Teddy

1 year back is when it all started, when you met Uzair; you didn't meet him in the literal way, there was no accidental bumping , no ending up in the same room at the same time ,no eye contact that stirred up sparks ,no fate that ordained them into a close proximity. 

In fact your worlds were vastly different, trying to find stars in the afternoon sky- a girl from an average well mannered respected middle family had no business being anywhere in the vicinity of people like him - ruthless crude mouthed gangsters reputed for all the wrong things. It was another bore of a duphahar, simple sleepy thats how you preferred it to be on your weekends after being exhausted and having your soul sucked by going to college all week a lazy 3 hour nap was all you needed it after stuffing yourself with all the aalo paraathe of the house, you knew that sleep was going to hit like nothing else ever had. 

You plopped yourself face down into the pillow inhaling away deeply at the scent of freshly washed covers eyes so heavy lidded one blink and you were snoring

“BANG”

And you were awake and stomping with the verve of a serial killer, eager to pass your doomsday judgment for the kid that decided to blow of firecracker at this time, when you drew closer to the balcony and  you realised it was not a fire cracker but an actual gun shot, loud and clear followed by one after another , your first instinct was to start crying assuming the worst since this was Lyari after all gang wars were no foreign but it never failed to rattle your nerves. 

Inara laughed at your puffy face, “ Ab kyu ro rahi hai” she was back for a few days after her wedding, here to torture you again  “ Aap has kyu rahi hoo?” “Kyunki pehli baar kisiko ek railey ko dekh ke itna rote hue dekha hai” “Railey?” you sniffle confused, the sleep finally wearing off, you stalked back to the balcony, out this time watching the crowd swarm the narrow gali with its tanker of a car, the gun going wasn’t violence for once but a show off , a celebration to their political win. Gangsters lined up, sitting on the bonnet mixed with the 100’s of people looking the way they did - rough,burly,dirty. “Kya hai yaar yeh gawaron ko abhi mujhe heart attack aa jaata toh” You whined, a big mistake to do so infront of your sister, “MujJhEEe heart aTTack aa jaaTA” She whined right back in a mocking tone, exaggerating the pitch of your voice. 

You sighed right back, eyes straying to the street again scanning over a swarm of people you would never understand, never understanding their violence their intentions and it was supposed to stay that way. Deviating from one unfamiliar face to other it landed on the man that quite wasn’t the center of attention not over the Rehman Dakait but a recognizable face - the one you have seen daubed on banners over shops, face botched by the low resolution, the colours off face squashed into something it wasn’t but here now in real life it was an astronomical difference to the man you saw in the pictures. 

It was breath taking, he was a gangster you knew it but his laughter looked so genuine and pure, the wrinkles forming by the corner of his eyes that laughter itself would have costed so many lives but shamelessly your heart beat like it haven't  since your first kiss, watching the forearms peeking through the folded sleeves of his pale blue pathani suit, watch him throw his arm around his friend, you could almost hear that spellbinding sound of him over the cluttered noise of everyone's overly  joyed cheer was it a second puberty? The one they mentioned happens after you hit 20 , but it certainly ignited something an obsession someone like you wasn't supposed to have. 

Uzair baloch, a name that had been scribbled on your diary everyday since, mentioned in all your prayers , the  cause of all the immeblic excuses you made to your friends to miss their parties to stand in a sweltry crowd, in overbearing heat,hiding face in a political ralley you didn't give two damns about just to catch a glimpse, one single glimpse of him far back on the stage still chuckling away about something, a cigarette mandatorily adorning his hand. 

The memory of when you heard his voice for the first time engraved in your head, the date on the tip of your tongue learned like your favourite song - 22 March.

 It was any other college day for you, walking idly after the class eyed fixed on the dusty road, kicking around pebble watching it tumble then following it after when you smelled the prodigious scent of his arrab attar passing by you in whiff of air, grumbling something about the weather being too hot  in a string of curses, not romantic, not sweet but real, the first thing you ever heard from his mouth wasn’t polished speeches like the one his brother gave but a real murmur he made to himself.

 His eyes didn't draw to yours at all didn't take a second look, passing by you as if you were the same as the other on side of you same as any stranger there, did not turn by to look at you like you were extraordinarily beautiful just walked by like he did like he would have to any stranger - and it was true to him you were a stranger, a stranger who know everything about him from the number plate of his car to the which watch he chose to garnish his wrist according to the suit he wore, knew who he is best friend was, noticed the always half undone laces of his shoes, or the route he took by after every boring speech he had to hear out of respect of his brother, knew the exact model of the gun that rested on his hip.

That emptiness of his walk away,stinged your heart you always knew it in the back of your head, swimming into your thoughts but you faced it face front that day it wasn’t healthy at all for you to be like this, rejecting boys left and right for a fantasy that you choose to believe in, for seeing a man more than anything he was - a mafia’s right hand. Old habits died hard; those intense fixations were not going to die with one instance of disappointment because with that day's realisation came also the fuel to his fire. You knew his scent now, and the tone of the voice he used with himself, heart constantly juggling logic and obsession for three months.  

Three months of you feeling a little free, in total 7 months of you scourging yourself with a delusion you finally had the courage to at least trying calling and brushing it off as a silly crush, found yourself going back into your daily rhythm into being the normal daughter you were supposed to be, to be prepared mentally to finish your college and get married to the most eligible bachelor your parents chose for you instead of drowning your head in a frenzy for a gangster. 

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You put up an Oscar level acting of a headache that kept getting worse by the minute shifting in your bed, so your parents will leave you behind from the humdrum of an event they were going to. When you heard the front door click, you waited half an hour before jumping out of bed scouring the wardrobe for the prettiest suit you had the one your mother only let you wear to special occasion, a white ivory silk dream of a kurta with intricate zaridhari work and today you were going to flaunt it to your friends. 

You stole the makeup from your ammi’s vanity, careful not to misplace anything because unlike her, her mother was very organised and knew the record of every item in the house. You dabbed a small amount of eyeshadow to your eyelids,blinked and watched the sparkle in awe, choosing a lipstick that suited your shade.

This was to show off to your friends when you went out today, but a small hope still glimmered in your head playing scenarios where Uzair would see you like this, “Stupid Stupid” You patted both your cheek with your palms. 

You giggled in the market place giving your friends the third twirl of the day all while they hyped you up, hearing the bangles you lended from your mom's box chime with your sway. 

Uzair watched hypnotised by the movement, by the kick of your feet against the ground when you turned, the echo of your giggle that carried to him from the distance, and comfort of his ‘own' space. He wasn't at work today, just doing his usual awaragarda with friends, stopping the car by the side of a busy market to take a break from their legs cramping from sitting inside for so long. He leaned against the car, watching the smoke cloud his vision then dissipate into the air, he scowled at his friends gawking at the girls, 

“ Abbe yeh sab karne aaye ho tum chutiyon? Yeh backchodi mere saamne mat karo”  he flicked off his cigarette feeling rather weary today despite it being an off day , “ Kyu darte ho kya ladkiyon se Uzair bhai?” Uzair's eyes turned to Hamza for him to speak in like he usually did but he was busy on his phone with his girlfriend, he raised his head back up reluctantly to turn to the other side but in between it caught his eyes. The group of four girls tittering and walking straight into the lane, and then you the same girl he saw that humid day, why did he remember you specifically he doesn't know 

 He was enthralled- “Bolo na darte ho kya bhai?”  

UZAIR UZAIR UZAIR! HOW THE HELL WAS HE HERE! UZAIR HE WAS THERE AND HE WAS LOOKING AT YOU, NOT LOOKING STARING AT YOU!!

Your brain stopped working, the fuse going off his eyes were directly at you after 7 excruciating months your prayers had been answered, then will follow the slow descend you thought of eyes meeting now, will shift into conversations and then a slow love-HE IS WALKING TOWARDS YOU NONO NONO NO!! 

This was supposed to be your anticipated movement of the whole year and , and your body was on an adrenaline rush as if you were being chased by a bear , you wanted nothing more to disappear, to dull out some of the red blooming on your face. You eyes found the floor and then lifted to find him again in quick succession with each look up he was closer than before till he was there really there standing right in front of you, staring right down at you.

You brushed the non existent lock of your hair falling onto your face back behind your burning ears, the voice of your friends going quiet over the arrant leverage of his silence. You gulped down, hoping to allah your voice doesn't come out squeaky when you answer to whatever he says. 

“Mashallah kabhi tum jaisi haseen ladki nahi dekhi” it was meant to be his usual charm but what came out was a soft vulnerable voice that ended stunning him himself, “ J.. Ji?” You squeaked out after a long 10 seconds, your throat didn't support you this time but it surely will on the next reply

"Kyun? Kya itni pyaari larki ke liye ye jaan'na mushkil hai ke wo mujhe behad khoobsurat lagi?” “ H-huh” who says huh to a compliment???? “ Thankyou” You squeaked again, adding to your foolishness. 

