Ask a Lady Gamer

We're back in town, and surprise surprise, the next town has a Ring. Seems I'll be going and meeting with the King, and attempting to convince him to hand over the next plot coupon his signet.

I'm sure he will be /very/ open to negotiations for it. After all, he's nothing like Tsarkon, right?

Good advice. Some I intend to heed, as I don't want to have to deal with this

especially given that I'm going to be running into new, nastier forms of walking death. So, let's just ask around, an-

Oh! Well, here we go then!

And with that, we're all done here in Wyclif. Time to say goodbyes, and get while the getting is good.

Up ahead, we can see a winding maze through the mountains. We'll be back here in a while, I imagine.  But for now, onward!

A few battles along the way, mostly Dog Kobolds, but after a relatively short trek, we arrive at the gates of the city of Parma, which is positively huge compared to our humble little home.

Now, let's do the most important thing for when one visits a big city.

Here we see one of the things that makes this game stand out: It has a variety of differing perspectives used, and several different styles of play, depending on what you're doing. Towns are top down, and are based pretty much entirely on menu-based talking.

Out in the big bad world, however, we are treated to glorious first person 3D, circa 1990. Thankfully, I acquired a map before heading out, so we shall be able to find our way about the area with little fuss.

I say little fuss, because as in many RPGs, random encounters are a constant threat. Here, the game shifts once again, to a top down, actiony battlefield. No turn based sword swings then monster takes damage despite being on the other side of the screen silliness here. You, yourself, charge in and deliver the killing blows! Here you see eight of one of the more common early foes: the Blue Jelly. A little bit of a punch, what with my lack of armor, but they go down in one hit.

And its slightly weaker cousin, the Green Slime, lowest of the low. Even without armor, these only do a measly point of damage per hit, and are slain by any sword swipe. Note the beating I took being surrounded by Jellies.

Out in the field (and in dungeons, as well), there's the occasional treasure chest, sometimes filled with... well, a variety of useful things. In this case, a bit of a leap towards buying armor. Or, for now... a better shield.

My, my. What a dreadfully dark little cave! This will not do.

Ah, now I can s-

EXCUSE ME!

Ah! That little interruption proved beneficial after all! And here we see the level up screen, after some delightful fanfare. Two levels down, twenty nine to go!

Ah, much better. Now we see just how truly tiny Peak Cave is. This won't take long at all!

Lousy Dog Kobolds and Skeletons! I SAID this won't take long at-

Oh!

I assure you, I'm worth the wait.

Rings gotten: 1/8 Levels gained: 2/31 Monsters seen: 4/50 Dead fathers: 2/2

And we're out! Just a little bit more in the way of coin, and I can get Bronze Armor.

[Shameless grinding for loot and XP follows]

I think that's enough grinding for now. Now that we're properly equipped for bigger and brighter things, let's save. Yes, even though I can just save via the emulator.

Don't question it!

And now? We're ready to leave our home region, and move north!

Wyclif, perhaps we shall return some day, but for now, farewell!

So, let's get things started. A quick stroll through the town reveals that every building is closed save for one. We are unarmed and unarmored, so leaving town isn't exactly an option. And as we speak to people around town, well...

Nothing to do but go and see Father during his last moments.

Things are looking rather grim.

What's this, then? If you aren't, then who is?

Casual reminder that I'm stuck playing a ma- Wait a minute... I'm the son of a King...

I'm a prince~!

(Focus, Rarity. Exposition is happening!)

And with that,  Blade the Brave, my father for the last 18 years, passes. After dropping a serious life-changing deathbed speech.

I, Prince(ss) Rarity, am destined to SAVE THE WORLD.

Tsarkon is going to pay. (Thirty levels from now)

But first, I've got to head to this cave, and find this ring. Now, where might I fi-

Ah! Brilliant! No stumbling my way through the wilderness this time! That ring is as good as mine!

Now, Blade left me 200 kims (the currency in this game. Odd name, that.) to equip myself. That's not going to get much, but as villagers around town are happy to inform me, there is plenty of evil (random encounters) around town to test my blade and fill my purse with (grind for xp and cash)

After a brief shopping trip, I am left penniless, but much better prepared for the journey ahead.

