Scaramouche

its okay i disappeared for a year too shhh…. shhhh….. //

..Sooo, in order not to violate that promise I madeeee, decided I wanted to tell you about it. If that’s okay.

"Go on."

..sooo. Remember when I told you that during my first coma, that static lady would like- impersonate Dottore as a presumed- torture method? Study- okay whatever, I did tell you that, right?

Oh he's not going to like this at all, is he?

..so what if I told you that Chero did the exact same thing Rhea did- the, uh, impersonation. But he didn’t copy Dottore this time around.

[ The doll is gently squeezed. ]

His face stays neutral for now. When he gets upset, Scara gets upset, and it turns into a whole feedback loop... That can wait until after.

..right after one of those times was- the last dream we saw each other in.

"...sorry about the things I said back in the dreams."

I already said I wasn’t upset at you anymore for that, right? You had the right to be upset to that degree.

"So what... what did he do? As me?"

I don’t- mm. Not sure if you’d want to actually.. know the specification. Will probably be triggering for you.

And because, really, it's his fault Chero could use his face against him in the first place.

[ … ]

You know that. Stop being stupid. ]

"Fine, it's fine. You don't have to tell me more."

[ Hand now remaining in the spot it kept hitting at, he now looks a bit- no, understatement, relatively worried while tilting his head at Cyrille a bit as if trying to read his face. Still looks normal to him, so he has to- he’ll be fine. ]

"I'm sure. You don't have to force yourself."

The conversation we had before my brother came back also reminded me of that. And it also technically still stands, what I said.

His voice is firm, almost stern.

Because I did say that right.

"I'm sorry that I was used against you."

If it weren’t you, he would’ve just gone for my brother. If not, then Hina, and the list goes on… nothing you could’ve done.

And I’m not mad at you for it, either.

Whether I can control myself when I'm angry or not, I was still just like my father.

Or- is there something you think I should be mad at you for? Genuine question.

"...no."

…you would tell me if that were to change, right?

My self-destructive streak would have me put my own foot in my mouth for sure.

Why does his chest hurt- he didn’t even use any excess stuff, what was his body’s problem. ]

He is in fact so puzzled that he brushes the other thoughts away for now as he tries to figure out what's going on in Scara's head.

Sorry if that was mean. My- something is wrong and I cannot tell what right now.

That's more important.

It’s faded by now anyways- it might’ve just been some phantom pain.

What, something wrong with him? Nothing's wrong. Everything's fine and normal.

Thouughh.. he may just be acting paranoid again. Guh. Agony. ]

Which is true!

..yeah. Sorry.

Just give him a little time to like, mentally prepare to say these things out loud.

He very subtly holds Cyrille closer to him, as if worried he was going to vanish in an instant. ]

..take your time. Sorry in advance if I act up.

There, short version. Blegh. His mouth is dry.

[ In fact, the other has actually done enough as is, in his eyes. ]

That's why he didn't want to say it out loud, it's embarrassing.

..listen, Cyrille, you still being here with me is enough “repayment” as is. You may think otherwise, and that’s fine, you’re entitled to your own views, but I still wanna put mine out there.

It's easier as an arguement... which is probably bad, eugh.

I can leave whenever, can’t I? If I genuinely had a problem living with you here, would I have even stayed at all after Hina showed?

[ Besides, it’s his fault they’re still stuck here. ]

He says it nonchalantly, so it's hard to tell how serious he is.

{And as long as you don’t do that to me again.}

Hell, maybe meeting me was karma getting back at you at this point.

It’s slightly uncomfortable for him, but he doesn’t care anymore. ]

"...was the Chero thing the only thing you needed to talk to me about?"

I think I’m good now. Anything you need or want to tell me?

"No, I don't think so. But, if there's nothing else you needed to say, was there something you wanted to say?"

..noooo? Nothing really worth bringing up- not now, at least. You sure on your answer?

"Oh, wait, actually, about your new arm. I was wondering if you wanted anything extra added to it or if you just want a normal one? I mean, I'm already gonna make sure it can channel your electro, of course, but beyond that."

[ A smile. ]

He is leaning his whole weight against Scara now, shifting to curl his legs under him.

That- yeah, that sounds nice.. especially since it’s from you, ha-

"I guess I have to come up with a cool design then..."

The stalkers put the idea into my head a while back, actually..

"Have any idea what kind you'd like?"

[ Cyrille gets a few small kisses to the side of his head. ]

That's not a lot of pressure at all, just a permanent decision to mark himself with something of Cyrille...

All just hypothetical, though.

"What would represent me, though?"

