A Disappointing Lack of Chill

Well.

Computer updated after I finished writing this (finished!!) so here’s my second go. Might be a little more summarized because I’m a little more pissed.

So it’s prom night and everyone looks great, as expected.

Everyone is super happy except for Kylie, Brooke’s friend.

And also me

They take pics, hang out, yadda yadda, Ash bitches about people using their phones and social media (the horror!)

Georgia mentions Ash doesn’t have a Facebook, which Ash explains is because her parents are “Techno-tards.” I literally don’t even know what she means. Are they… bad at using technology? Are they just party poopers? This is why real words exist!

Yo tho what if this is a mermaid set up. That’d explain the weird ‘strictness’ (I don’t see it, but the author seems to love informed traits, so they’re supposed to be seen as strict I guess) and not understanding modern tech. They totally could be former mermaids. I mean, they just as easily could be normal boring people but yanno.

Georgia tells Ash that Kylie had laughed earlier when she called Ash the dance Queen, and was wondering why. Even though most people would just assume it’s spite, I’m guessing there’s going to be some kind of foul play here.

“Everyone I know said they voted for you and I know everyone.”

Yes, because I’m sure everyone was honest, too. Even Brooke’s friends. Poor fucking Brooke whose boyfriend dumped her right before prom. Ya’ll are cold hearted mother fuckers.

But anyway, because Brooke is so mean(!) despite being enormously popular (it’s like these people don’t understand what that word means) she doesn’t deserve to win. And Ash, who doesn’t talk to anyone and is a spiteful little shit, does deserve to win, because reasons.

For some reason (my prom didn’t do this so idk if this is normal) they’re assigned tables and because Callahan bought her ticket late (because he dumped his date! Two weeks before the dance! ONLY ASSHOLES DO THAT) they’re seated separately. But it’s also implied Kylie might have something to do with it because she was on the committee.

Ash also assumes Kylie is trying to seat him next to Brooke, which honestly would just look pathetic on Brooke’s part.

They dance, it’s oodles of romantic, the main plot is nowhere to be seen.

They’re about to kiss, but she gets distracted so he just kisses her cheek. Awk.

I guess this is as good as time as any for Callahan to ask Ash out, ‘cause they totally know each other super well. I mean, I’ve gotten boyfriends knowing just about as much, these are just the weirdest circumstances.

Now to Fin, who is getting stir crazy. His brilliant plan is to escape through the gate, which is totally how he’s going to show everyone he’s worthy of getting one to guard. Breaking the rules is definitely how you prove your worth.

He’s not only not supposed to leave, but he’s supposed to be escorted while he’s out. Definitely not doing anything for his family’s reputation.

He comes out near his house, and just happens to pop up just as Cal and Ash are getting back from the dance. Oh no! And he KISSED her! The indecent horror!

But actually, though, he’s horrified because merpeople live in a nonsensical world.

A kiss for a Natatorian was the most intimate act two merfolk could do

Bahahahahahha yeah sure buddy

…once a mer’s lips touched another’s, they were promised to each other for life as mates.

And get this, it isn’t just shitty social customs.

Through their breath, their souls intertwined, binding them together spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

Wow I totally don’t see ANY way this could be abused.

Also nothing about this isn’t weird. First of all, this is exactly how you get abusive relationships.

Also you’d think there’d be more gay relationships since people can literally be bound by something that simple. Don’t suppose we’ll get any representation…?

This is the main reason why mermaids weren’t allowed out of the kingdom alone.

Um. Wouldn’t it be the same for dudes? Ya nut.

I don’t even get the basis of this other than just for shits and giggles. Evolutionarily it’s stupid as fuck.

But anyway, seeing her with another dude has made him realize he only ever wanted her!!! Despite being like seconds away from getting down with Lily.

We open with Fin, who has just won a goblet of rubies fighting.

Man, if they give one of these out like once a week I can only imagine how worthless rubies have got to be. But he’s happy, and he’s giving it all (except one ruby) to Mom to buy back her wedding ring.

Which actually leaves me with a lot of questions.

Is their dad not paid for his work? Like, how do these families get an income? There’s got to be some method of payment if they can buy better houses and stuff. Afterwards, he goes to pick up Tat.

Once again. Let me say I will give 0 fucks about any problems Fin might have because of the way he views everyone else’s problems.

So Tat is annoyed with mermaid school.

“It seems the only thing mer-matrons care about is beauty—not education or any type of really accomplishment. Their only goal is to teach us how to be a pretty thing for the mermen to enjoy—oh—and to make merlings with. That’s it. And amazingly enough, the maids all seem cool with it, anxious to be paired to the one their parents have picked for them.”

I am really enjoying the fact these ladies are realizing what a crock of shit this all is.

Fin, being the lame ass he is, mostly tunes her out and only jumps in to ask about Lily. His indifference to actual realistic problems is bringing him down so many pegs in my book. Yanno, he and Ash really are perfect for each other because they both suck.

Tat literally gets right in his face and cals him out for being ok with this.

“I know. But what can we do about it? No one seems to care the customs are ancient. I mean, once someone promises, they end up living happily ever after—pretty or not.”

At this, Tat storms the fuck off because that’s rude and insensitive as shit. He doesn’t follow her and instead goes to Badger’s, since the house is right there, but knowing this book I can only imagine some unbelievably shitty thing is going to happen to her.

Badger has to help his wife, so he and Lily are left alone in the same room for a couple minutes. And he literally cannot control himself.

To leave two mers of the opposite sex alone was against Natatorian law. I used to think the temptation to kiss a mermaid was a total myth, never having the opportunity until this moment… I stood up and began to pace, suddenly interested in the trophies on the mantelpiece.

So even if there is a biological magical whatever source to this, this is a disgusting choice on the part of the author. This is a textbook rape culture, the dudes are literally convinced (rightly or not) that they can’t resist a pretty woman. This is just disgusting.

To keep his mind in other places, Fin asks about classes in the castle, since Tat was just ranting about them. Lily says the teachers are all after Tat because their family gets to go on land and she isn’t promised yet, so they want her for their sons.

Which doesn’t exactly explain why they would do things that she quite obviously doesn’t like. Dyeing her hair, for instance. Apparently, though, mentioning going on land is just something that tips Fin over the edge.

Her presence stirred something in me I’d never felt with another mermaid, beyond simple hormones. Most were content to stay underwater and be pretty playthings, unaware a world lived above them. Her adventurous side made her far more attractive than anything else…

It doesn’t seem to occur to him they mermaids think that way because that’s exactly how they’re raised. Just a thought.

Badger and Sandy come back, and Sandy is a little uncomfortable because they were alone in the same room (not even alone in the house) for a couple minutes. Oh no? Given that, the ladies leave. Badger tells Fin that Jack actually ran the army and taught him how to fight, which surprises Fin because I guess Dad literally has not told him anything about being a merman.

Cool.

So back to Ash, who has woken up late for her meet, but Mom totally has everything together. As much as she loves to shit on Mom, Mom totally has her back right now. Like, everything is ready and extra food and all are packed.

