Gah. It's All True

I’m a photographer and I mostly take photos of slinky girls, y'know being all RAWR and Grrrr. I mean sometimes I have to do dumb stuff like corporate headshots and like buildings or girl on girl porn because frosting and panties aren’t free. Anyway, I recently shot this girl that was just adorable. I mean, Oh my goodness. She is just the cutest thing you ever did see. I would crawl through a bisexual orgy on wounded knees with wasps on my back just to shoot her again. So I posted her picture on a website and like all these people totally loved it but this one guy from Lithuania just totally hated it. And he told me as much. So I suggested that he should steal his mother’s make-up and start an emo band. Well this made him really mad. I mean, just filled with rage. And I’m worried he might do something drastic like draw himself holding a broadsword standing on a pile of dead Orc’s. And I’m wondering, can Scientology find the dead aliens inside me?

Emphatically and worriedly yours,

Choose your own adventure as Can’s Damo Suzuki