hidden, in plain sight

publicly reclaimed her old name, mizuumi, and a newer family name, suzuki. the latter of which she is still trying to get use to using.

is not an employee at TSC, just an occasional  volunteer.

assists dr. chigyou and the rest of the research department in gathering her research for theirs.

assists matsuri in collecting information on the washuu for his job.

*understands and will not ignore being called yoshiko or washuu if her company is more comfortable with that identity.

has sold most of her belongings - attempting to reinvent herself.

is still in contact with iyo and frequently visits her.

her hair is drastically cut short.  “ it was time for a change ”

taubc:

i.  zweite kapitel / left with less.     ↳  tg re: 100+,  post - massacre.   very tired / very troubled and she builds her needs to be closer to matsuri every day. the office is a mess of a place. a place you assume has been ransacked. plenty of photos of when she was younger, her brother, her father - others, are stacked on top of the work station. notes written in a haste, littered. she’s worn and weary and highly suspicious of something impending to ruin what is left.    ↳  tg re: 117+,  post - matsuri’s disappearance / furuta’s accession.   she’s dull and in a daze. often spacey, often losing track of time. frequently feeling like debris of a world that is now gone. she frequently is not found in her office. either have called in sick - remaining in the estate by herself  ( no staff is re-hired. she is alone typically. *unless furuta’s there messing around on the grounds. )  or in the innermost section of the laboratories where she is in company of kakuja - cadavers. can also be found staring at nothing, lost in thought and more accepting of things to come. she’s, interestingly enough, is accepting of her ghoul-self. she has power, but is incapable of utilizing it. maybe unless provoked..?

i.  zweite kapitel / white silence.     ↳  tg re: 120+,  post - oggai action / pre - kanō visiting ccg’s labs.   some say she’s gone on sabbatical, sick - bedridden with something terrible. and they’re only partially correct. hushed are rumours concerning specific whereabouts. for some days she will be there, and other times, gone without word. simply, excused for the day to return home. though her particular research involving kakuja is safely hidden for fear that someone may learn more than they should, leaving much behind is still difficult. however, her desire to learn what exactly happened to matsuri drives her and fuels her feverish efforts in exterminating V agents beneath the Bureau Chief’s awareness.  *she may have eaten some. but leaves room in her stomach for kaiko.

 ↳  tg re: 165+.   there is a ghoul in tokyo. a monster with an appetite that is spreading its ilk throughout the wards like a disease. this is the stuff of nightmares that will not go quietly as dawn rises. a raw reality that many are terribly facing with unease and terror. though still feeling quite defeated, she lingers around, rarely returning to the ccg or even home. she’s becoming nomadic in some ways, watching from afar this mess of ugly destruction. her hunger has subsided in this time.

“The thing I’m most afraid of is me. Of not knowing what I’m going to do. Of not knowing what I’m doing right now.”

“I wanted them to understand the language of my eyes; they spoke for me when my tongue couldn’t.”

Mi mom was diagnosed with cancer. It was lazy enough not to spread but we had to undergo surgery. Two nights spent in the hospital now. Shes doing great! But this ordeal was the primary reason why I haven't been active.

I don't like to talk much about problems because I know they pass. At some point they will pass and we move on. But in the moment, I keep wanting to collapse? Like, my mom is the MOST HEALTHY person I've ever known. Very conscious of what to eat, when and the nutrients in everything. She exercised, she always was on her feet.. And yet, this happened.

Shes strong. Shell get through this.

But yeah, right now. This is happening

SENTENCES  |  ( CLOSED )↳   ❛ You had time to call the police. Why didn’t you? ❜

    Sure, yes, she did, more or less. Truth settling, sinking deeper like a ball of raw quinque-steel in water, faster, faster until it crashes onto the murky floors of realization. But it comes as a gaze, dull and nearly lifeless. Unaffected. In plain sight before her, an assumed body, mangled and maimed from ravenous jaws and wild teeth. Scent of both ghoul and something else– more ghoul, permeate their air. This was a ghoul-on-ghoul assault. A witness to her dubious reluctance, briefly judges. What a mess.

