Tessa James

∞

“Apparently not a lot of people because they’re still selling this shit,” she looked down the aisle, “I am definitely considering my costume way too late, I’ll probably just settle for lingerie and something that turns me into a sexy witch or vampire or whatever.” Kaya laughed at Tessa’s words and pulled out two costumes that had caught her eye, “What about Juice Bug or Female Dragonlord?” They were obviously Beetlejuice and Daenerys, respectively. “It might pay more but I bet it’s as soul sucking as every other corporate job,” she physically cringed as she hung the costumes back up.

**

“If I ever become one of those people who buys something new every year, please come find me and just roast the shit out of me.” Tessa didn’t know Kaya, but there was a familiarity to her from growing up in town, and the other woman was certainly memorable during their interaction at the diner. “Hey...if it makes you feel sexy and looks good, why not? If I didn’t teach first graders and wasn’t dressing up for school, that’s what I’d be doing. It’s basically that and handing out candy...might as well get a new nose and dress up as Voldemort,” Tessa mused, not completely opposed to the idea. “Juice Bug, Juice Bug, Juice Bug...just doesn’t have the same ring to it...or feeling of dread when you’re saying it three times.” The movie was one of her favourite, the mention of it prompting her to make a mental note to add it to her Halloween movie marathon list for this year. “Are there any jobs out there that aren’t soul sucking? Speaking of soul sucking...what are you dressing up for anyway? Big party?”

.

Things have been good. And bad. And confusing. But in general, things have been going alright for Ryder in the past few weeks. Especially since he finally sucked it up and talked to Tessa about how they apparently both felt. But no matter what revelations happened in the past few weeks the man was still throwing himself into work to avoid his feelings about other things. Club things that he wasn’t bringing up to Tessa; not that he didn’t trust her, but the fact of the matter was this particular issue was going to change how she saw him and he couldn’t handle that right now. But somewhere between Ryder working late and leaving home early, Tessa was able to grab him and tell him that she was planning their first date. Which he wasn’t complaining about, he wasn’t the best at planning things like that. Their first stop of the night was a tattoo parlor, where he stood by and held her hand through Tessa’s first tattoo. 

Now, Ryder had a hot pink mini golf club tossed across his shoulders and it’s matching ball by his toes. Raising an eyebrow at Tessa, the man nodded, holding back a laugh. “Right babe. Last time we played mini golf I remember you getting the highest score.” Taking a step back Ryder sat on the low brick wall separating the first hole from the next one, he grinned, nodding at the ball in front of her. “And last I checked, the point of golf - mini or otherwise - is to get the lowest score.” Giving her a wink, Ryder shrugged. “Whatever you want. Fridge at my place is stocked at home. So I’ll take the game to figure out what we should do for dinner.” Laughing, he pointed his club at her. “Go ahead. Let’s see you try and wipe the astroturf with me.”

**

“I should’ve skipped out on music for a professional stint in mini golf instead of teaching…what the hell was I thinking?” She laughed at the thought – if she couldn’t laugh about a decision that haunted her regularly, how else was she supposed to cope with the lingering regret? “Imagine me trying to play real golf? I’d get so bored and just end up drinking and eating all day. How do people do it for so many hours?” Finally she brought her attention back to the game, hitting her ball more gently this time before she turned to look at Ryder.

“Hot pink looks really good on you, Ry.” Even though there were only a few feet between them, Tessa couldn’t help but feel the need to be closer to him. When they had confessed their feelings to one another and made things between them official, it felt almost freeing and like a weight had lifted. In ways, it felt like they had granted themselves permission to act on what had already existed. Taking a few steps toward him, she allowed herself the closeness that she had missed for the last few years and pressed a quick kiss to his lips before stepping aside. “For good luck…you’ll need it.” Despite having been in long term relationships, this all felt so new to Tessa. With Ryder, it was unchartered territory, but she took comfort in the fact that they were navigating it together. “And as long as you throw in some salt bae action, I’ll eat anything...I’ll be your sous chef and taste tester. What’s it feel like to have a double threat of a girlfriend?”

