The States summarized (for non-US people)
Alabama: Incest joke capital of the world
Alaska: We produced Sarah Palin we know we're sorry
Arizona: The inevitable heat death will end our misery soon
Arkansas: Our state is beautiful but our politicians are just fucking awful also meth
California: It's too big full of traffic rich people and every wannabe actor ever also HEAT
Colorado: Mountains and weed. So much weed. Blaze it.
Connecticut: Where old white people go to die
Delaware: WE WERE THE FIRST STATE and then we peaked
Florida: We know "penis of America" is a joke but by golly we are gonna live up to it
Georgia: We film movies here now. Also peaches.
Hawaii: Becoming a tourist trap and losing our culture was such a great trade.
Idaho: Potatoes. Puns. Neo-Nazis. Yup.
Illinois: Thank god for Chicago or we'd be bumfuck nowhere
Indiana: Cars! Trains! Forests! please ignore the Klan running this place in the '20s
Kansas: The buckle on the Bible Belt.
Kentucky: Every terrible southern stereotype lives here. And horses.
Lousiana: YEAH N'AWLINS BAYOU SHRIMP COOKING MARDI GRAS what do you mean the rest of the state is a dump that hasn't recovered from Katrina
Maine: So much goddamn lobster also nightmares born here
Maryland: Are we hicks? Are we Yanks? No safe answer exists
Massachusetts: We have the biggest IQ divide of any state
Michigan: Help us we're dying
Minnesota: Bring up the accent one more friggin time why dontcha.
Mississippi: Look! Poverty.
Montana: Ever seen a cowboy movie? That but depressing
Nevada: VIVA LAS VEGAS god there is so much fucking desert
New Hampshire: Presidents care about us once every four years. Jokes on them- we're libertarians.
New Jersey: Great beaches! Fucking awful people.
New Mexico: Are we Americans? Are we racists? Red or Green?
New York: Bada-boom ignore the urine smell we're amazing
North Carolina: Voted Romney and Trump but hey we made Michael Jordan
North Dakota: YES WE KNOW ABOUT FARGO
Ohio: Our lake got set on fire.
Oklahoma: Yes there was a musical but also okra and terrorism
Oregon: Can the Californians please leave our hippie commune why is it so white here
Pennsylvania: We have two amazing cities and the rest is shit. Also Hershey's chocolate and the Amish.
Rhode Island: We're not even an island and that's not even the worst thing we've done
South Carolina: We sell fireworks. Also Stephen Colbert. YOU'RE WELCOME.
South Dakota: Home of the unfinished President Heads.
Tennessee: We made Elvis, whiskey, dry counties and crime
Texas: We're like five different states in one and it's only safe to be gay and non-white in a couple of them
Utah: Hey buddy! Wanna join our cult? Yes I'm on Grindr stop judging me.
Vermont: Syrup, cheese, and Ben & Jerry's. Truly the Hufflepuff of America.
Virginia: Named after a virgin but man are we fucked
Washington: Inventors of coffee, grunge, and weather-induced suicide
West Virginia: Okay, the REAL incest capital of America
Wisconsin: Home of cheese and the best footb- wait, what do you mean California makes more cheese than us
Wyoming: Guys? Hello? We're over here! We invented equality but we still vote Republican! Guys?
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