âThereâs a dead human in our house!â
âOh, hey, how did you get here?â
âMe? Hey- I didnât do this.â
âExplain what happened!â
âIâve never seen him before in my life!â
âWhy did you kill this person!â
âI do not kill people- that is, that is my least favorite thing to do.â
âTell me exactly what you were doing before i got home.â
âSo I was upstairs, I was, ah,uh sitting in my room, reading a book, and this guy walked inâŚâ
ââŚSo I went up to him, and I stabbed him thirty-seven ties in the chest!â
âDude, that kills people!â
âOh, wow, haha, I didnât know that would kill him.â
âHow could you not know that it would kill him?!â
âYeah, Iâm in the wrong here. I suck.â
âWhat happened to his handsâŚ? Why are they missing?â
âI ah, kind of cooked them up⌠and ate them!â
âLook, I was hungry, and when you crave for something, well,â
âMy stomach was making the rumbliesâŚ. that only ____ could satisfy.â
âWhat is wrong with you?â
âWhat on Earth was all that?!â
âIâm not sure what youâre trying to say.â
âYou sunk an entire cruise ship!â
âAre you sure that was me? I think I wouldâve remembered doing something like that.â
âI SAW you fire a harpoon into the captainâs face!â
âThat sounds dangerous.â
âYou were shoving children off the side of the ship!â
âThat must have been horrifying to watch.â
âThen you started making out with the ice sculptures!â
âThank God the children were not there to see it.â
âWhy is the floor all red and sticky?â
âWould you believe itâs not blood on the floor? That itâs strawberry milkshake? Melted gumdrops? Some of Godâs Tears?â
âTell me the truth!â
âIt was the lovely elderly couple from room 2B.â
âI canât believe what Iâm hearing.â
âThey were taking all the crescent rolls.â
âI will not apologize for art.â
âWhere is everyone else?â
âWhoa, you won the prize! I didnât even notice that!â
âLooking at the trajectory of the moon and sun, the rest of the people are probably at the bottom of the ocean. I put holes in the lifeboats.â
âOkay, okay, I have a problem, I have a seriously problem.â
âYou are just terrible today.â
âShh, do you hear that? Itâs the sound of forgiveness.â
âThatâs the sound of people drowning, you idiot.â
âAh yes, the sound of forgiveness: screaming and then silence.â