What time is it? DRUNKEN TEXTS TIME~

I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?

I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes

please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation

Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits

What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?

She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.

I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.

YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.

That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.

"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.

I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else

FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT

Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.

Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.

(Also, to everyone out there: Apologies for the update gap! Working on a new batch just now. Thank you for being so patient. <3 )

I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life