You looked naive, he thought watching you flutter those eyelashes eyelids closing and opening over those bambi eyes, a fairly easy target would probably believe everything he told you and you didn't need to be charmed , saving up his breath and energy and the time to convince you he ignored the actual pounding of his heart, reminded himself that this was just a dare from his friends, a small caper for him to pass his time.

He knew it wasn't right then again half the things he did weren’t either and it wasn’t hidden what he did, put in plain sight almost taking honour in the havoc they caused, 

“ Wahan dekha to tum kuch apni si lagi... kahin pehle milay hain kya?”

“Kya naam hai tumhara?” “ Y/n” “Kabhi Kiamari dekha hai?” he asked strangely memorising the tourist guide book you had in your hand that day “ N.. Nahi” “ Mere saath dekhne chalogi”

You nodded and suddenly you were on a bike, with a man not just a man - a man you have only seen in dreams- Uzair Baloch , forced to have your hands wrapped around his waist ( not that you were complaining)

The city was something you hadn't seen before, you had pleaded your parents to go there since it wasn't so far but all you heard was a no, the farthest they took you was to Karachi so obviously this freedom and him had your head swimming, if it was any other place with all you would have done was stay quiet, flushed cheeks, probably playing with your dupatta but you knew this town, had a list of places you wanted to explore see the cafes a concept that did not exist in Lyari.

You had been laughing the whole time, taking time in between to admire him, up close you could see the flaws of his that only made him look more perfect more endearing to your heart, watched the way he didnt mind when you snort laughed, stepped back to let you spend your energy how you pleased, running up mall escalators, to buying one cup each to try the flavour, he was quiet but you could feel the intensity of his eyes he did not laugh with like he did with his men but scrrutinized you for something you didn't knew, but at least he was looking at you right, and not looking you down like you were foolish.

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The loud whirr of that life came to a blur when his bike ceased the engine stopping with a low buzz. Stopped in front of a hotel, at 2 in the morning  “Yaha kyu roka Uzair?” “ Itni raat ko vaapis jaane mei time lagega” you nodded, it was reasonable your home was still hours ago from here  and he must have been tired out as well but looking up at that steep building had your alarms going off. You stood by the end of the of the reception, very back no chance for people to misinterpret anything between you and Uzair because you were the decent girl from a decent house and don't want even strangers to construe your character and intentions wrong. 

Uzair leaned into the counter whispering low enough only for him and the receptionist to hear “kitne room khaali hai” “Chaar-” Uzair slided the fresh green note onto the polished wooden surface, the receptionist repeated this time louder “ Ek hi room hai”  your ears shot up finding Uzair's eyes and the calm look on his face “ Kya tumhein is se koi masla hai?” he said like it was passing news you overreacting would be the weird one here. “nahi” You whispered back. 

The hallway was dimly lit, only the sounds of some tv playing live action from on the of the many doors, you walked behind him by a few steps, heart twisting into a jumbled mess, feeling your heartbeat all the way to the back of your neck feeling a nervous itch there. He paused and you didn’t notice eyes affixed to the floor while he waited till you catch up only noticing the closeness when his hand found its descent from the start of your side to your hip sliding it down. You blinked once then found it unable to close your eyes for a fraction, all the thoughts swimming in your head went blank- nothing wrong with going into a hotel room with a man you just met today “Theek hai?” he asked but his hands were already moving to the handle twisting the knob to the side, the clicking sound of it opening settled the finality of it all.  

He waited till you nodded your airy head nod, how could your head would have worked ‘normally’ think about morals and your novelty and to remain that ingenue to the world the simple girl who was to remain simple live the life others did, go down the way many girls before you did, your sister did when he was touching you in a way you in this way, in a way that couldn’t have been explained by nothing less than a start of a catastrophe. You were inside that room now, novel and unseen, a double bed in the middle, a decent table drawer to put things and no couch in sight.

You searched for an exit from this feeling in your stomach that you had been unacquainted with all your life, his presence itself was dizzying. “ Fresh hona hai, bathroom hai yaha?”  Uzair nodded to the door in one corner, spinning around the bike key on his fingers. You treaded slow to hide the rush of blood into your heart, cooly closing the door behind you. Splashing the cold water on your face you tried to maintain some semblance of control ,the day was a fairytale in the a place you have always wanted to experience with a man that you have been infatuated with months now then why did it feel wrong, why did you feel your heart in your throat. With another splash of the water, your eyeshadow wore off a little - you could only stare at yourself in the mirror the passing minutes watch the droplets rum down your neck. 

The time you exited back into that oddly stuffed up space, Uzair was occupied watching out the window, looking unphased. You planted into the mattress taking time to clear your throat before speaking , the words died in your throat at the sight of him walking to you, settling right beside you. 

“Neend aa rahi hai?” He asked his voice hoarser, deeper than it had been all day, “ Nahi” You breathed out in one pathetic jittery breath, felt the weight of his hand before it even touched your skin, hovering in the air before finding place at the open back of your kurti. He drummed his fingertips against the soft skin, running down the line of your back till the part it was bare, you shivered in response, cheeks flushed to oblivion. You couldn't get yourself to speak up, fidgeting with the hemline of your kurti, the slow contact forcing you to relax before it came to it's abrupt end, his fingers gently pulling at the dori watching it fall open in one smooth go

You gasped first, hand tightening at the silk then came the tepid protest “ Yeh kya …kar rahe ho Uzair?” he didn't reply just raised his eyebrows, chuckling ,completely dismissing the question, leaning closer till all you could smell was him over the dash smell of the hotel room . He shifted slightly, till he was sitting on his face side watching your flustered side profile, both hands going to wrap around the soft of your waist , crossing your stomach and backside caging you in from both front and back. You froze once again brain refusing to work or fight against this dangerous situation, he bowed his head further till it touched your neck, trailing hot kisses down the arc, your body squirmed once but instantly surrendered when he tightened his grip but your face scrunched up turned to the other side hiding in your shoulder blade, giving him access to more of you unintentionally. 

His lips finding it's descendant from kissing to sucking on the delicate flesh, inhaling her very existence  “ Uzair kya kar rahe ho?” Another protest this time more confident, you were scared; scared in the way you knew where this was going and you wouldn't stop it. Your hand pushed at his chest, he just smirked against your skin blowing warm air to the part he wetted. You almost moaned out, before biting back your lips determined to get the refusal out of your lips this time “ Uzair choro!” followed by your shriek you expected the natural step back only to find his smirk widen “ Kyun? Tumhein accha nahi laga?” He asked the dreaded question, the one you found hard to answer under his preplexing gaze, you swallowed hard lowering your gaze right back. 

“Mujhse nazrein mat churao y/n” he said breaking off the silence, “ Yahi baat mujhse nazrein mila kar kaho, man yaqeen kar lunga” you steadily turned to face him nescient to the upshot yourself, of what could possibly pursue after this and whether you would have be able to even mutter those words again, you looked him right in the eyes after much effort and then suddenly it did not feel hard anymore, they felt familiar like a feeling you had known your life as simple as sleeping comforting as the winter sun. Your lips parted, eyes closed in surrender. 

Naive, so stupid; one sweet talk and you were already complying is what he wanted to tell himself to statisy that ego, to statisy the idea that's all it was a small game his friends started. He watched the curve of your cheek, traced it with his rough finger felt that breath hitch, lips tremble under his hands. Innocent so innocent; he adored those long eyeslashes, flush of those pink lips your tongue  darting out nervously to wet the surface tucked the finger under her chin. He pressed his lips slow against your succulent lips, devouring them patiently. 

He hums deep in his chest, the sound vibrating against your skin, and holds your jaw firm to keep you in place. His other hand slides slow down your spine, pressing you closer, and he kisses you again, deeper this time, like he’s staking his claim right into your bones he chuckles when your fingers twist into the front of his suit. 

You laid pressed into the matress, quivering when his clothes rubbed against your bare skin, face in a helpless bliss eyes fluttering close at the unfamiliar pleasure. He sucked the hard peeks, twirling his tongue around the aching nipple , he moulded them together, pressing the tender swell together greedily galloping and kneading it switching in between both. Your hips bucked involuntarily pressing his hardness against your quaking thighs, “mhm?” He asked mouth full, you quesily tugged at his suit shyly telling him the need to feel him skin to skin.

"Itna lalach, jaan-e-man...?" 

He teased, dragging his tongue up the hollow between your chest to your neck, nipping the end of your ear, your whole body jerked , fisting your hands into the sheets, he pulled back taking away the delerious heat with him, sitting on his knees he pulled of the suit off his body in one clean go maintain steady eyes contact that made you wonder if he could smell your arousal, the one dampening the fabric of your salwaar forming a small visible spot on the pure white. He caged you back in his arrest, engaging your mouth with his once again, hand snaking down your stomach to undo the drawstring of your bottom tugging it open in go like in the same he did to your salwaar, chuckling roughly as a routine when your hand clutched at his wrist to stop him. 

