p o l y m a t h

                                                          they think me macbeth; ambition is my folly                                                                  i’m a polymath, a pain in the ass,                                                                               a… massive pain…

                                                         t e c h i n c l i n e d

                                                          indie tmnt 2012 donatello | canon divergent                                                                               multiverse friendly

@stripedmutcte​ said: I blame you guys for making people think all turtles are secretly ninjas.

Donnie takes a moment to lean back in his wheelchair, folding his hands in his lap for a moment. then, he gives a sort of half grin, offering a sort of sheepish shrug.

Oh shit I remembered my password.

Send my muse a word and they’ll tell you something about their past related to that word (Angst Edition).

@everythingisoverturning said: Loveless

“Does thirty years alone with your brothers believing you’re dead count?

There was a common thread in Karai’s torture during that time. That my family didn’t care enough about me to confirm that I was dead or find a body. And for a time, I think I started to believe her. That I was the weak link... that they didn’t really need me. Even after they broke apart in petty squabbles, all of it started to feel... kind of like a fantasy.

Had they ever loved me? Had they ever loved each other? Had we all spent eighteen years fooling ourselves? Were we just too different? Would they care if they found me? Would they even want me back? Someone who left on a foolish mission and got himself captured and tortured for so long...

Send my muse a word and they’ll tell you something about their past related to that word (Angst Edition).

@shiningsilverarmor​ said: Loneliness

“I don’t think people really understand what loneliness can do to someone until they’ve experienced it on the long-term. I spent thirty years secluded from my family, with only memories of better times replaying in my head like worn film to keep me company. It was painful, and maddening. Something in you breaks, I think, after a few years of it.

Oddly, the worst of it wasn’t the start. The worst of it was in the last few days after the war ended. I was alone in a cell and suddenly, not even Karai or one of her goons came to harass me. It was nothing but silence, crushing in on me for hours. I started to think the end had finally come. That they’d gotten tired of keeping me alive and were content to let me starve away the last few weeks of my already miserable existence. I think...

I think for the last few hours, before April and her recovery team made it that far in during their explorations, I actually cried for the first time in thirty years. Because all of a sudden, I had no one. Not my father or my brothers, not my friends, not even my enemies. Just me and my thoughts.

Thoughts of how I could’ve done things differently, escaped or gotten away before they had the chance to fake my public “execution.” It fucks with your head, far worse than you would think, that kind of loneliness.

Even now, after months back with the people I love, I can feel it in my bones. I flinch when I’m touched and I wake up in a panic because I don’t know how to respond to the sort of fullness that comes with being around other people, being hugged and fed and treated kindly for the first time in thirty years.

I don’t think I’m the same Donatello the Shredder’s forces captured thirty years ago. My brothers don’t know how to handle that, for all they say that I’m their brother and they still love me.

Got confirmation from Sophie Campbell herself that we won’t see any gay turtle boys in IDW TMNT, largely because while she didn’t receive a HARD no on it, they required a lot of planning and discussion she just didn’t have the energy for. Which I absolutely get.

I really think a lot about how bad Donnie feels about so many things.

He throws himself into his work to keep himself from focusing on it, but he just. It sticks with him. Feeling like he failed Seb ( @bracedvigilante​ ). Hating how distant he was with the others the older they got. Cursing a temper born of sensory issues and frustration when his mind was moving SO fast but no one could keep up with him.

I've talked about it in the past, how the older he got he withdrew from his siblings. It was difficult to relate when he had few peers. Sure, he had Nico ( @techniicality​ ), but Nico could also connect with Seb. As a result, Donnie felt uniquely alone growing up. It's at the farm that he makes a connection with Seb and starts actively trying to make up for lost time, but with his other brothers, it's hard. He doesn't know how to reach out, to any of them.

It's largely why I frame his relationship with April so differently than canon. Where they focused on "ooh boy with stupid crush" I pivot to a boy who doesn't know how to people but wants a friend. Someone who sees him without knowing his genius intellect first. The problem is he doesn't have the first clue who he is, because he's worn so many masks.

He's had to learn that while recovering from the accident. He's shy and awkward and possessed of extremely dry wit and humor. He loves his brothers, so much, but doesn't know how to tell them. He only knows how to show them. Sure, it can seem like he gets annoyed or doesn't like some of his brothers sometimes because he never learned how to express when he got overstimmed around the more excitable ones

And all of that plays right into his situation in the accident. He knew he loved his family.