Mom drops her off, though, so she can grab the rest of the family to watch together. This is supposed to be a big race and all, but I’m really not feeling it because the entire focus of the last dozen or so chapters has all been this dance. The race has been mentioned, but practices are usually described in summary. She doesn’t work out outside of practice, she hardly even follows a strict diet to help her stay in top shape. The race might be a big deal, but she definitely isn’t portrayed as a serious athlete at all.

So she does her race, and omg! It’s an exact tie! Omg! And also a new record! Omg! This totally doesn’t fall flat because she’s barely worked for it or anything!!

But actually, it does.

The big achievement of all that buildup is this:

Callahan walked toward me, escorted by my whole family. Our eyes met and he smiled, weakening my knees. He looked amazingly sexy and oh so kissable in his baseball hat.

Because why should a woman enjoy her accomplishments for any other reason?

But anyway, that’s too much excitement, because we move back to Fin, who is pissed because Azor wants him to move rocks for a resident. He complains out loud in front of everyone, so Azor puts him in charge of maintenance. I mean, we really can’t blame Azor because he technically is their leader.

Fin seems convinced he should be handed these things directly instead of having to work for them. Ironically, this makes him just as big of a dick as Azor, who thinks he’s hot shit because his dad is King. Well, Fin thinks he deserves the world because his Dad runs a gate. Excuse me while I have literally no pity.

Later, he picks up Tat, who admits she’s pretending to choose Badger’s cousin Dorian because the matrons are hounding her. She doesn’t plan to go through with it, though.

Because Fin is literally the shittiest shit ever, here’s his response:

The mention of Dorian picking a human girl over a mermaid brought Ashlyn to mind.

I guess the plot has just remembered itself, because as Fin is heading off to Fight Club, he remembers Ash.

Also, what happened to going around with Azor? I guess Azor just gave up that easy?  

Anyway, Azor shows up pissed, probably because Mom gave him the business. Apparently he buys into some major polemic against people/

“Man may look like you, he may sound friendly, and he may ever give you the promise of his word, but never forget that his ultimate desire is to kill, destroy, and steal what is rightfully ours. Humans are never to be trusted. We must always remember that they are our enemy!”

I don’t remember Aquaman being this violent in the comics.

But it’s all a little… flat. They aren’t in active combat with humanity. How are they so pumped on this when mankind is entirely unaware of them?

Also, why the fuck do they have swords and shit when humans have missiles and guns? If it’s a fight, I don’t think mermaids will win.

How in the hell did these guys make it past WWII?

Badger lets Fin know that he isn’t patriotic enough, since Azor might have some ammunition against him in that case. But this is totally a utopic society, guys! Super ideal.

Badger casually mentions a rebellion in ’93 that Fin has never heard of (no crime, though!) so he offers to let Fin come over so he can teach him. It’s sort of odd that all this mermaid stuff was left out of homeschooling but ok.

Fin is annoyed because Azor is full of shit and the weapons are useless (THANK YOU). Which makes me wonder why he’s humored anyway, since that’s like… the army, not just playground shit.

So anyway, Badger gets into story time. For some reason, ’93 was meant to refer to 1693. So this mermaid couple guarding a gate heals the town people. They get caught, since blood was the secret healing ingredient, and the whole town gets brain wiped. Rumor has it the two mer people were then made to live as humans.

Also, let me just point out that their sneaking isn’t very good if we know they refer to themselves as mermaids. Just saying.

But anyway that’s a pretty weak rebellion if you ask me.

Also, Fin somehow learns for the first time that they’re the only family gate people that live on land. Which makes very little sense but sure, go ahead. I don’t see how they plan to be aware of humans if they won’t get anywhere near them.

Fin also realizes this means most mer people don’t realize mankind is way more technologically advanced and could kick their asses. Apparently they just assume these things? Which… while this is a good explanation, it just baffles me because people lie Badger clearly interact with humans, since he has a kitchen and like human food. That doesn’t just come from nowhere.

Ah, well, Badger is a human turned mer person, it says. Which… only leads to MORE questions because you have to meet the mer person before they turn you, which implies some interaction. Honestly this is all just bonkers.

But since he’s turned, Badger is treated unfairly and he doesn’t like it.

“And because of it, we be treated like the womenfolk, forced to have the coppers keep an eye on us gits.”

Congrats, I have no sympathy for you anymore.

Badger’s niece Lily shows up, and it’s super awkward because this society has bungled up views on teens and sexuality. Apparently in the ‘courting room’ they have to all stand 6 inches apart. WTF is this society tho

Lily, finally, is the voice of reason and calls out the way they treat mermaids and how freaking weird it is that kids are supposed to be married for life at 18.

It’s a start, but I love her already.

But then it gets awkward because Lily is somehow friends with Colin and Colin is very vocal about wanting to take over the gate. Which strikes me as odd, because that could be assumed as wanting to get close to humans.

The big excitement now is Lily’s second ever trip to see people, which she really enjoyed because of all the stuff she’s never done. Apparently vegetables aren’t a thing down there. Which, while making sense, raises some issues about health and vitamins.

Back to Ash, who is still pretty boring. So boring, in fact, we have to time skip because nothing worth mentioning happens.

Despite remembering she forgot all about her friend, she does NOT go to see Colin the next day, and still hasn’t actually heard from her.

Was Tatchi and Fin never coming home?

Proofreading is important!

She heads over to Georgia’s house that night, where they practice hair and makeup stuff and talk about kissing. Nothing important, once again.

Mom picks her up and rants a little about young women wearing too much makeup and growing up too fast, deflating Ash’s mood a little.

Without even saying hello, I strode past my family and went to my room, slamming the door. I threw myself on my bed and burst into tears. Why did she have to ruin everything?

Oh wow wait what. So, yeah, that happens. Of course we need Dad to save the situation! Yeah, that was a dick move on Mom’s part, but gee. This teenage shit is getting a little silly.

She tells Dad how she feels, Mom overhears from the hall, and explains she was trying to say Ash is beautiful naturally, inside and out. I really can’t say what’s what here because the whole conversation was described in summary. Mom apologizes, though, and says Ash will look beautiful for the dance.

Once again we get a super confusing shift in emotions. When her parents leave, she thinks briefly about Mom being full of shit, but then goes back to thinking about Fin. If this story jerks around anymore I swear I’ll get fucking whiplash.

Now she’s nervous because she isn’t sure if she can kiss Callahan, but would totally kiss Fin or Colin. I’ll summarize this shit but literally I can’t force myself to care anymore.

She finally decides to call Tat, but the chapter closes there. UGhhh

Back in Ash world, things are still incredibly boring. She sees Callahan at school the next day but is literally too excited to function like a normal human being. Unless he specifically preys on unsuspecting girls, this should be a huge turn off for him.

Also, why hasn’t he gotten shit on for being a dick to his ex? That didn’t just go away. Brooke, of course, has not gone away. I think we’re supposed to not like Brooke, because she has found out by now and is reasonably upset. Ash, being the shitty person she is, is more concerned about what Brooke might do rather than how Brooke is probably feeling.