❀

“He asked me for advice, so lucky you, I’m in it,” she reminds Tessa. Obviously, Izzy wouldn’t have let Ryder mope around, wondering what was going on in his mind forever. She would’ve asked, had he not come out and told her and she would’ve known anyway. The thing was that Ryder and Izzy had been a two-for-one for years and Tessa still hadn’t gotten used to it, apparently. “Seems like it keeps getting you heated enough. Jealousy is a tricky thing, isn’t it?” she reminds Tessa since Tessa continued to be jealous of Izzy— at least in her mind. “All I’m saying is it was pretty dumb of you to expect him just to be okay with you saying you love him to his face.” She purses her lips at the woman before shrugging. “If I’m the jealous and possessive girlfriend then that makes you the sad, pathetic wannabe, huh?”

**

“I said you’re acting like a jealous girlfriend, not that you are one.” Pausing, Tessa looked over at Izzy, a frustrated sigh escaping her. “I can’t do this crap anymore. It’s exhausting, Izzy. I can’t for the life of me figure out why you hate me so much, and any time I ask you do whatever you can to dodge the question. Fuck…I don’t even know if you know why you hate me.” This wasn’t something she could or would ever talk to Ryder about - the last thing she wanted to do was involve him in this unnecessary bullshit that she was trying to shed. She had seen the way Izzy acted around others, and it was vastly different from the way she seemed to target Tessa. She had tried to sort it out a million times over in her head, tried to pinpoint a time where their friendships with Ryder overlapped that she might have done something horrible enough to the other woman to introduce such a distaste for her. Surely Tessa would remember that. “So why do you have it out for me? What is it that’s so fucking horrible about me? Nevermind...forget it.” Turning back around towards the cashier, Tessa took a step forward in line, desperately wishing it would move faster. Inhaling deeply, she willed herself to turn around once more. “I hadn’t seen him all night and then saw a dead body... when I said it, I thought I had just lost him. And if it really concerns you that much, I never expected him to be okay with it.”

For the past two months, things with Ryder had been a mess. Until they weren’t. There was still a slight guilt that occasionally weighed on her for the way she had declared her feelings for him when she had thought she had lost him, but for their sake, she wanted to focus on moving forward with what they had just begun to build between them rather than dwell on what she could’ve done differently. Tessa had insisted on planning their first date, the prospect of it actually happening after so many years of pent up feelings exciting her probably more than it should have. With more time spent at his place, she had noticed how busy he had been lately, and just wanted to plan a day that would free him of any stress or responsibilities that had been keeping him that way. Plus, she had of course wanted whatever time she could get with him to build on what felt like a good thing. “Thanks for comforting me through my first tattoo and everything, but you know I’m going to have to kick your ass, right?” Anyone who had played a round of mini golf with her knew that she lacked whatever skill it took to ‘kick ass’ in the activity, but it wasn’t in her not to talk smack. A kiss was pressed to his jaw before she dropped her hand from his and set her golf ball down at the start of the first hole. Glancing up at him, she offered a smile. “As fun as this day out has been, I’m thinking we should cancel our fancy dinner reservations at Darla’s and do dinner at home. Winner picks what take out we’re getting. Now watch me wipe the Astroturf with you.” With that she made her first shot, not the worst, but certainly not one that warranted her cockiness. 

Charlotte was cleaning off her few brushes in the fresh cup of water she’d filled at the classroom sink when Tessa came back into the room. She let out a sigh of relief, resting the brushes on one of the empty tables so she could take the offered cup of coffee. “Thank you. Just what I needed.” Even if it was stale faculty room coffee, the caffeine addiction secured in college wasn’t particularly picky. “It’s not even close to done, oh god.” Charlotte groaned, feeling her cheeks turn red at the compliment.

