* 𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐒.

best  friends.

you  said  you'd  always  be  there.  i'm  holding  you  to  that.

i'm  not  leaving  you  alone  with  your  thoughts!

nobody  gets  to  call  you  that  but  me.

do  i  need  to  fight  someone  for  you?

we're  not  just  friends.  you're  my  family.

i'm  already  on  my  way.

if  i  die,  promise  you'll  erase  my  search  history.

we  should  not  be  allowed  unsupervised  in  public.

combined,  we're  one  whole  functioning  adult!

i've  helped  you  lie  to  your  parents,  friends,  &  your  boss...  what's  one  more?

ex-friends.

i  wanted  to  call  you.  every  time  something  happened.

how  did  you  just  stop  caring?

you  can't  pretend  we  weren't  close.

i  miss  you.  i'm  not  sorry.

i  don't  think  i  can  forgive  you.

i  miss  hating  the  same  people  together.

do  your  new  friends  know  the  version  of  you  i  knew?

you  ghosted  me.  but  sure!  let's  pretend  it  was  mutual!

i  still  know  your  favorite  song.

i  didn't  just  lose  my  friend,  i  lost  an  entire  chapter  of  my  life.

rivals.

this  isn't  personal.  you're  just  in  my  way.

why  are  you  so  obsessed  with  beating  me?

you  think  you're  better  than  me?  prove  it.

you  talk  a  lot  for  someone  who's  always  second  place.

did  you  rehearse  that  comeback  in  the  mirror?

do  you  ever  stop  talking?

one  day,  i'm  going  to  beat  you.

i  don't  like  you.  that  doesn't  mean  i  don't  respect  you.

i  didn't  come  to  play  fair,  i  came  to  win.

you  think  i'm  threatened  by  you?  no,  you  just  motivate  me  to  be  better.

roommates.

i  swear  i  didn't  eat  your  leftovers!  well,  not  ALL  of  them.

i  heard  everything.  these  walls  are  thin.

can  you  PLEASE  clean  up  after  yourself?

wanna  watch  a  movie?  i'm  making  popcorn!

you  know  we're  not  friends,  right?  we  just  live  together.

i  think  i  know  your  schedule  better  than  mine  at  this  point.

you  talk  in  your  sleep.

you  can't  just  adopt  a  pet  without  talking  to  me  first!

i'm  going  to  start  charging  your  dates  rent.

if  we  can  survive  living  together,  we  can  survive  anything.

if  your  [  family member  ]  drops  by  unannounced  one  more  time...

academic  partners.

you  forgot  the  project  deadline.  again.

this  was  supposed  to  be  a  group  effort!

i  think  we  would've  crashed  and  burned  without  you.

you  brought  snacks  to  study  group?  okay,  i  think  i  like  you.

we're  not  friends.  stop  telling  me  about  your  personal  life.

you're  actually  kind  of  smart,  you  know?

i'll  be  the  brains,  you  do  the  presentation.

we  agreed  no  emotional  breakdowns  during  mid-terms!

i  cannot  believe  i'm  depending  on  you  to  pass  this  class.

i  need  a  break  so  i  can  scream  into  my  textbook...

do  you  try  to  make  friends  with  EVERY  person  in  group  projects?

siblings.

you're  not  my  [ mom / dad / parent ]!  don't  tell  me  how  to  live.

i'm  allowed  to  make  fun  of  you.  nobody  else  is.

i  know  you  better  than  anyone  else  ever  will.

stop  trying  to  fix  me!

something  bad  happened.  can  i  come  home?

you're  still  the  favorite, even now.

still  trying  to  live  in  my  shadow,  huh?

i'm  not  jealous  of  you!

we  survived  that  house,  that's gotta count  for  something.

(starters inspired by too many drinks, city lights, and the kind of honesty that only comes after midnight)

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐑 𝐈𝐒 𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐃 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐈𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐆

“You look like you could use another drink… or a bad decision.”

“Don’t tell me you came here alone.”

“I’m not drunk, I’m just—emotionally flexible right now.”

“One more round, and I might actually tell you what I’m thinking.”

“I didn’t plan on running into you here.”

“You’ve got that look—like you’re either about to confess something or start a fight.”

“You’re staring again. Should I take that as an invitation?”

“You ever think about how many bad ideas start with a shot glass?”