[ He glances up at the ceiling for a moment, now partially lost in thought. He has a few ideas, but… hmm. ]

What are things that are just his?

Unless it’s their blood. That’d be nice.

Why am I actually stuck on this-

He doesn't want to use any of his tinkering stuff, since he doesn't want to reinforce Scara's idea that he's not a person...

Or something, I dunno. Oh wait maybe blue hydrangeas tooo- hmmm.

"Don't flower arrangements also help specify with how they overlap? I could do a little bundle of different flowers."

Give me like, ten minutes and I could probably find one.

And he personally thinks it would look sick as hell.

He takes a moment to slightly tilt his head to try and get a better look at Cyrille’s eyes. They’re more grey than the actual blue of the flora mentioned(which he still likes anyways), but they definitely still could do something with the color.. ]

"So... sleeve. Gotcha. I'll have to find a reference book to make sure I know what all the flowers look like... Write me a list or something and I'll work on it."

[ Amusement. ]

"I'll finish polishing off the arm itself while you get that list."

..thanks for offering the tattoo thing, though. It’s sweet that you want to do that for me. And the arm as well, but I think I said that already.

It feels good to have so many personal projects, even if they're all for Scara. Feels like he's earning all the money spent on him.

If you even remotely wear yourself out with all these projects do know I Will Get You.

Pretty sure there’s a space where the gnosis should- would. Would have gone, had I kept it. Could probably put it there?

It would be easier if he could see the space, but he's not gonna ask Scara for that. He remembers how hard it was on him to just fix his hand, and they're going to have to deal with replacing his arm soon... Best to minimize that stress.

[ He shrugs nonchalantly. ]

"Do you want it to look like an actual human heart, by the way? I know it's not going to be visible when it's installed, but it's also going to be yours, so I want to know what you think."

I mean, I would be able to see it if I wanted to, right?

If needed or wanted, I could try to recall some of the studies written on me during- well, both instances, but I remember one better than the other. Since I don’t think I’ve actually told you much about me in that regard, and I know minimal.

"I'm good at working with minimal information anyway, I'll make it work."

Okay, but still let me know if you need anything else from me. Both when it comes to helping with that stuff, and in general.

Only if absolutely necessary.

Cyrille’s such a sweet and good person. He loves him. ]

Riight- was going to mention earlier, but forgot. I’m gonna be heading out for maybe a day or two, once Kazuha and Wanderer seem alright-ish.

He steals a couple more kisses, since he won't see him for a bit later.

[ He shrugs, returning a few of the kisses. ]

[ Now if he can just find that one anon message.. ]

"Which problem?"

If that's supposed to make him stop trying to think or worry about it, it's not working.

Don’t worry, I promise it’s nothing bad! Besides, I won’t be leaving until we’re sure Kazuha’s okay enough.

"...he's already out of immediate danger, and as long as he eats and rests he'll be fine."

[ A small smile at the thought of the kid. ]

Well, since Kazuha’s good enough, I’ll leave tomorrow, probably. Anything you want me to fetch while I’m out?

..can I ask you something?

"Yeah?"

"We've had this conversation before. Where's this coming from?"

Then I’m a good person to you?

Then what about you?

Still, I'm just as much of a selfish bastard. And I would certainly be a worse person if I wasn't restrained by my own body.

Just to be sure. ]

"I've certainly dedicated a lot of time an energy to helping you, with the sleeves and your hand, and now your arm and heart."

[ A slow blink to him. ]

Not as cruel as he himself is, anyways. ]

..Sooo, in order not to violate that promise I madeeee, decided I wanted to tell you about it. If that’s okay.

"Go on."

..sooo. Remember when I told you that during my first coma, that static lady would like- impersonate Dottore as a presumed- torture method? Study- okay whatever, I did tell you that, right?

Oh he's not going to like this at all, is he?

..so what if I told you that Chero did the exact same thing Rhea did- the, uh, impersonation. But he didn’t copy Dottore this time around.

[ The doll is gently squeezed. ]

His face stays neutral for now. When he gets upset, Scara gets upset, and it turns into a whole feedback loop... That can wait until after.

..right after one of those times was- the last dream we saw each other in.

"...sorry about the things I said back in the dreams."

I already said I wasn’t upset at you anymore for that, right? You had the right to be upset to that degree.

"So what... what did he do? As me?"

I don’t- mm. Not sure if you’d want to actually.. know the specification. Will probably be triggering for you.

And because, really, it's his fault Chero could use his face against him in the first place.

[ … ]

You know that. Stop being stupid. ]

"Fine, it's fine. You don't have to tell me more."

