quite the problem child of fandom

see both sides of the ship. Want Spike to get what he wants, and ship Spuffy only because of that? Well, that's veering dangerously close to seeing only Spike's perspective. And that goes both ways. 

keep in mind that Buffy was clinically depressed and that Spike spent the year after the Scoobies saved his life in S4 plotting their deaths with Adam. Remember that Spike stalked Buffy, and no matter how upset he was when she locked him out, this was right after he'd chained her up in his basement and threatened her death.

keep in mind as well that Spike is a vampire, and even his best intentions are corrupted by his nature. Remember that he was so disgusted with himself after Seeing Red that he went out and got a soul. Acknowledge that whatever the reasons behind their sexual relationship, there was no pretending from either side about what it was going to be. And don't forget that Buffy's been punching a defenseless vampire in the nose for several seasons, which (while probably not that painful), certainly built up some resentment. There are points against Buffy, too, though they aren't quite as heinous.

critique the characters and the relationship! Nowhere in the Shipping Bible does it say "Thou shalt adore unconditionally and without critical thinking." Feel free to criticize and debate and don't feel like that means you have to hate a character or relationship aspect, even for its dysfunction. 

remember Seeing Red, and accept that that's going to turn a lot of people off for good reason. Do accept that it happened, and that it's something you have to acknowledge as a Spuffy shipper.

DO NOT

ever, ever, imply that Buffy's actions caused the AR. Could Buffy's actions have caused Spike to be conflicted, or to bring him to anger or confusion? Sure. But that is not the same thing as causing someone to try to rape you- no one did that but Spike, and the moment you try to turn Buffy's actions and Spike's responses into a cause-and-effect, you're tilting the blame from the aggressor to the victim. Not okay.

This should go without saying after the "see both sides" bullet point, but do not call Buffy names because she hurts Spike's feelings. First of all, all your names are rooted in misogyny. Secondly, if you're seeing both sides you're acknowledging both characters' faults, and why Buffy isn't exactly racing into Spike's arms. Don't turn Spike into a Nice Guy by insisting that he's owed Buffy's love because he's nice to her sometimes. He's better than that.

compare Angel and Spike in an attempt to prove that "Spike is best for Buffy!". It's generally tacky, and all you're doing is proving that the details you've picked and chosen make Spike superior to...one other guy out there. Not the basis for an OTP as much as a petty playground argument. And keep in mind as well that no matter how much you complain that people should have treated Spike better with the soul and forgiven him- they didn't do that with Angel, actually, and certainly not to the point of taking him in nine episodes later! And definitely remember that Spike without a soul has proven to be far more human than Angelus, which may explain why his actions are so much harder for fandom to forgive. It's always emotional, of course.

treat every single male character as out to get Spike or after Buffy's love. There are plenty of characters who are protective of Buffy for other reasons, and Spike isn't exactly going out of his way to be a good guy. I bring this up because it's common courtesy- lots of us like other characters and ship other ships, too, and we go to the Spuffy tag for love, not hate.