“You dance like you’re trying to forget something.”

“It’s way past decent hours—what are you still doing out?”

𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐒𝐊𝐄𝐘 𝐓𝐎𝐎 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐆, 𝐄𝐘𝐄𝐒 𝐓𝐎𝐎 𝐒𝐎𝐅𝐓

“You can stop pretending you’re fine. Nobody believes it after their third drink.”

“I thought you didn’t drink anymore.”

“It’s funny—liquor makes you honest, but you still can’t say what you really want, can you?”

“You shouldn’t walk home alone. I’ll come with you.”

“You always talk like this when you’ve had too much.”

“You smell like smoke and regret. It suits you.”

“Let’s make a pact—we don’t talk about this in the morning.”

“You shouldn’t have kissed me. But I’m not asking you to stop.”

“You ever get drunk enough to think the world might love you back?”

“We’re both going to regret this tomorrow, aren’t we?”

𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐅𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑, 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐒 𝐒𝐋𝐈𝐏

“What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done? I’ll go first.”

“Tell me a truth—just one. The kind you’d never say sober.”

“You’re going to forget this conversation in the morning, right?”

“If I told you I missed you, would you blame the alcohol?”

“You keep drinking like you’re trying to forget something. Or someone.”

“I didn’t mean to call you. My hands just remembered your number.”

“Why are you crying? Don’t tell me it’s just the gin.”

“You said you don’t love me anymore, but you’re still here.”

“Do you ever wonder how we got this lost?”

“Sometimes, I think the night listens better than people do.”

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐆𝐋𝐎𝐖 — quiet streets, unspoken things

“I’ll walk you home. You can pretend you don’t need me to.”

“It’s too late for goodbyes, isn’t it?”

“We shouldn’t have let it get this far.”

“You can hold my hand. Just for tonight.”

“Do you ever wish you’d met me sober?”

“Don’t fall asleep yet. The world feels softer when it’s still spinning.”

“Stay until the city forgets our names.”

“You look different under the streetlights.”

“Promise me you won’t vanish when morning comes.”

“I don’t know what I’ll remember most — the taste of the drink, or you.”

all are lyrics from the ep, tryhard (2017) by the band CAMINO. songs are in order.

second chances, they don't bother me.

i don't care who you want me to be.

you told me to lie, but i won't.

i'll never get what i want if i can't on my own.

i took a chance on a feeling.

here i am, feeling alone.

it turns out they all hate you anyway.

they only tell me what i wanna hear.

it doesn't seem right knowing i'll never get what i want.

no one can feel the tension between me and you.

there's no need to mention all the things i wanna do.

we both know we'd be over if they knew.

we'll both be better off if no one knows.

just keep it to yourself 'til we get home.

they're looking your way.

if anybody asks, we left alone.

hush, don't give it away.

i don't wanna talk about it and we both know why.

i wish it wasn't automatic, the way i want you every time.

i see shades of you when i don't want to.

can't think straight since you've been gone.

you've got me off track.

baby, look at what you've done.

i hesitate to say the ocean could hold a candle to your eyes.

are we something to each other?

is there something more going on in between us, or not?

is it just on the surface, or what?

we should be honest.

are we lying to ourselves?

we're caught between the real thing and nothing at all.

do you feel it when you kiss me?

i thought it was nothing until now.

you know how to keep me waiting.

you got me staying up all night.

you gotta know this isn't right.

got me wishing i was with you.

need a ride, will you pick up?

you're good at looking at me like i'm see-through.

how do i get your attention?

i wish we'd never met.

i'm living with the ghost of you.

tell me what you want from me.

it felt like the beginning.

i feel like such a lonely creature.

i'm caught up in my delusion.

you're still here even though you're gone.

you're still the one that i dream about.

i'm stuck in a nightmare and i can't get out.

it's all in my head, but i keep giving in.

you were the one i always wanted.

you were the one that left me haunted.

do you believe me yet?

there's a distance between me and myself.

how did i become a stranger in my skin?

i can't find myself.

i feel like someone else.

it's weighing me down.

there's an ocean between me and myself again.

i keep on searching but the circle has no end.

when you pretend that you need me, i'm right there.

i shouldn't be drinking.

i suck at being alone with you.

there's so many reasons that i shouldn't want to.

wish i could make you hate me.

can't help the way you make me feel.

