Trans Agenda Advocate

But today… today I am seven years sober. I will celebrate it working, I’ll eat some boxed macaroni and cheese for dinner because that's what's in the budget, I’ll try not to drink and I’ll rewatch a marvel movie for the literal 100th time while waiting for my husband to get home from work around 9. Its really just some other day. And in some ways, its even harder than the others. Some years, its even harder than the hardest days. Memory can be a cudgel. I am bludgeoned by what happened almost daily. There are good days. There are days it is downright easy to not drink.

But there are three things in life that I have consistently done for the last 2,557 days, and that is breathe,not drink, and think about drinking. That's it. I’m really bad at forming good habits, and after 7 years, I’m still not convinced this one will stick.

You can call it a defeatist attitude. You can say things like “if you act like its inevitable it is” but what i say to you is I’m gonna stay taking it one nearly impossible day at time.

Some of the hardest days I have faced were in the last few years, some in the last handful of months. Maybe its the pandemic, maybe its my broken brain, maybe its just the way my operating system works. Constantly craving… everything.

But my promise to my husband, my family (chosen and given), and myself is this. That I will continue to take it one day at a time, with them in mind.