You're not punk and I'm telling everyone

redownloaded instagram and got sucked into reels and it’s truly like an alternate reality happening over there. video of a girl being like “looking back on my cringe 2021 taste….” and it’s a pic of her wearing like. jeans and a top. the top has a checkerboard pattern. she’s like screaming in agony. the comments are all like “omg not the microtrend 😭 i can’t believe i ever wore that” like woah. i think you guys are crazy

minos was such a pussy. if my wife gave birth to an epic minotaur baby i wouldn't have locked him in a labyrinth. i would have taken him to the mcdonalds play place (athens) every day and let him eat as many stray mcnuggets (athenians) off the floor as he wanted. i love you hungry son

(pulling a painted vase out of my wallet) and this is my youngest at his first nose ring fitting. isn't he handsome

i wish i could say “?????????????????” in real life. it would be very useful.

It's really important when you're at work to go out there and really give it your 60%. Maybe 35%.

roommate showed me his gargoyles (not a euphemism) only they weren't gargoyles they were grotesques, because they don't serve any functional architectural purpose (ie: as waterspouts), so i had to restrain myself from a category 5 pedantic fun ruiner moment

thinking about the guy at karaoke last week who requested creep by radiohead and instead sang, from memory, hey there delilah by the plain white t’s. with the radiohead creep instrumentals