[ White Wolf ]

Out of Mind by @rassvetsky

Falling in love with you terrified Bucky, enough to push you away. He was sure that it's better this way. But merely a week later, when you disappear without a trace, Bucky realized that he couldn't handle being without you.

best kept by @real-jane

“You deserve pretty things.”

Tell Me Which One is Worse (Living or Dying First) by @nightowlwriting

you are in love with bucky barnes. for a long time, the both of you were joined at the hip but then your team stops being paired with his on missions. he stops inviting you over for movie nights. when it finally looks like things are looking up, you hear bucky talking with steve and... it's not good.

I Need Him Like Water by @pellucid-constellations

You think Bucky’s having an affair. He thinks… well you aren’t sure what he thinks. But he must notice the living room light is left on. Every night.

listen to me, not just my words by @lilacletter

you and bucky had been close friends for a long time. when lines get blurred within your friendship, miscommunication arises and things take a turn for the worst. you both learn that your tone can sometimes mean much more than your words.

Worthy Miscommunication by @carryonmywaywardbucky

You had been planning this surprise with your roommate from college for months. He owned a drive in movie theater in Upstate and owed you a favor. The only problem was that setting this surprise up was going to take a lot of your time and energy. Bucky saw your friend’s name pop up in a message on your phone and instantly thought the worst.

Barnes’ Miscommunication by @teebarnes

Bucky was an idiot, and he tend to push away things he loved, and that included you. When he hurt you, he didn’t realise his apology would be too late. He didn’t know about your past with hydra, which made the situation, worse.

“I should be asking you that question.” Steve snapped in reply

“I need to talk to y/n.”

“Why? So you can do more damage?”

“Steve just let me speak to y/n.” He demanded. Steve was so upset he even decided to show his face again.

“y/n, someone’s at the door for you.” Steve called, as you hurried to the door.

Your eyes widen at the sight of your ex boyfriend, and father of your kids, “James? What are you doing here?”

Bucky didn’t waste any time to respond. “What’s he doing here? Once I left, you decided to get with my best friend?”

Your face burning up at the very sight of him. “You have some nerve, James. The world doesn’t revolve around you! Why are you even here?”

“I want to see my kids.” He announced with no shame. Acting as if he hadn’t been gone for years. You turned and faced Steve trying to keep your calm since your daughter was still in his arms, “hey Steve can you give me and James some time to talk?”

“Sure, I’ll be in the kitchen.” Steve replied while going inside and closing the door behind him.

You stood there in front of Bucky in disbelief, “do you know how long it’s been?” Everything you went through when he left came up at once. “Do you know how many times I had to tell our son and daughter you weren’t coming back?”

“I had to tell them their father left them, he left him, because he was too pathetic to handle the responsibility of a child, 2 in fact.” You almost screamed, angry at the fact that he decided to show up. “I had to hide every picture of you in the house so they wouldn’t ask questions.”

“Well they both got Steve! A great replacement, a pretty perfect replacement.” He sassed, which made your blood boil even more.

“I don’t know why I ever wanted to build a life with you. I honestly don’t know. Was I too blind to see? To blind to see what type of person you are? Someone who only cares about himself and leaves when things get hard.”

“Bucky, I’m pregnant! We’re going to be parents!” You exclaimed, giving Bucky all the pregnancy tests you had taken. All the times you and Bucky talked about starting a family he just smiled and listened, he didn’t give it much thought. You thought maybe he just didn’t know how to be a dad, but he could always just try.

Months went by and Bucky stayed the same, he didn’t seem excited to be a father. He just looked like he was going through the motions, and wasn't actually feeling it. You had constantly tried to help, buying books and magazines to help him feel like you were; excited. That didn’t work. All your attempts were useless.

Bucky tried to interject but you stopped him. Not letting him come up with any excuse, not trying to paint himself as misunderstood.

“No, James, you listen. You listen to me, because you didn’t give me the time of day when you left me alone with 2 small kids.” You said burning with rage, “you don’t get to stroll in here and do this. Steve has been more of a father to both Iris and Canan than you.”

You had come home from picking up the kids from daycare. You texted Bucky and told him you’d meet him at home and that you’d picked up the kids. But Bucky's car wasn’t there when you pulled up. You didn’t think much of it, you took Iris and Canan out and went inside.

You went into your room and it dawned on you. Bucky was gone. His drawer was opened up, his clothes scattered all over the floor. His suits, his shoes, everything he wanted to take was gone. You dropped to your knees in shock, your head spinning in a panic. Bucky left you, he left his family and he wasn’t coming back.

Once you got the strength you called Steve, telling him you need him to come ASAP. Steve got to your house as fast as he could. Steve came inside and was greeted with a unsoothable baby and you were staring at the wall, numb.

Steve quickly took his coat off and picked up Iris, soothing her so she would calm down. He held her as his focus turned to you, “y/n, what happened?”