[ Hand now remaining in the spot it kept hitting at, he now looks a bit- no, understatement, relatively worried while tilting his head at Cyrille a bit as if trying to read his face. Still looks normal to him, so he has to- he’ll be fine. ]

"I'm sure. You don't have to force yourself."

The conversation we had before my brother came back also reminded me of that. And it also technically still stands, what I said.

His voice is firm, almost stern.

Because I did say that right.

"I'm sorry that I was used against you."

If it weren’t you, he would’ve just gone for my brother. If not, then Hina, and the list goes on… nothing you could’ve done.

And I’m not mad at you for it, either.

Whether I can control myself when I'm angry or not, I was still just like my father.

Or- is there something you think I should be mad at you for? Genuine question.

"...no."

…you would tell me if that were to change, right?

My self-destructive streak would have me put my own foot in my mouth for sure.

Why does his chest hurt- he didn’t even use any excess stuff, what was his body’s problem. ]

He is in fact so puzzled that he brushes the other thoughts away for now as he tries to figure out what's going on in Scara's head.

Sorry if that was mean. My- something is wrong and I cannot tell what right now.

That's more important.

It’s faded by now anyways- it might’ve just been some phantom pain.

What, something wrong with him? Nothing's wrong. Everything's fine and normal.

Thouughh.. he may just be acting paranoid again. Guh. Agony. ]

Which is true!

..yeah. Sorry.

Just give him a little time to like, mentally prepare to say these things out loud.

He very subtly holds Cyrille closer to him, as if worried he was going to vanish in an instant. ]

..take your time. Sorry in advance if I act up.

There, short version. Blegh. His mouth is dry.

[ In fact, the other has actually done enough as is, in his eyes. ]

That's why he didn't want to say it out loud, it's embarrassing.

..listen, Cyrille, you still being here with me is enough “repayment” as is. You may think otherwise, and that’s fine, you’re entitled to your own views, but I still wanna put mine out there.

It's easier as an arguement... which is probably bad, eugh.

I can leave whenever, can’t I? If I genuinely had a problem living with you here, would I have even stayed at all after Hina showed?

[ Besides, it’s his fault they’re still stuck here. ]

He says it nonchalantly, so it's hard to tell how serious he is.

{And as long as you don’t do that to me again.}

Hell, maybe meeting me was karma getting back at you at this point.

It’s slightly uncomfortable for him, but he doesn’t care anymore. ]

"...was the Chero thing the only thing you needed to talk to me about?"

I think I’m good now. Anything you need or want to tell me?

"No, I don't think so. But, if there's nothing else you needed to say, was there something you wanted to say?"

..noooo? Nothing really worth bringing up- not now, at least. You sure on your answer?

"Oh, wait, actually, about your new arm. I was wondering if you wanted anything extra added to it or if you just want a normal one? I mean, I'm already gonna make sure it can channel your electro, of course, but beyond that."

[ A smile. ]

He is leaning his whole weight against Scara now, shifting to curl his legs under him.

That- yeah, that sounds nice.. especially since it’s from you, ha-

"I guess I have to come up with a cool design then..."

The stalkers put the idea into my head a while back, actually..

"Have any idea what kind you'd like?"

[ Cyrille gets a few small kisses to the side of his head. ]

That's not a lot of pressure at all, just a permanent decision to mark himself with something of Cyrille...

All just hypothetical, though.

"What would represent me, though?"

[ He glances up at the ceiling for a moment, now partially lost in thought. He has a few ideas, but… hmm. ]

What are things that are just his?

Unless it’s their blood. That’d be nice.

Why am I actually stuck on this-

He doesn't want to use any of his tinkering stuff, since he doesn't want to reinforce Scara's idea that he's not a person...

Or something, I dunno. Oh wait maybe blue hydrangeas tooo- hmmm.

"Don't flower arrangements also help specify with how they overlap? I could do a little bundle of different flowers."

Give me like, ten minutes and I could probably find one.

And he personally thinks it would look sick as hell.

He takes a moment to slightly tilt his head to try and get a better look at Cyrille’s eyes. They’re more grey than the actual blue of the flora mentioned(which he still likes anyways), but they definitely still could do something with the color.. ]

"So... sleeve. Gotcha. I'll have to find a reference book to make sure I know what all the flowers look like... Write me a list or something and I'll work on it."

[ Amusement. ]

"I'll finish polishing off the arm itself while you get that list."

..thanks for offering the tattoo thing, though. It’s sweet that you want to do that for me. And the arm as well, but I think I said that already.

It feels good to have so many personal projects, even if they're all for Scara. Feels like he's earning all the money spent on him.