After class, Ash admits she’s having doubts because she doesn’t know why Callahan would want her. Me either. Also, though, she’s worried about whatever revenge Brooke and her friends might have.

At lunch, he sits with them, but Ash is literally so nervous she can’t even talk to him. Honestly, why is she someone we should be interested in? Her friend talks to Callahan throughout the entire lunch period. What could he possibly see in her?

She goes to see Mom after school, and is embarrassed when Mom wants to go shopping with her.

She hoped we’d go together, a mother-daughter bonding moment. I swayed as the last shopping trip came to mind. She’d held up every ugly or too-much-skin revealing outfit and mocked the designed while I tried to blend into a rack of clothes next to me.

Yo if you wanna keep being a little nasty thing I will gladly take Mom off of your hands, because she sounds adorable.

She does feel guilty, though, especially when she has to ask Mom for a nice chunk of change to buy her dress.

Back with Fin, Azor has gotten bored of just stalking, I guess, and shows up at their house. It isn’t awful, I guess, because their mom lets him in, so he’s definitely getting some mixed signals. He calls Mom by her first name, and she goes all fucking business and wants to be called Mrs. Helton. Fucking tell him, girl.

Mom lets Fin and Tat bolt while she keeps Azor to… talk with him, I guess. She said she needed to talk about what’s proper but I hope she’s bringing her big guns cause this could end in a very nasty way strategically.

Blip back to Ash again, and I guess the ball is now 2 weeks away rather than that weekend because why would a book ever need a consistent timeline.

Gran reappears to tell old stories about how Gramps was super uncoordinated and adorable. She then goes out to get a white fox stole to go with Ash’s green dress.

Mmmm… as someone who has been to a dance in the past 5 years I’d have to say that’s a little out of style. But who knows? Lucy certainly seems to think it’s nice.

Lucy’s sallow skin matched her sour expression as her eyes raked over the fur… I held my shoulders up and smiled, enjoying every second of the attention.

Enjoying attention isn’t bad but doing so when you’re knowingly pissing someone else off kind of makes you an asshole.

In the middle of this, she finally remembers Fin and hopes he could see her being super cute with another dude. Which falls a little flat because she’s forgotten about him for the last 6 chapters or so. Not exactly setting up an exciting romance here.

With Fin in mind, she looks over to his house to see Colin using a Slim Jim to break into Fin’s Jeep. Does Colin even have a license? I’m guessing he doesn’t and doesn’t care, but damn. What an idiot.

She decides she really doesn’t like Colin, and if she doesn’t hear from Tat that night she’ll try confronting him again the next day.

Next up, Ash comes back to find a ton of voicemails on her phone from Georgia. Instead of calling back like a good moral person (no, I’m not letting this go) she deletes all the messages and only talks to Georgia when she calls again. Damn man, that many phone calls and you’re going to leave this girl hanging?

But yeah, Georgia just wanted to tell her Callahan asked her for Ash’s number, so Ash just fills her in on the goodies.

She ends the call early because she’s tired, but then goes on to think about how she wants to tell Tat. And, oh yeah, she remembers Tat is still missing. Great friendship, there.

She goes to Tat’s house the next day to see if she can figure something out, but instead runs into Colin, who is of course gorgeous. Of course.

His eyes, deep and cool, sucked me into a watery vortex I wanted to sink into and look at forever.

I had to read this and now give you the pleasure.

Also, apparently mermen have the seducing magic too, because she goes super scatterbrained and can only think about how much she wants him. Or maybe that’s just how she is…?

Nah, but it’s definitely magic because she shrugs it off as soon as he leaves.

She heads off to practice, where Georgia, for whatever reason, is way more excited about the whole date thing than she is. No, like literally jumping around the place and screaming and shit. I’m reading it and just about imagining the most annoying shit in the world.

Ughh and back to Fin. Honestly these chapter switches aren’t the best, because Ash’s story is frankly boring as sin.

On the wall, the world clock said the time was noon in Tahoe. Underneath, an illuminated section highlighted where the sun shone over a replica of the earth with little black dots to show all the fates into Natatoria across the world.

I’m going to rescind my previous criticism of the whole gate thing because I think it’s actually more like a transporter. Which is sort of odd because Natatoria is apparently somewhere slightly under the mantle. Honestly it’s pretty vague so I’m not entirely sure.

But also, going off of this, do they have superior tech? Or is this a magic clock…? We’re left to assume what we want.

Mom is cooking breakfast.

“These burners sure are different,” she said as she flipped pancakes in one pan, and stirred scrambled eggs in another over a sparkling new lava-heated stovetop.

A… what? Lava? What? Huh? Like… geothermal energy? Does this book understand how science works?

Alright so there’s so much dumb shit I can’t give too much time to everything. So Mom has this tattoo right under where her wedding ring would be.

Normally, her diamond wedding ring covered the ink that she said magically appeared shortly after they kissed for the first time.

Uh… well, that’s convenient. Also pretty weird if this isn’t a thing that typically happens in their culture? Like, if that’s what happened when a couple kissed for the first time (which is problematic in its own right) I’m sure that’d be worth mentioning. Are they like… the only couple to ever experience this? If it’s like, ‘true love’ shit, surely someone else must have had it happen.

Which begs the question: if it’s possible to prove who one’s true love is, why the hold up? Why aren’t more people concerned with this tattoo stuff?

Well, Fin isn’t concerned with that, so much as his mother’s missing wedding ring. He puts two and two together and realizes she sold it to buy them nicer digs. Which makes no sense because their entire operation is covered in jewels, so I imagine one dinky little wedding ring isn’t actually going to get you far. That’s basic economics.

Not to mention the prize in hand to hand combat a few days ago was literally a gold goblet filled with rubies. Yeah, seems like that shit is not actually that expensive. Also, that creates a huge problem, because it doesn’t seem like they accept any other currency. Namely, US dollars. Just… just build this damn world, dammit.

Mom is pretty optimistic all of a sudden, and reminds them hard living is necessary because humans are little shits and will want to do experiments on them.

Yeah, I can’t really argue against that.

“Your father is one of the few who has enough street smarts to live close to humans and remain undetected—God protect his soul.”

And….so… Christian mermaids? How does THAT work out? No, really. This is a great chance to explain how mermaids coexist with humans. But that’s cool, just ignore the obvious questions that raises.

But apparently Mom has completely changed her stance on this.

“No crime, love is all around us, people are happy and it’s the most gorgeous scenery ever.”

“Also women are pretty much second class citizens lol.”

On top of this, though, she wants the kids to be more familiar with their culture and make some friends, since they’ll be adults soon. She then mentions dating, since they’ll both have friends to introduce to each other, and Fin is starting to get seriously concerned. I can’t tell if this is supposed to be weird mind control, the result of some threats, or the book realizing its own shit is weird.

Also it’s weird that Mom is so backwards, given she isn’t a native mermaid, and has lived with humans for ages where this shit is soooo not normal. Tat comes in, gets caught up, and argues they can’t really do that because Azor is going to be stalking her to the ends of the earth as soon as she walks out.