why does that make me want you more?

you take a piece of me with you.

tell me that you want me back.

have to be dead to forget. maybe even not then.

if we burn, you burn with us!

it's the things we love most that destroy us.

one word. that’s all you really need to know. poison.

what i need is the dandelion in the spring, the bright yellow that means rebirth and not destruction.

you love me. real or not real?

no, i want you to rethink it and come up with the right opinion.

don't trust them. don't go back.

while i was waiting ... i ate your lunch.

whatever it takes to break you.

she crept up on me.

stay with me.

always.

so, the question is, what do all of these have in common?

it takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart.

they'll either want to kill you, kiss you, or be you.

you're still trying to protect me.

real or not real?

fire is catching!

i must have loved you a lot.

some walks you have to take alone.

i think ... you still have no idea. The effect you can have.

closing my eyes doesn't help. fire burns brighter in the darkness.

let me go!

we're very familiar with each other's screams.

go away! there's nothing left for you here!

i remember about the bread.

i knew you'd kiss me.

don't make me sorry i restarted your heart.

well, you're a piece of work, aren't you?

but people don't need wings to survive.

you'll always feel wrong about being with me.

but there are much worse games to play.

so when did i become so special?

i thought we had an agreement not to lie to each other.

i know what blood poisoning is.

you were the reason i was alive to do it.

is that why you hate me?

please feel free to take this personally.

i want to tell the rebels that i am alive.

this is what they do! and we must fight back!

i can't do this anymore.

a century and change hasn't dulled amalia's enjoyment of pretending to fit in with the upper classes, enjoying the feeling of getting one over on them; it's a joke, and they are the butt of it. she's had many years to perfect her act — and her accent — and it's fun to glide through, avoiding the food and enjoying the dancing, all while sizing up her next meal, or a new necklace. often, she's alone, the one vampire among humans. but often is not always; tonight, she has company. it's been a while since she and alderic preyed on the same ball together.

❝ oh, darling, ❞ she says, a little condescending, ❝ there's no need to admit it. i can tell. ❞ the band finishes their song and pauses, shuffling sheet music around. it's distracting, even among the hubbub of conversation. ❝ you ought to ask me to dance. ❞

DIALOGUE

come here, i just want you closer.

don't rush. i want to feel this.

you feel so good inside me.

i've been thinking about this all day.

tell me what you want.

you drive me absolutely insane.

i love it when you look at me like that.

don't stop, please.

i need you right here.

you're doing that on purpose, aren't you?

i can't stop touching you.

you feel perfect like this.

stay with me tonight.

i want all of you.

you make it hard to think straight.

look at me. keep your eyes on me.

i love the sounds you make.

you're being dangerous right now.

i missed you.. missed this part of you, too.

let me take my time with you.

you're warm. you're real.

i don't want this to end yet.

come closer. closer than that.

you feel like home.

don't tease me unless you mean it.

i like it when you lose control like this.

you're everything i want right now.

you're breathtaking when you're like this.

stay still, let me.

i love how responsive you are.

you're making this very difficult for me.

you don't know what you do to me.

say my name again.

can i come inside? please..

you feel even better than i imagined.

i want to hear you.

you're intoxicating.

i could touch you forever.

don't hide from me.

you're mine tonight.

you look incredible like this.

i love being this close to you.

you're shaking, i've got you.

you taste amazing.

i want you exactly like this.

i'm not letting you go yet.

you're taking me so well.

tell me if this feels good.

i love how soft you are.

breathe, you're doing so well.

i can feel your heartbeat.

i want to make you melt.

you're so beautiful it hurts.

stay right there.

i love when you get needy.

you don't have to be quiet with me.

you feel incredible under my hands.

i've wanted this longer than i'll admit.

you're all i can think about.

i want to savor you.

let me show you how much i want you.

you're making me weak.

i love being tangled up with you.

don't pull away.

i could get addicted to this.

you feel even better pressed against me.

you're driving me absolutely feral.

stay. just like that.

i love how you react to me.

i want to make you feel good.

you're mine in this moment.

you feel so right.

let me kiss you again.

you're intoxicating this close.

i love your hands on me.

you're impossible to resist.

don't stop touching me.

i love when you pull me closer.

you make me feel wanted.

i could stay like this forever.

you're everything i need right now.

