Light It Up

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If Eris were being honest, he felt ridiculous skulking around this place. The old books and bits of crumbling paper were far too delicate for magic to be used on them, so everything had to be retrieved manually. He suspected that it was all to be in vain and that the knowledge he sought was likely lost to time if it ever existed at all. Still, he was desperate, and it was far too important to leave anything to chance. As much as he loathed the process, however, there was a certain comfort to being surrounded by it all. He wished he had time to research the things he truly wanted to, not the nonsense he was after just then. 

With a sigh, Eris shoved a scroll back in the slot from which he had taken it, a plume of dust chasing his hand. Barely fending off a sneeze, Eris moved on to the next row, looking for patterns in the text that might lead him where he needed to go. Overstaying his welcome was not an option since he wasn’t supposed to be there in the first place. 

If Helion discovered that Eris knew how to get around his wards, there would be no end to the headache that followed. It could mean a great many things for him, like torture or even death, and would certainly mean imprisonment at the very least. The real threat, though, as far as Eris was concerned, was the amount of time he would lose on this project if he were caught. So here he was, hand-picking through thousands of brittle papers, searching for that one piece of elucidating information that might change everything, and handling it all as quietly as possible. 

As he moved the faelight across the shelves to the next stack over, a shadow moved out of turn. Eris studiously ignored it in favor of pulling a small book out of the corner it was shoved into. He thumbed through it carefully, refusing to acknowledge anything else in the room. Then the book was plucked from his hands by a set of scarred fingers, and Eris had to clench his teeth together to keep from barking out any insults, no matter how pretty they felt on his tongue. The distraction wouldn’t be worth the momentary pleasure he got from making the shadowsinger fumble over himself.

“What are you doing?” Came a velvet smooth voice from somewhere behind him. 

Eris had already moved on, turning the corner only to find the shadows coalescing unnaturally in front of him. He had been doing a fantastic job of pretending he was alone for hours now, but his patience was growing thin. 

“Look at me,” Eris said, stepping around the shadows to continue down to the other end of the stack. “Smoking all of the worms out from their hiding places. Helion should be paying me for my services.”

To his surprise, the idiot let out a rumble of laughter that vibrated along Eris’s bones in a way he forced himself not to think about. 

“Something tells me that paying you wouldn’t be the first thing on Helion’s to-do list if he found you in here.”

“Are you trying to get me caught?” In three quick strides, Eris had Azriel’s back pressed against the nearest bookshelf, a hand clamped tightly over his mouth. 

Humor danced in those absurdly green and gold eyes, and Eris could feel Azriel’s lips curve up in a smile under his hand. The heat from the other male’s breath tickled the tops of Eris’s knuckles, making it difficult to think. 

Disturbed, the dust seemed to dance across the air in Azriel’s presence, and magic felt a little closer than it did a few minutes ago. In the span of a few seconds, impossible things started to feel possible. It was dangerous. 

“Leave.” Eris spat. He dropped his hand like it had been burned and spun on his heel to head the other direction before a blush could color his cheeks. As he walked away, Eris cursed himself for being baited so easily.

“I would love to,” Azriel said, jogging to catch up to him. 

“Wonderful. Goodbye.” Eris dismissed him with a wave of his hand and was startled when Azriel took hold of it, spinning Eris around to face him. 

“As soon as you agree to stop chasing this dead end.” He clarified, backing Eris into a wall. 

A lump was forming in his throat, but he refused to be ruffled just by Azriel’s proximity alone. Eris swallowed and looked directly into Azriel’s eyes. 

“Why should I?” He asked, already knowing the answer Azriel was going to give. 

The male had been making the same argument for a month now, ever since thier bond had presented itself to them. Eris wasn’t going to keep listening to it. He knew what he wanted and wouldn’t let the shadowsinger ruin it. 

“Even if you did find a way to break the bond safely, do you really —” 

“Yes.”

Azriel held Eris’s unwavering gaze and frowned slightly. It was more difficult than Eris would ever admit not to reach up and brush a thumb to the corner of Azriel’s mouth to wipe it away. 