“ Mujhe dar lag raha hai Uzair maine yeh sab pehle nahi kiya” you whispered urgently to snap some seriousness into him, he paused the frown painting his face and body- he didn't knew it even though it was fairly easy to make out you weren't as experienced but you kissed back good enough, let him touch you in the first place so he assumed you must have done this before. This wasn't part of the plan, he didn't want to take someone's first he never had but the stainless desire on your face made him think otherwise. 

"Darna kaisa? Pehli baar toh sab hi darte hain... thodi si takleef hogi bas,har baat ki ibtida hoti hai meri jaan” he persuade, letting you grip onto his wrist for anchor and for a small illusion on control. 

He slid your chaste panties down to your legs discarding it off to the heap of cloth by the foot of the bed, where rest of your scrapped shame rested. Holding in a laugh after seeing the dainty ribbon there, you were wet that only worked to falter his control finger going to part the sensitive lips and press against the callow entrance, thumb going to rub the clit. Even that small feeling burned, you called out urgently again, shaking your head side to side  fiercly,  “Bas karo, please... main yeh nahi kar sakti, mujhe dard ho raha hai” "Bas ek second... phir sab theek lagega.” he tried again, pressing more intently,"NAHI.. mujhe nahi karna “ You sniffled nails digging into his wrist. 

He pulled back irritated at himself for pushing this far, frustated at the tear glistening your eyes  

“Ek baar meri baat maan kar toh dekho, zara sa bhi dard nahi hone doonga... , bharosa kar mujh pe” he cooed against your face, his frame covering you whole in an embrace that ate away at all your fears , you nodded finding yourself slipping easily into his words. 

He fixed both your legs over his shoulder, delving his face into your wet before you could even comprehend what's happened he pressed a mind breaking reverent kiss to to the sensitive clit, your whole body jumped at the shame of being kissed at the part that you have considered impure your whole life “ WAHAN NAHI UZAIR”  with a dark triumphant grin he dived in lap and circling the small bead in his mouth, seizing it in to torture you with all those overwhelming emotions at once, your hips arched up the bed which he claimed as well, pressing hard on your hips till they  were stuck back into the mattress again, keeping you still for his consuming. 

When you were already a trembling mess,a devotee to the new feeling is when he liked the stripe down your whole womanhood thrusting his tongue into the now gaping hole, it didnt hurt not at all he meant what he said but the mind numbing pleasure thrashed your body with each deliberate thrust of his tongue,his thumb joining in the flow rubbing your clit in firm tight circles. Your hand ravelled into his hair trying to unlodge his face out while simultaneously trying to trap him with your thighs, an attempt he punished with a soft slap to your thighs. He pulled back only to breathe the warm air over the trembling flesh watching your hips jerk up uselessly the knot in your stomach tightening dangerously, he had been eating you for god knows how long maintaining a steady rythm to his movements, and he didnt seemed to get tired at all if anything even more hungrier to watch such a naive face drowning in pleasure.

He submerged himself back in between your thighs with a inhumane hunger, slurping at your insides the juices gushing down his face catching at your beard but he didn't care vigorously eating you out . The rough stumble adding to your overstimulation along with the hums and growls he let out vibrating through your whole being, pulling him closer violently with his hair.

You were reaching a new high, moans slipping out shamelessly with you begging for him to not stop now, thighs cramping trembling ready to release is when he did the cruelest, pulled back heaving deeply.” Uzair” You whined wiggling your hips, he inserted two thick long fingers into your cunt and watched them slide in easily, eliciting a broken whimper out of because before you could enjoy the fullness he had already pulled out, leaving you squirming with pending pleasure.

“Uzair” you pleaded, clawing at his chest, the thrill making you do things you would have never thought of.

" Abhi nahi meri jaan, mere bina nahi"

His hands worked in the darkness freeing his hard manhood that had been pulsing since he tasted you, you had been slobbering nonsense when you felt it press on your entrance hard and heavy and instantly shut up. Before you could ask, he sinked in slow your face crumpling at the flaring stretch the lewd loud noise of his thick head entering your body  “Uzair condom-” “ Kuch nahi hoga barosha rakh mujh par” he grunted pressing his forehead against yours , his breath coming in harsh pant an ordeal to his arousal. You flailed in his arm feeling him push in inch by inch till he buried himself to the hilts “ Ya allah” a raw moan graced his lips at the tightness, clenching his jaw hard to stop himself from moving, your eyes had rolled back into your skull you couldn't feel or listen to the burning pain of your body  over the edacious hunger for that release, you urged him to move despite the tears brimming in your eyes. 

He moved slow and sensual scratching that itch just enough to send your toes curling delaying your end so many times you had lost every control of your body, nail carving half moans and lines across his defined muscular abs, legs wrapped tight against his waist even without his direction, when you had started crying from the lack of relief is when he shifted elevating your hips with the assistance of the pillow snapping his hips in short quick thrust pulling out just an inch before plunging right in hitting that spot each time, your vision went white mouth open in  a quiet gasp, he inhaled the vision of your wreckage with predatory eyes, watched the hypnotic movement your chest bouncing with each push, the drool leaking down your lips without your own concise. All you heard was the embarrassingly loud sound of your arousal squelching around his length hungrily, the sound of bodies slapping together and him whispering sweet nothing right into your eyes, encouraging you to take more.  

He felt you tighten impossibly hard and forced you to face him, forced you to meet his eyes , patting your cheeks to bring you back into your senses “ Meri taraf dekho” you barely obeyed, eyes threatening to roll back any time but quiet demand did more than enough surrendering yourself to the unknown. You let go on his dick convulsing and sobbing he followed soon after barely pulling out in time to come on your stomach. 

It was supposed to be a one time thing he thought, but he had you tucked into his chest refusing to let go of the only pure thing he had held in his hands, twirling the long wave in between his finger, soon enough playing with every feature now that was bare from the makeup and in every sense, tracing the line of the dried up tears, your steady breath warm against his skin, face squashed up and flushed with sleep. He wasn't letting go, not now never. 

That one night turned into hundreds of meetups and you were his girlfriend - a dream come true on paper but it was way complicated than that he was a crude man never hesitated to use his crass languages with only toning down the string of abuses because he believed in never cursing in front of you, all your friends told you he was a bad news that his sweet charm only returning at night wasn't just a warning sign, it was plain truth on a platter that he wasn't the right boy, but you were not going to listen  not when your wish had come true and the validation that came with being with him. Owing to the fact that he had a possessiveness over you that you had never experienced before even if he never said he loved you, he always insisted that you were his bandi, watching the confession die at the tip of his tongue at the last movement. He did not have to lie did not had to make up excuses because you already did that for him in your head.

Your relationship with your mother wasn't a simple one, wasn't the natural one it was ought to be, your mother loved you but she didn't like you couldn’t sit with the truth of your life that you weren't an extraordinary child and to her the mortifying realness of you not being the obedient daughter was enough for a mother to let go of her own child. She didn’t abandon you in the clearest way, it wasn't written it was never said but the silence that persisted between you two said otherwise, you were dear to her as long as you listen, the second you retaliated you were met with a cold wall instead of the warm hands one would seek from their mothers, passing days without speaking a word, tailing her around crying begging till she will finally spoke to you was a routine now a routine you were letting go the more you grow up, her losing that ascendency over her pet had turned the already fragile relationship more fragile,and the idea embedded into your head, if you don't do what they want you will lose them. 

You had moved awkwardly over him , straddling his rigid thighs, your back and legs sore from the position, he tried guiding you several times, holding you by the soft of your waist teaching you how to roll your hips and find where it feels good yourself. He smoked imperturbably, so collected as if you werent trying to fuck yourself on his dick addding onto your humilliation, “ Mujhse nahi hoga” You whined hiding your sweat slick self into his shoulder, he tutted once twisting the cherry into the headboard, groped your your both cheeks and started bouncing you up down his length, forcing you to swallow it till his tip grazed your cervix over and over, ramming into you with powerful thrusts and always made sure you released first, following after you splurting out his fluid into the condom. He lit back up another cigarette without a word, massaging the back of your head, sweeping the wet hair to the side, “ Mujhse toh aaj bhi nahi hua” You whispered nervously searching his face for the disappointment that never came “ Toh? Itna dar kyu rahi hai?test thodi le raha tha tera” he grumbled, kissing your forehead. 

“ Mujhe bhi peeni hai” You snuggled more, climbing up his body further, eyes fixed on the cigarette,blinking those bambi eyes at him even while making this request. “Pagal hai, ghatiya cheez hoti hai yeh sab” he blew the smoke away from you, grip solid at your back  “ Tum bhi toh peete ho” You pouted, and much like you Uzair found it hard to say no to anything you asked him. “ Meri baat alag hai” “ Doo naaaaa” You clinged, wrapping your arms around his neck peppering kisses to his beard covered jaw “ Please please na ek baar bas ek baar, promise sirf ek baar”

He shushed you with a kiss, exhaling out the smoke into your mouth. You coughed wheezing instantly, he patted your back in response, feeling you tremble over him, “ Hogya?” “ Cheating thi yeh” “ Nahi toh, abse mat boliyo” He spanked your bottom and you only giggled burying your chest back into his chest. The afternoon sun muted from the thick curtains, finding  some solace in belonging to this man, anything you talked about for in the future it wasn't for just ‘you’  what ‘you would do’ it was ‘us’ in every instance, that he would be there something you never asked of for him on your own but you were more than glad he did. 

