when time occurs

“I keep coming back to you even though it hurts every time.”

“dear god, please stop breaking my heart”

“Heartbreak is mentally exhausting. You spend hours of your life pining, analyzing, regretting, wishing, hoping - hurting. And you feel it everywhere, it’s consuming. And while you understand this emotional prison is temporary, every part of you screams and you scream with it.”

“What if I find someone new but still fall asleep to the thought of you?”

“And we’re all just fighting to survive in a world where I miss you doesn’t mean I’m coming back and I love you doesn’t mean I’ll stay.”

“I’m not tearing down my walls for anyone anymore. You wanna know what’s inside? Climb.”

I often wonder where I stand with you. Some days it feels as if my feelings are reciprocated, and that you want to be with me as much as I want to be with you. Other days I question whether or not I even cross your mind, especially when I’m waiting by the phone or being left on read.

“I miss him in a way I’m afraid to talk about. I’m supposed to be better now, I think, but my breath still catches at his ghost sometimes. More often than I’d like. I’m paralyzed by the visceral memories of his fingers on my hips, his arm wrapped around my shoulders, his hand in mine. I’m reminded of the promises tattooed on my heart: the cities we laid claim to but never visited, the goals we had, the life we’d eventually share. I thought he was mine, but in truth, I never even knew him. We were just vague promises. All we had was false hope. We banked on a hazy future. I miss what I had, but more than that I miss the opportunity I lost. I loved the idea of him. I’ll always regret that I did not get to love him.”

“The real goodbye is the one that happens slowly, over time, wordlessly. There is no ‘see you again.’ There are no future plans. You stop checking up on each other, and eventually you go back to being strangers.”