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That title was only half serious but listen UP!

Everytime people talk about Batman being the Justice League cryptid, or Batman’s kids meeting the Justice League, I think it’s over worn.

So, as an alternative, I’m gonna focus on Wonder Woman cause she’s cool.

Diana’s the member of the League who goes on the most sidequests. She always shows up on time, but then she’s all “I was almost late” and the reason can be anything from “My pet kangaroo needed to go to the vet” to “I needed to speak to the UN again” to “The door to hell back home reappeared again so I had to kill a bunch of demons to close it” to Sorry guys, I got trapped waging a 1000 year war in Valhalla again” (that’s canon btw), to “I had to go help the Katepalises move a piano” to “It’s my moms’ wedding anniversary and I was there giving a speech” to “my new friend I just met needed me” and she’d treat all of those things with the same care and attention.

Another thing: Nobody actually knows Diana’s age. Cause she’ll make casual references to things that happened in WW2 or start talking about how the stars look a lot different than when she was a child.

Another thing: She’s been a God. Multiple times. Diana never uses this to belittle anyone (probably), but she’s been a god of (respectively) Truth, War, and rebuilt reality. And there she is, all golden and glittering and joyous, talking to you about if anyone would want to start a bowling team. She’s also lost all of her powers a couple of times, worked at Taco Bell, gave Darkseid a piece of her soul, went to hell, almost married Hades, cut her own eyes out, and has personal beef with half the Greek gods (and more Gods). She has a giant pet kangaroo. And can talk to animals.

Alright, listen, you might wonder why nobody goes back in time to kidnap or kill Wonder Woman, Superman, or Batman as babies, since it seems pretty easy, right? Well WRONG.

Cause like Batman’s got Alfred, right? Like that guy’’ll kill your ass pretty quick, don’t matter if you bring fancy tech cause Alfred’s got that crazy spy shit.

And then for Superman, good fucking luck. Either A: Go to a planet about to explode or kill the Els, a family which are all willing to rock your shit or go to Kansas. You’d think the two humans are easier than the advanced alien society, but those two? Ma and Pa Kent are so goddamn used to strangers trying to take their baby that at this point time travelers had to collectively agree that Smallville, Kansas was a locked point cause those two have made enough fertilizer out of the bodies of time travelers, and not to mention that there’s that damn Legion always showing up to go save their favorite superhero.

So y’know, you’d think Wonder Woman’d be the easiest, but no! No you’d be wrong. Cause turns out the moment you even look at baby Diana wrong, an entire island tackles your ass. Every, single, ONE of those women all can throw boulders and apparently know when time travelers are coming due to the “strings of fate” or whatever. And worse, they seem to like it! Them Amazons, turns out they’ve all got collective trauma and are practically jumping at the bit to throw hands. And worse any agent you send tends not to die, but to get converted! Apparently Amazons practice “forgiveness” and love and- *psst psst* (They do that? For real?) Okay so I think I’m going to try to kidnap baby Wonder Woman now. Definitely not because the Amazons apparently spare and redeem all prisoners through a slow, gentle, and a small bit of consensual lesbian bondage, practice of rehabilitative justice. Yeah half of our agents apparently went there and just immediately gave up so they’d get free therapy. Sorry I got distracted by the idea of being told I could become a better person….