LOG: January 20XX, 23:30
Seiji is prone to wondering the halls of the laboratories when I’m not with her. I find this disruptive and potentially destructive for the technicians and their projects. She isn’t one to calmly be escorted away either. Some have begun to voice their concerns on this matter. I need to maintain peace. Another large mission is being planned and there cannot be any issues regarding workflow and concentration.
But I’m amused, if I’m honest. I’ve noticed her persistence in allowing that curiosity to guide her into those areas I wouldn’t show her. If I do, should that ease her for the time we need to complete our tasks? I’ll try to be more open.
LOG: February 20XX, 21:05
Seiji brought a cat into my office. An actually animal has been smuggled into the CCG. A part of me wonders if she had been forceful with security or sneaky and careful. Is my name being carried around in annoyance throughout the Bureau because of this? I can hear the Chairman’s ugly reprimanding voice already. I’ll plan for something later, surely.
But this cat, a female cat that unbeknownst to her was pregnant. Just yesterday we’ve had to welcome a litter of kittens. They need attention and care. I can’t provide that right now despite Seiji’s protests that I should adopt them all. She’s asleep currently and I wonder who will be interested in them.
LOG: March 20XX, 22:45
This new week has been the third consistent week where every night has been a ‘late’ night. Seiji knows this. She knows what I mean when I tell her that I’ll be late. But I forgot to lock the doors to my personal labs and she must have followed me into them. It’s quite a walk pass the typical hallways and special examination rooms. This is where I do most of my research, where my logs are -- everything. And the fact remains - she knows more than what I wanted her to know now.
She knows. Not everything, but she knows.
Would V be setting their eyes on her?
My stomach hurts at the thought of Kaiko approaching her. The bastard.
I should start talking to her more. She’s tough yet still sensitive. But I can’t allow her to get hurt. This is such an ugly rabbit hole that I keep tip-toeing around its edge.
I’m sorry, Seiji
LOG: April 20XX, 19:02
There are cherry blossom trees all around us. They’re beautiful when the wind picks up the falling ones. We decided to talk a stroll around the city when I took a break earlier today. It was quiet, her little video games keep her occupied. I tried to be more open with her about more important topics and I think it went well for the most part. Sometimes I think she’s just nodding along and other times I’m scared she wants to say more but doesn’t.
On another, brighter note, she gave me a key chain of a character from an anime. I need to make more of an effort to introduce her to other literature, something with more substance. Or I could try and watch anime. She and Investigator Yonebayashi would get along well the more I think of this.
LOG: May 20XX, 12:00
It’s Children’s Day. Would Seiji mind if I..
Never mind.
LOG: June 20XX, 18:55
It’s been warm for a while and we’ve spent most of our time inside. Seiji definitely prefers the A/C than that blazing sun. I’ve bought some parasols for us when we do leave but already, she’s broken hers. When we went shopping for another one, she had to pick out the Hello Kitty-styled one. I actually preferred it over the others she had chosen prior.
Am I selfish for wanting her to have more of a mature aesthetic? I think it would impress those in the labs who haven’t been too keen on me being the one to claim ownership of her. Yet she’s my responsibility, under my watch. They can’t object much, can they? Not with my name, they cannot.
On another note, when we were out, we ran into Investigator Sasaki and the Quinx. I can’t believe I’m admitting this but Sasaki Haise does smell too familiar.. almost. Those reports didn’t lie, did they? My throat became dry in that moment. And I think Seiji noticed. Should I start talking her more? I think already do but it seems that I should probably do more. It’d be wise on a personal level. But reckless if anything slips.
LOG: July 20XX, 9:00
Special Class Washū visited the labs, looking for me early this morning. Not exactly what I was expecting. Seiji was as proper as I think she could be at that time. They were.. interesting to see engaging. He was typical and I hope she didn’t take what he has said to heart. We discussed certain things that Seiji overheard, saving her inquires for after he left. She’s so blunt at times it’s ridiculous.
“Do you eat people or ghouls?” Ridiculous! I can’t believe I heard it with my own ears, coming from her. But she was serious. My research has always been something that’s partly cleared for conversation and partly classified. But it wasn’t even that. She listened to the deeper, hushed whispers. What an amazing sense of hearing.
There are times that I simply hate this family, other times I loathe it. So many secrets and taboos, I was nervous when my laughter died down at her. I offer her a slice of cake from this platter of truths I keep hidden away and she keeps reaching for more. Is this my fault for being so tolerant of her? I can’t punish her, of course not. She’s simply curious and.
..I trust her.
Does she trust me?
She hasn’t looked at me for a while. I should just get to work.
LOG: August 20XX, 20:46
This month has almost been among my least favourites. The humidity is unbearable as well as the barrage of meetings I’ve had with the Bureau Chief, Special Class and the Chairman. Half the time, my mind wandered to how Seiji was outside the double doors. But knowing her, she had wondered and wandered herself into corridors that really shouldn’t be explored. The subject of her being used as a weapon during missions was brought up so many times. The other was my ‘apparent’ attachment. It’s becoming a bit of a concern, supposedly, of how I’m overly invested in the girl. She never wanted to be apart of this system. And I’m too emotional when it comes to her?.. Too weak?..! The Chairman can choke in his seat.
This last meeting only involved myself and Special Class Arima. A last minute one at that. How revolting to reminded again, the subjects were the same. I should make it up to her for being so busy, shouldn’t I? That’s what I thought when we decided to eat out at a local place. To forget what was said and shared in that room. But the crowds inside were nothing but investigators and their squads.
Awkward and uncomfortable, to say the least. I don’t really go out much to socialize obviously.
Seiji brought up the idea of eating at home.
Maybe.
LOG: September 20XX, 8:01
It’s been raining often this week. Though today is expected to be riddled with cloudbursts. This morning was a scheduled, routine check-up. I know she isn’t fond of these but I have to know how she’s doing overall, how’s herself and her ghoulself doing. Her kagune is developing and I want it monitored closely.
Regardless, when Seiji comes back from her visit with the physician, I hope she uses her umbrella and wears her rain boots. Playing in the rain too much always produces the dirtiest floors.
LOG: October 20XX, 22:44
Sometime today, she found my albums stashed in a drawer that I’ve forgotten about. And it was the first time in a long time of going through them. Some photos were nice, others weren’t. Having to explain certain faces and what was happening, it was.. There are actually no words I can choose to explain it adequately enough.
I wonder if I was too silent on the matter of her questions. I couldn’t answer them all. I barely answered the ones I did respond to. But she’s so much more wiser than others believe and I need to believe her. That things will be okay. It might have had more impact if she hadn’t been wearing her Halloween costume.
LOG: November 20XX, 19:23
The labs have been busy. We’ve had operations carried out in like mass droves, the reparations and constant stream of duties had left me in a perpetual state of focus. I couldn’t stop apologizing to Seiji for the mess we’ve been in and how frequently she’s been assigned to missions. Be it smaller than the ones many we have been preparing for however.
I’ve gotten some gifts to reward her for her hard work. Hoping she’ll like them!
LOG: December 20XX, 24:00
Silly girl..
Thought she would surprise me on my birthday.