aware of this, who knows it far more intimately than any person raised in this society. and in spite of it, he choose to dig his nails into the edge and tip back. trusting, knowing his friends are only a breath away.

he needed the time to understand that more than anything else.

I WILL NEVER EVER GET OVER THE SYMBOLISM BEHIND THESE STUPID ASS FISH.

THE WAY GOJO OPENS HIS EYES AND MOVES HIS DAMN HEAD TO WATCH GETOS FISH. THE WAY HE CLEARLY WANTS TO FOLLOW. THE WAY GOJO CANT STAND BEING LEFT BEHIND

WHILE GETO DOES THE EXACT OPPOSITE! GETO DIDNT EVEN LOOK. THE FISH COMES INTO FRAME AND HE JUST CLOSES HIS EYES IN ACCEPTANCE! HE DOESNT NECESSARILY WANT TO LEAVE GOJO BEHIND BUT IT HAS TO BE DONE! BECAUSE JUJUTSU SOCIETY IS GOJO AND GOJO IS JUJUTSU SOCIETY!! IN ORDER TO LEAVE JUJUTSU SOCIETY HE HAS TO LEAVE GOJO!! GETO HAS ALREADY VEERED OFF THE PATH OF A SORCERER AND HE HAS TO KEEP MOVING!! HES DUG, WATERED, AND POLISHED HIS GRAVE AND KNOWS HE WILL LIE IN IT!!!

jjk spoilers !!

nothing too in-depth, but referenced to the light novel and recent manga chapters

i think the best way to understand toge comes from trying to write him.

canonly, he’s one of the characters we know the least about. we know the hint of a tragic backstory, but we’ve never seen it. we know he can’t speak without hurting someone, but we are never given a situation to reference or the parameters of such. we know he speaks in safe words, but we don’t know why he chose them or why he didn’t choose another way to communicate.

when i write toge, sometimes i pause in between onigiri ingredients and think, why doesn’t he just learn sign language? why doesn’t he just pick up a pad of paper and a pen? why doesn’t he ask anyone to explain the meaning of his safe words? isn’t there a better way to communicate than with words that won’t be taken seriously?

and that’s how the think piece spiral starts. if you go back in my account, you’ll see way too many posts dedicated to analyzing toge, picking his character apart, headcanons and canon divergences devoted to understanding him. it’s hard to understand a character that was created because of a joke.

maybe it’s a bit too much of thinking that makes you attach to toge, the boy who has such an innate aspect of his humanity designated to be a weapon. why doesn’t he find a different way? i think maybe, because for him, every other way calls for the acceptance of seeing this crucial part of himself as nothing more than a tool to harm others.

can it be that easy? to live your life in isolation, trapped in your own mind, with the knowledge that your existence burns the people around you simply by existing — can it be so easy to simply find another way?

maybe it would be easier if his voice wasn’t weaponized.

if he simply couldn’t speak rather than having the capacity redirected into channeled danger. Never having a choice, born into this role with seals marking his fate, marking the danger he poises to curses, complete strangers, the people he loves most. It would be easier if his voice came as an unintelligible whisper, easier if a simple phrase didn’t have the capacity to slaughter the people around him. easier if the capability to harm did not extend beyond his own intentions.

i think it hurts.

beyond the physical wounds, beyond the copper behind his teeth and the taste of cherry cough syrup on his tongue. i think it hurts him to know that the only time his voice is ever heard is when it causes pain.

it’s like never raising your hand unless to hurt someone else. it’s there, you can feel it there even as everyone else tries not to see it. there’s bad connotations with that hand. because if you raise it, everyone knows that someone will be hurt. they try not to see it, yet simultaneously it’s all they seem to see. bloody hand, bruised knuckles, the evidence of your cruelty. if you want them to be afraid, maybe you relish in the obedience. but obedience is not respect, it is not love, it is a base understanding of the capability of your inhumanity. for someone like toge, that bloody hand has been innate since the moment he came into the world. bloody, bloody hand with danger far beyond the stature of such a small child.

i think with the elders, they see his voice as that bloody hand. he opens his mouth and there is terror without uttering a word. his existence is a stark reminder of his capability, even if he never raised a hand, not on purpose. it doesn’t matter. with a whisper he can explode living beings, twist limbs until they’re crushed beyond recognition, steal life within a second, before anyone could realize what is wrong.

snake in the grass without a warning rattle. less than a bite, less than the coiled danger, less than the venom secreted fangs. cursed speech users are an invasive species within the jujutsu world. that’s why they were managed. how were they managed? outlaws or invasive, dangerous or venomous, to die out or kill on sight. bloody, bloody hand, hissing, hissing rattle.

that’s why, i think he insists on speaking, even if no one would ever understand him.

the elders may never trust him, but for the people he cares about, there has never been an ingrained fear of his voice. because when he opens his mouth, they don’t focus on the sigils marring his tongue. they don’t flinch when he speaks. they are surprised when he uses his abilities. they are surprised when the boy who speaks in silly ingredients can completely pulverize a cursed spirit. they are surprised not at his humanity, but what he can do in spite of it.

