Summer Child

In tom- no, just foolery I think. Too scared of being alone  But still I’ve never been one to judge.

My stone remains firmly in my hands,  taken others over your actions but still I will never be the one to throw.

I just hate my pattern recognition. Knowing the way this will end, With your mask shattered once again on the ground next to your heart. 

I’m watching your fall like an inevitable crash in slow motion,  knowing you won’t let me catch you And why do I keep trying? 

So you can ignore all the bad parts,  Like the fairytales we give to children. Only you’re not Peter Pan, 

Commitment is your favorite word, Although the meaning seems lost.  Wedding bells your favorite tune, Funny considering your love is like a dune In wind you let your feelings thrash about

Here and there and everywhere yet Somehow I’m the one that’s a mess?  My room endearing but my heart Learning,  Yearning, or perhaps just Too much.

Patiently waiting because you wont cut me loose, Keeping me close, but your indifference is clutching Around my neck I still wear our symbols and don’t think I haven’t noticed the shield you can’t seem to 

Trashed, thrashed, I sleep so I don’t drown in a bottle Of all my stuffed down emotions,  To keep things easy, avoiding the nights that “weren’t how this was supposed to go” 

“Out with friends” although when pressed you won’t let out My name seems like poison to you, your  Dirty little secrets, I wonder how many you carry, Because your story still doesn’t add up. 

Recently I’ve found myself sat, hands clasped. Raised to who, I fear I haven’t the faintest clue.

And yet, there they remain with such vigor; A comfort provided that I can’t figure out or place. Time and space are mocking my plight, asking just who I’m hoping is hearing my-

Not prayers, no, at least that isn’t the intent. But nobody is around to listen to me vent. Asking for strength, from who or what?

I wonder who will meet me at the pearly gates,

which love of my life will await?

The boy who taught me how to love,

Or the partner that stayed?

or the woman with the tea,

who's lived in my memory as long as I can speak of—

who makes me wonder about an afterlife just so I can see her again.

If I fall in love again, who would I consider the truest?

in a room of the people I adore,

I wonder who my eyes would first try to find.

I’m holding a bomb for you 

The sensible thing to do is put it down, 

But it feels impossible 

letting go of the hope that makes up its contents, 

Even though I know there never will be an us again.

Waiting for the boom, my senses heighten, 

Nevertheless, my grasp only seems to tighten.

Waiting for you, while you’ve the sense to stay a safe distance away, 

only the wire cutters in your back pocket will catch my fiery display

You said a bomb defused was harmless, right? 

Yet you can't hide lingering fear for all it represents.

Even an inert device carries the burden of wariness. 

Loving you was never supposed to feel like the countdown

But you haven’t come back to cut me free,

and so I worry what we will be.

After all, nobody has forced me here, inert without any PPE

And yet, I’ve strapped the thing to my chest,

Accepted my ‘fate’ to bear alone in my fortress 

built on dreams of a future that will never be.

3…