Mom tells her she’s overreacting, but also admits part of her plan is to have Fin escort her everywhere. Yeah, that definitely sounds like a safe place. Safe, of course, only for men.

“No mermaid is to be alone with a single merman, period, and he knows that.”

This is such a load of bullshit tho

Back to Fin, who has a nice dinner with Badger and Sandy. Of course, supplies from the mainland are hard to get down there, so Sandy ends up revealing a cousin of theirs lets her come and go, which is super against the law. For some reason this has no effect on Fin and is mostly inconsequential.

Which really makes me wonder how these laws are prosecuted, and why they don’t see secrecy as a big deal. We’ve had a hint of disagreements on how to deal with humans, but this just seems like downright selfishness and carelessness.

On the way back, he runs into Tat who is unescorted for some reason. I mean, just going off of their “too seductive” shit and also the fact that no men seem to have any impulse control. I wouldn’t feel safe alone there, tbh.

She’s pissed because the ladies at the castle dyed her hair and put tattoos (maybe real, maybe not) on her. And those are super legitimate reasons. Why are they allowed to do that? Is it rude to refuse…? It’s really hard to decide how I should feel about this when I don’t know these things. It’s clear she doesn’t like it, but I don’t know what sort of authority overrode her own feelings.

Even though I’d be mad as hell, maybe, over this, Tat lets it go pretty quick. Her bigger concern is their father, who might not actually be back for months. She wants to leave, but Fin doesn’t want to jeopardize his chances of getting to keep their house when he’s finally of age.

Out of nowhere, Azor approaches looking for Tat, but Fin just tells him he hasn’t seen her? I don’t know what the point of that scene was but ok. I mean, we already know he’s creepy mccreeperface

Back to Ash, who is mid phone call with Callahan. He admits he nominated her for the dance court, because he believes it should be more than just a popularity contest.

“The ballot said to nominate someone who they believed represented the ideal student. Someone who’s kind to everyone, of high character, and scholarly. I immediately thought of you.”

Ah, well, so let’s unpack this. This dude who just broke up with his girlfriend days before another dance has been contemplating the moral character of a girl he hardly knows. I mean, judging by her own thoughts and reactions they’ve probably barely even spoken to each other before. That’s pretty strange considering she probably isn’t someone he would naturally encounter.

Not only that, but from our own perspectives we’ve seen Ash is actually pretty douche-y and judgmental, and mostly just pretends to be nice to people while mentally shitting on them.

Because she’s completely blown away by this, he adds that she must be humble as well. I’m starting to think these ideas of moral character are questionable. I definitely wouldn’t count Callahan as a good judge, anyway.

To make this even more awkward, it’s apparently dinner time, and he’s in the middle of asking her. Mom keeps calling for her, and Lucy (her sister we’re only just meeting for some reason) comes up to check on her and is mostly really loud in the process. More out of urgency than anything, Ash agrees to go despite not even having a dress days before. For that matter, who makes these plans with such little time? Is pretty dumb.

At dinner, Mom asks about Tat’s shop being closed, and Ash reminds her they’re pretty unpredictable.

Uh.

Well, it turns out the super secret she’s been talking about this entire is actually… alcoholism. Apparently, a few summers ago Tat’s dad punched through a glass window when Ash asked if she could sleep over. Which… somehow led to this.

While that is obviously wrong, it’s also super weird because there’s no other foundation for that. Also, for the Super Dad we’ve been shown, Jack seems to be capable of doing some quantifiably awful things… not exactly a great role model.

Ash also recalls her mother shrugging off the incident, and when she brings it up her mother doesn’t recall it at all. Is that… just mom, or is that mermaid magic? Sounds like magic, but if Ash still remembers it’s unlikely. Just remembering this upsets her, so she asks to be excused.

Mom scanned my plate and then locked eyes with me. “You’ve barely eaten and your sister is sharing. Once we’re finished, you can be excused.”

“But she’s always talking. She never stops talking!” I stood up and suddenly wanted to throw something. I needed air. “I don’t feel very good.”

And then she runs out and slams the door, with Mom calling after her.

She had a lot of nerve.

This is the exact opposite of good moral character. This is actually super shitty moral character. But since this book loves shitting on Mom, Dad is the one who comes out to console her.

She complains about Mom wanting her to do stuff without asking her first… Which is honestly a really boring problem. Not that being a draconian parent is ok, but like… I’m gonna sound so uncool, but you can’t just be a shit to your parents. When they need help, they shouldn’t have to ask you. Especially when it’s super simple shit like folding t-shirts.

She then tells Dad about the dance, and Dad is pretty chill and does all the lame stereotypical dad shit like asking for background checks, but not like an asshole or anything.

She brings up Tat, and Dad isn’t worried because…? He doesn’t really say why, just that they’ll probably be back and probably had to get an emergency something or other. I don’t know how that makes sense to him but ok.

Back to Fin and Tat, who is once again really upset over her hair. As she should be! Still no explanation of why that’s ok.

Also, it seems like most mer people are removed from the human world, based off a remark about most of them not understanding hashtags. Gee, it isn’t like technology could make your life 100% easier. Shit, man, do they not have cell phones? Underwater tunnels are cool and all, but distance is distance. And this seems like one whole mer kingdom. So how can they disperse like that?

His mom also mentions he should be looking for a wife, even though he barely knows anyone of his kind, let alone girls his age. Apparently he’s more likely to get the job guarding their home with a wife? How does their uncle get by without one, then?

Once again, why is their uncle convinced he can get this gate if he can’t even guard it competently? As in, pretty significant disasters have occurred because of him. What on earth would make him want a job he clearly can’t do? Surely there are more prestigious things to do in mermaid land.

Mom is pretty cool, though, and tells them everything will be alright. She even offers to help Tat get into college because she pretty clearly has no interest in being around there.

Also, in her persuasion, Mom mentions merpeople don’t get sick, barely age, and also live super long lives. Any reason, or just cause magic?

Speaking of which, there’s barely any. Get me some mermaid magic up in this bitch.

So, I’ve been thinking about something that bothers me with this book.

We potentially have two separate stories:

Ash, who suspects all of this stuff and likes Fin.

And Fin, who likes Ash, but has to hide everything from her.

The problem is, when we’re privy to both, it kind of ruins having separate plots. There’s no mystery to it, because we know the truth on both ends, and we know exactly how they feel. There won’t be development, so much as a huge discovery, after which everything will fall into place.

It sort of takes the kick out of it, to pretty much know beforehand.

Anyway, Ash is at swim practice.

Thirty five laps to go to finish my warm-up.

Uh…..

Three miles worth of laps splits into individual medleys and sprints.

Yeah, I’m calling bullshit.

Here’s a fun source!

https://www.muscleprodigy.com/michael-phelps-workout-and-diet/

So Michael Phelps, Olympic champ, swims roughly 7 miles a day at his PEAK.

There’s no way high school swimmers are doing half of that in just their warmup. Buuuuullshit.

