Terminally Single

In the early stages of getting to know someone the sort of "honeymoon" stage many different emotions can be flying around, happiness, excitement, feeling smitten etc. I've noticed a popular topic of debate amongst young people of today seems to particularly surround the frequency of contact between two people. What is a "normal" amount of contact between two people who are attracted to one another and also share the intention to learn more about each other? Is it weird to converse everyday? Is it THAT strange if one person slightly misses talking to the other if they go a day or two without speaking?

From the conversations I have had with both female and male friends it seems to me on a general level that men can go longer than women without speaking to someone they are seeing/getting to know. Whereas with women they don't see a problem with speaking to someone everyday and in most cases wonder why guys sometimes don't contact them for a few days. 

There are 24 hours in a day, if you like someone surely they will cross your mind at some point during these 24 hours...if that is the case what is wrong with messaging, texting or emailing that person just to have a chat with them? Personally, I don't believe in smothering people and feel that individuals in general and couples should be separate entities despite being in a relationship, so I wouldn't condone contacting a person a hundred times a day demanding lengthy intense conversations; at least once is harmless though right?

I'm not suggesting it be an obligation to speak every single day without fail but if someone should want to surely they should feel comfortable enough to do so without pre-thinking "what if i come across to eager?" Maybe there are guys out there thinking the same thing as some females and are afraid of coming across as too sensitive so they therefore try to "play it cool" by contacting every few days like clockwork. 

I feel women are constantly debating whether or not to contact a guy they like with like questions "does he want space?" Or "is he testing me and trying to find out if i'm interested in him?" arising. Why can't everyone just act like normal adult beings, contact someone when you think about them (the quantity being with in reason), no playing games.

Is a person acting desperately for wanting to be in frequent and consistent contact with a person they like or are they simply just being human?

Female: Hmmm you're a bit of a cheese ball lol

Male: Cheese ball you know looool, indeed I am! I'm the cheese & your the toast & together we can make the perfect cheese sandwich

Female: FYI i'm not a fan of cheese

Male: Ok what are you a fan of?

Female: Lol i'm a fan of apple crumble

Male: And i'm a big fan of custard, so lets make this shit happen lol! So what do you say about my offer?

Female: What exactly is your offer?

Male: We hook up get some custard and crumble then go back to mine tonight!

Female: lol no thanks you've just ruined it for yourself

Man: Why is that love?

Female: Because i'm only interested in serious guys hun

Male: Loooooooooool so i'm not serious?

Female: Lol no you're not! You want me to come round to your place tonight 48 hours after you met me? We haven't even had a proper conversation yet mate

Male: Well pardon my all so forward approach, but I just choose not to follow the conventional way of meeting women, why follow the norm? I am a spontaneous individual & often make spontaneous decisions & requests. I also have my reasons for such an approach to women but trust me it doesn't mean that I am not serious! By the way when you say serious what do you really mean?

Female: Well someone who is interested in getting to know me and see where it goes not someone who's only aim is to get into my knickers etc

After the initial excitement about writing my first blog post for Terminally Single subsided I realised that i was going to have to write something that someone else might actually want to read. What on god’s green earth was I going to write? After some serious deliberation I settled on a question that plagues many of my fellow single ladies. Why are you single? Now the answer is different for everyone and but I figured I’d give my personal insight on the matter. 

  Personally, I am fully aware of my flaws, and i have a multitude. One of which is the fact that i am unable to just go with the flow, I need some kind of plan. Blindly wondering along a road that may or may not be leading to deadly drop is not my portion. And this seems to be what 90% of 21st century men want me to do. 