She bit her thumbnail, stepping back with Tessa to try and see what the other woman saw. But an artist was always their worst critic. Not that it was bad, Charlotte would never let it be, but it hardly looked good yet. “Painting is my preferred artistic medium, so I’m definitely more comfortable. If someone asked for something in charcoal, I’d probably run the other direction. Honestly, I’m just flattered you and the school trust me with a wall.” She motioned to the space that was currently getting the artistic makeover, “I appreciate the opportunity. It’s definitely not my full-time job. You know the story, aspiring artist has to settle for something more lucrative.” Charlotte shrugged, “It’s alright. I’m a legal secretary. It keeps me busy.”

**

Tessa could easily relate to the way Charlotte reacted to her compliment - whenever she had been talked about as skilled when it came to music, it never felt quite right accepting it. She knew she was talented, it was something she had worked hard at her whole life, and she could only hope Charlotte knew the same. “I remember they used to make us draw a few projects with charcoal in high school...as if most of us weren’t already bad enough without it. And when we had to shade on people? Everyone in my projects ended up having a beard...looked ridiculous.” She laughed at the thought, and while high school was a relatively distant enough memory, it didn’t feel like it. Tessa glanced over at Charlotte, taking a sip of her coffee as she mulled over whether or not she felt like pointing out how similar their career journeys seemed to be. Except Charlotte at least had the guts to still pursue what she was good at on the side. “Happy to have you do it...those white walls suck the life out of you, so it’ll be nice to have some colour in here.” Pausing, she looked back at the wall. “Good on you for doing it on the side and not just dropping it. You’re much better than I am...played piano my whole life...was set to go to school for it and everything, but dropped it a while back for what seemed easier.”

Todd happily nodded, “I’ll take not too bad. It’s better than the alternative.” He didn’t like when people didn’t like him. Maybe it was the fact that he was a people pleaser or the fact that he liked to feel needed and well liked. There was just a lot of facts, apparently. “Who’s your love, then?” He had a little bit of alcohol running through him, he might as well hit the hard hitting questions. “Nothing fun besides the usual for me. Y’know, working and also working for the Club. And helping out at The Dive. There’s not room for a whole lot of fun.” 

**

“You’re a few steps above not bad, especially after offering up drinks.” While they weren’t necessarily the closest, Todd had been a refreshing friend in Tessa’s life, and he had always given her a reason to like him. She probably should have anticipated his next question, though that didn’t make saying it out loud any easier. “Ryder...he’s pretty damn easy to love.” At his mention of the club, Tessa couldn’t help but be curious. For someone who was technically close in proximity to the club, she knew little about it. “How’s that all going...the club stuff? I’m sure it’s a much more exciting topic than my love life.”

❀

Izzy’s breath gets stuck inside her mouth, however, her face remains almost expressionless, a hint of bitter anger behind it. Since she’d nearly decided to move-in with Wyatt, Izzy had wondered how long it’d be until Tessa ended up taking her spot in Ryder’s apartment. Turns out, she could get more paranoid about it. “Greattt,” she replies, voice full of sarcasm. “If that were actually true— if you did move closer, you’d be dumber than I thought. I mean telling him you love him already made him feel like shit. What a good friend, pushing the spots he hates,” she tells Tessa, already hearing Ryder’s voice in the back of her head. Maybe she should have left Tessa alone but Izzy was stubborn to a fault. And she’s certainly not admitting that she might not be in that building much longer, potentially not even this neighborhood much longer, which may solve some of their problems but create others. “Considering we’re both in line for coffee, you’re kinda stuck with me. Shame.”

