.

How freakin’ dare you. Whether they’re dancing on a pole to Cherry Bomb or not, I would never dissuade hot chicks from taking their clothes off in front of an audience. I’d even donate money to naked girls on OnlyFans, that’s how committed to the cause I am.

Stop being a bitch, it’s turning me on.

Ohhh, OnlyFans. I completely forgot about that. That’s actually a great idea. Less physical work and I could probably make just as much. I could make a killing on OnlyFans. Thanks for the idea. I expect a donation as soon as I start mine. 

😈

I wasn’t disagreeing with you. Hundreds of thousands, including some that can cause oral STIs. Still, I wouldn’t kick Cate Blanchett outta my bed if she bit her nails. 

Hm, I guess you’ve got a point there. Not Cate Blanchett in particular. But there’s quite a few people who could bite their nails and I’d still bend over. 

😈

Sure, nail biting is kinda gross, but not necessarily rude. It mostly depends on where you’re spitting out the nail bits.

I think the whole thing is gross. Do you know how many germs are under your fingernails? 

I mean, it wasn’t a suggestion, but far be it from me to judge. It takes a helluva lot of upper body strength to do an arrow spin or the forward hook, I’d actually be impressed. The working hours would suck, tho’.

Knew I’d get it right with that one. Well, duh. 

Why not? I’m young, hot, and not a terrible dancer. I have pretty decent upper body strength. Are you trying to talk me out of this very lucrative line of work, Lopez? 

Take summer classes they said, it will be fun they said… no its not, summer classes suck and I don’t feel like I am learning anything. Anyways who wants to do something fun with me this weekend?

Ew, do you enjoy torturing yourself? Why would you take summer classes? Everyone needs a break sometimes. 

That’s just rude.

What’s rude? That I bite my nails? I know. I should probably stop that. It’s gross. 

😈

‘kay, now you’re just bragging about it. Not cool, Johnson. Honestly? My judgment was clouded by the thought of freshly baked orgasm-in-your-mouth goods. Of course I’m aware of the downsides to being a tipped worker. It was on my list of cons when someone suggested I should become a stripper.

I feel like you’re gonna shoot down any good thing I could point out ‘bout summertime, so I’ll play it safe and go with something that’s universally hated. No mid-terms or finals. Better? 

...They are pretty good. I still like my tips though. You’re right. If I want better tips I should be a stripper. I thought about it for a while and I still don’t know why I didn’t go for it. 

10: (truth) What are your worst habits? (dare) Post the latest text message you sent.

7: (truth) What's the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you in the past week? (dare) Post the last song you listened to.

I gave a table the wrong food at work. That was pretty embarrassing. And someone wanted us to sing happy birthday to their kid. I don't know why that's a thing.

Can’t help you out with the whole work thing, but if you do find someone to take you far away please feel free to pass along their information. Unless they’re some weird serial killer because you’re kind of totally setting yourself up for that with an open offer.

There were whole decades where people hitchhiked and they were totally fine. I’ll be alright. And if I’m not I’ll be leaving a trail anyway. I just want to get out of here. 

4: (truth) If your parents knew everything you've ever done, what would they think is the worst thing? (dare) Write a Haiku for someone you know.

6: (truth) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? (dare) Draw a quick picture of yourself on Paint and post it.

Is this a trick question? Hasn't everyone my age?

How you manage to make summer sound like such a drag is beyond me. Not tryin’ to sound like a motivational post from Instagram, but, you gotta look on the bright side; while college’s out there are fewer customers, which means you get privileged access to leftover bread sticks.

I’m just speaking the truth. Listen, if I eat one more breadstick I’m either going to throw up or just straight up explode. And I don’t know if you know this but fewer customers equals fewer tips. So you’re not making this sound any better. Try again. 

8: (truth) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? (dare) Write a short love letter (no more than 50 words) to someone. You have to say who it's for.

You have no idea how much I resonate to your statement! Honestly, if it wasn’t for my hospital appointments, I probably wouldn’t even bother to make my bed most days. Like seriously, almost every day this week has felt like a weekend and like, it’s so weird to know it’s only Tuesday. 

Why make your bed when you’re just going to climb back into it and make a mess. Do what I do and just kind of.. toss your blanket sort of back into where it’s “supposed” to be. So much more efficient. 

1: (truth) What's the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you in the past week? (dare) Put your music player on shuffle and post the first five songs.

2: (truth) Do you sleep with or without clothes on? (dare) Give a compliment to someone you know without saying who they are.

3: (truth) What is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you? (dare) Post the oldest selfie on your camera roll.

4: (truth) If your parents knew everything you've ever done, what would they think is the worst thing? (dare) Write a Haiku for someone you know.

5: (truth) You have the opportunity to sleep with the celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? (dare) Pick up the closest book to you. Turn to page 15 and copy down line 7.

6: (truth) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? (dare) Draw a quick picture of yourself on Paint and post it.

7: (truth) What's the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you in the past week? (dare) Post the last song you listened to.

8: (truth) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? (dare) Write a short love letter (no more than 50 words) to someone. You have to say who it's for.

9: (truth) How do you take your coffee? (dare) Post the latest text message from someone else.