So I wasn't expecting this, an ex asked "How are you?"
I wasn't really expecting to escalate this catch up to this. Frankly, it started as reminder for a borrowed money. I was really irritated because it's been months then this person somehow ghosts me. Good thing for him he initiated the payment and all. Fixed the transaction. End of story.
What irritated me more is he insisted a more personal talk. After ghosting me previously, he just casually ask "what's up?" and that's it? NO.
So I unexpectedly gave him a harsh clap back. Mentioned that I felt used, mentioned that our second chance must've been all a play, etc. I wasn't expecting for a positive, or at least a neutral tone of reply, but somehow he said sorry. An unexpected apology, a sincere sorry somehow I don't want him to feel since both of us has shared faults.
I'm not really sure if he still knows me the same way he knew me before, but I'm pretty sure a lot has changed since then. I don't know why he's insisting this question, maybe he felt something's bugging me off, but this "how are you?" suddenly became hard to answer.
Recently, I wasn't really feeling good. About my self, about what I'm going to be, none. Nothing good. Maybe I'm not loving myself the way I used to love me, and those people who loved me. That maybe the reason why I'm desperately seeking any love from anybody.
I'm lost, yet still here.
I don't know if any beer or cup of coffee can recover or at least relieve this indescribable feeling.
