Pinned Post: Chastity Cheat Sheet!
I am aware that there is a lot of information on this blog - plenty of detail and explanation into the mindset and procedure of Male Chastity play. Perhaps too much detail!?
I get a large amount of emails and messages asking for a simple place to start, and while I usually point them to the very first post in this blog, I think the time has come to provide a quick 'Cheat Sheet' for those of you who need to recap or want to get started quickly and dig into the details later.
As a starting point, here are some hotlinks to the main sections of the blog:
Introducing Male Chastity Play
The Science of Male Chastity
Teasing in T&D / Chastity Play
In addition to these articles, I will also provide a quick 'Cheat Sheet' based on a summary of the information above, blending in my 10+ years of experience as well as hints and tips I've picked up along the way. Here we go!
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Chastity play is the best example of 'power exchange play' where the (usually) female keyholder takes control of the couple's sexual dynamic.
Handing over control of their sexual release is a highly arousing (somewhat counterintuitively!) experience for males. The tease and denial that comes with it heightens sexual excitement, increases the male's energy levels and (most importantly) makes YOU the focus of the sexual experience.
Male chastity play is not about having less sex - in fact, most couples in chastity play have a significantly more active sexual dynamic than the 'vanilla sex twice a month' crowd.
Hold the keys and control when and how release takes place (see links) .
Set, communicate and enforce the keyholding rules at the start of the lockup.
Tease regularly - to keep arousal in peak state throughout lockup.
Make the most of (literally!) holding him by the balls ;). Enjoy being ‘selfish’ sexually (for once!).
The wife can choose the chastity device.
It is no longer his penis - it is your 'nub'. Take ownership.
Hold the keys, keep them safe, do not let him access them - take it seriously. Locked men cannot be trusted with the keys ;)
The wife decides when the male will be unlocked, allowed an erection, or allowed release. SEPARATE the concept of 'unlock= orgasm' or 'unlock=erection’. In most cases it’s none of those - it's unlocked purely for teasing, punishment or training, for example.
The way to maximize benefits and (again, counterintuitively) maximize his chastity experience is constant teasing / arousal. This does not have to take a lot of time or effort. My ideal teasing effort is 2-5 minutes a day, or every second day… mix it up.
Is teasing cruel for the locked male? Absolutely not. Denial after 2-3 weeks of lockup is often described by locked males as "feeling like being half way to orgasm 100% of time". Quite heady stuff.
Talk about his predicament: Tell him you like how it looks, how tight it must be, how full his balls look… Ask him to show it to you as a 'cage check’ at random times.
Make fun of it! “Ah sweet such a cute little nub.” A little-known side-effect: locked boys leak precum like crazy. Tease him about his constant ‘dribbling’ or ‘wet spot’ - you are sure to fire up even more production 😂.
Tell him to sleep naked now and again. Join him in the shower. When at home, make him wear tight clothing where the cage is clearly visible.
Play with his balls. With the nub locked, his exposed balls are infinitely more sensitive. Tickling / stroking will be irritating - what he will need is squeezing, slapping, hitting. Start slowly and build up intensity - he will tell you when to stop. Women are way too gentle with balls in general - most makes prefer far more rough play than they let on. Let him guide you if you are unsure.
Play with the cage - stroke any exposed bits, blow on it, whatever!
Kiss - the fastest way to turn him on, and it will make him strain in his cage. For added heat, hold his cage / balls while kissing.
Make him worship your body: make him go down on you, massage you, stroke you... use your imagination! Denying him an orgasm DEFINITELY does not mean reducing your orgasm count. In fact, statistically keyholders will orgasm 3x per week (cunnilingus etc, using toys etc), whereas the male averages 18 full orgasms per year. You can even have penis-in-vagina sex where you orgasm and he does not. Although, be careful with this one - we don't want any accidents ;). Using a cock sheath is an excellent mind-screw on this one.
Nipple Play: With his cock locked, his nipples will heighten in sensitivity dramatically. Play with them by using nipple clamps, clothespins or even just by pinching and squeezing. Be careful, some locked males have been known to cum from just nipple play alone!
Edging: Stimulate your male until he reaches the edge of orgasm – then pause or dramatically slow down your play to prevent him from climaxing. You can do this many times in a row. This is extremely pleasurable for him, because it prolongs his pleasure and ultimately gives him a much stronger orgasm when compared to regular sex when you finally decide to let him pop – although, of course, you can always change your mind and lock him back up before that happens.
HOW OFTEN SHOULD HE BE ALLOWED RELEASE?
This is up to you!
If you are new to chastity play, I recommend a minimum 3 week initial lock up - no unlocking, no release whatsoever. 3 weeks is a full week beyond the typical 14 day prolactin/oxytocin cycle that follows a full orgasm in males. We want to maximize oxytocin (caring, devotion, sexual energy) buildup (14+ days) and minimize prolactin (grumpy, tired, loss of libido), which usually starts to stabilise at the 14 day mark.
Feel free to go with a fixed schedule, such as one ejaculation allowed per 3 weeks, if that makes things easier for you – but don’t make it too predictable, so also consider delaying or skipping a release date.
For more experienced lovers, it is almost universally held by women who seriously practice chastity for their male that initial enforcement of chastity should be at least three months of continuous wear without relief after you go through the break in period of getting a device that fits.
HOW SHOULD HE BE ALLOWED RELEASE?
Penis-in-vagina (PIV) orgasm: I discourage this one because I feel that sex and ejaculation need to be separated to avoid accidents. We have sex several times per week and ejaculation is never expected and rarely a topic of conversation. But if you do enjoy the feeling of him ejaculating inside you, then you can of course go ahead and allow him. Sex with a dildo or with him wearing a cock sheath means you get all the benefits of hot PIV sex without him having to orgasm.
Handjobs: The easiest and quickest for you! To spice it up, use a Timer - for example, if his last ejaculation was two weeks ago, you could give him two minutes to cum. If he doesn’t make it in time, he will be re-locked. If you don't feel like unlocking him, simply use a vibrator / electric massager on his cage - the vibrations will eventually lead to a strange, unsatisfying orgasm (perfect!).
Masturbation: Tell him to masturbate in front of you. Again, use a timer here to increase the pressure!
Anal: If you are into this sort of thing, did you know you can actually 'milk' a male. It's true. Stimulating the prostate in the right way will lead to semen release without any orgasm and without even the need to unlock the nub.
Finally, and my favorite: The 'Touchless (aka Ruined) Orgasm': stimulate him until just before the “point of no return” and then remove your hand and stop all stimulation. If you time it right, instead of ejaculating in “bursts”, the semen flows effortlessly down the penis – hence they are also misleadingly called “ruined” orgasms. If done correctly, he will still be horny afterwards and will stay hard as a rock, still wanting more. Perfect!
Above all, enjoy it! I guarantee you, it will be a different, fun, unique and highly arousing experience.
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