I guess that’s the most significant part, though, because the next part starts after practice.

Ash is a little salty because everyone is talking about the Senior Ball, when they have a big swim meet two weeks away. Honestly, though, two weeks is a lot of time. And like, who gives a shit? I bet you have way more meets than you have dances. The horror of people being interested in other things than the protagonist!

The dance did, however, loom in the recesses of my mind, but my fantasies involved Fin as my date and no one else.

Why is this so creepy? It’s totally normal to only have feelings for a single person at a time, but it’s a little weird when it’s a single person you don’t even know that well. I don’t see why we couldn’t just have them hang out as a threesome sometimes. Like, then they would know each other better, and then we wouldn’t have to bother with them not knowing each other.

They have, however, hung out once together, because Ash has a picture of it hanging in her locker, the only picture of the three of them.

Well, that’s not too odd.

With a quick brush of my finger over my lips, I touched his exquisite face. Why couldn’t he understand we needed to be together?

Well, that’s beyond odd and plain stalkerish.

While Holly, my locker neighbor, sauntered about in her pink bra and skimpy panties, bragging about the cost of her dress, I pulled my hair up into a ponytail, slathered on my favorite honeysuckle lotion, and applied a little mascara.

“I’m not slutty like those OTHER girls!” Man, just chill. Girl is wearing panties in the girl’s locker room. Is this suddenly news? How dare she be a woman with a body and not hide it!

On the way out, she sees Brooke, a popular classmate of hers, crying in the hallway because her boyfriend broke up with her right before the dance, and wants to take someone else.

Instead of feeling any sort of empathy or concern, Ash just thinks about how that’ll be a fun story to tell Tat later. I guess Ash is above this sort of thing, or any sort of investment in the people around her other than Fin.

In class, because I suppose students in YA go there every now and then, Ash reminds us how sad her life is by comparing herself to Hester Prynne, but just because she’s shy and can’t approach people. Um… well, ok. Maybe it’s just her super judgmental behavior that keeps people away?

Holly comes in to get gossip off Ash, because apparently Callahan, Brooke’s now ex-boyfriend, supposedly wants to ask Ash to the dance because…? Reasons?

They don’t seem to actually know each other or like… have any sort of connection up until this moment. I guess… she’s just… special?

Conveniently, Callahan is in the same class this period, which gives Ash the chance to fawn over him.

So… what happened to Fin? Like a few minutes ago she was caressing a picture of him but I guess this other dude is just so good looking she can drop Fin instantly? I’m rapidly losing any investment I previously had in this story.

What girl didn’t lose all ability to speak coherently in the beguiling all-star pitcher’s presence?

Because all girls are attracted to men, and all girl find the same men attractive. It’s like she doesn’t even see them as people anymore, just something to look at.

Also, the school gossip just told you this. How do you know there aren’t shenanigans? She may very be setting you up, especially when this is coming completely out of nowhere.

Despite all of this, we apparently haven’t made fun of Holly enough.

Cold stares prickled down the back of my neck while I tried to listen as Holly stumbled over her words.

Our protagonist, everyone. If anything bad happens to her it’s honestly deserved.

At lunch, her school-friend Georgia asks about the meet Saturday, which confuses Ash because she thought Georgia was asking about the dance.

Didn’t you just shit on a ton of people for doing exactly that?

Also, you literally just said it was two weeks away. Now it’s Saturday?

Since apparently Ash is the only actual girl in this whole school, Georgia approaches her during practice and shows her she’s on the ballot for Senior Ball Queen, despite not really having that many friends or doing all that much.

Popularity contests DO sometimes screw over people who are actually really good people, but Ash doesn’t seem like one. She doesn’t have much of a friend base in the school, and outside of swimming she doesn’t seem to do a whole lot. I actually see no reason for her to be on the ballot.

Blip to Fin, who stood up Azor the night before for… actually no reason at all. Maybe this is why no one trusts you and you have to follow him around?  

The problem is we’re supposed to feel bad for Fin when really he’s probably talented and smart, just unproven. He’s never done any of this on his own, so yeah, he does need a little more training. He just instantly takes any sort of criticism as an insult, even though working directly with the prince is probably going to be an AWESOME way to advance his prospects. His vision is super short.

But today, for whatever reason, he’s learning ‘hand-to-fin’ combat with an Irish mermaid named Badger. Which begs the question: do mermaids have apparently human cultural heritage? Like, since they apparently only live partly in the human world and are prone to moving around, wouldn’t that make them more mixed in their heritage? Especially since they aren’t bound by typical travel problems like oceans (since they live there)? Build this world more, dammit!

Badger is cool, though, if a bit stereotypical (red head with a thick Irish accent despite speaking in mermaid language, presumably).

As they spar, Fin catches a glimpse of a redhead and thinks he smells honeysuckle, which distracts him long enough to get his ass kicked. Well done, protagonist.

Later, though, they seem to be on good enough terms.

In the privacy of Badger’s air-filled home, he sat in his kilt…

I’m going to stop you there because that is not proper kilt-ing. First of all, he’s Scottish. Badger himself admitted he had been in the IRA. Additionally, while some do it, it’s really fucking rare for someone to wear a kilt all the time, rather than just for formal events and such. Honestly that was a 10 second Google and this writing is beyond lazy if they can’t even manage that.

The girl he saw, though, is named Lily, just in case she comes back later. Badger knows her, since she’s his wife niece, but Fin hasn’t technically met her yet.

Badger tells the story of how he met Sandy, who is apparently his second wife. After neglecting his first wife to be a sailor, and her subsequent death from the flu, he found Sandy who pulled him out of some depressed fog. Nothing like another woman settling to warm your heart.

Honestly, though, I haven’t seen a single woman who has been written well, save MAYBE Tat, and that has yet to be seen.

Sandy is cool, and they play fight a little, but honestly all she does is take care of the house and act as a trophy for Badger.

Soo… with that, back to Ash, who is trying to get off the ballot. She finds, however, the deadline has passed, and had passed because she was late to class earlier that week. Georgia had forgotten something and needed help looking, but found it at home later.

Going off of that, I’m going to guess Georgia had a big hand in this, since she played the distractor. But honestly, someone must have an idea of who was there to nominate her, since it clearly wasn’t her ‘only’ friend at school.

Also, she is the only one not putting up posters but I betcha she wins or at least comes close with 0 effort. Because effort is for those slutty popular girls or some bullshit like that.

After school, she visits her Grandma’s store to see if Tat has been around, since their place has gone dark. They tried acting like making up an excuse would be bad, but I feel like disappearing without a trace is almost 100 times worse. That’s when the law gets involved, son.

Anyway, her mom is working and isn’t going to let her just tip in and out, so she asks for some help, and Ash bitches because fuck everyone who isn’t Ash. It’s the family store, so forgive me if I don’t feel bad about her having to help for 15 minutes.