when yuuta was afraid of him, it wasn’t in fear of what a single vibrating note from his voice might cause. raised hands, perceived irritation, a shadowed expression. never his voice.

even when he exploded up to hundreds of spirits at once, with one singular word. never fear, only awe, only interest, only hopes to understand him in a way that the self-inflicted barriers tried to deny them both.

i think in this case, yuuta is much the same.

if he knew that being around people, being around girls or rowdy classmates especially, was dangerous because of rika, why didn’t he stay away? if he knew, why did he even consider being around maki? because that meant accepting that his entire existence would forever be limited to the harm that befalls others. how do you accept yourself as a cause and effect? a calamity in skin and bone, blood red inside and out.

so he found other ways. please don’t touch me, please and thank you. i won’t speak as long as you tolerate being around me. manipulate the situation, manipulate the cursed remnants of a little girl until she thinks the way she needs to. the way you need her to. for the safety of those around you, even though you know there’s another way, a simpler way.

don’t speak, don’t be.

what’s left of them? how much do you sacrifice if only to not be alone?

so toge speaks to empty ears, to condescending eyes, to upturned noses who refuse to comprehend beyond the harm he may poise. to ignorant bystanders, who will never know the potential vibrating under his skin, waiting with snapping jaws at the first hint of intention. starry eyed children who latch on to the secret language, with sticky fingers and pure intention. confused tourists who try to follow along, who unintentionally give much needed attention. wary peers who hear of his technique long before they hear of him, who see the danger long before they see him.

he exists to contradict, to take the reputation speared upon him and turn the tables with bloody hands that all eyes only seem to focus on. for these reasons, he turns to intentions, turns to kindness that can be conveyed much farther than words.

be kind, be oh so kind, be so kind that you never have to speak a word.

sacrifice your blood and sacrifice your time, sacrifice as much as you can if only to be understood. a crying baby who cannot begin to register the harm of their shrill cries, a marked child trying to convey the words they were never taught, a one-armed teenager laying down what’s left of their life.

don’t kill him, he told nobara, sacrificing his self-imposed rules for a man who knew the weakness of his technique. because he couldn’t stand the idea that she would have blood on her hands. sacrifice a little more if only to convey how much you care.

because the tragedy of toge is that every word he says has the potential to become a dangerous reality. because he cannot warn others, he becomes their shield. because he cannot vocalize how much he cares, he becomes what they need most. because he cannot tell them who he is, he has to sacrifice everything to show them.

he was never going to let yuuta fight alone. because the beauty of yuuta is that he was always afraid for the wrong reasons. afraid of toge not because of his capability to be a weapon, but because he was afraid that he hated him.

can you imagine? every moment of your tired existence, trying to prove yourself as anything more than your bloody hands. to have someone not afraid of your blood crusted fingertips and split knuckles, but of your capacity to tolerate a walking cataclysm.

yuuta is so saturated in blood and despair that he cannot even begin to fathom caring about bloody hands. of course he sees them, sees them in the potential they hold, in the pain they’ve inflicted, yet also endured. holds them in his own like they’re delicate, sees the splits and scars and bruises, not as evidence of his capability, but in his durability. to be treated as breakable with such potential to shatter the world around him.

when i write toge, i always find myself in this train of thought. i think that’s why i love yuuta so much, i love how much he loves, even if it means the world burns.

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 呪術廻戦 | Jujutsu Kaisen (Manga), 呪術廻戦 | Jujutsu Kaisen (Anime) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Inumaki Toge/Okkotsu Yuuta Characters: Inumaki Toge, Okkotsu Yuuta, Zenin Maki, Fushiguro Megumi, Kugisaki Nobara, Itadori Yuuji, Gojo Satoru, Panda (Jujutsu Kaisen) Additional Tags: Pining, Long-Distance Relationship, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, The Shibuya Incident Never Happened (Jujutsu Kaisen), Eventual Smut, Aged-Up Character(s), Smoking, Drinking, The Author Regrets Everything Summary:

and Crowley shielding Aziraphale from fire

Season 1

Dune Messiah - Frank Herbert

Naruto vol. 72 - Masashi Kishimoto

Quantum Mechanics - Leonard Susskind & Art Friedman

A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder - Holly Jackson

Proud - Gareth Thomas

Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

Radio Silence - Alice Oseman

Gender Explorers - Juno Roche

There is no Planet B - Mike Berners-Lee

Season 2

Ace of Spades - Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé

The Importance of Being Earnest and Other Plays - Oscar Wilde

Booklovers - Emily Henry

Les Misérables - Victor Hugo

The Little Prince - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

We Are Okay - Nina Lacour

The Outsider - Albert Camus

Birthday - Meredith Russo

The Awakening - Kate Choppin

Crush - Richard Siken

Boy Erased - Garrard Conley

The Swimming Pool Library - Alan Hollinghurst

I Love This Part - Tillie Walden

We Have Always Been Here - Samra Habib

Summer Bird Blue - Akemi Dawn Bowman