100 for the sword, fifty for the shield. Armor is 200 for leather, or 400 for bronze... obviously, not something I can afford. Fun fact: It is entirely possible to spend your starting funds on leather armor, and essentially screw yourself right off the bat (no sword means no killing monsters, means no easy way to acquire funds, means no way of buying sword).

Don't forget to equip your gear!

And last but not least, three candles and an herb. Got to be prepared to make it through the cave, after all, and there's no sense in stumbling around in the dark!

With that, we're off, and onto the world map!

Eighteen years ago, the evil King Tsarkon of Cartahena invaded Excalabria, destroying the fertile fields and peaceful folk of that once prosperous land. When King Erik of Excalabria saw that he could do nothing to stop the hordes that stormed his castle walls, he ordered his bravest knight, Blade, to escape with his infant and raise him far from the land of his birth.

Blade journeyed far, at last settling in the isolated village of Wyclif. There he raised the prince, never telling him of his royal heritage. Eighteen years passed, and the young prince grew into a strong, skillful warrior. On the day of Blade's death, the prince learned of his true identity. He vowed to fulfill his destiny, and avenge his father...

No more dreadful wrestlemen and their antics. Rainbow Dash, your suggestion was bad, and you should feel bad.

Today's game is actually one of my long time favorites, an old action RPG for the Sega Genesis. Sadly, I am not going to be playing it by way of an actual Genesis, as mine gave up the ghost long ago. But, on the bright side... emulation makes it much easier to show what I'm doing.

Let's get to it.

Ah, memories of adolescence. I must warn you, the glasses I am wearing are most certainly fitted for nostalgia, particularly with this game.

Welcome to Sword of Vermilion! No demo screen here, simply a repeat of the intro (with the lovely music and thunderbolt), so let's dive right in.

First thing's first... name entry! Such a classy looking screen, and just enough room to input the name of yours truly. I may be forced to be male in this game, but at least I can use my own name.

And we have our backstory. Rival kingdoms, daring escapes, and a destined fight against an evil overlord! Delightful, no?

And we start things off at the entrance to the village of Wyclif, my home. First thing's first, though...

Remember when this blog updated? Yeah, those were good days.

I regret to inform people that I will not be continuing the LP of Homestar Ruiner. I had pretty much lost all motivation for that particular LP even before the move, and moving cross country and getting a job pretty much killed any remaining desire to go through a point and click adventure as an LP.

I do have some other games that will be better suited to playing, that I actually want to do. Sorry to those who enjoyed Rarity's reactions to Strong Bad and co, I was just kinda... not feeling it.

Updates will likely still be sporadic, as I work close to full time, but I'll start putting something up, just to keep this blog somewhat active, as opposed to just opening up tumblr and closing it immediately.

Like playing a video game inside a video game. Wait, did I say productive? I clearly didn't mean it.

... Actually, that does sound productive. Let's do this.

A charming little logo. Videlectrix seems a quaint little company. Decidedly retro. Or perhaps even retraux.

Now I am curious as to the fourth entry in this series. Any game in which punching snakes is the goal is one I can get behind.

Fairly simplistic. I appear to do battle against a never ending hoard of color changing snakes (the color change, naturally, denoting a power increase). The snakes get faster, and develop a nastier bite, so eventually it only takes one or two bites to knock you down.

Meanwhile, Strong Bad spouts assorted nonsense as you punch the daylights out of venomous cobras. That aside, it's an enjoyable game.

A snake pinata filled with snakes? That would be a terrible idea.

Around here it got to the point that just a rapid series of punches seemed the best tactic, as opposed to the duck and move from earlier snakes. Difficulty spikes early on? Definitely capturing that retro feel.

Not even a little bit, Mr. Bad.

Sadly, the next snake put me in the grave, taking my remaining falls in short order.

I detect a second subquest. One that is decidedly more agreeable than that Teen Girl Squad snuff comic.

So Strong Bad has managed to murder off two of the girls in rather ludicrous ways. I fear for poor What's Her Face and The Ugly One.

Awww, how sweet. Propositioning the basketball player with... a basketball.