So she sprints out and heads home, where Dad is making dinner. Mom shows up a little later pissed, because Ash actually made her job harder by doing messy work. Even though she’s supposed to have ‘strict’ parents, Dad pours mom a glass of wine and Ash doesn’t even get yelled at. Wow, excuse me while I pity people who deserve it and don’t make their own lives harder.

So… we get to meet Mom.

It’s a fucking mess.

“Ashlyn Frances, is that you? Don’t forget to take off your boots!” Mom barked from the kitchen. “And take your swim bag with you to your room–hang up your towel and suit too.”

What am I, like five? With an eye roll, I kicked off my shoes as instructed and trudged towards my room. Yes, I’d forgotten to remove them, but the formal speaking of my name wasn’t necessary. 

So, wow, that’s a whole lot of teenage angst. 

Also, chill the fuck out. YA books need to stop shitting on Mom when she’s actually not bad at all. 

“Did you forget I didn’t have practice today? And call me Ash,” I said under my breath.

Yeah this is just lame writing. I guess we’re trying to set up Mom as super strict and mean? But I mean… Ash needs to calm the hell down. It’s your mother, dammit, show her respect. (Not that mothers who actually are abusive deserve respect but Ash’s mom, at most, has asked her just to take off her shoes and not get the house dirty. Can’t hate mom for that)

“Dinner will be ready in twenty minutes–”

I closed my bedroom door so I couldn’t hear anything else and slumped down on my bed.

Yo if I treated Mom like that I would kick my own ass. And Ash is just moping around about Fin. Ugh cringy teenager shit pls stop. 

She’s frustrated because he looked like he was gonna kiss her but didn’t. Well, that is frustrating but I’ll be honest I don’t really care. We already know he likes her. And like.. it isn’t like they’ve even really talked beyond a little bit of filler. Forgive me for having 0 investment in this. 

If it weren’t for the fact that I’d lose my best friend, moving away seemed ideal.

I literally can’t bring myself to take this seriously or care at all. Sorry, luv. 

Back to Fin, who is gilling out. 

Gel lenses slipped down over my eyes like goggles, enhancing my night vision and clarity.

Now that’s cool mermaid shit. I would like a little more detail, though. Like, how does changing back and forth effect you? Are you less human sometimes, does it give you extra human abilities, like super strength, super senses…? 

Or is it literally just 100% human or 100% mermaid. 

While swimming, instead of making up a believable way to communicate, Tat and Fin just are super special because they’re twins and can “mind talk.” There is no mention of other mermaid abilities that are vaguely psychic. Are we gonna make this up as we go, cause it seems like it. 

Fin, however, reassures her they probably aren’t being relocated, because their dad would just refuse if that were the case. Since I have no idea what mer politics are actually like I can’t really say. 

She clutched her charm bracelet that held her most prized possession–a tiny vial filled with a blue colored liquid–the essence of out life.

Not gonna lie, probably really stupid to keep that on you in a glass vial, of all things. Also, why the hell is your ‘essence’ something that can be bodily removed, or is regularly separate from you? Additionally, why don’t we have a name for it? 

Fin also thinks he might be in the run for a guarding job, in the case their father leaves. Tat mentions he might not be considered because he’s single and young, which is confusing. Being too young makes sense, but how is being single going to prevent him from doing to job? Especially when he’s already established in the human community. 

There’s also mention of a council, which is apparently a governing body, even though there’s still a King. Their dad just happens to be a member.

Fin also lets on that leaving the mermaid community means the loss of memories and having to start afresh as human. Which means she probably couldn’t do college anyway, depending on what memories she would retain. Would she even have an identity? How do ya’ll function with world governments and shit? Tat… should probably be considering this.

Also, any society with memory altering powers is a little scary. Supposedly they’re only used for that, but who really knows? And is mermaid-ism something that can be taken away? Would they take her powers somehow, or would she realize years down the road that somehow she’s a mermaid? World building, people!

No one in their right mind ever chose to leave.

Well when you hold their entire life hostage… yeah.

How could she act as if our family didn’t mean anything to her?

Maybe she just wants some damn freedom. People have given up more to be free of a King. Secrets are heavy, man. You’re asking her to devote her life to a world she only lives in 10% of the time, while isolating herself from the human world, where she is probably going to be her whole life. People need people.

“You just don’t get it,” Tatiana swam a little faster. “They’d still own me.”

Tell him, Tat.

The cave, originally just a tunnel bridging Tahoe to Natatoria, was carved out by Dad to become a palace the Council to meet, far away from prying ears in the palace.

So… is this a resistance…?

Also how the hell did Dad carve out a whole fucking tunnel? Actually tho.

But anyway, Azor, the son of the King, Phaleon, is there, along with their uncle and cousin, which is apparently strange and unexpected.

Curiously, mom is apparently what is called a “beta-mer,” meaning she was changed into one. Meaning it is apparently possible to do that. So mer-ism is contagious…?

That fact made her cower in the presence of the pure-born, the native tongue still difficult for her to speak without an accent.

Uhhh ok. That’s… shitty, but ok. Societies all have their faults…

Their Dad is seemingly an expert at this mer shit, because he’s being called away on business to fix some big fuck up. In the meantime, their uncle will take over.

Which… makes no sense.

Why would they be allowing him to oversee again after the disaster last time?

A very good question that… isn’t explained at all. Why not just fly in some other merperson who can do shit? And why can’t mom do it? Even if she’s human-born, it seems like a cushy enough job. It doesn’t seem like they really live in an area with a huge population to hide or anything. Also… do these people not own their own property? Can’t they just be like, “hey, you know, this is our shit.”

Azor then asks about coming of age stuff, apparently there’s a whole festival around it, when promises are settled and stuff. And also he’s super gross and awful.

Dad said with a smile. “We’re allowing Fin and Tatiana to choose, you know.”

Azor’s countenance fell. “Well… hopefully they’ll find suitable mates before the festival.”

Dude…. Just… gross. Is it really that hard to find someone who actually likes you?

Fin seems less concerned with Creepy McStalkerFace here, and more offended because Azor then asks him to accompany him in training so he can eventually get a gate of his own one day. Fin is super offended because he’s already had a ton of training working alongside his dad, while Azor probably has no idea what he’s doing. And I guess Azor prefers to be a dick than to sweeten up Tat’s brother and potentially earn himself some good guy credit…? Not that it would work, but it’s better than DickBag credit.

Nonetheless, they agree to it because royalty.

“Excellent. Not that that’s settled, I’d like to speak to Jack and Alaster alone. We have details to discuss.” Azor raised his arm, directing us—the outcasts—toward the shimmering waterway in the opposite corner of the room.

So… Fin has implied Alaster (uncle) is pretty incompetent and doesm’t seem to have his own responsibilities or anything… why is he important? Like, if Uncle is pretty much a loafer, why would he be getting anywhere, when he can’t even pretend to be good at anything? I got shit like that happens, but like, there’s gotta be something to spur it along.

Mom asks, in English, how long he’ll be gone, and Azor overhears.

Azor interjected, answering to prove he understood her. “A few weeks, Magdalene. We’ll take good care of Jack. It’ll be difficult, but of anyone I know, you two can handle it.”

