young old man, looking for his slippers

me when i’m a lonely jewish boy born in newark new jersey and i’m raised by vaudeville parents who are travelling so much they dump me with like six hundred different relatives and then my grandma dies and the war starts and antisemitism is an all-high and i love show business and i become an entertainer and i work in the borscht belt like my parents did and i lose my virginity at twelve to a much older woman who was paid by my dad which most likely scarred me and then i travel around with my guardian that i’ve had since i was fourteen and i’m at a coffee shop one day and a man nine years older than me tells me to lick sauce off my tie and so i do and i find out he’s dean martin a dime-a-dozen crooner but i think his voice is so wonderful that i fall in love with it and i think he’s handsome and strong and the older brother-father-lover i would never have and so i fall in love with him too and then i marry a woman who is italian and a singer and six years older than me and i have a baby boy at eighteen and dean and i begin to write messages to each other in dressing rooms for two years and then one day in 1946 i team up with him after i recommend his name to everyone i know bc i’m so lonely and i want him to spend time with me and so i managed to bring him to atlantic city and me and him become martin & lewis and from there there’s nowhere to go but up and up and up and up and we get movie deals and fame follows the two of us everywhere and i’ve never been more in love but people start talking and then dean gets divorced and then married to a new woman that i don’t like and she doesn’t like me but i try to get along with anyway for the sake of dean bc everything i do is for him and i get jealous of how much his new wife is taking up his time and then i start to grow up and develop ambitions and i want to reach further heights than ever before but he wants to stay exactly the same and i can’t place it but he starts to look at me with disdain bc i’m growing up in front of him in ways he never wanted me to and so the two of us argue and argue and make up and argue and still love each other but people start talking again and they whisper in my ear and his and both of us begin to think splitting up is the best idea and then more shitty movies are made and so i finally decide to call it quits and we end up splitting on the exact same date ten years on from when we started and we go our separate ways but he still haunts me wherever i go and so we draw up banners and grow fussy and fight and we run into each other a few times and it reminds me of how much i used to love him and then in 1976 frank brings him onto my show and for a brief moment everything is okay and i remember all the good times and so we talk periodically from time to time after that even though i ache and yearn and want so much more than the scraps i’m being given and i want to run back to atlantic city with him bc that’s where i met and fell madly in love with him so many decades ago and then dean’s son dies and he shuts himself off from everyone and i know in my heart of hearts he’s dead to world and so i do my best to love him and then on christmas day he dies and i am all alone and i live another twenty-two years without him. and i’m jerry lewis. and i’m a comedian.

book: they ordered their drinks at ye olde tavern and there was a guy there. and he said sup i'm william but you can call me will...... shakespeare......

pythagoras making a cameo in a novel about vampires in ancient greece or whatever: oh didn't see you there...... i was busy thinking about my theorem #mytheorem

learning not to return to places where I miss the past but see no future

Hucklerobby somehow being the thing to make me rise from the ashes of my dead tumblr account, hello everyone!