i lied i actually don't think i'm getting better.
SIKE i lied again we are so back
lied again babies!
LIED ONCE MORE WE'RE BACK!!!!!
we have never been more locked out
we are back baby. WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK
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@teddyissick
i lied i actually don't think i'm getting better.
SIKE i lied again we are so back
lied again babies!
LIED ONCE MORE WE'RE BACK!!!!!
we have never been more locked out
we are back baby. WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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got high last night got called out by mom and still feel balls high next morning
to my friend group
if you guys could all stop talking about general bodies and physiques and bmi and weight and food i would be eternally thankful thanks
ramsha if you could stop talking about how less you eat and how need to eat because you feel dizzy and that you’re off carbs to fit into your dress for winter ball and stop talking about bmi that would be great thanks
val if you could stop showing me photos of how big your tiddies used to be before you MANIFESTED them into being smaller knowing how much it pisses me off that would be great thanks

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Last night was the Winter Ball that everyone on campus had been talking about for the past few weeks. I was one of them, buzzing with excitement whenever it came up in conversation. That was, up until yesterday. The winter ball took up a lot of space in my mind, but that space began to slowly fill with poison. Excitement was replaced by fear. Anticipation with dread. Stress about how I would make it on time. Worries about how I’d look. Regret for being so excited about it in the first place. My friends and I began getting ready together at around 5:30 pm. While they enjoyed the music playing and shared laughs and their hopes for the night, I sat quietly in the corner, secretly praying for cosmic intervention that rendered me incapable of attending the function.
I trembled as I picked up my makeup brush. I stared at myself in the mirror passively, blaring Marina and the Diamonds in my AirPods. I kept trying to turn up the volume so I wouldnt have to hear my friends talk about things that triggered me: their weights, the way their body looked, how their dresses fit them, how they dont really know how to do makeup well. I did most of their hair and makeup, being the most experienced in this aspect out of all 4 of us. They thanked me profusely, apologised for taking time away from me to get ready myself. They went on and on about how lucky I am to know these things, but they never considered why I know so much about changing ones appearance.
My friends all have thick, cooperative hair, clear skin, good facial features, and bodies that look right on them. I had to learn how to do hair and makeup to distract from how acne-riddled my skin is, how I have an uncooperative cowlick, how my hair is thinning, curly and frizzy, how no dress ever seems to fit me just right. I thought about how unfair it was that I had to put in twice as much effort to look half as good as other girls my age.
I thought about how unfair it is that while the most beautiful girls stress about these inconsequential things, the boys get to throw on a suit and call it a day. I thought about how unfair it is that no one expects boys to look good, but the girls must always look like angels in human form. How unfair is it that girls get backlash for wearing “too much makeup” but also for not looking picture perfect 24/7. I watched the boys in my friend group laugh about how long us girls take to get ready without considering the societal expectations placed on us.
how i feel being the fattest fucking chud in my friend group
why why why is when there is an important function coming up i want to isolate myself to the point where no one on planet earth no longer has any memory of who i am yet at the same time i want everyone around me to hold me and just be there
And if i'm meant to be alone, please take away my desire to be loved.
k.b. // unknown
kronos: percy jackson, son of poseidon!
percy: kronos, son of…
percy: a bitch

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why do i keep letting people walk all over me bruh. why do people always talk over me. why does no one want to listen to me. it’s so dehumanising to keep repeating the same few words only to realise i need to shut the fuck up and no one actually cares. like i swear guys i have insights too. i have thoughts and ideas and feelings and i want to share them. it’s not me to be quiet and it is not like me to just fade into the background. not anymore. i told myself it wouldn’t be like this in college, that my friends wouldn’t be like the ones i went to high school with. they’d love me and they’d want to hear me speak and they’d make fun of me but not at my expense. they’d laugh with me and not at me.
why does this happen bro i need to fucking lock in
genuinely why do i keep letting people walk over me. no like. what is wrong with me. why am i always the butt of the joke. surely it’s not that easy right. im not that pathetic.
i miss the rage.
your curse is you'll always be loved to the fullest by me. my curse is i'll never receive the same love back.

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poem— (repost)
why am i doing this? i should recall what it was like, not eating for hours, feeling faint, seeing my weight, looking sick. i miss the rage. i really really do. getting that hot feeling in my stomach, the satisfaction and validation of completing a 36 hour, or longer, fast. it actually sickens me how much ive let myself go. i need to be able to throw up my shit and not feel a certain way about it. genuinely. this is actually so fucking embarassing. im always cribbing and crying about not being loved and being fat but hello? what am i doing to fix allat? nothing. why am i always down to go get food. why am i embarassed when i force others to eat. why does it strike a nerve when people discuss weight and how they havent eaten in hours. and god its so annoying. i need to drop at least 3 kgs and idk how im going to do that. literally what are the downsides to this? i get skinny, i feel pretty, i feel validated, i spend less money. is it not embarassing to look through my gpay history and see all transactions labelled food? how much of a fat fucking bitch do i have to be to explicitly spend money on junk? theres no fucking upsides to this shit. an added bonus is people noticing my weird relationship with food. i miss the beginning of 11th grade when vir and manya and others said they “never saw me eat”. though i initially denied it vehemently, i obviously was overjoyed. it meant it worked. and GOD DID IT WORK. I USED TO BE 47 KGS. WHAT HAPPENED TO ME. I NEED TO GO BACK. I MISS THE RAGE.