That Bitch

Quick headcanon for y'all, but mostly because I was thinking about some of my friends from the Sonic fandom that I haven't talked to in forever and cackling wildly (thinking about you @smallpwbbles @solar-socks @thebigpalooka @samthefrank)

I was in the process of moving for the last few months, which took up most of my time, and something I noticed was that my new apartment building was situated right by a little park.

And that got me thinking.

What if the entire Sonic the Hedgehog took place on a Playground

Stay with me here.

So there I am, at my new apartment, and I glance across the street and see a few little girls playing a brutal game of pretend, just absolutely destroying one another with sticks as swords, and the thought pops into my head.

What if the entire movie was the wild creation of a few, young hedgehogs living in Montana.

Sonic had come to Tom and Maddie when he was tiny out of some inter-dimensional wormhole along with a few other bizarre creatures, and were quickly swept up by the family who kept them safe from the government. And every weekend, all of these families take the trip over to one of the many gorgeous parks in Green Hills.

Tom and Maddie get to say hello to their friends and enjoy some adult time while their kids zip across the monkey bars.

What they don't realize is that the world in their children's' head is anything but adorable.

"Aw, look how cute they are," Maddie would often say, snapping a picture or two of Sonic pushing Tails on a swing.

"So sweet," says Tom, watching Tails tug Sonic up a slide.

Meanwhile, on the playground;

"THE GOVERNMENT IS AFTER US," Tails shrieks, trying to save Sonic from the dreaded cliffside.

His brother held on for dear life, a single tear sliding down his face as he clutched tight to Tails' hand. "You have to save yourself, brother."

"No! I won't leave you!"

"You must," says Sonic, loosening his grip, watching as their fingers drag away from one another, the gap widening. "You have to... save yourself... For mom and dad. For me."

"Sonic-!"

"Tails. You're my brother. And I love you."

As he lets go, Tails drops to his knees and watches his brother fall from view, screaming his name.

Meanwhile, on a bench, watching Sonic slowly and loudly squeak down a plastic slide, as Tails shrieks like a deflating balloon from the ladder above;

There were full out WARS on those woodchips.

WARS.

And this CAN apply to the sequel.

One of the hedgehogs that appeared was adopted by a strange gay couple that lived on the other side of town; an absolute ray of sunshine of a man who owned the local coffee shop and his husband, a gloom and doom gothic looking gentleman who owned a tech store nearby.

They begin to bring their own son over, an echidna named Knuckles, who toddled onto the playground and immediately tried to steal Sonic's juicebox.

"Buddy, remember to share," said the Sunshine Husband, offering Maddie and Tom the extra few scones he'd brought with him from his cafe, the Robotdrip. "Sorry about him. He's still learning."

"No problem!" Maddie waved him off, watching her son stare at the new child, reaching for Tails' hand. "It'll be nice for them to have new friends."

Meanwhile, on the wood chips

"YOU'RE HERE TO STEAL MY POWERS," Sonic struck a pose, holding out his weapon, sparking blue in his paw.

The new child raised his fists. "YOU THINK I NEED YOUR POWERS!?"

Then the kids are just:

Of course, but I’ll need some help

Artists 🫵🏻

Put yourself in the Mabel army!

“Leave the pup ALONE.”

“If you're American, you've almost certainly heard about how Indigenous reservations were and are located on whatever land the US doesn't want anyway. That they're just a way to whisk away undesirables until the land becomes useful to the US. That's the two-state solution.”

Two state solution is living side by side with people that tried to exterminate you with land theft genocide ethnic cleansing and settler colonialism When we say land back We mean all land stolen by settler colonizers Not just half of it to appease colonizers or respectability politics

“it’s worth mentioning that the proposal of a “two-state solution” is exactly what was offered to the Indigenous peoples of the Americas by European settler colonizers as a peaceful way to coexist.”

I wrote a master’s thesis on intentionally single people, and the number of them that said in various ways, “I didn’t know not dating people was even an option at first” was absolutely tragic. They honestly thought they had no choice and it never occurred to them that opting out was even a possibility available to them.  

People honestly believe these are life experience you are required to have AND THEY ARE NOT.