“Uzair ek baat bolu” “ Haan bol” he teased, teeth pulling at your cheeks “ Mujhe tum tabse pasand hai jis din pheli baar tujhe dekha tha?” “ Haan toh? Voh toh mujhe pata hi hai” “ Nahi..voh.hotel waale din nahi” He eyes shot up before he forced them to relax, “ Fir kab?” “ Usse 6-7 mahine phele meri gali se tumhari voh nikammi party ki ralley nikli thi tabse” You faced him gathering some courage, gulping down your coyness to see the reaction he would make, shock? Happiness? Anything but he simply didn't react reply back with a cut short ‘hmm’ 

Did you fuck up? Was he going to leave you? Were you being too clingy? Climbing up all on him whining like a kid it must have icked him off, after all you couldn't even move properly over him could you? And the one time you tried to suck him you ended up vomiting all over him- 

“I love you” He whispered out the words he had heard in those english movies that he watched once in a blue moon, feeling it easier to say them to you in a language he did not speak, so it did not feel too real despite of how hard his heart was beating, how flushed his cheeks were, his pronunciations were a little off but you couldn't care less, those small three words had drained out every thought swimming in your head, you had never seen him this flustered, this vulnerable unable to look at your face. “Kya kya? maine suna nahi” you giggled again trying to see his face, the laugh dying in your throat when he finally faced you, eyes meeting your with a seriousness and honesty you had not seen before. “ Pyaar karta hoon tujhsa” You smiled small and slow, “ Mai bhi” 

Your relationship took a turn once the love had been declared, you  listened to almost everything Uzair asked you of, asking you to pleasure yourself on late night calls when you would hesitate. He would just react with a sweet,charming  “Mujhse pyaar nahi karti?” that had your resolve crumbling, fingering yourself pumping those little finger that were no comparison to what he had made you used to, biting into the pillow coming pathetically on your own hands all while being on a call with him .agreeing into something that had you feeling ashamed the whole night after. 

Some days you would look past your fixation see the messed up man you were with, but those feeling were overshadowed as soon as they come with the genuine laughs and time you had spent with him, the night he had spent sneaked into your house, because you were sick , in spite of the work he had next day he didn't budge sitting by the bed the whole night till you found some relief, the time you bled all over his new car seat and started crying scared to upset him, he scolded you for even thinking that way and got you a tub of ice cream.

Drove three hours out the town to get you jeans and tops because you mentioned your parents not buying them for you once, and breaking the nose of the guy who whistled at you when you wore them and walked down the street. 

You sat in the passengers seat , while he drove you to the college his men in sitting in the back he was supposed to be on a mission but of course it was too hot and you didn't want to take the bus so therefore here you were yapping his ears off in front of everyone, he on the other hand tried hard to hide the twitch the of his lips.

The second you left the car, his man broke  into snickers about how far this joke had come, he despised how it all started, wanted to confess to you tell his man to shut the fuck up but too afraid to let them know he lost in his own game,  when everyone had left except Hamza, he didnt hesitate to call out Uzair“ Pyar karta hai us se toh kyu uska majak bana raha hai,bahut pachtayenga Uzair”

He had disappeared for a week without a word prior to it, everytime you tried and ringed his phone no answer came from the other side, you were scared that he was hurt, scared he finally got  bored of you because of how unrealistically this whole thing had started the whispers from your head getting louder becoming the voice in your head no matter how hard you tried to reason with yourself.  Unable to calm the nauseating feeling in your stomach ,you rushed to run down the flat you both spent most of your time in, finding the door unlocked.

You entered the lived in room, his phone right there on the bed stand, sheets rumbled, shirt thrown on the floor he was here already 

“ Meri jaana kaisi hai” he chuckled, getting a hold of you from behind running slobbery kisses all over your neck.

“ Uzair kya hai yaar??!Tum panch din se gayab ho ek call nahi kar paaye? , aur aate hi yeh sab karne lage!”  

You shouted, the anger and betrayal evident in your tone, he was here so why wasn't he picking up ignoring you on purpose you couldn’t see any of him this way, did not notice the wounds on his whole body, his drained out face. He exhaled deeply, pulling off with a harsh mutter.

“Bhenchod ek toh mar ke mar aao usmien bhi aata hi ladai shuru kar deni hai is mohatarama ko, pak gaya ho yaar nahi hai mujh mei inti taqat ki din bhar tujhe manata rahu” he groaned, you instantly turned back with even more vexation than before at his tone and he cursed out infront of you that was so not him , but all you saw was evidence of violence on his face and body 

“Uzair” Guilty you treaded to him “ Mujhe baat hi nahi karni please” he turned all the way away from you, facing the wall with an unreadable expression, muscles stiff  “Uza-” he didnt let you finish this time cutting you off with a snarl “ Mujhe baat nahi karni, akele chor de mujhe, sab apne ghar pe araam kar rahe hai mai hi chutiya hoon joh yaha aaya ” 

“Sorry” you whispered blinking back tears, he didn't reply, started working on his mundane task like your werent there “ Sorry Uzair tum call bhi nahi utha rahe the, mujhe..kuch samajh nahi aa raha tha” You tried explaining all that came out was squeaky mumbling, the soreness in your throat growing. 

He ignored you breaking down behind, contemplating himself if he went too harsh, your concern was valid but he couldn't sit with the idea of you not trusting him, the one he has spilled most of his heart to. You were in your kitchen again following behind your mother to talk to you, to forgive you for scoring less on a test than she expected, with your shaky hands, strenuously  you pulled the clothes off your body determined to make up for all the time you think you had ‘ disappointed’  him. He didnt hear the rustle of your clothes being undone or the start of your sniffles, with his head swarmed with thoughts on how to turn back and apologise, how to break this silence when you had stopped speaking yourself. 

Your bare body squashed against his bicep, your wrapped your arms around them sobbing openly “ Joh karna hai karlo, mai nahi rokungi please mujhe mat choro” Uzair felt for a movement that he had been hit by a truck hearing the raw pain and desperation in your voice, he crushed you against his chest in a second. Hands trembling, careful not to break you any further tears brimming into his own eyes.

You wailed all your insecurities onto his skin, naked in a way you had never been before confessing about all the fears that had been growing wines over your body a truth you thought you would take to your grave, about how you had been ruined now by being with him and if he left you would be nothing. 

Your head throbbed with how hard you had been crying, still mumbling his strong hands were wrapped so tight  she believed her ribs would crack ,but it would be a grateful death. In between the blur of your tears, you were now hoisted up on the bed, he kneeled without pride, burying his face into your lap explaining away all of your questions, with devoted kisses to your hand in a form of unsaid apologies

"Main hi saala chutiy- paagal hoon, mujhe tujh par gussa nahi nikalna chahiye tha, kabhi bhi nahi. Mujhe pata hai tu mujh se pyaar karti hain par tu nahi samajhti ke main kis qadar tere liye pagal hoon. Yeh baat mujhe kehni chahiye thi. Agar tu na hoti na, toh mera koi wajood hi nahi tha. Is liye please mujhe chhor kar mat jana, kabhi bhi nahi.Sochna bhi mat mujhse door hone ka." 

You wiped the tear dropping forming at the end of his eyes, “Shaadi karoge mujh se?” “Pagal hai kya? Tujhse nahi toh aur kis se karunga” he giggled  moving up to cup your face, “ Sorry ab nahi hoga, pakka varna ek chaata maar diyo” you shook your head laughing in between your cries. 

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That night in the stuffy air of your house, you rejected the ‘good’ rishtha your mother has brought up for you, greeted with a silence that will now ensue for months if you did not submit to her demand. But you were not going to this time, to let her manipulate your need for a mother into giving up all you had for the half conditional love she was going to give, ignoring your fathers questions about who you had been whoring out with to deny such a decent match all your heart fixed on making the birthday gift for Uzair, knitting a long woolen muffler. It took you a month to complete it, finding time on nights after college, by avoiding even Uzair’s calls telling him off that you were busy. 

And it was complete, a maroon scarf sprayed your perfume he loved, taking the auto to his factory to wish him a birthday face to face, Uzair on the other hand never cared for his birthday, it was his parent’s death anniversary all he cared for the call that will come, to see that ‘Jaanu’ flash upon his phone screen but it never came, not on midnight not this morning and you had been pushing off conversations for months now, he was caving, yearning to hear from on top of that he was scolded by his brother last evening in front of everyone, some of his men even shared cackles in the background adding onto his scowl mood. 

