Tar

My name is Brandon Boulware and, Chairman, I’ll go as quickly as I can.  I’m a lifelong Missourian, I’m a busy lawyer, I’m a Christian, I’m the son of a Methodist minister, I’m a husband, and I’m the father of four kids—two boys, two girls—including a wonderful and beautiful transgender daughter.  Today happens to be her birthday.  And I chose to be here.  She doesn’t know that.  She thinks I’m at work.  

One thing I often hear when transgender issues are discussed is, “I don’t get it.  I don’t understand.”  And I would expect some of you to have said that and to feel the same way.  I didn’t get it either.  For years, I didn’t get it.  For years, I would not let my daughter wear girl clothes.  I did not let her play with girl toys.  I forced my daughter to wear boy clothes, and get short haircuts, and play on boy’s sports teams.  Why did I do this?  To protect my child.  I did not want my daughter or her siblings to get teased.  And truth be told, I did it to protect myself as well.  I wanted to avoid those inevitable questions as to why my child did not look and act like a boy.  

My child was miserable.  I cannot overstate that.  She was absolutely miserable.  Especially at school.  No confidence, no friends, no laughter.  I can honestly say this—I had a child who did not smile.  We did that for years.  We did that against the advice of teachers, therapists, and other experts.  

I remember the day everything changed for me.  I got home from work, and my daughter and her brother were in the front lawn.  And she had sneaked on one of her older sister’s play dresses.  And they wanted to go across the street and play with the neighbors’ kids.  It was time for dinner, I said, “Come in.”  She asked, can she go across the street.  I said no.  She asked me if she went inside and put on boy clothes, could she then go across the street and play.  And it was then that it hit me.  My daughter was equating being good with being someone else.  I was teaching her to deny who she is.  As a parent, the one thing we cannot do, the one thing, is silence our child’s spirit.  

And so on that day, my wife and I stopped silencing out child’s spirit.  The moment we allowed my daughter to be who she is, to grow her hair, to wear the clothes she wanted to wear, she was a different child.  And I mean it was immediate.  It was a total transformation.  I now have a confident, a smiling, a happy daughter.  She plays on girls’ volleyball teams.  She has friendships.  She’s a kid.