heart of stone.

“Six weeks, I can do that. Do you think after that I’d be able to get out on the field again?” he asked, unsure of if he even wanted to know the answer to his own query. A part of him missed his job, missed feeling useful, the rush his job gave him and missed doing the one good thing he was good at. The other part, still debated if the FBI was still what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. A sigh escaped his lips. “I know, I’ve done this before, this isn’t my first rodeo and I am thankful for you and everything you’ve done, I really am. I just get restless, but that’s on me. I’ll get better” he vowed. 

Alexander finished putting his shirt on, grinning as Tatum agreed on Mady meeting Bub. “If you need it, we can always agree to have her help us take care of him from time to time. I’m sure Lara would be okay with that and it might help with the desire, plus any extra fun he can get it’s a plus. Hey, why don’t we organize a dinner soon, for the four of us? I’ll make you all something nice, we can play some board games with Mady and you, Lara and me can catch up. It might also be a nice way to introduce Mady and Bub” the agent suggested with an encouraging grin that immediately wiped off once he noticed his friend’s reaction. He hadn’t expected any different, but it was still heart-wrenching to see. “I know she’s brilliant, she’s the better part of the two of you” Alex bit his inner cheek, resting his head on his hand. “I can’t imagine how hard it must be for her to try and grasp whatever’s happening. And I can’t imagine—” he paused, blue orbs fixed on Tatum. “I get it if you don’t wanna talk about what you’re going through yet, or you don’t wanna talk with me. But I am here whatever you need. Someone to talk, someone to babysit Mady while you work, a designated driver— I really care about you two.”

“Like I’ve told you every time you come in for an evaluation, we’ve gotta see where you’re at with your recovery. Some people don’t recover as much as you have as quickly as you have, if at all. So we’ve gotta take it slow; I don’t want to send you back into the field and risk you doing further damage. I’ve seen plenty of re-injuries overseas, and they’re not as easy of a recovery.” Tatum explained, explained. Being addicted to her own field of work, she understood Alex’s insistence on going back to his job; if anybody told her she couldn’t do surgery anymore, the woman wouldn’t know what to do with herself. “Being restless is normal. I remember how restless I was wanting to get back to surgery after having Mady, but slow and steady wins this kind of race, Alex.”

A weak smile graced her features at the man’s offer. Keeping Mady’s mind off of Chris’ death was more her priority than keeping her own mind off it. It was easier for a thirty-four year old to handle her grief than a four year old could. “She’d love that. And she loves Lara, so there’d be no problem getting Mady out of the house if she’s involved. A game night sounds wonderful. I’m on call this weekend, but not next weekend, so we can put something together.” A quiet chuckle, void of emotion. Her eyes flickered down to her friend’s hand on top of her own, sighing as he spoke. “It’s just… he would still be here if I had told him I didn’t want him to go. We talked about it before he signed his re-enlistment contract. He told me that if I didn’t want him to go, he wouldn’t go. But I wanted him to have one last tour…” She trailed off, tugging her fingers through her hair. “I appreciate you, you know? I don’t know where I’d be if you and Lara weren’t in my life.”

Casey had been hoping to spend the rest of the afternoon reading through the cases between breastfeeding rather than going out to the park, Elias had a balcony attached to his penthouse after all. Why bother going all the way down to the park with two nine week old babies when she could just set up their bassinets in the shade outside in private and keep working? There was a niggling voice in her brain that was telling the lawyer to be nicer to her older sister though, especially since she’d been so good to her while Casey had been at her lowest without the younger sister even asking her to. Plus for her daughters sake she wanted them to have a relationship with their older cousin. “Well, I was catching up on some work before I go back on Monday but if you and Mady want to come in you’re welcome to hang out for a bit. We can go onto the balcony and she can spend all the time she wants with the girls.” Waving with her free hand she smiled at the little girl. “Hey Mady, did you want to come play with your baby cousins? I think Lizzie needs her bottle, do you think you can help me give it to her?” The woman was still getting used to having a niece, as if that wasn’t painfully obvious, but she was trying.