By 2 his tongue had gone bitter snapping at everyone around him, switching his attention between the whole bottle of alcohol in his hands and the cell phone where he imagined your message would come mood going darker by the second, his men knew he was swooned that’s why they loved teasing him with your name in the first place, to watch their boss shy away from a conversation was a rare sight. Disregarding the look on his face, one of his men still went up laughing out in his crass voice.

“ Kya bhai aapki mashooka nahi aayi aaj?”the man went half quiet when you squeezed in through the rusted metal, door in a place where you certainly did not belong at all “Mat puch kya chep insaan hai, picche hi pad gayi hai meri” Uzair let out an ugly grunt,slurring over his words drunk and enraged, 

you stopped in place 

“ Aisa mat bolo Uzair bhai” “ EK BAAR , EK BAAR ki baat toh thi tum logo ke khene mei maine usse befkoof banaya ab toh voh jaise meri jaan ke peeche hi pad gyi hai, koi insaan itna befkoof kaise ho sakta hai,Matlab, maine jo jhoot bola, usne aankh band kar ke yakeen kar liya, yaar!”

he threw away the bottle harshly, cringing himself at the loud noise of it breaking the pieces scrambling catching light from the half broken window , running his hand through his waves breathing low when he saw you.

a/n- AH SO SORRY to the rehman and iqbal girlies I just write jis cheez ka mujhe phle idea aa jaye, and I know this was veryyyyyyyy long but I hope you all liked it, I have three Rehman and three Iqbal one shots on the way!! NEXT PART WILL CONTAIN MORE SPICE cause i got too intrested in the story wow

Note - Please dont everr interact with men who only want to use you for your body,this is just a fictional story real life men dont have redemption arcs, stay away from toxic man <3

(Older) Brother's best friend!Uzair who has been friends with Y/N's brother since 3rd grade. The duo grew inseparable, and Uzair Baloch is now practically an honorary member of their family.

Best friend's younger sister!Y/N who shares a five-year age gap with her brother and that demon of a man he calls his brother-Uzair Baloch. If you ask her, they're two steps away from seeing God in person.

Brother's best friend!Uzair who detested Y/N growing up-she was a leech on all their plans and a mommy's-girl tattletale who ratted both Uzair and her brother out at every minor inconvenience. Ulfat bhabhi once found out, and Uzair was sentenced to two hours of standing against the haveli pillar with his hands raised. Y/N found that very amusing and giggled every time she walked past him.

Best friend's sister!Y/N who matured and learned how to shut up, especially after Uzair once caught her sneaking out to a party while he was staying the night over. She had to BEG him to keep quiet, and he blackmailed her into giving up her snitching antics in return. A deal was made(much to her dismay).

Brother's best friend!Uzair who is now 26, good for nothing, and always rotting at Y/N's house with her equally good-for-nothing brother. He makes it a habit to barge into her room, muttering a quick, "Saab theek, rondu?" menacingly before exiting and leaving the door wide open. He loved seeing her fluster over this childhood nickname.

Best friend's sister!Y/N who is 21, in school to become a journalist, and always cooped up in her room—frustratedly grumbling a quiet "manhoos" every time Uzair barges into her space. God, she hated that nickname yet awaited his voice like clockwork every day. It's familiar, light... hers to listen to.

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Brother's best friend!Uzair who is entering his best friend's house lazily at 10:00 p.m.—head engrossed in his phone, snickering to himself as he attempts to make his way upstairs.

Best friend's sister!Y/N who is screaming at the top of her lungs from the staircase. "AMMI?!" "BHAI?!" "Kahan gayab ho gaye sab?" she whines as she paces between the bedrooms upstairs, a sharp tinkle echoing through the silent house.

Brother's best friend!Uzair who manages to ignore her usual complaints until the familiar tinkle gets closer and he's bluntly shoved past—the impact smacking into his shoulder as he stumbles off-guard.

Brother's best friend!Uzair who finally snaps towards her, pissed at the crash. "Dekh ke chala kar" he grumbles, annoyed.

Best friend's sister!Y/N who doesn't even spare him a glance, offering an unsolicited "Raste se haat" as she continues her search through the house.

Brother's best friend!Uzair who follows her movement with sharp eyes, watching how casually she brushes past him. Rude. "Phir shuru tera rona dhona?" he calls after her.

Best friend's sister!Y/N who halts in her steps and swiftly turns around to narrow her eyes at him, his taunt adding to her restlessness “Gharwale kahan hai?” she interrogates.

Brother's best friend!Uzair who eggs her on further;shrugs and snarkily snides, "Tere se paak kar bhaag gaye."

Brother's best friend!Uzair who takes a small step closer, taking her in. Mesmerizing. Luscious hair straightened and flowing down her back, decorated with tiny strands of gold tinsel that glimmer every time she moves. A black halter dress hugging her frame, accentuating the elegant line of her shoulders and neck. Uzair wouldn't mind decorating that canvas with his mark.  

Brother's best friend!Uzair who suddenly finds himself wondering when exactly she grew up.

Best friend's sister!Y/N who frowns at his statement and decides to ignore it while turning back around to look for help but is hiccuped by his commentary again “Kyun pareshaan ho rahi hai?” she turns a deaf ear to him.

Brother's best friend!Uzair who is unimpressed by her attitude and yanks her back–his grasp burning against her cool arm. Even with heeled boots adding a few inches to her height tonight, she still has to look up to meet his suspicious gaze. His heart betrays him at the sight of her wide doe eyes. "Kya hua?" he nudges gently.

Best friend's sister!Y/N who sighs “Choodiyan pehene main madat chaiye thi” she softly shakes the stack of gold bangles that were clutched in her hands. 

Brother's best friend!Uzair who can't help but chuckle at her innocent admission–face portraying the harshest of heartbreaks when the reality was far less dramatic. He uncurls her grip and takes her bangles in his hands. 

Best friend's sister!Y/N who is growing confused now–already too late in the night to deal with his taunts.. She extends her hand to snatch her accessories but misses.

Brother's best friend!Uzair who takes her delicate wrist into his warm, slightly rough hold and carefully slides the bangles down her hand. His thumb brushes absentmindedly across her knuckles, distracting her from the pressure of the fragile glass.

Best friend's sister!Y/N who is appalled by his tenderness. Eyes glued to his focused face: the way his brows draw together in concentration, the slight tension in his jaw as he bites the inside of his cheek to avoid snapping the bangle. Unfair. It is incredibly unfair how hot he looks. Because Uzair Baloch has spent years being annoying. Arrogant. A devil in her life. So why had he chosen tonight to look like that? God help her.

Brother's best friend!Uzair who is trying to keep his jitters at bay. Why had he decided to be chivalrous at this very moment? Why did helping her wear her choodiyan feel so right? Like he’d spend the rest of his life buying her more. Helping her wear them. Listening to their familiar chime echo through a home that would be theirs. He nearly drops the bangle at the thought. Absolutely not.

Brother's best friend!Uzair who slides the final bangle into place and immediately catches her staring. He should probably look away. Instead he finds himself staring right back. For goodness sake, she was his best friend's little sister! A leech.A tattletale. A nuisance- a nuisance he’d happily keep forever.

Best friend's sister!Y/N who notices him catching her stare and quickly retrieves her hand back, the bangles clinking both of them out of their trance. She clears her throat and turns away from him, making a dash for the front door. She could not deal with any more of him tonight. 

Brother's best friend!Uzair who inhales sharply, trying to wrestle his emotions back under control, and yells out one final warning. "Ghar jaldi, rondu, warna."

Best friend's sister!Y/N who scoffs at his threat, not bothering to acknowledge his territorial demand as she snaps back with a sharp, "Meri marzi!" The gold bangles clink against one another as she disappears through the front door. The sound surrounding him for the night. 

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Best friend's sister!Y/N who sulks back home barely an hour later. Head hanging low, makeup intact, spirits thoroughly diminished. She drags herself upstairs, careless of the retired house, only wanting to collapse into bed and let her thoughts consume her.

Brother's best friend!Uzair who notices her defeated entrance from the kitchen, posture immediately straightening. Why did she look so upset? Had something happened tonight? Was she alright?

Best friend's sister!Y/N who is sitting at the edge of her bed—boots discarded, hair gathered into a messy ponytail, fingers fidgeting restlessly as she loses herself further to what was said tonight. She doesn't notice when a familiar figure quietly appears in her doorway.

Brother's best friend!Uzair who abandons his mischief, already wondering if he had some heads to bash. How dare anyone bother his the girl? He wants to simply check-up on her, but the second he catches sight of her miserable expression, he finds himself stepping further into the room- arms crossed against his chest as he stands across from her "Jaldi aagai, rondu…Sab theek?"

