that bfrb feel

I know and it’s not healing like it was, like it should be Something’s wrong and I’m all blue green red purple and this fever needs to break, I showered today, I brushed my teeth, it all hurt, I’m embarrassed, I don’t understand But I’m okay, I am, and i acknowledge that I’m having an episode right now, I’m Not sure what kind, but I also know that my skin at this point is a separate concern, I just need to keep my wounds clean, continue to avoid scratching & keep sanitizing my fingernails, I’m fine I’m fine I really am though like Wow, I’m so sorry this is humiliating I’ve been feeling so lonely lately, I’m losing my grip, I’m sorry

Lets keep a count… Monday: x2 picks (not bad… i want to do better though…)

You are not alone in this. You are loved by so many.

- Dermatillomania Diary, A.U. (via reinne)

If you ever question if recovery from Dermatillomania is possible, I want you to know it is. There is no pill, cure, or one set strategy to begin unraveling this disorder. Two years after my therapy with Karen Pickett ended, I’m still exposing my clear legs and don’t take the opportunity I got to be on “The Doctors” to get help for granted. I’m waiting to get Karen’s part of our book EMBRACING DERMATILLOMANIA: My Skin Picking Recovery completed so I can finish the 3rd draft have it ready for an editor shortly after. This book outlines my therapy process and will include observations from Karen as we move through the sessions. I can’t wait to get this out there to be a guide in helping others who are looking how to reduce or eliminate their skin picking. :)

And if people make comments about my skin, I will do my best to remember that that reflects poorly on them not on me. I will try to remember that even though their words hurt there are people who think I am beautiful and perfect even with all my spots and scabs and cuts and scars. It’s really really hard but I will try to believe the words of those who care about me over the words of strangers who feel a need to comment on my appearance. And I truly, truly hope that you can too <3

Yesterday was the first time in a very long while that I accepted my face for what it was. My dermatillomania had been at its worst recently. My cheek and nose was covered in red spots. I thought they’d never go away. They’re finally starting to clear up. Yesterday was also the first time I put makeup on since my derma worsened. I didn’t put foundation on, or anything for that matter on my skin. I did my eyes and lips, and I felt cute! I started to realize that you don’t have to have flawless skin to look pretty. I focused on how pretty my eyes actually were. I guess that’s one of my best features. :) My skin doesn’t define me. And it’s completely okay to not cover your acne and picked spots. And today I feel confident again. I know the times will come back when I absolutely despise my face, but for now I feel okay. And when I’m feeling hopeless, I’ll remember how I feel now. And realize that the good days will come back and I’ll feel this way again! I’ll try to focus on the positive rather than the negative about myself from now on. I’m beautiful. As I type this, that one part of me says “no, you’re not.”. But that’s okay, one day I’ll believe it fully if I have to repeat it everyday. Because there is no one else like me. I am one of a kind and I’m thankful for that. Today, I accept myself.

David Levithan, Every Day (via pickingprincess)