“Lets just see how it goes babe... No one can see the future....Who knows how we will feel in a few months..What wrong with just taking each day as it comes... YOLO**(kmt)”

These kind of comments are not conducive to my happiness. Now i’m not saying that I want a full blown bullet point plan (although that would be nice) but I would like to know we are at least on the same page, living in the same time zone and looking at the same picture. For example if you know you are not ready for a serious relationship, that’s fine but you can’t get involved with someone who is looking for something serious as the relationship/situation is inevitably going to fail. 21st century men want to have their cake, eat it and not get fat without going to the gym and even those with great metabolisms will eventually put on the pounds. I’m not saying that everything has to be super serious and words like ‘marriage’ and ‘kids’ should be thrown around but we are adults now and this whole ‘YOLO’ mentality is not helping matters. How can we be living our lives in accordance to a Rick Ross/Drake lyric? If we aren’t even starting on the same page how can we except to keep moving the same direction, it’s a recipe for disaster and normally ends with feelings being hurt and tyres being slashed. No woman wants to slash a man’s tyres but months or in many cases years of being in “relationships” with these YOLO types leads women to extreme actions.  

I’m not saying that i want to get married tomorrow (however preferably sometime this decade) but at this stage I would like someone who is open to the idea that this may just be forever because if that’s not even a possibility then what’s the point? The very notion that whatever I am about to embark upon has an expiry date not only slams the door in the face of the here & now but also but on the whole idea of possibility and potential. Yes you only live once but I’d rather do it alone and happy than in a semi-serious relationship which all that these 21st century men seem to be offering. 

The Hopless romantic x

It has come to my attention that these days people seem to be suffering from amnesia of the voluntary kind; this involves deciding to block out the wrongs committed and carrying on with life as if nothing ever happened. It also covers running away from certain issues that need to be addressed instead of facing them head on.

I'm finding it quite sickening that certain guys willingly choose to fuck up, bask in the glory at the time then the next day when they've sobered/woken up convince themselves (with the help of their like minded friends) that the previous nights events didn't occur and everything ran smoothly.

Unfortunately life does not mirror the Men In Black movie, humans are not provided with a memory erasing device at birth, as adults who are responsible for our own actions we should really be trying to limit the amount of reckless mistakes we make instead of acting willy nilly. I've got an idea how about we act our age and not our shoe size? Yes I am using an ancient analogy but it is true. 

Furthermore quick question why is it that guys have voluntary amnesia when a planned date arises. You waste your time and energy arranging and agreeing to a date only for the date to come and pass without any contact from the other party. Then you receive a text or phone call which leads into the topic of the supposed date

"oh yeah what happened last week? How come we didn't meet up again?"                      

"hello stranger, where have you been hiding?" 

"weren't we supposed to link up two weeks ago?"

Do women have better memories or do men simply just remember what they want to remember and deliberately forget the rest?

So about ten days ago I was laying in bed trying to get a one hour nap in before having to get ready and go out to a family friends 25th birthday celebration. As I lay there I receive a message on my blackberry messenger; the conversation went as follows....

Him:  Hi babe, you free today?

Me: Hiya love, why what's happening?"

Him:  No plans we can improvise, we'll go somewhere lol"

Me: Ha ha, what kind of night do you want? Sober/Un-sober?"

Him: Unsober *devils emoticon*

Me: Smh (shake my head) lol"

After this point the conversation develops a little and there is discussion about how each others days went, our plans for the weekend etc. Then I decide to change my display picture and put up a picture of myself; after my last reply comes the following message....

Him: O shitttt....Alex.....O shitttt....Ohhhhh nooooooo.....I thought you were...an alex i'm currently seeing.....Fuccckkkkk.....that's sooooo embarrassing...ohhh my gosh......forgive me for that PLEASE i'm so sorry" *mouth wide open emoticon*

Now the guy in question is not in any way a love interest but the first thought that came to mind was definitely F.M.L lol. I genuinely cannot remember the last date I went on or the last time any male (friend or crush) invited me for a night out/date so the fact that there was a prospect of this happening excited me a little bit. But as usual as the universe would have it, it still was not my night! To be honest when I first read the message I wasn't too fazed I was half asleep and the two of us don't have that type of relationship also I knew that I already had plans for the evening. HOWEVER as I said earlier it was just nice to think for half a second (before I was robbed of the minor happiness) that someone actually wanted to treat me. Oh well at least it made me and my friends laugh.