Best friend's sister!Y/N who breaks from her trance- immediately looking up but regrets doing so. A fitted white shirt hugs his body snuggly, highlighting his defined chest, muscles flexing under the sleeves that clung tightly against his skin–-her brother’s plaid pajama pants hanging dangerously low on his hip, sneaking her a glimpse of his happy trail. She shakes her head to dismiss his worry and mutters a weak “Saab theek hai”

Brother's best friend!Uzair who doesn't believe a single word. Arms falling to his sides as he takes another step closer. "Main kuch nahi bolunga" he promises. "Mujhe bata sakti hai tu."

Best friend's sister!Y/N who finally meets his worried gaze. The way his head dips slightly to keep his attention entirely on her. The way his voice loses its usual teasing edge. The concern. She bites her bottom lip in hesitation before quietly asking “Mujhe woh sikha de..”

Brother’s best friend!Uzair who furrows his eyebrows in confusion “Kya sika dun?”

Best friend's sister!Y/N who looks up at him from her place on her bed and gulps before clarifying “Woh…ladkon ko maza… khush kaise karte hain.?”

Brother’s best friend!Uzair who is taken aback at her ask. What. The. F-. his eyes widen as his brain confirms that his best friend’s little sister had just asked him to teach her how to pleasure men “Dimaag kharab ho gaya hai tera?!” he whisper-yells at her, turning towards the door in an attempt to escape the conversation. “Chup chap soja. Fazool khayal apne iss kharab soch se nikal.”

Best friend's sister!Y/N who hastily moves from her bed and catches his arm to stop him from leaving. Eyes begging for him to stay and help her out..why couldnt he just do this for her??? She just wants to learn and be more experienced in life! Her lips tremble slightly in persuasion as she insists “Please…mujhe kuch nahi aata. Main bas-”

Brother’s best friend!Uzair who interrupts her before his restraint gives out completely. “Y/N, na-”

Best friend's sister!Y/N who doesn’t let him finish his sentence, softly whining in desperation, “Uzair, please.”

Brother’s best friend!Uzair who can’t turn away from her hopeful look, her wide eyes full of need, her breath uneven, her grip still steady against his arm. The curve of her soft neck tempting his sinful ministrations Shit. Shit. Shit. He was losing himself to her pleading. He had to control himself. 

Brother’s best friend!Uzair who shuts his eyes to regain some control over his senses, hoping to blink away her naive look. He couldn’t.

Brother’s best friend!Uzair who silently asks for forgiveness from God; from his best friend– her gold bangles tinkling in the heavy room as he snakes his fervent hand to the nape of her neck, pulling her face closer to his–crashing his lips onto hers. 

He shouldn’t have done this…but then again…she had to learn somehow.

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Bestfriend!Uzair who is training Y/N how to use basic weaponry in the Baloch factory at 11:30 PM while a storm crashes outside because, according to him, "yeh zamana bahut kharab ho chuka hai."

Bestfriend!Y/N who yawns right in his face because this teaching moment could have waited for literally any other day. It's not like she's about to get jumped tonight.

Bestfriend!Uzair who is unimpressed by her slouched posture, damp hair from the rain, and heavy-lidded eyes that keep fighting sleep. Without another word, he grabs her by the sleeve and drags her deeper into the empty Baloch factory.

Bestfriend!Y/N who stands awkwardly in the middle of firearms while Uzair rants about different types of self-defense ammunition suitable for "someone like her" (whatever that's supposed to mean).

Bestfriend!Uzair who catches her dozing off while standing, clicks his tongue in annoyance, and fires a training round into a nearby target just to startle her awake."Uth aur dhyan se sun.." he says as she nearly jumps out of her skin. "Hamesha chaukana rhe. Kabhi bi, koi bhi aa sakte hai tere aas paas."

Bestfriend!Y/N who jerks upright immediately, eyes wide before narrowing into a glare aimed directly at Uzair, who is doing a terrible job of holding back his laughter.

Bestfriend!Y/N who doesn't hesitate to step forward to slap him. "Bada maza aa raha hai tujhe, kaamine" she grits out.

Bestfriend!Uzair who catches her wrist before her hand can connect and simply places a pistol in her palms instead. "Try kar."

Bestfriend!Y/N who stares down at the weapon and then back at him dumbfounded. "Tujhe goli maar doon?"

Bestfriend!Uzair who shrugs "Safety pe hai… Koshish kar ke dekh." 

Bestfriend!Y/N who accidentally clicks the safety off while fumbling with the weapon and sends a shot off into the empty space beside him as he moves–making him flinch back on instinct. Whoops, she shrugs.

Bestfriend!Uzair who snaps immediately, jaw tight. “Kuch karne ke layak hai tu?! Mujhe lag jaati toh? Idhar aa.” he orders. 

Bestfriend!Y/N who drags her feet as she walks toward him, pistol still twirling in her hands carelessly. 

Bestfriend!Uzair who grabs her wrist and yanks her into him and turns her around in one motion, her back pressed firmly against his chest as he sets her facing the empty space ahead.

Bestfriend!Y/N whose breath hitches as he locks her into place, his warmth caging her in and seeping through her cold skin.

Bestfriend!Uzair who takes her soft, cold hand in his, adjusts her grip, and wraps his fingers over hers before lifting the pistol toward the target ahead.

Bestfriend!Uzair who leans down slightly, voice gravely, low as he corrects her hold, speaking right beside her ear.

Bestfriend!Uzair who can faintly smell her due to their proximity–rain and roses. Gentle, enveloping in a way he cannot give into. Ever. 

Bestfriend!Y/N who freezes as his face moves even closer, his whisper grazing her ear and sending a shiver down her spine; the steady weight of his hands fully enclosing hers. She gulps.

Bestfriend!Uzair who slides his other hand to her waist to steady her, palm splayed across her stomach, his touch burning through the fabric and making her stiffen.

Bestfriend!Uzair who whispers something low under his breath, his beard faintly grazing at the nape of her neck as he adjusts her stance.

Bestfriend!Y/N who hears nothing. Too lost in the feeling of his calloused hands guiding her, the weight of his palm at her waist grounding her in place. His words brush her ear, but none of them register. They’re too close.

Bestfriend!Uzair who doesn’t notice how still she’s gone and pulls the trigger anyway, the sound startling Y/N back to reality.

Bestfriend!Y/N who jerks back in surprise at the shot, her body recoiling further into his hold.

Bestfriend!Uzair who instinctively tightens his hold to keep her from stumbling. For a second, neither of them move or breathe. 

Bestfriend!Y/N whose eyes are wide, heart suddenly thudding loud enough that it may just burst out of her chest.

Bestfriend!Uzair who finally realizes she's not responding to a word he's saying. "Y/N?" He leans down to look at her.

Bestfriend!Uzair who follows her gaze only to find her staring determinedly ahead, as if the far wall of the factory has become the most fascinating thing in existence. A smile tugs at his mouth. "Dar gayi?"

Bestfriend!Y/N who blinks back to reality and scoffs immediately. “Bilkul nahi.” The lie is obvious as she pulls free from his hold and turns to face him defiantly.

Bestfriend!Uzair who leans down slightly, voice dropping–teasing, faces inches apart. “Jhooti.”

Bestfriend!Y/N who nearly forgets how to speak. God. Since when did his voice sound like that?

Bestfriend!Uzair who keeps creeping closer, both their eyes dilated, the air between them suddenly thick with tense desire. One wrong move…

Bestfriend!Y/N who places the gun under his chin, stopping his antics and whispers “Dobara meri raat kharab karne ki koshish ki…” she digs the barrel deeper into his skin, slightly lifting his face to meet her eye-to-eye “to goli tere aandar hogi” 

Bestfriend!Uzair who flashes a cocky smirk at her confidence, proud of it. He raises his hands in mock surrender, eyes never leaving hers, and takes a heavy step back. An airy chuckle breathed out.

Bestfriend!Y/N who slams the gun against his chest, turns around with a huff, and walks out of the factory, heart still racing at whatever just happened.

Bestfriend!Uzair who clutches his chest, keeping the gun pressed where she left it, and calls out, “Kaal raat. Same time. Yaad rakhiyo!” as he shakes his head in amusement while keeping his gaze locked on the way her hips sway into the night. 

Shit, when did his pants get tighter?

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Her knees quivered when she stood up, hand shot out to steady herself on the garment rack. Her eyes caught sight of the pashmina shawl hanging loosely on the side, she reached for it, pulled it off the rack, and sat on the bed.

Fingers traced the sozni embroidery. She wrapped the soft, velvety fabric around her body and folded her arms on her chest as if she wanted the warmth to engulf her.

The shawl provided her with more than just warmth.

It reminded her of another one, wrapped around her years ago, not to shield her from the cold but from the eyes of the world.

1984.

It was a breezy night. Jaskirat was sitting on a frail chatai as Harleen looked over at him and how he was filling the sheets up with sums.

Jasleen’s chubby fists sneakily stored peas, kept aside for something entirely different.

They were all calm, waiting for their father to come home so they could have dinner. “Papa aare ae?” Jasleen asked for the 8th time in an hour. Major Rangi had gotten a leave after months. The family had been informed through a very short and brief phone call.