You didn’t answer, you couldn’t hear him, you couldn’t hear anything. You felt cold, you felt nauseous and betrayed. You began to hear Steve’s voice slowly become louder and louder. “Y/n? What happened?”

You looked into your best friend's eyes and told him, “Bucky left.”

“So sure James, you can see your kids. Then try to explain to them why you left them. Tell them why you waited 4 years to come back.”

Bucky wasn’t going to fight you, you had full custody. You didn’t have to do anything, you could’ve just ignored him and let him leave. But you wanted to at least let him, for your kids sake. He wasn’t going to further the damage.

“When can I see them?” Bucky asked.

“I’ll text you, just leave so I can finish cleaning.” You said while walking inside your house.

“What do you mean he left?”

“His drawers and closet are empty, he left Steve. He left us, he left me.” You sniffled, holding back your tears.

“I’m sure there’s an explanation for this.”

“He didn’t want a family. So he just left.” Steve came over to you, sitting beside you, he wrapped his free arm around you as you put your head on his shoulder. “I just can’t believe he just left. He just got up and left his son and daughter like they were nothing. No note, no nothing.”

Steve was mad, no Steve was furious. Steve couldn’t believe that Bucky had left you. He called him over and over, he never responded.

Steve stayed with you for days after he left, he called and called until the line was unavailable. “He deleted his number.”

You decided that you’ll give him a chance, despite all the pain he put you through when he left,

“James, don’t screw this up. This is your son and your daughter. You came back for a reason, so don’t blow it. I’ll let you know when you can visit.”

“Thank you (y/n), I will be better this time.”

“Don’t tell me, show me.” You we’re about to walk inside when Bucky called out to you. “What?”

“You call him Canan, it’s short for Buchanan right?”

“Hey Steve, can you feed Canan, I need to put Iris to sleep?” You called Steve who was in the other room cleaning up. He came into the room with you and the kids with a confused look on his face. “Canan?”

“I don’t want to legally change his name or call him by his fathers name either.”

“I like it,” he said walking over to your son on his playmat, “I swear everytime I see you, you get even bigger Canan.”

You nodded,“Yeah, we named him together.”

You smiled down at the little baby that you just gave birth to, “I can’t believe we didn’t figure out a name for you little one even though we had 9 months for that.”

“What about my middle name?” Bucky suggested, making you turn facing him.

“Buchanan? Buchanan Barnes?” You repeated and then turned to your son smiling, “Well hello Buchanan.”

“I’m surprised you kept his name and didn’t change it.”

“Even though you left us, I’ve always had love in my heart for you, I tried to remember the man who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with,” you said as you looked at the door seeing your daughter peeking through the window, ”James. I’ll see you later.”

Days later

You 6:32pm

Hey, James it’s (y/n).

James 6:34pm

Hi (y/n).

You 6:37pm

So you can come to the park with us, we go on Fridays after school. Around 5, do you know the area enough to get to Hillary Park?

James 6:37pm

How are you?

James 6:38pm

Friday at 5, Hillary Park, got it. Thank you y/n.

You 6:39pm

I’m fine, James. See you Friday

“I told him to join us when we go to the park Friday.” You said handing Steve your phone so he could read the messages.

“Have you told the kids yet?”

You sighed, sitting down next to him, “no, I don’t know what to say.”

You laid your head on the table, groaning. “Like what do I even say? Oh hey kids, your dad is back and he wants to see you.”

“Well, you could say that, or something gentler.”

“I don’t want to let him in and then he screws up, leaving them again.” You confessed, before looking at the time, “I need to go pick them up from afterschool, you coming with?”

Friday: The day of the meeting

“Okay, Iris and Canan, let’s go!” You called out and your kids came running.

“Mom, where are we going?” Canan asked, his big blue eyes staring up at you.

“It's Friday, we’re going to the park, remember?” You responded, crouching down to their level, straightening their clothes. “A friend is going to come visit us at the park, today”

“A friend?” Your son asked. “Yes, remember the man that came by the other day?”

You watched as your son crawled around your living room, babbling and sticking his toys in his mouth.

“He has your blue eyes, Buck, he’s literally your mini me.” You observed as your son had grown month by month, “Guess his name is fitting, a splitting image of his father.”

“If he looks so much like me,” Bucky placed his hand on your growing stomach, smiling, “she will definitely look exactly like her mama.”

You didn’t intend to get pregnant so quickly after having Buchanan, but that's what happened. You always wanted your future kids to be close in age, now they’ll be roughly a year apart.

“Maybe we’ll think of her name before she comes.” You joked, recalling the birth of your son.

“We should start thinking now then.” Bucky smirked, kissing your cheek.

He nodded, then your daughter interrupted, “Are we getting ice cream?” You chuckled, fixing up her hair. Your daughter loved her ice cream.