     It didn’t matter now, she knows. What was done was done. A corpse is but only that, hearing hindsight neither phased nor tempted her to show more than what was already barely drawn on a blank face. Only speaking directly, flat,  “ They wouldn’t have helped..”   Another truth-ball. As distant screams tell them both that law enforcement are already struggling with maintaining peace as is. Hellish golems and monstrosities expanding, rising, growing plague the city. The CCG was desperate for anything to stay afloat. And to call out to them, she hasn’t returned for a while - in good reason, for something like this in the meantime? It was brushing against irony.

Hey! No need to apologize! ( I should probably start to link clarifying posts in the faq, my bad. Here it is! It’s a bit of a headcanon, and certainly subject to change like everything else as I wrote that a while back. )

     Dreadful.. isn’t precisely a popular choice to describe her. She’s heard others prior, muffled under the steadfast breath of those in likeness. A breeze pass, she, catches the tunes of criticism towards her laced with toxicity and envy, wrath and pride. As many clamour with actions than words in the labs, seeking -- rather hunting glory for their work and achievements. They all wish to climb higher, earn better and triumph over another. For a crown of praise awaits those who impress the heads of this beast of an organization. Simply dreadful that is.. though she alone?---

SENTENCES  |  ( CLOSED )↳  ❛ I never meant to come between you and him [ @fletschte ]. ❜

     “ —-Ah-.. ”  You aren’t. You really aren’t.. Well. Thoughts are tendered and quiet, hidden behind fallen lips and a hefty gaze. How she knew, he knew a`bit and him, that sugared, foolish romantic. Without not knowing the extent of Matsuri’s harbored, hearty affections, those feelings are blunt like the moon on a blue sky, at least to her.

LOG:  February 20XX, 21:05 Seiji brought a cat into my office. An actually animal has been smuggled into the CCG. A part of me wonders if she had been forceful with security or sneaky and careful. Is my name being carried around in annoyance throughout the Bureau because of this? I can hear the Chairman’s ugly reprimanding voice already. I’ll plan for something later, surely. But this cat, a female cat that unbeknownst to her was pregnant. Just yesterday we’ve had to welcome a litter of kittens. They need attention and care. I can’t provide that right now despite Seiji’s protests that I should adopt them all. She’s asleep currently and I wonder who will be interested in them.

LOG:  March 20XX, 22:45 This new week has been the third consistent week where every night has been a ‘late’ night. Seiji knows this. She knows what I mean when I tell her that I’ll be late. But I forgot to lock the doors to my personal labs and she must have followed me into them. It’s quite a walk pass the typical hallways and special examination rooms. This is where I do most of my research, where my logs are -- everything. And the fact remains - she knows more than what I wanted her to know now.

She knows. Not everything, but she knows. Would V be setting their eyes on her? My stomach hurts at the thought of Kaiko approaching her. The bastard. I should start talking to her more. She’s tough yet still sensitive. But I can’t allow her to get hurt. This is such an ugly rabbit hole that I keep tip-toeing around its edge. I’m sorry, Seiji

LOG:  April 20XX, 19:02 There are cherry blossom trees all around us. They’re beautiful when the wind picks up the falling ones. We decided to talk a stroll around the city when I took a break earlier today. It was quiet, her little video games keep her occupied. I tried to be more open with her about more important topics and I think it went well for the most part. Sometimes I think she’s just nodding along and other times I’m scared she wants to say more but doesn’t. On another, brighter note, she gave me a key chain of a character from an anime. I need to make more of an effort to introduce her to other literature, something with more substance. Or I could try and watch anime. She and Investigator Yonebayashi would get along well the more I think of this.

LOG:  May 20XX, 12:00 It’s Children’s Day. Would Seiji mind if I.. Never mind.

LOG:  June 20XX, 18:55 It’s been warm for a while and we’ve spent most of our time inside. Seiji definitely prefers the A/C than that blazing sun. I’ve bought some parasols for us when we do leave but already, she’s broken hers. When we went shopping for another one, she had to pick out the Hello Kitty-styled one. I actually preferred it over the others she had chosen prior.

Am I selfish for wanting her to have more of a mature aesthetic? I think it would impress those in the labs who haven’t been too keen on me being the one to claim ownership of her. Yet she’s my responsibility, under my watch. They can’t object much, can they? Not with my name, they cannot.

