madi

something that stands out to me so prominently every time i watch breaking bad is how we’re introduced to jesse. he falls off of a roof, speeds off in his monte carlo, and by the end of the episode we’re seeing him fall flat on his face and fumble his way through the situation. throughout the series, in earlier circumstances we commonly see these very clumsy navigations throughout the world of crime from him. however, as we travel through the series, despite seeing these increasing displays of strength, resilience, and vulnerability, so many individuals (in the broader sense of breaking bad watchers) tend to look at jesse in that same light that they saw him in in the very first episode. there’s something to be said about looking at jesse pinkman, at the very end of the series, and still seeing him in the way that he’s portrayed in that first scene. there’s much more to be said about the way that this idea of jesse is continually reinforced and kept alive (despite how he, himself, develops) through walter’s dialogue. how we hear, over and over, how jesse is just a junkie. how he has nothing but go-karts, and video games. how he’s just a loser, and how lucky he is to have done something special with his life so early on. this image of jesse is painted, both by walter and directly to him (and by extension, to the audience as well), that i think does something similar to what i have also seen from the “a man provides” speech from gus. often times, there are posts or comments about how gustavo fring really knew what he was talking about there — despite that scene being gus manipulating walter through toxic masculine mindsets. some audiences join walter in falling prey to this manipulation, buying in to exactly what walt does. with jesse pinkman, who we see stumble and fumble through this first episode (and then continue to do this in other instances in the early seasons), this manipulative rhetoric is hammered in. it’s continual, and relentless. that image of him prevails, no matter how the other layers and depths build. people fall into the same perspectives that walter peddles out to jesse. that initial idea of him as a junkie loser, who’s nobody important without walter white, never fully fades. even though, by the end, we see jesse pinkman — who stood tall against highly dangerous players in the game, and refused to accept harm to any child. who grieved and mourned and suffered over and over. who was abused, continually and increasingly, and said he deserved whatever happened. who gives us every opportunity to see him as more, and shows us, time and time again, this spark of humanity that refuses to be snuffed out. every time i watch breaking bad and see that very first glimpse of jesse, clumsily maneuvering through the rest of the episode, i can’t help but think about how all of these core pieces lived inside of him before we even saw it. and how walter white, who met jesse as a mere teen, refuses to ever let him grow up