Hoping...

It's scary feeling your sanity seep right through your fingers.

I think the most toxic relationship i have is with myself. When i look at the mirror the only thing I can think is "ew, why do you look like that" "you disgust me" "i hate you" "why can't you be better" but then somewhere along the endless days of being sleep deprived and no human affection, I'll feel attractive, in a twisted way; in a way that makes my voice sound like honey, trying to trap you, trying to see how much I can play with your mind.

I hate the way i feel. I can't mentally deal being around people much yet i crave that unbreakable bond between genuine friends. It sucks.

I run and run and run, No matter how far away I try to get, I'm still in the same place I was before.

That empty feeling haunts me reminding me of the happiness I once had but now feels like a far away dream.

People don't actually like me. They only want to heal, once they do they leave. They always leave.

Don't ask me what's wrong with me because not even I know.

Why do you always come to my side when I'm about to get over you?

I'm so tired.

I often wonder what my life would've been if you had chosen me.

My days blend together yet I constantly look at the clock, quietly changing ever so slowly. As I desperately await the moment I can be back in bed tucked safely and the pressure of my age no longer torments me.

I don't want to imagine a life without you.

I'm having a really hard time just existing. I don't know how long I can do this anymore.

I want to call for help, but who will answer me?

When I tell you that you shouldn't love me, I'm not saying it because I don't want you, I say it because I do. All I want is for you to be happy and I know I'll just hurt you. So, please don't love me.

I still have nightmares. Nightmares from the past that still haunt me.