i want to hear you come.

you're so warm.

let me take care of you.

i love when you relax into me.

you feel incredible against me.

i'm not done with you yet.

you're making this very tempting.

open up for me..

you're perfect right here.

i want you to remember this.

you're all mine tonight.

i love when you lean into me.

you make me ache.

don't hold back with me.

you feel amazing when you're like this.

i want to feel every part of you.

you're driving me crazy.

i love how close we are.

i don't want to stop touching you.

you're exactly where you belong.

let me feel you breathe.

you're making me lose focus.

stay with me a little longer.

you're everything i want right now.

i want you slow.

you feel incredible wrapped around me.

you're so responsive.

don't rush this.

i love when you look at me like that.

you make this feel so easy.

i want you close when you fall asleep.

you're intoxicating like this.

i love your warmth.

stay right here with me.

you make me feel wanted.

i want you to feel how much i want you.

don't go yet.

you're making me want more.

i love being like this with you.

you're everything in this moment.

let me hold you.

you feel so good against me.

i want to remember this.

you're breathtaking this close.

stay tangled up with me.

i love how you fit with me.

you're making me soft.

i want to stay right here.

don't stop touching me like that.

you're incredible.

i love how needy you get.

you feel perfect right now.

let me keep you here.

you're everything i want.

i want to make this last.

you're making me melt.

stay close.

i love your closeness.

you're intoxicating.

don't move.

i want you exactly like this.

you make me feel alive.

i love being wrapped up with you.

you're so easy to love like this.

you're everything to me right now.

i don't want to rush this moment.

you feel so right.

i want to fall asleep like this.

you're mine tonight.

ACTIONS

( fingers ) : for SENDER to lace their fingers with RECEIVER'S.

( lean ) : for SENDER to lean in until their breaths mingle.

( trail ) : for SENDER to trail their fingertips along RECEIVER'S arm.

( slow ) : for SENDER to press a slow kiss to RECEIVER'S mouth.

( waist ) : for SENDER to pull RECEIVER closer by the waist.

( body ) : for SENDER to press their body against RECEIVER'S.

( neck ) : for SENDER to nuzzle into RECEIVER'S neck.

( murmur ) : for SENDER to murmur softly against RECEIVER'S skin.

( cradle ) : for SENDER to cradle RECEIVER'S face in their hands.

( linger ) : for SENDER to linger close without speaking.

( back ) : for SENDER to stroke RECEIVER'S back slowly.

( firmly ) : for SENDER to hold RECEIVER'S firmly in their arms.

( guide ) : for SENDER to guide RECEIVER'S to their lap by the hips.

( forehead ) : for SENDER to rest their forehead against RECEIVER'S.

( sigh ) : for SENDER to sigh softly against RECEIVER'S mouth.

( cup ) : for SENDER to cup RECEIVER'S cheek gently.

( jaw ) : for SENDER to trail kisses along RECEIVER'S jawline.

( arms ) : for SENDER to wrap their arms around RECEIVER.

( tug ) : for SENDER to tug RECEIVER closer by their clothing.

( temple ) : for SENDER to press a kiss to RECEIVER'S temple.

( skin ) : for SENDER to linger with their lips against RECEIVER'S skin.

( chest ) : for SENDER to hold RECEIVER close against their chest.

( thumb ) : for SENDER to brush their thumb over RECEIVER'S lips.

( deep ) : for SENDER to kiss RECEIVER slowly and deeply.

( nudge ) : for SENDER to nudge RECEIVER closer with their knee.

( curl ) : for SENDER to curl around RECEIVER protectively.

( rest ) : for SENDER to rest their hand at RECEIVER'S lower back.

( lap ) : for SENDER to pull RECEIVER into their lap.

( collar ) : for SENDER to kiss along RECEIVER'S collarbone.

( hips ) : for SENDER to hold RECEIVER'S hips firmly.

( hair ) : for SENDER to brush hair away from RECEIVER'S face.

( press ) : for SENDER to press slow kisses along RECEIVER'S neck.

( nuzzle ) : for SENDER to nuzzle closer, seeking warmth.

( stroke ) : for SENDER to stroke RECEIVER'S thigh absently.

( still ) : for SENDER to hold RECEIVER still beneath their hands.

( kiss ) : for SENDER to kiss RECEIVER'S until they both breathless.