**

**

As soon as they had bumped into each other, Tessa internally swore to herself that she wouldn’t let Izzy’s words get to her. That was all well and good, until Izzy decided to bring up the thing that Tessa had been feeling like absolute shit about already. She should have prepared herself for that - Izzy was always good finding the right buttons to push with her. She did her best to continually remind herself that Ryder saw something good in the other woman, but while she trusted his judgement, his roommate had done little to show Tessa any redeeming qualities. It was like she wanted Tessa to hate her. “Ry and I are capable of handling things on our own, but thanks for being so concerned about what goes on between us.” She wasn’t mad about Ryder telling her what had gone on between them, though she couldn’t help but wonder how he didn’t know that she’d throw it in Tessa’s face the first chance she got. “Did I do something so awful to you that you can’t let go of whatever bullshit you have with me?” She paused, despite the fact that her next accusation wasn’t a new thought for Tessa. In her mind, it was the only thing that gave reason to Izzy’s behaviour that she seemingly reserved for Tessa. “You don’t have feelings for him, do you? Because every time I see you, you’re acting like a jealous and possessive girlfriend and it’s getting stale. ”

.

Raising an eyebrow, Ryder shakes his head. “I’ve known. Most of the time, I’ve known” Okay, not exactly true, it did take him a few months to pin point the swooping feeling he got when she was around, and once he did identify it, he spent all his time reminding himself that any tension between them was all in his head. She’s too good for you, asshole. Every time he imagined her with him, he told himself that. And in all honesty, he’s still saying that to himself. But the historian was starting to get tired of reminding himself. Barking out a laugh, calloused tattooed fingers reached out to tug Tessa closer, his elbows reclining against the ledge behind him, Tessa now dangerously close. “Every guy you were with was a douchebag,” They weren’t me. Ryder explained. “Y’were too close to the situation to make an unbiased opinion.” winking at her, his hands slid down to her waist as she asked what he wanted. 

It was hard to vocalize. Well, no, not really. He knew what he wanted. Ryder wanted Tessa. He always had. But there was still the part of him that wanted to run. Because he was never going to be good enough for Tessa James - but he could damn well try. “I want you, Tessa.” Ryder finally settled on, blue eyes looking at her unflinchingly. “Only you.” And maybe saying the words were enough for all resolve inside him to crumble as he tugged her closer to close the distance between them.

**

Even though it shouldn’t have surprised her, she was taken aback by his words. Was she that oblivious to what existed between them all of these years or was she just in such a deep denial that she had dug herself into a hole she couldn’t get out of? Maybe this was her way out of that hole - an opportunity for them both to express what had been clear to everyone around them for so long as they continued to live in denial. “Of course they were.” She couldn’t help but laugh at the only response she could expect from him, but she was silenced as soon as she felt the warmth of his hands at her waist.

Tessa had quickly gone from feeling completely at ease in their conversation to feeling like the oxygen had been removed from her lungs. Sure, she had hoped than when she had confessed her love for him it would have been reciprocated even slightly, but she hadn’t prepared herself for actually hearing the words that she had unknowingly been longing to hear for a long time now. She felt herself freeze up when he kissed her, her body melting into his moments later, arms lifting to drape around his neck as she pulled him in closer.

.

Feelings and Ryder didn’t really go together. He barely acknowledged them until his anger was so bad he exploded at the first person he saw. Love, in particular, was the one he didn’t even bother with. Years of being told that he made it too hard for people, that no one ever would love him, it was hard for the man to accept it. So hard in fact, that it took him almost ten years to not flinch when someone like Rowan said it to him. But when it comes to Tessa, it’s hard to ignore. Almost laughing all over again, Ryder rubs his jaw. “Wasn’t keeping me up at night - Tess, you’re a smart girl. How you’ve missed this is beyond me.” He couldn’t say the word. He wouldn’t say the word. And he knew that she deserved more than whatever shards of him were left over at this point - but god he was a selfish asshole. So selfish in fact, that when she mentioned her feelings being the reason for her most recent break up, an eyebrow arched over a blue eye. “Look I can’t say that I’m disappointed that your feelings for me are preventing you from hooking up with douchebags like Jacob,” the historian said with a shrug. “But you are wrong. Like…extremely wrong.” 