Just as Mumma Rangi barged in, trying to peel smooshed peas off of Jasleen's grimy hands, they heard footsteps.

Footsteps that were way too familiar. Jaskirat's eyes shot up first. There would not be a day in his life when he wouldn't recognize those footsteps. The army boots he had vowed to walk and serve his nation in. To make his footsteps known just like his father's are.

All of their happy gazes are turned to the door before they snap into confusion instantly. The siblings' eyebrows furrow as their eyes roam over the small girl who was holding their father's finger tightly.

A big shawl covering her body and her dirty, mud-covered dress with stains of dried crimson blood, she held a frame to her chest, firm enough considering how small her arms were. Dirt clung to her exposed wounds, mainly on her hands, cut into the gaps between her nails, like they'd tried clawing at something over and over again.

Her eyes were big and round, framed with lashes that were supposed to make her eyes look more beautiful.

They didn't, they looked empty.

Too lifeless for a life so young.

“Papa… ae kon hai?” Harleen asked, her eyes roaming over the little girl.

Major Rangi opened his mouth but then looked at y/n, he ran a hand over her knotted locks.

“Isda naam y/n hai.”

His words were laced with firmness.

“Aaj toh, eh saade naal rahegi."

“Par—”

Harleen was stopped when a hand was placed on her shoulder. She looked up to see her mother shaking her head softly.

Harleen didn't say anything.

Jaskirat and Jasleen hadn't said a word, not yet. Jaskirat's eyes followed the girl named y/n. He was lost in a world of thoughts, his tiny brain made up stories of why this girl was here.

Jasleen slowly walked up to her and waved her hand.

“Hi y/n! Tu te badi sohni hai” Jasleen beamed, flashing her teeth as she outstretched her hand to y/n.

The girl in front just looked at her like she'd grown two heads. Her eyes darted between the two of her hands. One which held Major Rangi's finger and the other which kept that frame pressed to her chest.

She decided neither was worth leaving to shake Jasleen's dirty pea puree smeared hands.

There were no discussions in the house during the dinner. That was a first in the Rangi household. Everyone was just focused on the tiny poised little girl who was devouring pieces of roti with the basic slow-cooked lentils.

The sight made the siblings chow down their own food in mild confusion as to why she was eating something—which they would usually throw a tantrum about—with such relish.

After the dinner, Major Rangi quietly told y/n to follow Mumma Rangi and change into cleaner clothes.

As soon as she'd walked out of the room, Major Rangi was bombarded with questions.

Who is this girl? Why is she here? Why is she hurt? Where are her parents?

Despite his hesitation, Major Rangi knew he couldn't hide such a thing from these curious minds. They needed to know. They had a right to know.

So he explained. Everything.

He explained how y/n is the little girl of Major Rangi's beloved comrades who were martyred in a battle. Both y/n’s father and older brother accompanied Major Rangi in the army. Before death, her father requested Major Rangi to take care of their little girl because they knew they wouldn't get out alive from this battle.

The news of their martyrdom was devastating. Y/n’s mother had apparently passed away when she was rather just a baby.

So, y/n was officially a ward of the state.

Major Rangi, being the closest comrade to the martyrs, was explicitly entrusted with the responsibility and so, y/n was brought here

With them.

“Toh tussi ohnu adopt kitta hai?” Harleen asked softly, the gravity of the situation had finally dawned on them. Their heart felt heavy, they couldn't imagine the horror that poor thing must've had to face.

“Nahi, Main sirf usdi legal guardianship layi ae, ohnu adopt nahi kitta”

“Legal guardianship ki hunda hai papa?” Jasleen asked, with her head tilted in confusion.

Major Rangi hummed, thinking how he could explain a legal procedure to a 6 year old.

“Socho, kisine tuhanu apni sab ton keemti cheez saup di. Tuhane keha isda khyal rakhna, dekhbhal karna.”

He paused,

“Magar, kade vi uss ton apna naam, apni pehchan, apna abhimaan na cheenna. Main usdi parvarish zarur karanga, par eh beti onha di hi rahegi.”

Major Rangi explained, gently. His eyes roamed over the door. He refrained from looking in their eyes because it worried him if they could see the horror that flashed in them from the memories of the battle.

“Kyu papa?” Jaskirat's voice cut in, drawing his father's attention, his voice laced with confusion.

“Main chaan’da haan ke woh apna guroor sambhalke rakhe, Jaskirat."

A beat

“Ohnu sirf ik nahin, do shaheedan di chahiti hon da fakhar hove. Eh main us ton nahin cheenanga. Kade vi nahin.”

The house fell quiet after that. This too was a first in the Rangi household that the children didn't have any more questions to ask. Any bits of skepticism had morphed into sympathy.

They chose to not pester their father anymore. They just sat there looking down at their hands as they fidgeted with their fingers.

“Vaise…” Major Rangi interrupted their train of thoughts.

“Usey Punjabi nahi aundi, Hindi ch’ gal karliya karo tussi, thik hai?” he smiled.

The three children broke into giggles and nodded their heads.

Soon, when the lights were dimmed and the beds were made, Y/n sat on the charpai alone as she waited for Mumma Rangi. She was wearing fresh cotton clothes that were at least two sizes bigger than her. She had ointment on her knees, bandages on her fingers and elbows.

The frame she held before was now tucked securely on her lap. She was staring at the floor absentmindedly. It looked like she either had way too many thoughts or none at all.

A sudden sink in the charpai drew her attention and she looked to her side.

Jaskirat sat there with two glasses of warm milk. He cleared his throat and held the glass out between them, letting it hover beside her knee.

“Doodh piyogi?”

He asked too quickly, like he'd rehearsed it a few times in his mind.

Her eyes darted between the glass containing the steamy warm milk and the boy who was looking at her expectantly.

Her gaze lingered on him, uncertain. Brows knit just slightly.

“Hum sab doodh peete hai sone se pehle” he said almost defensively.

“Maa kehti hai neend acchi ati hai."

Y/n slowly put aside the frame on her lap and took the glass in her hands, carefully.

She looked at Jaskirat who had already emptied half his glass. She looked at her own glass and took a small sip first, her pupils dilated as soon as the sweet milk went down her throat.

“Accha hai?” Jaskirat asked softly. He may or may not have added an extra spoon of sugar to hers.

Y/n nodded in response. The lack of words bummed Jaskirat just a bit.

For a while, the two just sat there, sipping on their glasses of sweet, warm milk.

Jaskirat was the first to break the silence.

“Vaise, Suno”

She looked at him, eyes big and curious.

“Tum na…” he prepared, “mujhe bhaiya bol sakti ho."

Y/n shook her head immediately.

Jaskirat's eyebrows shot up in confusion. Instant rejection? He blinked and even opened his mouth as if he wanted to ask why.

Y/n beat him to it, she handed him her glass of milk and pulled that frame back on her lap. She slowly flipped it, revealing a picture of her as a baby who sat in the lap of one army man and was patted by another. The latter was younger, the uniform looked more polished and new.

She pointed to the younger man.

“Yeh hai."

“Mere bhaiya”

She spoke, she finally did. Her voice was small, it was soft, maybe a bit hoarse too? It stilled Jaskirat for a moment.

His eyes flickered between her and the picture before he hummed, nodding his head.

He handed her the cup and resumed his sipping.

They'd let the stacked glasses sit by the charpai when they had to go to sleep. Y/n slept soundly beside Major Rangi, the frame held close to her chest even while asleep.

Jaskirat, though, stayed awake for much longer than usual. He stared at the ceiling and thought.

About how important labels were or weren't to some people. He knew better than to force it on someone.

Y/n became a habit soon after.

It took time, a lot of time, to be precise. But she'd opened up. She soon knew every light switch of the house, which cabinet was the sugar kept in and which had the spices, who liked tea with 6 spoons of sugar, and who preferred barely half a spoon.

Harleen became Harleen di. It slipped out naturally one day and stayed.

Jasleen too came close to it, but she'd laughed and waved it away immediately before it could linger.

“Bas kuch mahine bari hu terse. Di na bula mujhe”

So, she remained Jasleen, by request. Though she'd drag it out sometimes while calling her.

Major Rangi became ‘Baba.' He would be lying if he said he didn't stay awake the first night replaying her saying it in his mind and she would be lying if she said she didn't know about it.

Mumma Rangi became Bebe. She picked it up from the village kids and let it settle.

Baba and Bebe.

Jaskirat, however, stayed Jaskirat.

After that one fateful night, he never asked her to call him anything. Everyone had received some sort of a name from her, something that acknowledged where they belonged. Well, except for him. She never even leaned into calling him Jassi.

All of this combined implies that they remained distant, right?

Wrong.

Jaskirat was the first person y/n stopped flinching around. He was the first whom she would save a seat for on the charpai, the first whom she would serve a glass of milk to, the first she'd go to for studies.

Even the subjects she was good at. Maybe because she liked hearing him praise her.

Not because she didn't receive praises, y/n got all the praises in the world.

