Texts From Last Ninjago

(773): I think I sprained my soul last night.

(646): You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.

(405): There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.

(512): The only thing the cop asked me is..... "How are you still alive?"

(617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

(773): Dude, I'm not sure whose apartment I woke up in, but I just showered here and their shampoo is phenomenal.

(1-817): You weighed it?

(973): He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.

(224): As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.

(405): Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again

(206): It's all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.

(405): This strobe light makes my body turn on and off.

Submitted by Anonymous.

(817): All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning.

(705): What are the signs of a concussion? Please don’t freak out.

(408): Your text makes more sense read in reverse.

(651): It’s like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.