Tatum raked her fingers through her hair, her lips tugging up in a small smile at the interaction between Mady and her aunt. Though Casey hadn’t met Mady until the twins were born, the doctor was happy to see that her sister was making an effort, especially considering how she struggled after the twins’ births. Her smile grew more genuine as Mady lit up, bouncing excitedly and tugging the doctor into the penthouse. “Yes, yes! I’ve been feeding my dolls just like the babies, I’m real good at it!” A laugh escaped Tatum’s lips, her shoulders lifting up in a shrug. “It’s true, she wants a baby in our house full-time, and I had to explain to her that she’s not getting a little sibling.” Taking in her younger sister’s appearance, the elder sister tucked her hair behind her ear. “The short hair looks good on you.”

tatumxlawrence :

A shocked laugh escaped Tatum’s lips as she was embraced, feebly returning the hug. It was her day off and Mady was at Chris’ mother’s house, leaving the widow to her own thoughts, something she’d been dreading. Prior to Lara’s arrival, the brunette had been simply sitting on the middle of her floor, staring at the pile of laundry before her. One of Chris’ shirts had found its way into the load, and had thrown her for a loop. Stepping back slightly, Tatum offered the blonde a sad smile before stepping aside to let her in. “Oh, Mady’s at her grandmother’s, but she’ll be so upset when she finds out you came over when she wasn’t here.” She chuckled, closing the door behind her. There was that question again. How’ve you been. How are you holding up. How are you doing. Simple statements, sure, but Tatum wasn’t doing well. Not by a long shot, but she needed to press forward regardless, if not for herself, for her daughter. “What’s your news?” The brunette asked, trying to steer the subject away from herself.

Lara pulled back to make sure she didn’t smother the brunette and her hands found Tatum’s, giving them a gentle squeeze. The other woman had one of those expressions on, one of those she wore only when Mady wasn’t around, one of those expressions which darkened whenever the dreadful How are you had been asked. “Why don’t you tell me with a song?” Lara offered with a gentle smile and handed over her phone for Tatum to pick a song to describe her mood. The blonde was informed Mady wasn’t around, cue a pout. “I’ll just leave the crayons on her favorite toy’s lap so she sees them. And she doesn’t have to worry, I’ll be back,” just like the Terminator, she would be; she often dropped by to bother two beauties. “I found those shoes online, the comfortable ones you told me about. They definitely look like they’d make any twelve hour shift easier. Plus, some lovely pins for your coat, if you’re interested.”

There weren’t too many people that Tatum felt comfortable enough to break down around, but she had formed such a close bond with the blonde that even though she had only known her a few months, it was if she’d been in her life for years. A shaky sigh left her lips, offering a weak smile in return; not many people knew that Tatum preferred to express her emotions with a song, and she was grateful that the blonde remembered. Taking the phone from Lara, the doctor scrolled through the app, tongue darting out of the corner of her lips. Once she found the song, Tatum tapped on it, letting Christina Perry’s voice vibrate off the quiet living room. As the song progressed, the tears that had been building up behind her eyes overflowed, and the doctor let her head fall onto Lara’s shoulder. She let the song play out, and once it ended, she took a shaky breath, wiping at her eyes and offering a slightly more believable smile to the woman. “Trust me, Mady’s going to be more upset she missed you. You’re like, her idol basically.” A forced laugh left her lips. “Oh, that’s wonderful! Trust me, it took me years to find shoes that were non-slip, comfortable, and not ugly.” A pause, taking a moment to look at the pins. “You didn’t have to do that, but I love them. I look forward to adding some flair to my jacket when I get back to the hospital.”

“hello there, gorgeous,” harry greeted his friend like normal. the report he had gone there for was accounted for, and harry almost urgently wanted to leave the hospital. for some reason, they made him feel queasy. but seeing tatum eased the feeling, making it feel more like a casual meeting at the office. he offered her a grin, followed by a gentle shake of his head. “ah, don’t worry about it.” he assured. “that sounds way more pressing and important than my wedding. i’m gonna go out on a limb and say he made it, yeah?” harry added, pointing a finger at his friend.