She was brilliant in studies, knew household chores incredibly well, she was sensible and never ever demanding. She knew they had given her everything. A roof to live under, food to survive on and most importantly, the love of a family.

She should've felt happy, and she did. But what she felt stronger was the feeling of being indebted. She wasn't this perfect, prim and proper girl out of habit.

She was like this because she believed being an easy kid would somewhat repay their kindness. She didn't ask for anything and accepted whatever she got because it was enough.

She did seek some things though. Like those praises from him. She could have the entire chapter memorized, and she would still ask Jaskirat to ask her some questions out of it. Just so she could answer all of them meticulously and see his proud expression.

Somewhere along the way, y/n didn't realize when, but she'd started noticing him too much.

And by the time she'd reached that early phase of teenage years, then adulthood,

This boy man, occupied the largest place in her mind.

And very cheesily, in her heart too.

But then one day, she learned that being loved didn't automatically mean she belonged.

The air was fairly breezy today in Pathankot. The windows in the kitchen were open. Y/n stirred the chole and threw in a pinch of salt along with other spices. Bebe was flipping the parathas, cooking them to pure perfection, and Baba was peeling garlic while he watched cricket on the Baksa TV.

Harleen and Jaskirat were fighting over how Harleen supposedly wrecked Jaskirat's college assignment. Baba and Bebe mindfully ignored every retort the siblings threw at each other.

After a while, when the chole was done, y/n twisted the stove off and looked at Mumma Rangi.

“Bebe” she whispered

“Hm?”

She pointed to the quarreling pair who were still eating each other's ears off. Bebe sighed, turned to them and yelled,

“Janwaro! Khana pak chuka hai platey lagwao jaldi kuch toh kaam karo! Nikamme kahike! Jaake uss Jasleen ko bulao turant!”

Needless to say, the siblings begrudgingly left each other's throats. Though still glaring daggers at each other. It made y/n giggle to herself.

“Mujhe kya karna hai mujhe batado bas” Harleen said as she stomped into the kitchen

“Baal baandhle chudail khaane mein gira dena hai tune!” Jaskirat shouted from the living room.

“Maa dekho na!” Harleen whined.

“Sahi hi toh bol raha hai baal baandh ke plate nikaal." Bebe shook her head.

“Aap bas usi ki side lete raho puri zindagi." Harleen scoffed as she walked to her room to fetch a rubber band and stuff her hair in a bun.

“Arey maa ye Jasleen hai kaha yaar?” Jaskirat asked, looking at her empty room.

“Bahar hogi aur kya, dhund aa”

Jaskirat huffed but nodded anyway, pushing the door open as he walked out.

Y/n smiled to herself at the chaos. It had been years and she saw this almost every day. However, it never felt any less endearing to her.

She took a deep breath and looked outside the window by the stove. The breath immediately caught in her lungs when she saw two figures in the distance, standing dangerously close to each other in the subtle gaps between the fields.

Jasleen and Pinda.

Y/n immediately closed the window, inciting a loud thud.

“Kya hua?” Bebe asked, visibly startled.

“B-bebe, main zara aati hu, Jaskirat ko kuch kehna tha. Aap ye chole dhakk do aur aap na khidki mat kholna woh kya hai na hawa bohot tez chal rahi hai kuch gir jayega” y/n blabbered in a breath and ran outside in the blink of an eye.

Harleen and Bebe just looked at each other in confusion at her sudden change of behaviour.

“Isko bhi pata nahi kya hojata hai.”

Y/n stormed outside, sprinting to the back of the house. A million thoughts were running in her mind at this point. She just prayed that Jaskirat wouldn't see them.

Just as she caught sight of him, her stomach dropped. He was already standing there, facing the fields. His fists clenched and body so taut it sent a shiver down her spine.

He saw them.

When his foot shifted forward, y/n moved on her own and grabbed his wrist tugging him back

“Ruko!”

Jaskirat's eyes which were sharp and livid looked at her pointedly as his brows knitted together.

“Y/n hatt.”

“Meri baat suno zara Jaskirat please—”

“Y/n hatt!”

She winced but tightened her grip on his wrist shaking her head with fervor.

“Chillao mat meri baat suno”

"Y/n, main phirse nahi bolunga—”

“Woh ek dusre se pyaar karte hai Jaskirat tum aisa mat karo!”

He paused at her words. A confused grunt left his lips as he looked at her carefully. This was the first time y/n had raised her voice like this.

But that wasn't what stopped him.

“Tujhe pata tha inke bareme?”

His voice was low. Accusatory.

Y/n’s breath caught in her throat. What does she say? She knew from the first month Jasleen and Pinda started dating. She was the one who would help them hang out after college and pretend Jasleen was with her. She couldn't tell him that she knew, no that would be her digging her own grave! She had to lie and tell him—

“Haan.”

Well, fuck.

Jaskirat's gaze darkened, his chest heaved as he breathed in, and his arms clenched.

“Tujhe pata tha… aur tune mujhe bataya nahi?”

“Tum suno toh sahi—”

“Kyu nahi bataya tune mujhe y/n?”

A rough lump had formed in her throat when she looked in his eyes. Her grip on his wrist was weakening every second as his eyes burnt holes in her face.

She gulped. “Woh ek dusre se pyaar karte hai aur ek d-dusre ke sath rehna chahte hai Jaskirat” she managed.

“Tune. mujhe. bataya. kyu nahi, y/n?”

She wasn't answering his question. She could see it was pissing him off with the way his jaw clenched.

“Maine socha tum ghar par bata doge aur unhe ek dusre se milne nahi doge” she admitted shakily.

A beat.

“Sahi socha tune."

He jerked his hand out of her grip and started striding towards the fields.

Before y/n knew, she had already grabbed him by his shirt and pushed his back to the concrete.

“Tum aisa nahi kar sakte Jaskirat!”

“Y/n main tujhe aakhri baar keh raha hu tu mujhe chhod de varna—”

“Woh ek dusre se pyaar karte hai Jaskirat tum aisa kyu kar rahe ho! kya tumne kabhi kisise pyaar nahi kiya?!” Her fists tightened, clutching his shirt in them as she pushed him back with all the force in her body.

He grabbed both of her wrists, wrapping his hands around them roughly.

“Tujhe kuch nahi pata hai pyaar ke bareme y/n! Behen hain woh meri! Uss pinde ke saath nahi rehne de sakta usey main!" His voice rose further, his eyes widening as he looked in hers, brows knitted together.

“Pinda bura nahi hai Jaskirat woh Jasleen ke saath khel nahi raha hai—”

“BAS”

She flinches, the colour draining off her face at his stern expression and volume. Her heart hammered loudly in her chest and her wrists stung from the sheer pressure he put on them.

“Woh meri behen hai, main samjhunga ki uske liye kya sahi hai aur kya nahi. Tujhe iss baat mein ghusne ki koi zarurat nahi hai."

He said, low and sharp.

"Humne tujhe sar aur izzat dii hai y/n. Iska matlab ye nahi ki tu sab cheezon mein dakhal degi.”

A beat

“Apni hadd yaad rakh."

He released her wrists roughly, already walking towards Jasleen and Pinda.

Y/n’s legs felt rooted to the ground. She couldn't move. Her breath was caught in her throat. Her wrists burned where he had gripped them, she pressed her nails into her palms. Her head hung low, jaw tense as she could hear the sharp, repeated thuds that were erupting in her chest.

The voices rose from the distance. Jasleen's yelps and shaky pleading and Jaskirat's cold, gruff reprimands. His threats to Pinda made him run before things got physical.

He was dragging Jasleen towards the house. The voices, though getting closer and more comprehensible, were the ones y/n couldn't fully hear.

Not over the uncontrollable buzzing noise in her ears and the replay of those words from him.

‘Apni hadd yaad rakh.'

Oh.

Jaskirat dragged Jasleen past her. She could hear Jasleen crying out her name too.

“Y/n!”

“Y/n kuch kar!”

She wished she could.

But she didn’t have the right.

This wasn’t her house.

A loud thunder split the sky, jolting her out of her thoughts. She looked up to see droplets of rain starting to drip.

She gripped the concrete to steady herself as she strode to the door.

The fresh breeze had turned into this loud rainstorm.

She went inside the house in which a whole other storm had unleashed and closed the door behind her.

Without sparing a glance at the angry, roaring elders, she marched to her room and quietly disappeared, closing the door behind her.

And that was it.

The gentle warmth of the shawl had indeed engulfed her.

The tears dried uncomfortably on her cheeks, eyelashes clumped together casting a shadow over her cheeks. Y/n didn't realise when she'd drifted to sleep. Her fingers were wrapped around the fringes of the shawl and her chest heaved steadily.

There were a few knocks on her door, asking her to come out for dinner but she didn't wake up.

They didn't knock again.

Maybe someone had told them that she wouldn't open. Maybe someone knew she wouldn't open.

Even if she were awake.

She gathered the shawl tighter around her shoulders.

It had shielded her from the eyes of the world, yet again.

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