That’s… actually pretty nice. I’m sure Fin would be shitting on him if he didn’t know English and blow him up to be some cultural purist or something. It’s actually good to know languages outside your culture. Yeah, he’s a dick, but if you interpret everything he does to make him more of a dick, you’re trying too hard, and probably escalating your own problems.

NOW, however, Fin is mad because of the King’s power. Apparently it didn’t bother him when the King had the authority over memories? But I guess now that it affects him personally it’s an issue?

I wanted to jump up and demand Dad decline the mission. The whole thing reeked of danger. He shouldn’t have to feel obligated to go if he didn’t want to. What happened to the man who fought for his family? For honor? For what was right?

Are these things mutually exclusive? Based on the nature of other projects, this is somehow going to protect them as a species. And it doesn’t seem like he’s doing a whole lot back at home anyway… I mean, I’m sure incidents happen, but this seems to be a pretty pressing matter.

I don’t see anything dishonorable or weak in taking a major assignment. Fin just seems a little overdramatic here? It’s hard to tell because this is literally the first encounter they give us. Even filing it down a bit, or adding other mer people would help. We know very little about their culture and don’t know what is usual. We really can’t use our own morals to compare because humanity isn’t a culture that needs to hide itself in order to survive.

They take off for mer city, which is literally paved in gold and silver. No, really. And encrusted with gems and shit. I will give them points, because gold is actually alright in salt water, even though this is still pretty stupid.

For whatever reason, while they can easily survive in fresh water, salt water give their tails super cool colors, which is alright because fish have to attract mates and shit. Mermaids gotta be mermaids. Not sure about the science in salt water, tho.

Disappointingly, mermaids apparently still haven’t figured out gender equality.

The quicker Tatch put distance between her and Azor, the better.

And then later:

She gave Colin, who seemed to be checking out her tail, one last sneer.

“You look nice,” he responded.

“Mermen are pigs,” she spouted only to me. “Yeah, whatever. Let’s go, Mom.”

“Feisty.” Colin chuckled and watched Tatiana leave.

I punched him in the chest. “Knock it off. You’re her cousin.”

I agree, that is gross as all hell. Disturbing, too. Also, fuck that feisty comment. Why is that such a weird cliché with creepy ass dudes? Like, fuck it because it’s a disturbing thing to say, but also fuck it because it’s sooo overused and has pretty much lost all meaning.

How is “let’s go” even close to being feisty?

Anyway, Colin is here to gloat when he’s alone with Fin.

“You’re going to lose the lake, you know. Your family has been getting a little too friendly with the humans and someone finally noticed. Maybe if you’d have stopped acting like you’re better than everyone else and lived with the pure-born, you’d get to keep it.”

So… what?

No, this literally is full of contraditions.

If living with humans is bad, then Colin and his dad are the ones taking over. So… then they’re the ones cut off from the community? And it doesn’t seem like they’re competent in general, and failures when working with people. Which is important, and SHOULD be taken into account with positions like this—if your job requires working with people, you should know what you’re doing. Not to mention taxes, cars, various technology, etc.

Yeah, I don’t really see how Colin is finding reasons to gloat here. It’s like, “ha! You have a shitty job and are going to lose it. And I’m the one taking your shitty job!”

Really not impressed by these baddies.

Not only that, but do they have mermaid spies watching them and shit? And who did they catch? Tat? That’s really not gonna do you much good. You honestly can’t tell me shit like this happens a lot, when younger kids who have less impulse control are mingling with humans.

Since that tactic bombs, Colin tries taunting him about being Azor’s pet.

“He’ll do anything to get in good with the twin. He’s set his sights on Tatiana and he gets what he wants.”

It’s like they don’t even know how people work. “Muahaha! I’ll make her brother miserable, that’ll make her love me!” Especially with the whole psychic connection bit. I mean, if it was a threat it would make sense, but since he’s trying to win her over… he’s not really doing any winning. Like, honestly, he isn’t even trying.

Fin tries to say she can marry who she wants, but apparently using the word ‘marry’ implies a human… which he tries to cover up, but is probably as good as gossip by now.

The private meeting ends, and Dad wants to talk to Fin.

… Or at least that’s the plan. He really doesn’t tell him anything, just that shit is important and whatnot.

……

………

……… K

“Do we have to stay here? Can we go to the lake house instead?”

Dad looked anyway. “Your mom isn’t allowed to be there without me. You know the rules.”

The rules. Mermaids weren’t trusted outside of a merman’s protection. Their powers of seduction might get the better of them, causing loads of trouble and risk of exposure.

I’m starting to suspect this is a power, damn. Like… where do I start? “Yeah so women aren’t allowed to be alone cause all women are sluts.” And what this shit about ‘protection’? Seems like they can protect themselves just fine, dudes are just insecure.

That’s just… can we at least have some semblance of equality in fictional worlds? Like, this is straight up saying ‘our women are too sexy for their own good so we need men to protect them.”

And the women aren’t even allowed to be alone! Yo, Tat, get the fuck out of there and KEEP GOING. What a shitty place to live.

But of course the real problem is poor Fin, who isn’t 18 and can’t watch over the house by himself. Excuse me if I have trouble sympathizing when his ENTIRE CULTURE IS OPPRESSING ITS WOMEN. Who cares if they have a minimum age for positions of high importance? It’s responsibility, and while age doesn’t necessarily dictate that, it’s a good marker. THAT I can actually see as reasonable. Not this escort shit, I mean damn.

Tatiana was right. My situation was a huge crap sandwich.

So I haven’t done mermaids before, and judging by “Mer Tales Book 1″.... I’d say it’s about time to make peace.

So we open with Tat, who is interrogating Ash, our protagonist. 

Since Tat is home schooled, she doesn’t get to hear about all of the cool high school stuff like... drama and breakups? Surely she isn’t bored enough to worry about drama with people she doesn’t know. 

Well, whatever floats your boat, Tat. 

Here’s our intro to Tat:

Tatchi, with her long, tan legs could have any guy at South Tahoe High School she wanted. Her iridescent blonde hair flowed like cascading water down her shoulders; a perfect match to her azure eyes.

To vaguely quote Project Runway, they’re fucking blue. 

Also... there are way more important things in high school than attracting dudes. And when it comes to attracting dudes, there are way more important things... like a personality, for one. Let’s pretend women are valued for more than how they look.

I, on the other hand, the Irish redhead that freckled in the sun, walked around unnoticed by guys. Constantly smelling like chlorine didn’t help either. 

Once again, everything I just said. Also, though, since when are redheads not attractive? Freckles are adorable as shit, no matter the gender. Since they live somewhere warm and beachy, presumably redheads aren’t all that common, either. 

Bad self esteem stinks, but man, does every female protagonist need to have it? Is this going to be one of those stories where she’s ‘super unattractive’ until some dude comes along and says otherwise? 

Let’s find a new plot, people.

(Also sunscreen smells awesome, fuck you)

Moving on, our girl Tat is itching to get out since her parents are super strict and apparently she doesn’t get to experience fun things like drama and shit talking. 