As his lips thinned and Azriel’s face grew hard as stone, Eris knew he was in trouble. A tremor ran up his spine as the shadowsinger leaned over him, lips nearly brushing his ear.

“I think you're lying,” Azriel whispered. 

He shook his head. “I told you before. A bond was never in my plans. I didn’t ask for this, and I don’t want it now.” 

He could tell by the look in Azriel’s eyes that his words were not falling on fertile ground. 

It was all but confirmed when Azriel leaned in to kiss him anyway. It took too much effort for him to turn his face so that Azriel grazed his cheek instead. Only it backfired, and that small brush of Azriel’s lips on his skin sent fire racing down his sternum until Eris could feel the crotch of his pants tighten slightly. 

“What do you want, Eris?” The scent of him drew Eris’s eyelids down like a drug, lashes fluttering uselessly against the onslaught of cedar and musk. 

“Not this.” 

Liar. His mind supplied the damning word before he could stop it. Eris was afraid Azriel could see it buried there beneath his other words.   

Out of the corner of his eye, Eris watched Azriel’s hand raise as if he meant to brush the hair back from Eris’s face or stroke his cheek as they looked at one another. 

“I think—” In a panic, he cut Azriel off from whatever he was about to accuse Eris of feeling. 

“You want me to be lying.” He forced himself to say, pushing back on Azriel’s chest until there was a foot of space between them. “Because the most appealing thing about this is how you get to be with someone who can’t reject you.” 

A quiet devastation rocked Azriel’s features before he shuttered his expression. Face like stone, the male took a step back, wings shuddering slightly behind him. Regret was a living thing beneath Eris’s ribs where it writhed like snakes twisting over themselves to climb out of the dark pit that he had let himself become. As he watched a light gutter and die in that hazel stare, Eris’s fingers twitched at his side, eager to undo all of it. 

He didn’t. 

Eris let those awful words hang in the air between them until his resolve was so sharp it could cut away anything in his path. The only thing that mattered was rescuing what little family he had left from his father and taking back his court. That was it. 

Any distraction would have consequences he couldn’t account for, but a bond was a distraction that could easily devastate everything Eris had worked for his entire life. It wasn’t worth it. 

The traitorous part of his mind, the one that whispered things to him in dreams, reminded him that it also meant one more thing to love and lose if this all went wrong. Possibly, the real reason he needed to reject it so badly was so that the pain happened on his terms.  

“Except that’s not quite true, is it?” Azriel said quietly, turning to leave. “You seem to be rejecting it just fine.” 

‘Rejecting it’, not ‘rejecting me’. Somehow, that distinction hurt more. Eris’s heart gave a painful thud.

“Wait.” Azriel kept walking as if he hadn’t heard Eris’s pitiful plea. Perhaps he hadn’t. As gagged behind fear as it was, perhaps it didn’t deserve to be heard. 

“Good luck in your search, Eris.” 

Silence draped across the library in a slow wave as Azriel disappeared. Shadows behaved like normal once again, and the dust stopped dancing. Eris took one step, then another, away from the wall, from the danger of his thoughts, and the promise of a tomorrow where he might not be so alone.

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A Sport of Stars and Fire

Azris | E | lunaophelia | 8/21ish chapters | New chapters on Saturdays

Summary:

Azriel Singer, “Terror of the Montreal Stars," and Eris Vanserra, star center and Captain of the Boston Fire, have been pitted as rivals since the 2009 NHL draft. When Singer stumbles upon Vanserra in a compromising position after a home game, he realizes they may have more in common than he thought. In lieu of an NDA (or a bargain tattoo), Singer gives Vanserra his number. It’s not much in the way of leverage, but it’s all Vanserra is going to get. Or is it?

Or, a rivals-to-lovers Hockey-AU romp with our favorite ACOTAR boys, featuring codependent Azriel & Cassian, modern epistolary romance (a.k.a. sexting, HA), so much yearning, and very little hockey.

Notes:

The title is so camp, I can't even. I was compelled by an unholy spirit. Go with me.

Tag list:

This precipice was one he knew too well. He had drifted close without realizing it—and now he stood at the edge, looking down, already bracing to lose his nerve the way he always had. 

Every instinct screamed at him to turn around and run.

But he was just so tired.