On another note, when we were out, we ran into Investigator Sasaki and the Quinx. I can’t believe I’m admitting this but Sasaki Haise does smell too familiar.. almost. Those reports didn’t lie, did they? My throat became dry in that moment. And I think Seiji noticed. Should I start talking her more? I think already do but it seems that I should probably do more. It’d be wise on a personal level. But reckless if anything slips.

LOG:  July 20XX, 9:00 Special Class Washū visited the labs, looking for me early this morning. Not exactly what I was expecting. Seiji was as proper as I think she could be at that time. They were.. interesting to see engaging. He was typical and I hope she didn’t take what he has said to heart. We discussed certain things that Seiji overheard, saving her inquires for after he left. She’s so blunt at times it’s ridiculous.

“Do you eat people or ghouls?”  Ridiculous! I can’t believe I heard it with my own ears, coming from her. But she was serious. My research has always been something that’s partly cleared for conversation and partly classified. But it wasn’t even that. She listened to the deeper, hushed whispers. What an amazing sense of hearing.

There are times that I simply hate this family, other times I loathe it. So many secrets and taboos, I was nervous when my laughter died down at her. I offer her a slice of cake from this platter of truths I keep hidden away and she keeps reaching for more. Is this my fault for being so tolerant of her? I can’t punish her, of course not. She’s simply curious and.

..I trust her. Does she trust me? She hasn’t looked at me for a while. I should just get to work.

LOG:  August 20XX, 20:46 This month has almost been among my least favourites. The humidity is unbearable as well as the barrage of meetings I’ve had with the Bureau Chief, Special Class and the Chairman. Half the time, my mind wandered to how Seiji was outside the double doors. But knowing her, she had wondered and wandered herself into corridors that really shouldn’t be explored. The subject of her being used as a weapon during missions was brought up so many times. The other was my ‘apparent’ attachment. It’s becoming a bit of a concern, supposedly, of how I’m overly invested in the girl. She never wanted to be apart of this system. And I’m too emotional when it comes to her?.. Too weak?..!  The Chairman can choke in his seat.

This last meeting only involved myself and Special Class Arima. A last minute one at that. How revolting to reminded again, the subjects were the same. I should make it up to her for being so busy, shouldn’t I? That’s what I thought when we decided to eat out at a local place. To forget what was said and shared in that room. But the crowds inside were nothing but investigators and their squads.

Awkward and uncomfortable, to say the least. I don’t really go out much to socialize obviously.

Seiji brought up the idea of eating at home. Maybe.

LOG:  September 20XX, 8:01 It’s been raining often this week. Though today is expected to be riddled with cloudbursts. This morning was a scheduled, routine check-up. I know she isn’t fond of these but I have to know how she’s doing overall, how’s herself and her ghoulself doing. Her kagune is developing and I want it monitored closely. Regardless, when Seiji comes back from her visit with the physician, I hope she uses her umbrella and wears her rain boots. Playing in the rain too much always produces the dirtiest floors.

She left them here.

LOG:  October 20XX, 22:44 Sometime today, she found my albums stashed in a drawer that I’ve forgotten about. And it was the first time in a long time of going through them. Some photos were nice, others weren’t. Having to explain certain faces and what was happening, it was.. There are actually no words I can choose to explain it adequately enough.

I wonder if I was too silent on the matter of her questions. I couldn’t answer them all. I barely answered the ones I did respond to. But she’s so much more wiser than others believe and I need to believe her. That things will be okay. It might have had more impact if she hadn’t been wearing her Halloween costume. 

LOG:  November 20XX, 19:23 The labs have been busy. We’ve had operations carried out in like mass droves, the reparations and constant stream of duties had left me in a perpetual state of focus. I couldn’t stop apologizing to Seiji for the mess we’ve been in and how frequently she’s been assigned to missions. Be it smaller than the ones many we have been preparing for however.

I’ve gotten some gifts to reward her for her hard work. Hoping she’ll like them!

LOG:  December 20XX, 24:00 Silly girl.. Thought she would surprise me on my birthday.