“Oh, you flatter me too much, officer. What brings you here today?” Tatum commented, placing a quick kiss to his cheek before sitting back down. The ER was running smoothly, as it had been a quiet morning in terms of trauma. The doctor had spent the majority of her morning setting bones back into place with an orthopedic fellow and stitching up those who came in after minor accidents. Nothing large enough to drag her into the OR, her happy place. “Well yeah, but from what I hear, I missed a pretty good party! And I had the perfect dress picked out. Mady was bummed too, she wanted to show off her dress.” A laugh left her lips, shaking her head. “Thankfully, yes. It was touch and go for a while after, but he was discharged two days ago. How’s life at the NYPD?”

Elias laughs softly and, shrugs a single shoulder “I assure you you’re sister doesn’t believe a god damn word that comes out of my mouth when it comes to stuff like this,” he says, because Casey is the best lawyer he knows and she can also read him like an open book. It’s almost ridiculous how he can’t lie to her. He winces a bit when she touches the wound, and he rolls his eyes at her, albeit playfully “I always win, Tatum,”  and it’s mostly true, at least these days, there’s rarely a fight he doesn’t come back successful, not unscathed, but successful nonetheless. He mostly sits through while she stitches him up without making faces, though he does glare at her occasionally, mostly in jest. When she asks about Casey though, he stops “she’s doing better, not perfect but it’s a process. Up and doing things, going to things, she cut her hair,” he says with a small smile. “How are you? Other than busy?”

I would hope not. Even as a kid, she could tell when somebody was lying. I’m pretty sure she ‘believed in Santa’ more for our parents.” Tatum laughed, letting her hands move with expert precision through the motion of stitching the man up. Rolling her eyes when he winces, the doctor cocked an eyebrow. “You always win, which speaks volumes about your toughness, but wince when I put numbing cream on your forehead? I’m convinced you’re secretly a big baby.” She teased, turning on her heel to pick up a couple of bandages to place over the stitches she’d created. “I saw! She looks great. I’ve always told her she looks better with shorter hair but she never listened to me.” A small smile graced her features, pulling off her gloves and tossing them into the waste bin. “I’ve been surviving.” Shrugging her shoulders lightly, she sunk into the rolling chair beside the bed. “Chris and I’s dating anniversary passed last week. It would have been ten years since we’d gotten together. So I brought Mady to Chris’ mom’s house and drowned myself in two bottles of wine.”

Casey felt more like family to the businesswoman than the majority of her own bloodline ever did, the young mother’s burdens were basically Yolo’s burdens by now; even if she couldn’t quite carry them as something she had lived. It was simply part of their bond and part of the brunette’s form of loving; which unknowingly extended to Casey’s sister, at least the bits she knew about, especially that one secret her friend had confided her with not so many moons ago, it wasn’t hard to want to keep the sisters protected from the hurt life kept throwing their way. “It’s nice that she can have those traditions to remember him by. I’m certain she will carry them on as time passes by, maybe you can teach her some of the stuff he used to do? It could be a way to bond between you two and include him in the process” Yolo tried with a gentle tone. Then, she reached out and placed her hand on top of Tatum’s shoulder gently, squeezing. “I know not being strong is not an option when you have a little one that depends on you, that’s something your sister and you have proven that to me over and over again, but you don’t have to be all the time. It’s fair to be choleric, Tatum. It truly isn’t fair. It’s a fucked up situation but trying to block it out will only do more harm than good, take it from someone who knows a thing or two about badly-handled mourning” Yolo gave the other a sympathetic smile, retiring her hand from the other’s shoulder “You are an admirable woman and although I didn’t have to luck to meet him, I have no doubt he is proud of you.”

Tatum drew in a shaky breath, glancing at the items around her. To the unsuspecting eye, the widow’s table looked like a holiday she was going rather overboard for when, in reality, she was just trying to make sure her daughter didn’t feel the increase in grief that she knew she would feel herself. Picking up one of the stuffed animals, she tugged the tag off, tossing it haphazardly across the table. “She’s just so young, and it’s not fair that she’ll never be able to dance with him at her father daughter dances, or give her away at her wedding. It’s not fair.” She repeated, her voice dropping to a cracked whisper. The doctor jumped slightly at the touch, relaxing almost as quickly, raking her fingers tiredly through her hair. At the businesswoman’s words, the brunette allowed the tears she’d kept at bay for days to flow freely, clutching the small toy to her chest. As the sobs racked through her body, she let her head fall onto the woman’s shoulder, something she’d never have done if not for the situation at hand. “It’s so fucked up. I should have never agreed to let him go on one last deployment. I should have told him to stay. I should have—“ She broke off, dragging the sleeve of her cardigan across her face. “He would still be here if I had just told him I didn’t want him to go.”