She lapped up my account like a lonely dog whose master had just come home.

Is... is that how you describe your friends? Chill, dude, she’s bored. 

But I have to ask: what is she even doing in home school? I personally know a lot of people who are/have been homeschooled, and they’re actually pretty active. And I’m hardly an ardent champion of it myself. 

Does she just sit alone all day with her homework and contemplate the lives of strangers? 

Also, how do they even know each other, then?

But apparently her parents are sooo strict because they have a super secret. If it isn’t mermaids I will actually be pretty impressed. But I’m pretty certain it’s mermaids. 

No, they hid a big secret. One I’d discovered a long time ago and was the reason I avoided her house.

So we get to hear about her hair color, strict parents, even the color of her nail polish but... you’re gonna leave me hanging on this?  ok, fine. 

We also hear Ash is a swimmer, but only in passing. Sure to hear more on this later...?

Tat has to go soon, since she has a curfew. But apparently her super ‘strict’ parents aren’t strict enough to keep her home? Like, she’s out right now with this girl unsupervised. That’s actually not all that strict, depending on how you look at it. Even though they’ve got a super secret or whatever they’re not THAT awful so far.

Ash reveals they both applied for college behind Tat’s parent’s backs, and were accepted on scholarships, because that’s so much easier than having to worry about things like money or jobs.

But how could a home schooled kid even do that? How did she get transcripts when her parents run the classroom? I’m not saying it’s impossible, it just seems a little... more difficult than they’re making it seem.

Despite every indication otherwise, Ash is confident Tat’s parents will be happy for her. 

She then reveals their families both own local stores, and would otherwise be there to take over. And a casual mention of Fin, Tat’s creatively named brother. 

Ash then reveals Tat doesn’t know about whatever it is Ash saw, so there’s potential for a misinterpretation here. Although we still don’t know what she saw. She wants to bring it up, but isn’t sure how to go about it. 

Her dad had a serious problem. In fact, keeping the family secret to herself wasn’t healthy, constantly living vicariously through my warped interpretations of other teens.

I’m starting to think maybe this really isn’t mermaids. 

But also, stop dancing around it and just fucking tell us, because you clearly remember what you saw. 

Ugh. The aforementioned Fin appears, and of course he’s gorgeous, and of course Ash has a crush on him. Plot lines are recycled for a reason, I suppose. 

While they argue, Ash contents herself with staring at Fin instead of actually doing something useful like trying to figure out why. Guess staring at attractive dudes is more important, gotcha.

Tat says some drama or shit is going down at home, which should mean she’s definitely getting enough to not need Ash’s help. Apparently this doesn’t occur to her because she just says bye and takes off.

Before she leaves, Fin heads over and… for some reason we get a POV change to Fin.

Ashlyn stood awkwardly as I approached. Her curvy hips and wavy red hair took my breath away.

Of… of course they do.

For a moment, I caught her scent and hummed—honeysuckle with just a hint of chlorine from her morning swim.

Ok, this is getting kind of weird…

Briefly, I imagined us playing in the water.

A LOT WEIRDER.

But really, though, this is your sister’s friend, dude. It’s still creepy even if she likes you back, cause you don’t know that yet.

“Is school going good?” I asked, kicking a rock.

This is so beyond awkward it hurts to read.

Instead of really explaining anything, he just apologizes and makes the whole conversation super awkward. I think it’s supposed to be cute?

She shrugged and then shot me that look—one with a hint of yearning behind it. I couldn’t help myself. I stepped forward and cupped her cheek.

YO DUDE CHILL. I don’t even care how she feels, this is just soooo creepy. If I hadn’t read the other chapter I would honestly think he was some sort of stalker and she was trying to get the hell out of there. Move on, dude.

He plays it off like she has something on her face and it’s still awkward.

This whole relationship is already boring because we know they both like each other and it’s only the second chapter. Please don’t turn this into about 300 pages of cat and mouse.

The only reason I’d come in the first place was to tell Tatch about the meeting we had to attend, not get distracted by Ashlyn’s captivating beauty.

Gross, dude.

Like… it’s ok to not mention her constantly. It’s actually a little creepy that you do, in fact.

Anyway, Fin is a little late because he stopped to gawk, and his mom is mad. Because he’s… like two minutes later? Because he had to get his sister? Ya’ll need to up the chill a little.

I noticed she had changed into her most ornate, beaded bikini top and skirt—obviously for the meeting.

I mean… yeah, those can be fancy, but what? That’s just so… what? I get the whole mermaid thing, but really?

She grabbed Great-Grandmother Sadie’s sacred shell-encrusted bikini top.

I had to read that, now you have the displeasure.

But seriously, what?

Tat is horrified because apparently GG Sadie’s old bra is super fancy, and might mean she’s about to be engaged, or “promised.” She also name drops Azor…?

Promisings in our world were the equivalent to wedding (but for some reason they need a different word, despite it being the exact same thing), but prearranged between parents.

This is definitely mermaid shit tho. I’m guessing.

Also, like, the fancy bras and shit.

As if this wasn’t mermaid-y enough, apparently “sea snakes!” is a common exclamation.

I put on my tear-away board shorts…

Ok now that’s cool as fuck haha

In an ironic way, of course.

Their mom hints it might be a longer trip, so Tat wants to call Ash.

A jolt his my stomach at the mention of her name.

Do I have to put up with this every time she’s mentioned? Don’t you have hobbies, dude?

Close human friendships were discouraged due to the risk of exposure and Tatch hid how much time they’d spent together, as well as her secret plans for college.

Why even live among them at all, then? Just like... go be mermaids somewhere else?

Also, what do her parents think she’s doing, then? Going to the library? How do they hold down jobs with all of these disappearings? I get they own their own store, but surely they can’t all do that…? What about medicine or crime or????

Again: how does he know about her college plans? She doesn’t think he’ll rat her out?

Fin also lets on there’s some sort of political structure? Azor is the King’s son and can make these meetings mandatory, it seems. And he’s also conveniently in love with Tat, but she doesn’t like him at all. Man, way to dump all of the plot in the first 2 chapters.

Fin also has a huge axe to grind against his uncle and cousin Colin, since they show up whenever they go to meetings and use their shit. Not gonna lie, though, that is super rude when you’re at someone’s house. Sounds like some boundaries need to be set but it’s a pretty weak problem.

More importantly, their house serves as some sort of gate, presumably into mermaid world.

I closed my door and paused, hoping this wasn’t the last time I’d cross the threshold.

Is this common…?

Hell if I know. We know their uncle and cousin are shitty but damn if we hardly know anything about actually being a mermaid!

Presumably, being in water is part of it, though. No word on whether this is something that can be controlled, though.

I was sleek, fast, and dangerous—like a shark ready to hunt.

Um… not quite. If you wanna be an aquatic predator you gotta do a little more than just… swim fast. You gotta any sharp teeth, bud? Nails and shit…? Arm muscles??

Who knows! We don’t know anything about mermaids.

So… yeah.