She appreciated him trying to comfort her out of her spiral of self-doubt, but the feeling was accompanied with one of shame at the fact that he didnât truly know what she had to blame herself for. âThanks, Edward. Youâre a real one,â she said with a small smile, hoping her attempt at a muggle turn of phrase would at least amuse him.Â
But the sinking feeling that invaded her chest was as sudden as it was unwelcome. She stopped in her tracks, looking down in embarrassment, and pain â even though sheâd been the one whoâd obviously caused the pain in this scenario. âI see,â was all she could come up with, not daring to make eye contact or even catch a glimpse of the look on his face. Her brain was oddly empty, in that moment. She had no idea what to do, or what to say, or how to make it better. Wasnât she the one whoâd just gone on about facing the consequences of her actions, all the while trying to hide said actions from her best friend for fear of the consequences theyâd bring about? What a hypocrite she was.
âWell â heâs not that bad. He hangs around with the wrong crowd, and that in itself should have been enough to keep me at bay, I know. I donât know if it makes it better or worse, but yeah â heâs really not as bad as his friends. He wasnât nasty with me, and it wasnât like it was planned or anything â it just happened, and well â I guess I did let it happen, but then again, I was drunk â then again, not an excuse, I, hm â I donât know what to tell you,â she said still looking everywhere but at her best friendâs face. âOf course I care, and obviously I wasnât thinking â what are you even trying to say? Do you know me at all?â she was getting more and more agitated, but she didnât know if it was because of the disappointment in his voice or because of her own shame.Â
Amelia rolled her eyes â âdo you think you could go a single day without bringing up Andromeda Black, Edward? Especially in the middle of a conversation about your girlfriend, please?â she said coldly. âHe doesnât wish you dead, and what do you mean by people like him, Ted? You mean Slytherins? Sacred Twenty-Eight? Purists? Because I know someone else who fits that description, but somehow that exception is allowed. Does it only work for pretty girls, or is it because youâre the only one with good judgement?â she asked, finally looking up and her voice rising. She was being unfair, and ugly, and mean. She knew it. But she also knew he was being hypocritical, and the only way out now was for the both of them to put their feelings out there. She knew she had something to apologize for, but she also knew she wouldnât be able to go back to normal until she addressed the unfair double standards he put her through.Â
âThereâs nothing going on,â she said in a small voice. âIt was the first time, and seeing how much of a disappointment I seem to be to you, I understand itâll be the last time.â She looked down at her shoes, kicking a stray pebble. âNot that you care, but it was nice for once, to feel like someone wanted me. And he apologized after. And yes, Iâm okay, thanks for asking. Heâs different than his brother, or the rest of his crew for that matter.â With a heavy sigh, she finished, âIâve been keeping this from you for about 16 hours, if thatâs truly what matters most to you.â @teddybeartonksâ
Ted emotions were all confused. He could see that Amelia was struggling with this and heâd never wanted to make her feel guilty. He wondered if this is what he sounded like to her when he defended Andromeda. It was still different though, Rodolphus was literally out there being nasty to muggleborns, where as she wasnât. Do you even know me at all? Her words cut him. Of course he did. He knew sheâd never purposely do anything to hurt him. Things between them had become too complicated this year. He just wanted it to go back to before, how it was last year, when there wasnât a massive point of disagreement constantly between them both. But he also wasnât willing to give up his friendship with Andromeda to achieve it. Maybe that made him selfish, he wasnât sure.Â
âEughâ Ted started, he didnât know how to word anything of this. He didnât want to be mean, but he still wanted to be honest with her âI just, a think thereâs a difference between not stoppinâ somethinâ anâ actively partaking in it, iâve âeard âim more than once refer tâ muggleborns as scum- maybe heâs not all bad, maybe yur right, I donât know- a just- oh I donât know Mila- iâm not trying to make yu feel guilty- yur one oâ my favourite people in the world, yu know this, but it just- it was a shockâ
Ted was more taken back by her next words. Maybe she was right. Heâd spent so many of their last conversations defending Andromeda, but still she was friends with blood purists too. Maybe he was being as much of a hypocrite as she was. âWhyâd yu always say it like that?â Ted asked, a frustrated frown on his face. Sheâd made him feel instantly guilty. She was the only person that knew about the crush he had, still had? He wasnât even sure anymore. Is that why her comment hit so hard. He didnât want to think about it, Lottie was perfect, and wasnât she everything heâd wished for over the past few years. That was enough right? âI donât know Mila, I donât know- maybe they are the same- I donât know- I just a want yu tâ trust me, and me tâ trust you- anâ I donât want tâ fight about this, I donât ever like fighting with yu- but a just...a just wished youâd let me do what I need tâ do anâ own my own mistakes if it came to that- I know yur just trying tâ look out for me but..â
Ted felt ever more guilty after her next words. What had he done. He didnât want to be the reason she was upset. âMila yur not a disappointment to meâ he said, placing his hand on her shoulder, giving it a small squeeze âdonât ever think that, donât ever say that- I guess if it was somethinâ that âappened in the moment then I understand âow you couldnât tell me- anâ âonestly that is was hurt the most- I just, i saw it anâd I guess I jumped tâ conclusions- but a still donât think heâs a good guy- I mean dâyu want tâ see âim again? I can try be okay with that- I donât know if a can promise-but if itâs something yu want then I wonât stop youâ
âAnâ in regards tâ wanting tâ feel wantedâ he continued. âdonât be so silly, yur smart anâ beautiful anâ caring anâ stubborn anâ youâre going tâ find someone amazing- I just think you deserve more than what he has tâ offerâ