trunk music and headlight fights

“How in the world could you be any sorta mess? You’re so good, so much better than me.. you’re everything I wish I was. You deserve so much more than all of the bull crap I keep givin’ you and that’s what kills me. I know you should go off to Harvard and pursue your dreams and find someone who won’t make you hurt so much… All you ever did was love me and look at what I’ve done. I’m a fudgin’ train wreck.”

“Look. It doesn’t matter what you, my mom, my dad, Checkers, or anybody else thinks I should be doing. I’m not at Harvard ‘cause that’s not what I want right now. I wanna be here with you. I know you seem to have a hard time believin’ it, but you make me happy. You always have. I love you; the way you love people, your sense of adventure, the beautiful things you make. I’d rather be goin’ through a difficult patch with you then havin’ it nice and easy without you. I’ve tried that before and it wasn’t for me. Course, if you’d rather...I dunno, be with him or just make do without me it’s fine. More than anything else I’ll always want you to be happy.”

“I’m a complete mess, Patches, and you know that better than anyone. I feel bad ‘cause I make awful decisions and I know they’ll hurt the people I love, but I make ‘em anyways. There’s somethin’ wrong with me. But you… You’re the best person in the world and I hate hurtin’ you but I keep doin’ it anyways, no matter how much I try not to.”

“And I don’t judge you for it ‘cause I think it’s safe to assume we’re all messes in one way or another, don’t you? It’s the same thing with mistakes and bad decisions. We all make ‘em. I ain’t in any position to tell you that yours are worse than mine.The fact that you even bother to keep me in your thoughts and try not to hurt me’s a lot more than can be said for near everybody else on the planet.”

“Stop it. You know I couldn’t ask for anyone better. Alright? And it’s not that I don’t want you takin’ care of me ‘cause I love you, it’s just that I wish you didn’t have to. I’m more trouble than I’m worth and I can’t understand what I did to be so blessed to have you here.”

“You don’t have to feel bad for bein' human, Bri.”

“I don’t think you know how grateful I am for that. ‘Course, I wish you wouldn’t, though.”

“Aw, you don’t mean that. Well, you might. I’m sure there’re folks who'd do a way better job of taking care of you than little old me, but I digress.”

“Well, you’ve had plenty of practice.”

“It’s what I’m here for.”

“You’ve cleaned up enough of my messes, Patches.”

“S’okay. I’m pretty good at it, if I do say so myself.”

“I-I’m sorry.”

“It’s only a little water. I’ll take care of it.”

Watch my mouth? Excuse you, but are you payin’ to live under this roof? I’ll speak however I fuckin’ like. Jesus Christ… Woodrow Judson Duchannes Royal, if you don’t go tell her how you feel right this second, I will personally bind you and gag you and drag you there myself; don’t think that I won’t.

...Fine, but if it all goes south it’s your fault. And I ain’t goin’ smellin’ like Old Man Jenkins after happy hour, so against my better judgment we’re gonna have to involve the shower in this whole trainwreck one last time.

Wait, wait, wait — what? You’re tellin’ me that she’s 100% not with this guy anymore and you’re sittin’ here in my hotel room wallowin’ like a lovesick teenager? Good gravy, kid, you’re more dense than I thought. What the Hell are you doin’ here? Now is your perfect opportunity to get back what you lost. I cannot believe this right now… I’m actually so confused as to how you could be so thick. Give me that bottle and get your dumbass out of here. You’re gonna go tell that girl how you feel and youre not gonna pussy out; this could literally be your last opportunity. Don’t fight me, just go.

Watch your mouth. And I’m not doing that. I can’t. It ain’t right, Checkers. Finished or not, Grant and Bri are still hurtin’ over each other and it’d be wrong of me to waltz in the middle of it all and make things more complicated. I haven’t been able to read her as well as I used to lately, but I can tell she’s tired of complicated.

Love ain’t simple and it’s painful more often than not, but it’s sure as Hell worth it. I’m not sayin’ that you gotta do that, man; it’s not your fault that you’re irrational. Sure, you’re best friends, but everyone’s got their secrets. Ruthie’s my best friend and I’ve still got things I don’t tell her like the fact that I’m not really workin’ late, I’m just stayin’ at the bar an extra hour to finish watchin’ the game. She doesn’t know ‘bout the moonshine I’ve got hidden in the garage or that I’m still smokin’ even though I told her I’d quit weeks ago. Nobody’s perfect and there ain’t a relationship in the world that’s without secrets. No one said you’ve gotta replace her, little prince. You can still be a good friend to her even if she’s with some pretty boy Brit.

Actually, she and Grant ended things over some nonsense a few days back. Anyway, I get what you’re sayin’ but that doesn’t change how difficult it is to think of how Bri and I used to be and then look at where we are now. I always want the best for her. I want her to be happy no matter what but it feels like there’s a disconnect between us now and I can’t help thinkin’ that it’s ‘cause we aren’t close like we used to be and the both of us know it ain’t gonna go back to the way things were. Maybe I oughtta head back to Harvard like Dad wants me to. It’d make things easier on everybody. And you can finally go home to your basement of moonshine that I’m pretty sure Ruthie already knows about.

Oh, Lordy, you’re hopeless. Ohhh, no — you are not allowed to complain about my lecturin’ you when you’re schmoozin’ off of me and wakin’ me up at this ungodly hour. I warned you to give her space and let her settle in before you swept right back in, charmin’ her with your irresistible hereditary amazin’-ness. You’ve just gone and made things real difficult for everyone involved. Don’t be afraid if you get your heart broken… again.

I didn’t mean to do it, Checkers, but it ain’t like I can just turn off my noggin whenever I feel like. ‘Specially not around Bri. We’re best friends. We’re supposed to share things but it’s like...it’s impossible. I sure as sugar can’t tell her everythin’ I’m thinkin’ these days ‘cause it’d be wrong, it’d be inappropriate. But it ain’t like I can go around treatin’ any old schmoe like my best friend ‘cause there’s certainly no replacin’ Bri, so all I can do is stand around watchin’ her dance around Grant like a one-legged pigeon and be there and be quiet so that I don’t say somethin’ we’d both regret and it’s so damn frustratin’ and I can’t do anything about it.

It’s called foot-in-mouth syndrome, Duke; you were diagnosed at a very young age. What’d you say this time? Wait, let me guess. It involved Bri somehow. Am I warm?

It involved Bri and the hose and the goshdarn shower... and now it involves whiskey straight from the bottle and a long nap on your nice big sofa over there soon as you’re done scoldin’ me for bein’ ridiculous.

What on God’s green earth would drive you to the beginnin’s of alcohol abuse; especially with my whiskey?

*insert deep sigh here* Remember how you told me that I do this thing sometimes where I start talkin’ and I’m makin’ a total fool of myself but I keep talkin’ cause I don’t realize what I’m doin’ and then it’s just -- awful, it’s awful? ‘Cause that happened. And now I’m here.

What the Hell, Woody? It’s 1 AM; what are you doin’ here?

Borrowin’ some whiskey for this poundin’ headache I got. Don’t talk so loud, you’re gonna wake my nephew. 

Yep… I remember…

Really. Uh, wild...

I do think that’d be, uh, more than a little bit awkward, yeah.

Yeah. I mean, we were never very good at actually gettin’ any showerin’ done when we -- not that we’d -- uh, of course. I meant, uh, nevermind.

I sure hope so. I can’t wait ‘til I can actually wear two shoes again. H-hose me down? Like your truck? That’s, uh, not a real appealin’ offer…

I can imagine. Well I -- I figured it’d be a better choice than the shower on second thought.