suffer my carefree bops, planet earth

NOT THE CRABS WE EXPECTED BUT STILL SOME CRABS WE DESERVE!!!

Lost my mind a little and added (if my math is correct) 5,615 beads to Nim Teasdale's Odenwald pattern. Anything worth doing is worth overdoing!

The goal was “soothingly weighted but not uncomfortable to wear, even as someone with chronic pain.” It could have been a little heavier, so maybe I’ll make a shawl with larger beads another time, but I’m very pleased with this one. I used size 6/0 seed beads, applied as I go with a .6mm crochet hook.

Yarn-wise, used 2 cakes of YarnArt Flowers. I knitted the fully purple sections from both, then knitted all the way through the yellow-oranges with a single ball. When I hit the beginning of red-oranges, I used yarn from both cakes, alternating between them. (Not the entirety of both, I played it by ear to make sure I made it through the full rainbow.)

I do have edited charts with bead placements. I will only share them with Nim's permission.

Instead of becoming caught up in it, it is possible to learn to observe it, acknowledge it, let it move through you in its own time. The last part may not be pleasant. But if you can let go and allow it, then you are not creating an extra layer of distress: fighting it.

It is like being caught in a riptide. You did not choose this. You do not control it. You can only control your response, to whatever degree you have learned to do that.

If you have not learned what to do when caught in a riptide, you may try to swim against the current towards the shore. This would be the obvious choice. But the riptide is stronger than you, and will wear you out before you can reach land.

If you know what to do, you will either try to float without resistance and call for help if you are not a strong swimmer, or swim parallel to the shore until you are free of the riptide. Then you can either be rescued, or swim to shore.

Wanting something requires dopamine signaling, but liking something doesn’t.

If you have a mental illness/disorder that affects dopamine, you might feel that you don’t want to do the things that you like. You do still like them. You will appreciate having done them.

Let your likes guide you.

(If you want to read more, here’s one experimental paper about it. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5171207/ This theory called the incentive-sensitization theory was originally created to explain behaviors in addiction but can be applied elsewhere as well)