Ten Percent Normal

High up on a hill in remote rural Wales,

A tumbledown Manor House covered in snails

No human to talk to, not even a phone

Lady Bernadette Oliver lived all alone

Dressing up every day in fine fabrics and fur

Creating new styles and feeling demur

Dreaming one day her designs would be

Featured in Vogue magazine and TV

But the house wasn’t empty, or quiet you see

It was full to the brim, a cacophony

Of weird and bizarre exotic pets

Ordered by Paypal on the internet

Two wild Kangaroos, a blue Cockateel

1 Lobster, 5 Hamsters, 3 Kittens, a Seal

10 Giant Goldfish, one Camel, of course

A Zebra, 2 Parrots, a miniature Horse

So happy there were, but this may not end well

This story is twisted, have you guessed, can you tell?

—

It began with Bobby the Burmese cat,

He choked on a hairball and that was that

Out like a light, a very quick death

But just moments after his very last breath

“I’ve just thought of a way to make my name,

A surefire way to find fortune and fame

Combine sewing skills and my pet passion

I’ll attempt to create new kinds of fashion”

With that she took Bobby and squashed him flat

Then turned him into a lovely top hat

Next, Roger and Avril, two pekinese dogs

Snuffed it on Monday, Tuesday they were clogs

One week after was Reggie the Fox,

He drowned in the pond and then darned into socks

Struck down by lightening her two lovely white Doves

Quick as a flash they became Fingerless gloves.

As years went by and her animals ceased

Her experiments and crazy ideas increased

Squashed in mid March, her army of ants

So she stitched them to the seam of her pants

The final straw came with her old mountain goat

Her face disappeared in the nanny goat coat

This crazy old lady could no longer been seen

A grotesque mix of animals where she had once been

She got the fame she desired, her wishes came true

Experimenting with the autocomplete feature on the Macbook Pro touch-bar to write a poem 

Before

In the past

you can take the day off

and go back to sleep

----

You

I am calm 

in a relationship

with you

----

Person

That 

is the only reason why 

we are 

the 

Two brothers named Dave with a craving for rave. Determined one night to stay up until light

Attempt to experience the ultimate high Challenge each other, their limits and fly

These 2 Daves were desperate to get off their heads That evening they’d already guzzled down meds

LSD, ecstacy, speed and dope too Mushrooms, heroin, even sniffed glue

Said Dave number one’ We’ve exhausted our stash Of drugs and more importantly cash!’

“One thing left to do” said Dave number two “Search the whole house for chemicals, try something new!”

——

Down the gullet, washing powder,

Music louder

Oven cleaner all over their face

Turn up the bass

Sniff,

snort,

chase,

inject

Fungicidal wash, Orange squash, Paracetamol, Aerosol,

Dettol, Petrol, Turps, Shampoo

Even something for cleaning the loo

Sweating,    eyes wide,    faces pale

I n h a l e,                        e x h a l e.

Melting, mangled, twisting, tangled,

—

The last gulp of white spirit

finally did it

They really were

Off

their

heads