( trace ) : for SENDER to trace small circles on RECEIVER'S skin.

( heart ) : for SENDER to rest their hand over RECEIVER'S heart.

( brush ) : for SENDER to brush their nose against RECEIVER'S.

( wrap ) : for SENDER to wrap their legs around RECEIVER.

( hold ) : for SENDER to hold RECEIVER after climaxing.

( savor ) : for SENDER to kiss RECEIVER slowly, savoring it.

( cuddle ) : for SENDER to pull RECEIVER into a tight cuddle.

( cheek ) : for SENDER to rest their cheek against RECEIVER'S shoulder.

𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄 :

➔ you're gonna be okay , just keep your eyes on me. ➔ don't move - you're going to make it worse. ➔ it's not that bad. ➔ you saved me once before , now it's my turn. ➔ you fucking idiot , you weren't supposed to take the hit for me. ➔ i told you not to do that! now look! ➔ you're lucky that i know basic first aid , or you'd be dead! ➔ stay with me, okay? stay awake. ➔ i'll be as gentle as i can be , i promise. ➔ you're bleeding - oh my god , you're bleeding. ➔ you told me it was a scratch , this is not a fucking scratch! ➔ there's so much blood. ➔ next time you want to play here , just don't. ➔ stop fighting me and let me help! ➔ you're banned from doing anything remotely dangerous. ➔ you could have died , what were you thinking? ➔ if you die on me , i'm going to be pissed off. ➔ you didn't have to be so reckless just to prove a fucking point. ➔ the wound will heal but you'll have a scar.

𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 :

⋆｡‧˚ʚ💋ɞ˚‧｡⋆ 𝐲𝐨𝐮. 𝐦𝐞. 𝐧𝐨𝐰. (VERY USFT!!!!) 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 - send ‘reverse’ for the sender and receiver to swap. adjust wording as needed!

[ grind ] sender straddles receiver’s lap and starts grinding against them, slow and intentional

[ whisper ] sender leans in and whispers exactly what they want to do to receiver in excruciating detail

[ wristgrab ] in the middle of a heated moment, sender pins receiver’s wrists above their head

[ needy ] sender pulls receiver into their lap, desperate and breathless, kissing them like it’s not enough

[ tease ] sender drags their lips and tongue down the length of receiver’s stomach, but stops just before going lower

[ undone ] sender undresses receiver one piece of clothing at a time, dragging it out with loaded glances

[ taste ] sender drops to their knees and starts kissing up the inside of receiver’s thighs

[ lapfull ] sender drags receiver onto their lap in the middle of a conversation, their hands already wandering

[ control ] sender takes full control, guiding receiver’s hands, body, and every motion

[ tug ] sender grips receiver’s hair and yanks their head back to kiss them roughly

[ choke ] sender wraps a hand lightly around receiver’s throat while their lips are barely apart

[ lipbite ] sender bites down on receiver’s bottom lip while grinding against them

[ praise ] in the middle of it all, sender whispers praise between every movement "just like that," "you're doing so good," "don’t stop"

[ beg ] sender makes receiver beg for it

[ mouthy ] sender licks into receiver’s mouth mid-kiss, messy and aggressive

[ suck ] sender sucks a mark into receiver’s neck, possessive and without shame

[ edge ] sender brings receiver right to the brink, over and over, refusing to let them finish

[ wrecked ] sender has one goal: to leave receiver trembling and ruined beneath them

[ needy grind ] clothes still on, sender grinds against receiver until they’re both panting, desperate for more

[ between ] sender slips a hand between receiver’s thighs while whispering, “you’ve been wanting this, haven’t you?”

[ ride ] sender pushes receiver down and climbs on top, holding eye contact the entire time

[ spit ] sender leans over and lets spit drip into receiver’s mouth before kissing them hard

[ mess ] clothes scattered, sheets ruined, bodies tangled—sender and receiver didn’t hold back

[ slow ] sender draws everything out. every stroke, every breath, every motion unbearably slow

[ possessive ] sender fucks receiver like they’re trying to make sure no one else ever will

[ overstim ] sender keeps going even after receiver's already shaking from release

[ grip ] sender grabs receiver by the hips, holding them in place while taking full control

[ hot & heavy ] sender and receiver go at it somewhere they absolutely shouldn’t

[ control freak ] sender lets receiver think they're in charge… until they flip the roles mid-way

[ lips everywhere ] sender kisses every part of receiver’s body.

