badger than you

When: 13th February 1980 Where: Formal Who: @thanthemans​

“You are looking so hot right now, babes.”

“Oi, you gonna shout to the world that I’m sweating like a stuffed piggy?”

“Thirty-nine? Is that it?” Josslyn was riding the high of her intoxication, as she went up on her toes to wipe the chocolate from his lips. “You’ve got that, right babe?”

Than was too into the cookie to look up, let alone hear what was going on. He would definitely be paying for this adventure, though.

--

“Did he not hear me? I swear – Sir, a signature’s needed and your full name. Initial here, here, and here.” Joanne’s attention was focused on Josslyn, scribbling words that were hardly legible. Yet – somehow legal. Legal passing, that was. Working off commission was a bitch, but cookie loving drunks made it easy. “Girl, lemme get you a veil while he makes love to that cookie. Adult onset diabetes will come getcha if you don’t sign these papers, sir.”

“Don’t be rude. He’s hungry.”

“Too late,” Than was sheepish, chocolate staining the sides of his lips.

--

“Our packages start at $39, you cheap bastard.” The clerk cleared their throat, “– Let’s try this again. Welcome to the Best Little Chapel. You can take the entire batch with you with a signature there, twenty minutes of your time, and a deposit of $39.99. We take all major currencies, fyi. Rings will be included, our minister Jelvis – Jesus-Elvis, and a simple exchange of ‘I do’s’.”

Drunk and hungry, Than caught a whiff of fresh baked cookies coming from a doorway, opposite of the buffet he was previously interested in. “Smell that?” He asked his date, wandering inside of the chapel to find a batch of chocolate chip cookies sitting on a counter top, ready to be eaten. He busied himself by stuffing one into his mouth.

--

“Uh, no, those are complimentary with a purchase of a package. Would you put that down? Sir, please.”

“Babes, there’s only about a twenty percent chance he’s yours.”

“I had many daddies, too, and look how I turned how. Pristinable.”

WHEN: 2 & 3 April, 1979; Quarantine WHERE: Hogwarts Library WHO: Open 

Mary held her head in her hands, elbows splayed across the desk. “I don’t even go here,” she mewled, pouting. Of all the places to be stuck in a quarantine, she had to get the one least entertaining for her. Merlin, she hated to read. 

“You and me both, chick. I banned myself from this place in 1908.”

“He’s adorable.”

“I can make him wink, but that costs. A shit tonne of ice lollies.”

“Be gone, lizard man!”

“Are you – okay?”

“Not when lint lickers like you are strolling around for Heaven’s knows what reason! And I do not curse Heavens name’s lightly. Mummy would certainly have my head.”

“Close.” He stuck out his hand. “It’s Gideon.”

“It’s Than. You ever had a beach ball bounced from your head with such great vescosity?” 

“Babes, your dick’s out.”

“Meet Willy. One eyed Willy”

“Come again?”

“I’d need seven more minutes.”

“Uh…” Gideon absentmindedly placed a hand to his mouth before realizing, in horror, that one of his front teeth was missing. “Tooth?”

Than gasped, softly. “Are you the one they call Steve?”