“Sure we can get some ice cream, but we have to wait for Uncle Stevie though.” You said looking at the time on your phone.

Steve pulled up in his car and parked in the driveway next to your car. “You’re late Steven.”

“I didn’t know you were in a rush.” He joked teasingly, getting out of his car.

You ignore his joke and look at the weather, “I was planning on walking but maybe driving would be better.”

“I’ll drive,” Steve responds, getting back into his car, “I still have their carseats in here.” You put Iris and Canan into the car and buckled them up before getting into the passenger seat.

You took a deep breath before turning to Steve, “Thank you for coming, really.”

“I come every week, when work permits.”

“I’m serious.”

“And so am I.”

Within minutes Steve pulled up to Hillary Park, your kids favorite park.

You got out and went to unbuckle them, “Okay, so you can go play and me and Uncle Stevie will wait for mommy’s friend.” You got them out of the car and the 4 of you walked towards the park.

The park wasn’t that crowded surprisingly which meant you’d see Bucky rather quickly. You and Steve sat down at a bench in front of the playscape, you watching your kids and Steve looking for Bucky.

“I told him, 5 o’clock.” You said looking at your phone, it being 5:15pm.

“Maybe he’s just running late.” Steve said. Your eyes glaring into his soul immediately after that. “Okay, I’m sorry.”

“He literally said he wants to see his kids and is late. You can’t defend that.”

You focused your attention back to your playing kids, Iris running up to you soon after. “Hey, baby, you alright?” She had a pout on her face and her arms folded, “when are we getting ice cream?”

“Soon, I promise. If mommy’s friend doesn’t show up we’ll leave a little earlier.” You responded, cupping your daughter's face. Your daughter then stopped looking at you and turned her attention to the other side of Steve. “What are you-.”

It was Bucky. He had finally shown up. “Mommy is this your friend?”

“Yes, that’s my friend, James,” you smiled back at your daughter, “go play some more and then we will go get ice cream okay?” Iris ran off and you moved your attention to Bucky.

“You’re very late. I don’t suppose you weren’t going to come.” You remarked as he sat down on the grass beside you.

“I was late because of car troubles, I planned on coming.” He explained, as you saw the grease marks on his pants. “Can I talk to you?”

You looked back at your kids, “We are talking.”

Bucky locked eyes with Steve, hoping he understands what he means.

“Bucky wasn’t lying when he said Iris looks exactly like you y/n.” Steve smiled while cooing at your daughter.

You smiled, rocking Buchanan to sleep, “You know what they say, how one parent gets one kid, Buchanan looks exactly like Bucky and Iris looks exactly like me.”

At the mention of Bucky, Steve was confused. He hadn’t seen Bucky since he was there. “Where is Bucky, by the way?”

“He said he had an errand to run.” You said, getting up and laying Buchanan down in his crib.

Steve and Bucky had known each other for years, they were practically brothers. You started dating Bucky and Steve came with him. Which you didn’t mind, Steve became your brother over the years. He was one of the constant people in your life.

“(y/n), he should be home with you. You literally just had Iris 2 weeks ago.” Steve insisted, his tone slightly getting angrier.

“He said he needed some fresh air, so I said it was okay.” You defended, picking up Iris so you could change her diaper.

“Well, I’ll stay until he gets back.”

“You don’t have to-.” Steve interrupts, “I’m staying.”

Steve got the message and got up, “I’m going to go play with the kids.” You nodded in response while Bucky got up and sat on the other side of the bench.

He looked at you sincerely, “I never apologized,” he continued, “since i’ve been back, I haven’t apologized and I know you probably don’t care for my apology, but I’m sorry.”

You turned your body to face him, showing him that you’re listening. He continued, “I know I can’t do anything to make up all I did and all the years I was gone. I know that you’ll never forgive me for what I did to you, to our family. I just want you to know I’m truly sorry.”

This was the first time Bucky had apologized. He was sincere, his gestures and tone from the other day had changed. You actually felt that he would try and be better. “I accept your apology, but you’re right, I don’t know if I’ll forgive you for leaving. But you can do better for them. Be there for them. Be their father.”

Steve, Iris and Canan all came up to you and Bucky. Which was your cue that they were ready for ice cream.

“Looks like you two are ready for ice cream.” You smiled at your kids, thinking about what you and Bucky just talked about, “do you think mommy’s friend can join us?”

Iris and Canan looked at each other for a second before they both nodded. “Alrighty, let’s go.” You held your kids hands while looking at Steve, giving him a ‘it’s okay smile.’

“Mister James, what’s your favorite ice cream flavor?” Iris asked, looking over at Bucky.

“Anything chocolate.”

“Me too!”

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Bucky tags: @qhbr2013 @allforkook @supremethunda @amelia-song-pond @tinylumpiaa @sammypotato67 @weenersoldierr @leyannrae @teebarnes @knifekink-goburr @teti-menchon0604 @mogaruke