[ breathless ] sender doesn’t let up until receiver is clawing at their back, gasping for air

[ all night ] sender makes sure receiver doesn’t sleep... again, and again, and again

[ tongue ] sender slides their tongue along receiver’s skin, taking their time tasting every inch

[ dark corner ] they don’t make it home! sender drags receiver into a shadowed corner and gets to work

[ eye contact ] sender holds eye contact the entire time they’re going down on receiver

[ mirror ] sender takes receiver in front of the mirror so they can both watch

𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞

❝ i want to hear every sound you make. don’t hold back. ❞

❝ get on your knees—now. ❞

❝ you’re not leaving this bed until i say so. ❞

❝ look at you. all mine and dripping for it. ❞

❝ you said 'just one more time' last time, remember? ❞

❝ keep quiet, or they’ll hear. ❞

❝ is this what you wanted? me, like this, ruining you? ❞

❝ you’re shaking—already? we’ve barely started. ❞

❝ i haven’t even touched you yet, and you're already begging. ❞

❝ be good for me and spread your legs. ❞

❝ don’t you dare finish until i tell you to. ❞

❝ you’re going to be the death of me, but i’ll die happy. ❞

❝ say it. say you need me. say it louder. ❞

❝ i could do this all night. want to test me? ❞

❝ if you want more, use your words. ❞

❝ you look so pretty when you beg. ❞

❝ you’re not shy now, are you? ❞

❝ take it. like that. good. ❞

❝ tell me where you want my mouth. ❞

they've done this before, stolen kisses — well, a stolen kiss, one that has never left his mind before. kisses blown to him ... one that arthur's kept close to his heart. always so close, never taking that plunge. arthur's skirted this danger zone before, self - loathing being the only thing to keep him from ... from what? what word could even begin to express what arthur feels for him?

it's so much more than ... well. has he ever felt anything like this before? NOT THIS, certainly never this — eames is his longest, not friend, not ... they are not lovers, certainly. ( and arthur's made peace in the years they've known each other, that they never will be. in their line of work, he doubts he ever will have one. a long - term one, anyway. )

besides — arthur knows eames too well. knows his type, knows that he'd never be the kind to settle for someone. as for arthur? he couldn't, couldn't live that way, not when these feelings cling to his heart like a burr. they are, in every way, opposite. wrong. like trying to shove the square peg into the round hole. ( but doesn't the round peg go into the square? as does the triangle? as does the semicircle? aren't impossible tasks their specialties? )

they don't spend time alone together enough ; they have, as of late, done so more often. but arthur feels like he's playing catch up for the entire time they've known each other. ewan eames has always been insufferable, but arthur would be lying to himself if he said that it wasn't utterly endearing. more than endearing, seeing the man sitting in his kitchen, drinking his wine ... it almost felt like a life they could've lived ... if they were someone else. if they weren't themselves.

arthur'd found himself with a singular desire the entire night, like an impulse had been incepted into his mind. he knows, he knows that's not the case, not when it's been there from the beginning, from the day they'd met. an urge he's only ever let himself indulge in once before.

eames is set to leave, arthur dumbly walking him to the door, as if he didn't know where it was. as if he needed arthur to let him go. the impulse strikes him again, and his hand reaches out to catch the crook of eames' arm, tugging him just enough to get his attention. arthur's mouth is moving before he can tell it to stop, with a firm, sure, but utterly soft, " ewan. " it's do or die, and arthur stares at soft lips almost as if he's staring into the abyss. eames opens his mouth to speak, but a surge forward stops him before he can.

eames  has  not  let  himself  entertain  the  thought  of  having  a  home,  but  arthur's  apartment  has  become  familiar.  he's  comfortable.  he  knows  exactly  where  to  get  the  glasses  from  the  cabinet,  where  arthur  stores  the  good  wine,  and  how  to  angle  the  chair  to  lounge  against  the  wall  behind  him.  he  moves  around  like  he  is  part  of  it  all,  like  he  belongs.  watching  arthur  exist  in  this  domestic  space  is  a  self  indulgent  guilty  pleasure,  one  he  shouldn't  allow  himself,  but  he  lacks  all  resilience  so  he  doesn't  bother  with  resisting.  arthur  has  that  effect,  he  has  long-since  realized.