If you even remotely wear yourself out with all these projects do know I Will Get You.

Pretty sure there’s a space where the gnosis should- would. Would have gone, had I kept it. Could probably put it there?

It would be easier if he could see the space, but he's not gonna ask Scara for that. He remembers how hard it was on him to just fix his hand, and they're going to have to deal with replacing his arm soon... Best to minimize that stress.

[ He shrugs nonchalantly. ]

"Do you want it to look like an actual human heart, by the way? I know it's not going to be visible when it's installed, but it's also going to be yours, so I want to know what you think."

I mean, I would be able to see it if I wanted to, right?

If needed or wanted, I could try to recall some of the studies written on me during- well, both instances, but I remember one better than the other. Since I don’t think I’ve actually told you much about me in that regard, and I know minimal.

"I'm good at working with minimal information anyway, I'll make it work."

Okay, but still let me know if you need anything else from me. Both when it comes to helping with that stuff, and in general.

Only if absolutely necessary.

Cyrille’s such a sweet and good person. He loves him. ]

Riight- was going to mention earlier, but forgot. I’m gonna be heading out for maybe a day or two, once Kazuha and Wanderer seem alright-ish.

He steals a couple more kisses, since he won't see him for a bit later.

[ He shrugs, returning a few of the kisses. ]

[ Now if he can just find that one anon message.. ]

"Which problem?"

If that's supposed to make him stop trying to think or worry about it, it's not working.

Don’t worry, I promise it’s nothing bad! Besides, I won’t be leaving until we’re sure Kazuha’s okay enough.

"...he's already out of immediate danger, and as long as he eats and rests he'll be fine."

[ A small smile at the thought of the kid. ]

Well, since Kazuha’s good enough, I’ll leave tomorrow, probably. Anything you want me to fetch while I’m out?

..can I ask you something?

"Yeah?"

"We've had this conversation before. Where's this coming from?"

Then I’m a good person to you?

Then what about you?

Still, I'm just as much of a selfish bastard. And I would certainly be a worse person if I wasn't restrained by my own body.

Just to be sure. ]

"I've certainly dedicated a lot of time an energy to helping you, with the sleeves and your hand, and now your arm and heart."

[ A slow blink to him. ]

Not as cruel as he himself is, anyways. ]

..Sooo, in order not to violate that promise I madeeee, decided I wanted to tell you about it. If that’s okay.

"Go on."

..sooo. Remember when I told you that during my first coma, that static lady would like- impersonate Dottore as a presumed- torture method? Study- okay whatever, I did tell you that, right?

Oh he's not going to like this at all, is he?

..so what if I told you that Chero did the exact same thing Rhea did- the, uh, impersonation. But he didn’t copy Dottore this time around.

[ The doll is gently squeezed. ]

His face stays neutral for now. When he gets upset, Scara gets upset, and it turns into a whole feedback loop... That can wait until after.

..right after one of those times was- the last dream we saw each other in.

"...sorry about the things I said back in the dreams."

I already said I wasn’t upset at you anymore for that, right? You had the right to be upset to that degree.

"So what... what did he do? As me?"

I don’t- mm. Not sure if you’d want to actually.. know the specification. Will probably be triggering for you.

And because, really, it's his fault Chero could use his face against him in the first place.

[ … ]

You know that. Stop being stupid. ]

"Fine, it's fine. You don't have to tell me more."

[ Hand now remaining in the spot it kept hitting at, he now looks a bit- no, understatement, relatively worried while tilting his head at Cyrille a bit as if trying to read his face. Still looks normal to him, so he has to- he’ll be fine. ]

"I'm sure. You don't have to force yourself."

The conversation we had before my brother came back also reminded me of that. And it also technically still stands, what I said.

His voice is firm, almost stern.

Because I did say that right.

"I'm sorry that I was used against you."

If it weren’t you, he would’ve just gone for my brother. If not, then Hina, and the list goes on… nothing you could’ve done.

And I’m not mad at you for it, either.

Whether I can control myself when I'm angry or not, I was still just like my father.

Or- is there something you think I should be mad at you for? Genuine question.

"...no."

…you would tell me if that were to change, right?

My self-destructive streak would have me put my own foot in my mouth for sure.

Why does his chest hurt- he didn’t even use any excess stuff, what was his body’s problem. ]

He is in fact so puzzled that he brushes the other thoughts away for now as he tries to figure out what's going on in Scara's head.

Sorry if that was mean. My- something is wrong and I cannot tell what right now.

That's more important.

It’s faded by now anyways- it might’ve just been some phantom pain.

