must we finish fic??? is it not enough to write unconnected 300 word snippets with no beginning or end, forever, until we die?

guy in a "im not a woke dad.... im the dad who woke up" shirt

I’m sorry friends, but “just google it” is no longer viable advice. What are we even telling people to do anymore, go try to google useful info and the first three pages are just ads for products that might be the exact opposite of what the person is trying to find but The Algorithm thinks the words are related enough? And if it’s not ads it’s just sponsored websites filled with listicles, just pages and pages of “TOP FIFTEEN [thing you googled] IMAGINED AS DISNEY PRINCESSES” like… what are we even doing anymore, google? I can no longer use you as shorthand for people doing real and actual helpful research on their own.

where i come from this is called karmawhoring

Where you come from people piss in the streets

everyone shut the fuck up and listen. i love decadence, i love filth, i love perversion; i love depravity and deviance and hedonism. i love corruption, i love the obscene. i love debauchery, i love all things sordid, i love the thrill of scandal. i love reveling in being a sicko. it brings me closer to god

"poor people are happier with less" and "money won't buy happiness" is literally classist propaganda. stop buying into it and start making molotov cocktails

“money won’t make you happy” well i’d be a lot happier if i knew a medical bill wouldn’t send me into financial ruin

the show (going out to get groceries. making myself a nice dinner. showering and opening the windows. being kind to myself in everything i do) Must go on

“obi-wan just wanted to tire anakin out on mustafar, so they could talk” well he should have fucked him then shouldn’t he

i would have played pretend on the playground with all of u btw

i stepped in my kitchen late last night and I ain’t had a single snack in the cribo. went back to bed mad disgruntled. felt like oliver twist. like a pre industrial revolution british kid or something

This is why I decided to learn how to bake.

brother i said i missed the bus and you telling me this is why you became an astronaut. where do we go from here?

Couples are always hiring me to stand next to their fake electric fireplaces and pop my knuckles, knees, hips, etc to simulate the sound of a real log burning. They can enjoy a few romantic nights this way but inevitably one or both of them develops an insatiable lust for my hypermobile and easily-injured joints and their relationship falls apart

the funniest thing ever just happened to me

im changing my name purely bc i don’t like it and we just told my family like a month ago. i haven’t been home since then but today i got back and my (extremely country) uncle gives me a pat on the back and goes “so i hear you’re my nephew now. proud of you, son” and i have to very gently say i am so so happy to hear that but i am still his niece just with a cooler name. and he throws his hat down on the table and goes “no! but ive been practicing!” so now he is calling me his nephew for fun