Thalassa Coffee

I made a wish on a snow globe,

I don’t believe it will bring you back.

I made a wish on a snow globe,

I wished for heaven to keep you safe.

You suffered a lot in your life,

There was nothing but pain.

I made a wish on a snow globe,

I wished the pain is gone away.

Christmas has magic you used to tell me,

Snow flakes are kisses that Angels send to us.

You are an Angel this Christmas,

I will feel your kisses falling from the sky.

I made a wish on a snow globe,

Not for bringing you back.

I wished with all my heart,

Something died in me this year,

Something I can’t yet name.

Feels like I’m a different person,

More scared of what might happen next.

Something died in me this year,

Something that made me who I am.

I am living with an unknown self,

Autumn is the season I used to love the most. The season when I was outside with my camera all day making photos of the leaves 🍁 Autumn was my love language. It was my escape room since the last day of October when my mom died just like the leaves. Now, I feel empty. I don’t take photos anymore. This season and every leaf that falls on the ground feels to me like a punishment. A punishment for my heart. A heart that used to love a season when everything dies.

Autumn used to be the time when I had inspiration to write, to read, to live. Now, I find myself in my room, in the dark, hoping for Winter to take over. I am broken and there is no turning back. Dealing with grief is a hard challenge. It is ripping my heart off my chest. It makes me feel guilty, mad, angry. I am angry at life itself. Angry at Autumn.

The hardest part of life is witnessing your parents death. It breaks part in you that you didn’t knew you had. It leaves you weak, unprotected, empty, alone. I am alone. Not because I lack other people around me. I am alone because something in my heart died together with my mother. It fell on the ground just like the leaves 🍁