I'm fed up of 'having' to explain myself, so I'm hoping I don't have to do another post like this again. Hopefully it'll show narrow minded individuals the picture they they clearly need to see. 👌
So some of you may be aware that I am currently awaiting a second laproscopy to hopefully sort out the endometriosis once and for all. Since then I have been seeing a personal trainer and exercising to reduce the spasms, walk better and improve my overall health which safe to say has been working a treat.
Although lately I've been getting 'hate' from various people who don't fully understand what Endometriosis is or what women like myself go through on a daily basis.
Yes I can understand if you see me one day who can walk (still a penguin) but walking on my own without anything, then another day walking with a stick might look bizarre, but unless you've been in a position that makes you suffer with Chronic Pain, good and bad days go hand in hand.
Like today, I am currently bed bound, struggling to walk, trying to control spasms and (failing) to manage the pain. No one sees me like this apart from close individuals, even then I keep these days to myself. No one see's the days where my boyfriend has to assist me to wash, cook and make sure I take my meds on time. No one else wakes up at stupid o'clock in the morning to change sheets multiple times a night and has to rinse in the bath at 2am.
No one sees the frustrations and arguments that arises when I try and be independent. It upsets me that the simplest of jobs I can't do that everyone takes for granted. At times it puts a massive strain on mine and Matty's relationship and wonder at times if it will ever last. He wouldn't have been the first man to run off from this crap.
These are the times you don't see out in public, because I'm not the kind of person who 'airs dirty laundry'. I keep to myself because that's the kind of person I am.
Now, to address the whole 'but you go to the gym' thing.
There are numerous reasons why I go, to obviously improve overall health and well being is one of them, that's why most people go. The main reason for me was since finding out after (a ton of researching) that endometriosis attaches itself onto fat and unable to on muscle which reduces symptoms and spasms. Anyone with half a brain can understand why I now take this very seriously. Yet when I have bad days or I have 'Mother Natures Calling' I am currently like this, like I've explained in the few paragraphs above.
I've tried other techniques and this one seems to suit me best. And the best way of describing this when I got consent from a GP was her exact words 'It's a form of rehabilitation for you that will help you on your recovery'. Those words have stuck with me and in a sense is motivation for me to prove myself I can do this. Since the start of this 'rehab' I haven't been once hospitalized, so this is coming up for 2/3 months. So that's progress in itself. This is obvious proof to me that its what my body agrees with doing. I tried yoga, pain management, telling me it's all in my head. If it truly was in my head would it false me to wake up from a nice sleep? Wouldn't A+E staff see through it and just 'send me home'?
I know this is a long arse post but I'm sick of getting especially anonymous tumblr posts and backstabbers thinking it's okay to say shit when they are clearly not walking in my shoes or walking in others who are going through similar shit. All I wanted to do from my social media accounts to prove that you can do anything if you put your mind to it. I've dreamed of being a fitness athlete and having an awesome sponsorship, but no one will sponsor someone who has to take weeks of training for a condition they can't help.
So although I'm still perusing this dream, I want to help spread awareness for this, because when my GP years ago said I may have Endometriosis, I'd never heard of it before, and it's obvious people still are unaware now. That's why I dedicate my YouTube Channel, Twitter, Facebook and Tumblr for Endometriosis and how I find helps as well as trying to spread the message. <3
Anyway I've had enough explaining myself, I'm sorry to those who have to see this because I know most of you are very supportive. I just needed to get this off my chest to those who want to 'spit or swallow' drama. But yeah, thanks for reading and again I hope you can join me in spreading the message. And for those who still have shit to say, at least I am trying to better myself as a human being so fuck you.👊
To everyone else, peace out 😘
annaxmalina
turnnoffyourmind
tangentwithtanner
vaporwave
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