My friends have showed me how much they care. Or how much they don’t. I’m done trying to understand why I feel like this, I have no reason to. Why I spent the next day and a half throwing up from an overdose with no care from anyone, why I spent a month in the hospital with one single visitor. Then I get asked why. Why? What am I getting from doing this? I don’t want to be here. Why can’t you guys understand this and why am I left writing to no one. I’ve seeked help and just got a bill in return, realizing how damn helpless I am compared to these other people. There is no damn way to help me . I don’t motherfucking want to be there and I keep wishing and hoping I’d find a way to do this, but the blunt and honest truth is while I have SO MANY THINGS I want to accomplish, I don’t feel I’ve taken advantage of this lifetime and I’m just so helpless at this point. I’ve pretended to be so happy for so many months, more than I used to. I’ve stopped letting people talk to me about my feelings. I wish god would send me one ounce of hope and I would swear to drain it to the max. But wishing isn’t doing it anymore.