Casey had actually had a good time at the wedding, no one more surprised about that than she was, but it had helped elevate her mood a little in the wake of it as well. Enough so to allow nay insist that Elias go down to do some work for a bit while the twins were napping, the lawyer taking the chance to familiarise herself with some current cases going on in New York city. Normally she had her hand in on the highest profile ones even if she wasn’t working on them personally, but since becoming a mother she’d fallen a bit out of step, that was about to change. Clicking away on her laptop she was now carrying on with her little catch up project holding Elizabeth close to her, the baby fast asleep but having threatened to wake up the three times her mother had attempted to put her down. Hearing the knock at the door she padded over to it slowly to not jolt the two month old, taking a look through the peephole before opening it. “Hi, is everything okay? I wasn’t expecting to see you.” She frowned with concern.

Tatum took in the sight of her younger sister once she’d opened the door. She’d chopped inches off her hair, which seemed to do wonders for the woman’s confidence. She looked great, which the elder sister took as a step in the right direction. It had been just over two months since the twins’ births, and it seemed as if Casey was finally on an upswing from the all-time low she’d been at previously. “Oh, uh,” Tatum began, the question taking her by surprise. Of course, things had very much not been okay. Not since January 23rd, when she’d been visited by two uniformed officers. All the doctor wanted was for something else to take her attention off her idle thoughts, and the easiest way to keep her occupied was to be by other people. “Mady’s been begging to come see the babies, and I was gonna see if you wanted to head down to the park. It’s nearly 21 degrees out, perfect weather for a day outside.”

There was no time to call, really, with Lara’s unimaginable craving for cereal she’d had only at Tatum’s place and her usual enthusiasm in the mix. “Hey!” The smiling Lara pulled Tatum into a loving embrace, as if to make up for not calling. “I brought crayons for Mady, as the little lady requested, and I have news for you–oh,” her mouth formed an o as she stepped into the apartment and was surprised to see it was almost as messy as Lara’s loft. Dropping in unannounced was typical for Lara but this surely wasn’t for Tatum. “… How’ve you been, Doc?”

A shocked laugh escaped Tatum’s lips as she was embraced, feebly returning the hug. It was her day off and Mady was at Chris’ mother’s house, leaving the widow to her own thoughts, something she’d been dreading. Prior to Lara’s arrival, the brunette had been simply sitting on the middle of her floor, staring at the pile of laundry before her. One of Chris’ shirts had found its way into the load, and had thrown her for a loop. Stepping back slightly, Tatum offered the blonde a sad smile before stepping aside to let her in. “Oh, Mady’s at her grandmother’s, but she’ll be so upset when she finds out you came over when she wasn’t here.” She chuckled, closing the door behind her. There was that question again. How’ve you been. How are you holding up. How are you doing. Simple statements, sure, but Tatum wasn’t doing well. Not by a long shot, but she needed to press forward regardless, if not for herself, for her daughter. “What’s your news?” The brunette asked, trying to steer the subject away from herself.

A small smile formed as she looked up at the older woman. “I don’t mind the class. I’m into the weird stuff, but this professor just sounds like he’s reading the telephone book, so I just felt like I had to teach myself. If it was a different professor, I probably would have been fine,” she shook her head. As she took another bite, she tilted her head in agreement. “Okay, true. But I could have just not asked you.”

“Those are the worst professors. I had one like that and I honestly felt like I was teaching myself and listening to one of those audio books.” The doctor laughed, licking the excess frosting off of the fork. Tatum was thankful for her friendship with the younger blonde; she saw the woman not only as a younger sister of sorts, but as a confidante. “You’re just lucky Mady isn’t home right now or that whole piece would have been gone the second you turned your head.”