tonight  is  just  one  more  night  at  arthur's  table,  but  something  isn't  quite  like  the  other  nights.  arthur's  silences  lapse  long,  which  is  far  from  unheard  of,  but  eames  knows  when  something  is  on  his  mind.  he  can  tell  that  there  is  something  worming  around  in  the  atmosphere,  and  his  chest  begins  to  contract,  a  concern  settling  heavy  in  the  center  between  his  ribs.  these  visits  have  grown  in  regularity,  and  he  has  been  wondering  when  he  might  begin  to  toe  the  line  that  will  eventually  have  to  be  drawn.

he  does  not  announce  it,  but  watches  quietly,  weighting  his  options  on  how  he  can  rectify  something  he  doesn't  know  the  source  of,  how  he  best  sends  the  signal  that  he  can  back  off  if  it  means  they  can  keep  spinning  around  each  other  like  this.  in  the  end,  he  settles  on  enjoying  the  evening.  perhaps  a  little  bit  more  than  he  normally  would,  in  case  this  is  the  last  one.

the  walk  to  the  door  is  a  thousand  mile  march.  his  feet  are  heavy  with  how  badly  he  does  not  want  to  leave.  that  feeling  alone  should  be  enough  to  set  him  running,  to  cut  all  ties,  to  vanish  like  smoke  from  a  fired  bullet.  it  doesn't.  instead,  he  is  fully  focused  on  arthur's  presence  at  his  side,  their  shoulders  bumping  together  when  the  hallway  narrows  down  towards  the  door.  the  contraction  in  his  chest  has  twisted  into  a  knot,  its  making  it  hard  to  breathe.

at  the  door,  he  awaits  the  dismissal,  expecting  something  curt,  something  final.  but,  instead,  he  gets  a  hand  to  the  elbow.  just  like  that,  his  expectations  are  all  lined  up  and  shot.  before  arthur  even  speaks,  he  knows  he  has  read  this  evening  all  wrong.  the  sound  of  arthur's  inhale  is  soft,  and  with  the  touch  of  his  hand  on  his  arm,  it's  all  more  than  enough  to  root  him  to  the  ground.  for  the  first  time  in  as  long  as  he  has  known  the  other,  this  feeling  they've  both  tried  and  failed  to  keep  at  a  safe  distance  is  written  plain  as  day  across  his  face,  spelled  out  in  clear  large  letters  in  his  dark  eyes.  eames'  jaw  drops  at  the  sight,  and  perhaps  there  is  even  an  attempt  at  saying  something,  but  the  knot  in  his  chest  has  unraveled  with  such  ferocity  that  his  vocal  cords  have  gotten  tangled  in  the  whiplash.

arthur  says  his  name  and  it's  a  fatal  blow.  it's  not  mr.  eames,  the  aloof  coworker,  or  eames,  the  man  that  sometimes  sits  at  the  kitchen  table  drinking  all  of  arthur's  wine.  its  ewan.  ewan,  the  man  he  thinks  arthur  might  know  better  than  he  does  himself.  ewan,  who's  palms  have  broken  out  into  a  sweat,  his  heart  catapulting  into  his  throat.  ewan,  who  has  lost  all  ability  to  process  any  train  of  thought  that  doesn't  revolve  around  getting  arthur  to  say  his  name  again.  and  again.  and  again.  he  wants  to  hear  it  until  the  word  has  lost  all  meaning.

arthur  is  suddenly  much  closer,  but  not  nearly  close  enough,  and  as  if  to  apologize  for  making  arthur  take  the  leap  of  faith,  he  meets  him  halfway,  hands  finding  their  way  to  each  side  of  arthur's  face.  ewan's  palms  rest  against  his  cheeks,  thumbs  caressing  over  skin  that  quickly  becomes  warmer,  and  the  sight  of  a  red  flush  growing  beneath  his  hands  has  his  head  spinning.  the  kiss  is  everything  he  remembers  from  that  half-forgotten  dream,  except  it's  more.  this  is  real.  in  every  sense  of  the  word.  the  soft  touch  of  his  lips,  the  taste  of  his  breath,  the  warmth  of  him.  it  feels  like  coming  home.  it  feels  like  waking  up.