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I don't hate my mom

I hate when she screams so loud that I can't sleep for days

I hate that she told me all the pain she felt was my fault when I was only 12

I hate how I spent all of my sister's birthday with her alone because she couldn't get out of bed that day. 

I hate how she made me go see if her husband was lying to her, then told me to confront him with my 10 y/o sister with me

I hate how I dont even remember disney world, but I do remember all the screaming, sleepless nights, and never-ending car rides. 

I hate when I lay in my bed focusing on listening because I cant tell if its her screaming, or the television playing 

I hate her screaming at me because I wouldn't involve my sister in her fights between her and dad. 

I hate her telling me that I needed to take care of the house because her husband hates her and is the biggest mistake she's ever made

I hate waking up and the first thing I hear is “You need to take your mom to Urgent Care. When I try she tells me to fuck off”

I hate being the messenger between my parents when their fighting

I hate sitting on the laundry room floor when my mom is sobbing about how her husband plugged her, came home, took a shower then left and is getting drunk, then she's gonna have to deal with the consequences.

I hate how I remember walking in on her doing drugs in my grandma's house, but don't remember any of the family trips we took

I hate how she moved from house to house, man to man, and all of them traumatised me, all in different ways

I hate how I don't have any memories before the age of 10

I hate that I am so scared of romantic relationships because I am so scared of becoming her

I hate that the first time I cut myslef was because she told me I am a failure and that she doesn't want to see my face in this house.

I hate when she tells me she does the things that she does is because she loves me

I hate how I remember sitting in the car crying telling my mom not to kill herself, while she's screaming about how she wishes she was dead, and when were getting home she's going to get her gun, and for me to take my 5 y/o sister and leave so we don't have to see. 

I hate when she hugs me because it makes me want to puke because i don like when she is affectionate with me

I hate that when I look at myself in the mirror I see her features in me.

I hate that i have good days with her

I hate it when she buys me my favourite candy

I hate when I play a song and she says “We raised you right”

I hate that she is proud of me because of how well I take care of others

I hate that she makes my favourite banana bread

I hate that she taught me my favourite jerky flavor

I hate it that she makes me art for my room

I hate it that she supports me in my decisions

I hate it that she lets me have independence

I hate it that she helps me clean up my messes

I hate it that she helps my dye my hair

I hate it that she buys me my favourite coffee

I hate it that she visits me to work, and makes me lunch

I hate that she asks me about my days

I don't hate my mom

I just hate how she raised her daughter.

I have read many stories .

Some of the great heroes and gods.

Some of love, and peace.

Some of great adventures and friendships.

But the best stories I ever read were tragities.

Wariors fighting to save lives. Only to realize they were killing innocents who just wanted to go home.

Heros fighting the villain only to realize they became one.

A man trying to protect his love, just to be betrayed.

A daughter fighting addiction for so long just to relapse and overdose.

A son struggling with his mental health, asking for help, being told to "deal with it like a man," later telling his dad he's going hunting, with only 1 bullet in his gun.

A brother is not even able to take a shower because it means he has to look in the mirror at the thing he hates the most in this world.

A sister sitting in the bathtub with blood running down her thighs and arms, wishing she could take it all back. 

Tragedies are the best stories because they show what life is like when you look beyond the veil of silver.

Tragities are the truth of mankind.

And only poets who write Tragities.

Have experienced Tragedies themselves.

youtube, reddit, spotify, discord, and multiple popular platforms (thankfully not tumblr yet) are forcing or going to force users to give id, facial identification, or ALL PERSONAL INFORMATION to prove those who watch "kids" shit (the kids shit thing is yt specific) are adults. ALSO gay and just LGBTQIA++ content on youtube, discord (i know discord isnt showing it but a friend of mine irl got banned for having gay in their discord account bio/description) are getting banned. these platforms want your info and want to censor the LGBTQIA++ community. we can no longer let shit like this happen.

this video describes it better than i do, so you should probably watch it if you want to learn more : https://youtu.be/9L9Bzu9aca8?si=y4Q2yARIuhVkgZb1

if youve seen my other post, you can no longer make a google acount if you have no phone number, so if youre like me, no phone only computer, you are fucked over.

tagging everyone. i need everyone to see this bullshit while its still new

@buggz-owlz @thatacefrog @seththeaxeanon @zippyskyfalls @where-the-fuck-am-i-now @literallylink--who-tf-is-ravioli @rxravxmp @lilithofthevaalley

umm i'll also tag some other people