My Fucked Up Journel

i can feel myself about to relapse, it may be meth or it may be self harm, otherwise ill drink myself to death, life is hard atm .. i caant cope and i have no one to talk to , i think i need to go back to the clinic.. im lost in drowning my problems.

numb .

I don't know what to do anymore, I've stopped looking after myself to look after my best friend, I've been sober for 3 weeks and she still used... I'm just stuck. I want to help her but she won't help herself... I can't live my own life without worrying about her. I can't physically live but I try to so I can be strong for her. I need serious help but I can't get it because my best mate is in such a bad place. I have a drug addict best mate, I've never been in this situation, I'm normally the drug addict and people are trying to help me, I've never been the one to help another drug addict and so many people around me lately have chosen meth, I can't live this life, I'm physically n emotionally done, I just want to break down and cry but I can't because I need to stay strong for everyone around me. I just can't do this and I can't show my weakness to anyone. I need someone there for me as well as me being there for them but I can't have that. I need someone to look after me. I need that person but I'm not aloud to have it. I am so tempted to self harm again but I'm not aloud to I'm not aloud to touch drugs either and I need to quit booze. I'm drowning myself in my own sorrows n I can't do it much longer. I'm sorry for the long post I just needed to get it out.