What, something wrong with him? Nothing's wrong. Everything's fine and normal.

Thouughh.. he may just be acting paranoid again. Guh. Agony. ]

Which is true!

..yeah. Sorry.

Just give him a little time to like, mentally prepare to say these things out loud.

He very subtly holds Cyrille closer to him, as if worried he was going to vanish in an instant. ]

..take your time. Sorry in advance if I act up.

There, short version. Blegh. His mouth is dry.

[ In fact, the other has actually done enough as is, in his eyes. ]

That's why he didn't want to say it out loud, it's embarrassing.

..listen, Cyrille, you still being here with me is enough “repayment” as is. You may think otherwise, and that’s fine, you’re entitled to your own views, but I still wanna put mine out there.

It's easier as an arguement... which is probably bad, eugh.

I can leave whenever, can’t I? If I genuinely had a problem living with you here, would I have even stayed at all after Hina showed?

[ Besides, it’s his fault they’re still stuck here. ]

He says it nonchalantly, so it's hard to tell how serious he is.

{And as long as you don’t do that to me again.}

Hell, maybe meeting me was karma getting back at you at this point.

It’s slightly uncomfortable for him, but he doesn’t care anymore. ]

"...was the Chero thing the only thing you needed to talk to me about?"

I think I’m good now. Anything you need or want to tell me?

"No, I don't think so. But, if there's nothing else you needed to say, was there something you wanted to say?"

..noooo? Nothing really worth bringing up- not now, at least. You sure on your answer?

"Oh, wait, actually, about your new arm. I was wondering if you wanted anything extra added to it or if you just want a normal one? I mean, I'm already gonna make sure it can channel your electro, of course, but beyond that."

[ A smile. ]

He is leaning his whole weight against Scara now, shifting to curl his legs under him.

That- yeah, that sounds nice.. especially since it’s from you, ha-

"I guess I have to come up with a cool design then..."

The stalkers put the idea into my head a while back, actually..

"Have any idea what kind you'd like?"

[ Cyrille gets a few small kisses to the side of his head. ]

That's not a lot of pressure at all, just a permanent decision to mark himself with something of Cyrille...

All just hypothetical, though.

"What would represent me, though?"

[ He glances up at the ceiling for a moment, now partially lost in thought. He has a few ideas, but… hmm. ]

What are things that are just his?

Unless it’s their blood. That’d be nice.

Why am I actually stuck on this-

He doesn't want to use any of his tinkering stuff, since he doesn't want to reinforce Scara's idea that he's not a person...

Or something, I dunno. Oh wait maybe blue hydrangeas tooo- hmmm.

"Don't flower arrangements also help specify with how they overlap? I could do a little bundle of different flowers."

Give me like, ten minutes and I could probably find one.

And he personally thinks it would look sick as hell.

He takes a moment to slightly tilt his head to try and get a better look at Cyrille’s eyes. They’re more grey than the actual blue of the flora mentioned(which he still likes anyways), but they definitely still could do something with the color.. ]

"So... sleeve. Gotcha. I'll have to find a reference book to make sure I know what all the flowers look like... Write me a list or something and I'll work on it."

[ Amusement. ]

"I'll finish polishing off the arm itself while you get that list."

..thanks for offering the tattoo thing, though. It’s sweet that you want to do that for me. And the arm as well, but I think I said that already.

It feels good to have so many personal projects, even if they're all for Scara. Feels like he's earning all the money spent on him.

If you even remotely wear yourself out with all these projects do know I Will Get You.

Pretty sure there’s a space where the gnosis should- would. Would have gone, had I kept it. Could probably put it there?

It would be easier if he could see the space, but he's not gonna ask Scara for that. He remembers how hard it was on him to just fix his hand, and they're going to have to deal with replacing his arm soon... Best to minimize that stress.

[ He shrugs nonchalantly. ]

"Do you want it to look like an actual human heart, by the way? I know it's not going to be visible when it's installed, but it's also going to be yours, so I want to know what you think."

I mean, I would be able to see it if I wanted to, right?

If needed or wanted, I could try to recall some of the studies written on me during- well, both instances, but I remember one better than the other. Since I don’t think I’ve actually told you much about me in that regard, and I know minimal.

"I'm good at working with minimal information anyway, I'll make it work."

Okay, but still let me know if you need anything else from me. Both when it comes to helping with that stuff, and in general.

Only if absolutely necessary.

Cyrille’s such a sweet and good person. He loves him. ]

Riight- was going to mention earlier, but forgot. I’m gonna be heading out for maybe a day or two, once Kazuha and Wanderer seem alright-ish.