**

Tessa had quickly learned from her mistake back at the community centre. If anything, she knew that the words shouldn’t have left her mouth the moment they had. She knew Ryder better than that, and the guilt that came with putting him in that position had been following her around for weeks now. “I mean we both missed it, didn’t we? Over 10 years of it...” There was always the possibility that her best friend had caught onto her feelings for him before she had realized how far gone she really was when it came to him. A smile slowly crept across her lips as he took a small jab at Jacob, something that was completely expected out of him. As her heart felt like it was about to beat out of her chest, she finally allowed herself to catch his gaze again. “Is everyone I date a douchebag? Because Jacob was actually one of the nice ones...but anyway...” Extremely wrong. Tessa couldn’t think of any two words in this moment that could have relieved her of the nerves that overtook her as she let herself be vulnerable with Ryder in a way that felt new for them both. She paused, struggling to figure out what to say next without scaring him away completely. “I know you can’t say it right now and I’m okay with as long as it takes you, but I need more than me being extremely wrong. What do you want, RJ?”

✽

Tessa’s words have Emme humming in agreement, nodding. Her own connections with the club have been limited at best — while she has plenty of friends who are involved, both directly and indirectly, she tries to keep herself distanced from all of it. “It’s better that way, don’t you think?” The question is genuine, something that she has been asking herself from the moment she stepped back in town. It seems inevitable to not have ties with the club at this point and part of her wonders if she should just embrace it since she is, apparently, home for good this time. Many of her friends have. But she doesn’t think she has it in her, not really. She’s too soft – she always has been. “Hopefully,” she sighs, running a hand through her hair at the mention of the never-ending string of rumors that fly around town. “I can’t blame anyone for talking though, can I? It’s not like I was subtle when I came back.” Though she had tried to be. Ideally, she would have had time to settle back into town before the news of Harley started cycling through all of the social circles in town – now she always feels like she’s got eyes on her. She knows it’s because of who Harley’s father is and that just comes with the title, but it doesn’t make her any more comfortable with it. 

Her smile brightens though when they talk about Tessa and her music. She remembers coming back to it all a few years ago, how it had made her feel more like herself again than even her divorce had – it was an important part of her and she knows it’s an important part of Tessa, too. She hopes the younger woman gets there. “I did an open mic there a few years ago when I first came back to town. It was really nice — really low pressure, you know? Best case scenario I was going to have fun, worst case scenario I looked like an idiot in front of a handful of people I didn’t even know. I think that was a good starting point.” She wants to do it again now that she’s back. Her glass raises to tap gently against Tessa’s, a chime sounding around there. “And cheers to you singing with me in a few weeks because now that you’ve put the idea in my head, I’m not going to let it go.” 

**

Not knowing what really went on with the MC outside of what she heard from word of mouth felt like a blessing and a curse. At times, it allowed her to live naively without the full weight of the darkness that surrounded Olympus. Other times, she felt like it was the elephant in the room when it came to her and Ryder. She knew about his involvement with the club, but she didn’t know much more than that. While she appreciated him trying to protect her from it all, there were times when it bothered her to her core knowing that she was so cut off from such a big part of his life. It was a relief to hear that she wasn’t the only one in that situation, but it wasn’t something her and Emme had ever spoken about. “Most of the time I think it is, but sometimes I just feel like it’s not practical, you know?” Especially not with her newly discovered feelings for him, and certainly not if she had any hope for a relationship with him.

“It’s not easy keeping a low profile here, so you never really had a shot. It’s why I’m never leaving and coming back…just pretend it’s like that town in Wanda Vision.” Tessa’s mind wandered to what her life would have been like had she moved out of town and attended Juilliard like she was meant to. She could only assume that her life would have been drastically different, Olympus a mere place she would visit a few times a year. It was too bad that self-doubt and ties to certain people had kept her here. “Sonny and Cher, right?” Tessa mused, a coy grin taking to her lips at the thought. Tessa saw parts of herself in Emme, which made talking to her about things like this significantly easier than most people. Besides Emme, there was only really one other person she ever spoke to about where her heart really lay. “It’s just so…healing, you know? We’re going to have to practice our harmonies, though...I plan on being at least a little drunk for it.”