Pawn on Hiatus

1. “I masturbated while thinking about you.”

2. “I never brush my teeth.”

3. “I didn’t shave for months.”

4. “I cried while reading a book.”

5. “I always forget your name.”

6. “I stole something from you…”

7. “I never loved you.”

8. “I love you.”

9. “I don’t feel attracted to you.”

10. “I was jealous.”

11. “I didn’t change my underwear for weeks.”

12. “Your presence arouses me.”

13. “I am sweet on someone else.”

14. “I’m afraid of the dark.”

15. “I killed a spider and I cried for twenty minutes.”

16. “I stalked you for weeks.”

17. “I wet my pants.”

18. “You disgust me.”

19. “It was all a lie.”

Alright, it’s nearly two am and I’m not native english so bare with me for this.

First and foremost, roleplaying rape or triggering topics does not make anyone a sickfuck or someone who condone the themes in real life.

I went to university for four years and studied sexology, which is a program offered here in Quebec, Canada. I learned many things about the human psyche as well as sexuality in general. I also have a minor in psychology and am currently studying to become an author. Because I have many interest, yes, I have spent many years in school for. And all of my programs and studies can relate to this.

Some humans are interested in taboo and triggering topics because it pushes the limits of the human psyche. Some people are interested to see what would happen if their characters would be pushed in the most extreme situations. Whether they are playing a victim or an abuser does not matter. For someone like me, who roleplay as both, I can tell you that I like, revel even in the despair of my muses when they’re victims of something. And as someone who roleplays a villain, I like to explore the darkest part of the human mind that pushes someone to the most heinous acts possible.

There is nothing sick about this. It’s in human nature to be curious and it’s actually completely healthy to explore those topics. My studies in sexology made me learn that having phantasms, however perverted they are, as long as they remain in a fantasy setting, there is nothing wrong about it. As a writer, I can also tell you that the dichotomy between author and muse is INCREDIBLE. If you roleplay a self insert, it might be different, but when you roleplay a muse that is apart from yourself, then it automatically becomes FANTASY. You wouldn’t tell the actor that roleplayed Hitler in the movie “The Fall” that he’s encouraging nazism by playing the role of the leader of them, so why would you tell an author that they’re condoning rape or triggering topics by writing them? Did you ever read an horror book? A suspense with lots of murders and crimes? What about jigsaw? Or even the human centipede? You cannot judge of the weight of a crime that happens in fiction the same way you would a crime in reality. The author knows that. The author isn’t their character. Stop associating the two and shaming people for what they want to write.

Some people wants some vanilla fluff poneys rainbows and flowers, some wants blood gore guts and vile, unfathomable things. Both are healthy outlets.Neither are sick.

As someone who studied psychology, sexology and is currently completing literature studies, I am disgusted that such things are still shamed among the roleplaying community. There are tags you all can block to not see those triggering topics, but you have no right as an author to call out someone who writes about heavy topics because you think it’s wrong. You are no professional critique neither are you a psychanalist. You are a fucking tumblr roleplayer for christ sake.

Block the tags. Shove your disgusting shaming up your ass without lube.

Gets extremely confused and then remembers their meeting.

“No! I..I would never... Your name tag...I was looking and...You thought I was....”