Why are you grabbing her by the head? Grab the ball!

Why would you... what even...

Alright. Let's see how Strong Bad kills off What's Her Face, so we can be done with this atrocious little comic.

Smooth. Clearly, this can only end well.

What an... odd rejection. And a bit TMI.

WHY

WHY WOULD YOU DRAW THIS?

Thank Celestia. That was absolutely horrible.

You are a sadist, Mr. Bad.

Fried... chicken... pizza... bender.

This explains so very much, and yet raises more questions.

Oh no... don't tell me...

I've got to track down those horrific ideas he had so he can make another, more brutal comic?

This is my first sidequest?

This is my first bloody sidequest?

Are you kidding me, game? You have got to be joking!

That may be the dumbest thing I have ever read.

And I just watched a girl get mauled to death by rats who (apparently) love metal.

Darling, you hardly need to add product to your hair. You're about the only one of the group whose hair is even remotely stylish.

That is... an interesting choice for a scene transition.

Such... loving attention to sweat and armpit hair. Bravo, Mr. Bad.

I can think of several things that are much more impress-

...

This bedroom is absolutely horrid. 

Which means I must have found the room belonging to our rather prickly avatar for this endeavor. Wonderful.

Look at this. Look at this filth. This is a travesty. And the worst part is, if my previous experience with gaming says anything, is that I will be forced to spend quite a lot of time in this room.

Why must I be punished so?

What... why would... how do you...

What even...

Why?

Let's immediately move away from that other side of the room before I begin tearing my mane out. We've a rather messy table, cluttered with... art supplies?

Well, paper and pencils, at least. Could it be that our dear Strong Bad actually has a redeeming quality or two? Could he perhaps be... creative?

'Teen Girl Squad', hmm? Strong Bad creates a comic! Wahaha! I knew he couldn't be all... er... bad.

This warrants investigation.

Crude, perhaps, but let us not judge too hastily. He is somehow doing this while wearing boxing gloves.

What is this obsession with po' boys? And what is with these horrible names? So and so? What's her face? The Ugly One?!

I have a bad feeling about this.

The voice acting is... endearing, I suppose. As is the stick figure drawing and animation.

I am going to assume that these four are the aforementioned Teen Girl Squad. And their goal is to... hook up with 'cute boypieces'.

Not exactly the most noble of ambitions, but they are young, so I'll forgive them.

Alright, so the Cheerleader has an oddly charming ringtone to her phone. One that attracts rats. This can only end well.

Strong Bad is getting a little sloppy here. He appears to have left this poor girl with but a single leg. And an unfortunate inability to spell.

...wha

As we continue along, moving from the assorted musical tastes of the Strongs, we find further evidence that Strong Bad is, in fact, a terrible person. I can't imagine that a battery is what a growing... grey... elephant person...

What exactly is Strong Sad anyway?

I was going somewhere with that, but I lost my train of thought. Must not have been very important, I suppose.

And speaking of unimportant: Monsieur Bad has some... interesting ideas. I am uncertain just what might possess any volleyball team, female or otherwise, to pass by this house. I am even less sure just what he thinks they might see if he flexes. Even I have more definition than this pale would be wrestle-man.

Oh, yes. Let us fondly regard that bush. And... that other bush. The only interesting thing I see from this view is a tacky rug, and two wall hangings that I am certain I am going to regret if I read them.

Why... why would you hang something specifically aimed at threatening a member of the household? Why?

Called it. I regret looking at this wall immensely.

The next thing to catch my eye is a CD player sitting atop a keg of something calling itself 'melonade'. I can't imagine the combination of citric acid and whatever metal the container is made of to be all that healthy... but then, I suppose it could be worse. It could be plastic.

... and apparently it's a non-issue, as that no-necked behemoth apparently will finish one of these off single-handedly.

This house frightens me.

Against my better judgement, I think I'll investigate the musical choices of the household.

I am very glad I grew out of that phase. For the most part.

Another reference to the mysterious 'Coach Z'. Apparently he is a would-be rapper. We're getting slightly better here.

And Strong Bad once again shows a decided lack of class or sophistication. But then, who in this dreadful home would enjoy such fine th-

...