A lovely fucking mess.

The kid was picked up by an ambulance 30 minutes later.

Now as an adult working in security I get SO MANY folks- upper-middle aged mostly- coming to me to 'rat out' people they think are faking it.

I was once sent into a bathroom because a client demanded that the "fucker won't get out, so go drag them out"- I was NEVER going to do that, so I did a wellness check instead. You know who it was? A person recently released from the hospital after a car accident. They had a hole in their skull and major hearing loss. They couldn't answer the owner because they couldn't HEAR the owner.

Another time about a homeless man who got around town by kicking the ground from his wheelchair. "You know he doesn't actually need that thing, his legs work fine, it's just for pity points"- Oh, so he's not paralyzed, his wheelchair is performative? Funny story Dale, I actually know that guy, he was backed over by a truck and has chronic pain from his shattered pelvis. But sure, let's make him stand up and walk everywhere so nobody feels too bad for him and tries to help him or something.

"She doesn't need that scooter, I've seen her get out of it."

"Look how fat he is, because he just rides around and refuses to get up."

"She doesn't really need that cane- she comes here without it all the time"

The 7th picture in your camera roll is how you died.

Tags below cut.

Mine is this:

I'm gonna get killed by a tiger...

And who, pray tell, is the fucking human-sized rabbit who's gonna set me up for this outlandish disaster?

@i-am-trashyy @8ghostscarabs @soadconnoisseur @official-kovaxworx @im-garbage-trust @catdisguisedasaduck @sunnydust2003 @pamiwerewolfybunterfly @keepsleepinkoi and...

I got killed by Evil Pomni

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE Y'ALLS

Le gasp

Ur supposed to be my fren-

How dare-

( OOC: .. Wha- Wat- )

(OOC: OPTEPEDE?! I’M GONNA GET MINKED BY OPTEPEDE?!)

This fuckass image my friend sent me.

[ the farting birds from a rehab center 😭😟 ]

Shark mittens. Does this mean

If I do die by the words, it's either getting hit by a car, an Alastor quote, crack, my grandparents' dog, pajama pants, Ṩṩἔἧιмὄḋἧιἄιʀ, or TADC. Type shit.

Ig I get pranked by Gumball and Taffy lol

(These are characters from my show)

Now, somehow, their entire mental health is based on the continued life and happiness of this fairground goldfish that they picked up.

Neither of you know the first thing about how to care for even a healthy fish. This fish has been poorly cared for, has multiple diseases and the person who handed it over explicitly didn't expect it to live nearly as long as it already has.

You're frantically googling how to set up a fish tank, where to buy fish food, can you even take a fish to the vet? Your partner wants you to know that they're happy they made it home and survived their horrific ordeal, but also that if anything happens to the fish then they're going to kill everyone on this planet and then themself.

You're honestly wondering if you're even helping the fish, or just prolonging its suffering, but your partner will only accept medical help for their many injuries or engage in basic self-care once they're confident that the fish is being looked after.

So you get a tank. You set up a filter and all that stuff. You learn way more than you ever wanted to know about water temperature and ph and nitrate levels. The fish is safe. You start to develop some affection for the little guy. Your partner begins to recover. The fish begins to recover.

Which is when you learn that in its 'healthy' state, the fish regularly refuses to sleep when tired, keeps begging for food that is obviously unhealthy for it (and struggling to eat the food that you do provide because “it tastes gross”), and continually tries to persuade your partner to take it out of its nice safe tank so it can go explore the wonderful world of Outside, where the slightest mishap will kill it instantly.